Okay, here's my story.

I first tried to masturbate when I was 10, but I didn't know how I thought that by lasting long in bed they meant that you have to go long without getting a BONER. Then last year I tried again but I couldn't figure it out, like where do I pull??! I pulled on the head, and all the way from the bottom to my tip and i did that for an hour but it just made my dick swell up and hurt

Please help me totse how do I masturbate!!!!

You don't...Because it hurts Jesus.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

You don't...Because it hurts Jesus.

QFT

but I want 2 feel pleasure

cut urself then thats the cool thing now

Use a lubricant, like conditioner or olive oil.

Use bleach to help smooth the skin out

Conditioner burns, don't listen to Byss!

Get a girl to show you how to do it?

Altho, a lot of girls suck at handjobs, oh well she can give you the basics, Sonny Black.

In a totally heterosexual way, I can show you, for education purposes of course.

okay. I feel your pain. Listen carefully.

1) Find some porn. It's no necessary but itll make the first time easier.

3) grab some lubricant (I like vaseline) and a loooong piece of toilet paper or a bunch of tissues for cleanup). Do not use moisturizer. Some are good but others leave you feeling really dry and some will even irritate the skin.

2) Sit down in a private, safe, quiet place.

3) Get a boner.

4) Put some lube on your hand. I use my non-dominant hand (left) because i think it feels better.

5) Grab your dick.

6) Move your hand up and down the shaft. Experiment with your grip and you'll find one that's comfortable.

It might not feel good at first. Just imagine having sex with the girl(s) in the porn. Imagine her having an orgasm.

That should do it. Good luck.

How old are you?

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

You don't...Because it hurts Jesus.

I thought you liked hurting Jesus. What's with the mixed messeges?

quote:Originally posted by I_like_pie:

but I want 2 feel pleasure

Is it really worth eternal damnation?

Are you serious??? I am a girl and I even know how ya'll do it!! OMG how old are you?

*face+keyboard*

Oh Jesus God, totse.

quote:Originally posted by I Want Revenge:

Are you serious??? I am a girl and I even know how ya'll do it!! OMG how old are you?

...you say that like it's an achievement.

It's as simple as: grab, slide up, slide down, repeat.

It's probably some mental issue.

How does someone with >4000 Totse posts NOT know how to fucking fap?

Just get a girl to do it for you.

-deus-

I'm not buying it. Verdict?

Don't feed the troll.

I swear last year I_like_pie said she was a girl or something...

quote:Originally posted by naive_wisdom:

I swear last year I_like_pie said she was a girl or something...

LOL

your trolling isn't even funny.

quote:Originally posted by I_like_pie:

but I want 2 feel pleasure

PUT YOUR FINGER..UP YOUR ASS!

fucking troll

This is how you spend those long winter evenings under the bridge?