Now i've fallen for this girl when I had first met her, and have loved her ever since. I've sorted everything out with myself, and i KNOW that im deeply in love with this girl. But as always, there's a problem. she doesnt like me back.

Now this is a general question for everyone, im not specificly aiming it as my own problem. so:

Is it worht loving someone who doesnt love you back?

EDIT: We have flirted before (just to make sure its not like shes a stranger to me or what not)

[This message has been edited by KAZAKA (edited 09-20-2006).]

I don't know, my theory is that it is impossible to deeply love someone if they don't truely love you back.

To me it is only a false reality that you are living in, if someone truely loves you, than I think that you can be in love with them.

She doesn't love you, so you can't be in love with her.

I'm not sure if it's even possible. I've always looked at love as a kind of connection between two people, not just an emotion.

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I don't know, my theory is that it is impossible to deeply love someone if they don't truely love you back.

To me it is only a false reality that you are living in, if someone truely loves you, than I think that you can be in love with them.

She doesn't love you, so you can't be in love with her.



I agree with this. I might even say....quoted for truth.

If she appreciates having you around, despite not necessarily loving you back, then you know the answer. You can still be there for her when she needs you. It may tear you up inside, but that's love.

On the other hand, if she has no feelings for you whatsoever, not even a meaningful friendship, then move on.

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I don't know, my theory is that it is impossible to deeply love someone if they don't truely love you back.

To me it is only a false reality that you are living in, if someone truely loves you, than I think that you can be in love with them.

She doesn't love you, so you can't be in love with her.

You do have a point, i never really thought about it that way.

Of course it isn't worth loving someone who doesn't love you back.

The best part of love is the connection you feel with another person. If you're just some creepy admirer watching from afar, I really don't see anything but heartbreak for you.

It is so much more fulfilling to give up on this girl, and find someone who can return your feelings.

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I don't know, my theory is that it is impossible to deeply love someone if they don't truely love you back.

To me it is only a false reality that you are living in, if someone truely loves you, than I think that you can be in love with them.

She doesn't love you, so you can't be in love with her.

what about people who are in love with people who say they're in love, but don't mean it? Are you truly in love with someone if you think they love you back?

I think you are, and I think someone elses feelings towards you doesn't change your feelings towards them overmuch... especially if it really is love.

I think the "they gotta love you back" thing is born more out of personal fear of hurt than any hard-and-fast requirement.

And whether or not it's "worth it" is a silly question. Love isn't a choice - if you're choosing whether or not to be in love, you're not in love.

Are you sure this love isn't infatuation? You can't love someone you don't know. That's infatuation.

I believe love grows. And what someone said "they have to love you back"

It helps, because if they love you back you get to know them better, know more about them, and your love can deepen from that.

If you love them, and they don't love you, and they know it, then it's possible that they try to remain detached from you.

quote:Originally posted by ShouldTrip:

And what someone said "they have to love you back"

It helps, because if they love you back you get to know them better, know more about them, and your love can deepen from that.



no one's arguing it doesnt help. i'm just saying it's by no means a necessity.

I don't think a person has to love you back in order for you to love them. I fell in love with a friend this year, but he didn't love me back. I still love him but over time I've managed to tone it down and I'm okay with just being friends. It was a waste of time chasing him and hoping that he would change his mind.

I thought I was in love, the subsequent failure to have a meaningful relationship with her has made me angry and jaded.

It builds character though, so go for it.

Yeah, it does actually build character, in my mind... it adds depth to your personality... but I was in love with a girl who stopped loving me after a while, and it just started tos uck really hard. we're still good friends though.

Big difference between being in love and love someone. You can be in love with someone without knowing them, or if they don't love you back. You can't love someone you don't know, but I think you can love someone who doesn't love you back. You're feelings aren't necessarily dictated by anothers.

Now, whether it's worth it or not? If it's making it hard for you to have a life outside of them, no.

What makes you think it's love?

Ok, well assuming it is not 'love', since you must spend countless hours of romantic (smooching, hugging, etc.) time to be in love with someone:

No, it is not worth it.

When a guy gets to that point, he is blinded.

He cannot make 'flirtatious' decisions and is constantly high on the aura of the girl. This causes the guy to be a 'nice guy' and, when the girl does not have the same feelings in return, the girl then uses the guy as an emotional tampon and other uses. In the girl's eyes, the guy is inferior and under her control.

Consequently, the guy gets over-used and is torn to shreds.

quote:Originally posted by Sailor-Boy:

girl then uses the guy as an emotional tampon. the guy is inferior and under her control.

Consequently, the guy gets over-used and is torn to shreds.

QFT

If love takes two people to be viable, does that mean that the misanthropic recluse is unlovable?

It's not worth it trust me. I loved a guy for almost three years and he just played with my mind and lead me on the entire time. It hurts so much therefore save yourself heartbreak and try and move on. It is a learning experience though, as are all things that hurt in life.

No, it is not.

quote:Originally posted by Sailor-Boy:

Ok, well assuming it is not 'love', since you must spend countless hours of romantic (smooching, hugging, etc.) time to be in love with someone:



are.. you being sarcastic?

Thik of it like this, would you give your friend 5 bucks if he needed if he wouldn't do the same for you?

Unrequited love isnt love.

But a lot of times, it can be stronger, in a completely disfunctional, unhealthy way.

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:



She doesn't love you, so you can't be in love with her.

That's just so much bullshit.

Of course you can be in love with someone who doesn't love you back.

quote:Originally posted by Garfunkel:

I think you are, and I think someone elses feelings towards you doesn't change your feelings towards them overmuch... especially if it really is love.

Exactly!

QTF

It might be worth your while to stick around and see if her mind can't be changed.

That worked for me once in the past - and I hopping for it to work again [though in this case I know she loves me, I'm just trying to get her to get over a few things so we can go back to where we were. And so far so good].

how old are you?

Me?

I'll be 43 in exactly 2 weeks.

I am just expressing my theory. To me, you can't TRUELY remember that word, truely love someone if they don't love you truthfully back.

Meaning, you may think you love them, but to me your soul will not let you love someone who doesn't love you back. Which is why you can tell your true friends from fake ones, because they are the ones that love you, and you can just feel that bond.

It doesn't happen often, ever wonder why sometimes you immediately get along with someone? Even though you've never met them or seen them before? I believe that is because that person is just a loving person, and you are able to get along with them because they show a lot of love towards other people.

Which is why girls/guys think they love someone, but it really never lasts the feeling that is, because the other person can't really share their love, so they can't be in love.

I love someone, she now says she doesn't love me anymore in the same way... So according to what's been said the moment she said this to me, my love for her immediately became void.

That's BS tbh, if you couldn't love someone that didn't love you then there'd probably be like half as much love in the world.

//zebs

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I am just expressing my theory. To me, you can't TRUELY remember that word, truely love someone if they don't love you truthfully back.

Meaning, you may think you love them, but to me your soul will not let you love someone who doesn't love you back. Which is why you can tell your true friends from fake ones, because they are the ones that love you, and you can just feel that bond.

It doesn't happen often, ever wonder why sometimes you immediately get along with someone? Even though you've never met them or seen them before? I believe that is because that person is just a loving person, and you are able to get along with them because they show a lot of love towards other people.

Which is why girls/guys think they love someone, but it really never lasts the feeling that is, because the other person can't really share their love, so they can't be in love.

you do raise some really interesting points, many of which I agree with, but what if someone said and did everything to make you believe that they truly and deeply loved you, so you returned that love... but deep down, they only said and acted (acted very well) like the loved you?

Catch my drift?

Apart from that point, i completely agree with everything you've said, specially that thing about friends and how sometimes you just immediatly get along with someone and it takes you like two weeks and you feel like you've known them your entire life.

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I don't know, my theory is that it is impossible to deeply love someone if they don't truely love you back.

To me it is only a false reality that you are living in, if someone truely loves you, than I think that you can be in love with them.

She doesn't love you, so you can't be in love with her.

what he/she said

I dunno.

I wouldn't say I'm in that situation now, because I'm not IN love with him. I care for him, a lot. And I love him like I love all my friends. I still have feelings for him, and it's unclear whether or not he has feelings for me. We hadn't spoken since friday until today, and the extent of that was a voicemail message and a few texts. But damn, did it do me good.

I don't know if things with him will ever work out, but god damn that (false?) hope is helpful. Yeah, it hurts, and it fucks with your head... And moving on is SO hard, but sometimes... I mean, it's not the only thing I think about. I think as long as you can focus on yourself and your own shit, yeah, sometimes it can be worth it.

I don't know though. It's never really worth thinking about something you can't have, but if it's not taking over your life and you're not spending too much emotional energy on it... it might not be the best thing for you, but it won't kill you. And sometimes after having strong feelings for somebody for so long when they don't have them in return... it makes you realize, what's the point? And it can be a way to help you get over it and finally move on. So yes, it can be worth it. But most of the time, no, it just hurts, but you can only control your feelings for somebody to an extent.

Nothing says i love you like midnight RAPE!

I have always loved this girl, Krista.

I know how you feel.

The way I use to look at it is Love is an over used word. It has no meaning these days.

Her and I where always close up untill the day I said "Krista, I'm absolutely infatuated with you" and she said "Thats nice".

I really don't know if she understood what I meant.

This wasn't too long ago and I'm going to find out for sure if she knows what I did mean by it.

If she says no, I'm going to say "Krista, I love you. I have loved you since the day I met you."

Trust me dude, you never know till one of you makes a move. But be sure to take it slow.

quote:Originally posted by Metaphysicist:

Me?

I'll be 43 in exactly 2 weeks.

no, KAZAKA

quote:Originally posted by naked:

how old are you?

19 years my friend.



[Kaz]

There's nothing in this world more painful than loving someone who doesn't love you back. I think everyone can relate to this awful thing called unrequited love, and the sad thing about unrequited love is? People find themselves trapped for even longer than they would have had the love been reciprocated.

Worst thing ever. I could say "Its not worth it, stop loving her" (which is true), but if you love her stopping won't be easy. At all.

I've loved people before, wanted them, wished they'd acknowledge my existance. All I got from it was depression, anxiety, and anger.

That was once though. Since then I haven't had serious feelings for anybody. Hell they probably weren't serious back then and I was just too stupid to realise it.

That being said: Get out if you can. If she doesn't want you, all your going to get is a world of hurt.

quote:Originally posted by HTS-Noob:

All I got from it was depression, anxiety, and anger.



QFT!

I missed out on alot of guys that wanted to love me because I was fixated on this one person. Waste of time. And if I could go back, I would sure as hell, change everything. So, I hope you do.