Well, I guess I should start with some background info...

This all began when I started high school 3 years ago.

So, there I was, in grade 9 science. And there she was. Well, one day, I had gotten her as a partner for a lab. Throughout the year, we had started doing more and more labs together. I would say that we were both quite comfortable with working together.

Then grade 10 came along. We had 3 classes together -- Business, Career Studies/Civics and History. I wouldn't say that we spoke much, but we did get along on good terms. In fact, I had worked on a mid-term History project with her.

Then came grade 11 -- my downfall. We had no classes together, but we did see each other in the halls and such. Now an important note: One day in October of last lear, I had seen her passing through my neighbourhood with another guy. A metrosexual type guy, so nothing to worry about, right? In fact, on that very day, just when she had seen me, she said, "I love [my real name]". I was shocked and unfortunately, I don't think I replied to that statement. Later on, we saw each others in the hall again...but things were different. I don't think I said hi to her, possibly because of me being shocked or my shyness (you've probably noticed by reading this, that I'm not as outgoing as other people). Anyways, this happened quite a few times and unfortunately, she took this as an act of hostility. We had never spoken again throughout that year.

Now just last week, I had started grade 12. To my surprise, she was placed in 2 of my classes -- English and Calculus. Even more surprising, she was assigned a locker right next to mine.

So members of TOTSE, what should I do? Please don't tell me to just talk to her. I've tried numerous times through April to June of this year, but every time I want to, I simply chicken out. I get thoughts in my head stating what if she doesn't want to talk to me or what if she's still extremely bitter about me. With these thoughts in my head, I get all stuffed up, so to speak.

Another interesting note: Just yesterday, when I was placing by books into my locker, she was also doing the same. However, she was talking to another person, and I think she had her back deliberately turned to me.

So, any advice for me?

[This message has been edited by theSpam (edited 09-16-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by theSpam:

Totse, I want you to give advice, but realize I wont follow the only good advice you guys can give, which is to straight up talk to her and say you never meant to turn her away

Fixed

You're out of your mind.

Don't start stalking her and let things happen. If you really feel the urge to hang out with her, then do just that. Sit next to her in class and talk to her. Just be friendly and don't be obsessive.

quote:Originally posted by BluryVision:

You're out of your mind.

Yes, yes he is.

Op you're looking at things waaaaaaay too deeply.

Unfortunatly, there is nothing 'romantic' or 'magical' you can do with out being creepy. The only realistic suggestion, which as some one stated you wont listen to, is to just walk up to her and talk to her.

Hmm, that's a tricky one!

How are you expecting to get with her if you won't talk to her..?

You're a Mad Man!

[This message has been edited by Brian_Damage (edited 09-16-2006).]

Rape.

Grow. Some. Nuts. Or forever. Be. Single.

If you can't talk to her, force it. Accidently bump into her, drop a book. Try and open her locker instead of yours, by accident, one day when you know she'll be there any minute.

I could throw out a million scenarios, but they all end with you saying something to the girl. There are ways to ensure that she says something to you first, but you'll still have to talk. There's no avoiding it.

Chloroform

Wow, where did you guys get the idea that I was obsessive or a stalker?

Although I must admit that whenever I write personal essays and such, my tone does sound a tad sarcastic.

Anyways, I'm not obsessive nor am I a stalker. I didn't take those particular classes just to be in the same class as her nor did I choose that specific locker (it was assigned to me).

However, as another person said, I probably am looking into things too deeply, especially with my idea of why she had her back to my face.

Well, I guess it's human nature to speak when one is in a situation such as this so it's inevitable that I'll have to speak to her.



[This message has been edited by theSpam (edited 09-17-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Byss:

Fixed

Byss strikes again. Correct as always.

It's really true of us all. We want to change/seek help, but it's hard to take.

Just dont give a fuck, trust me it may be hard at first, but once you do, you can talk to her easily. Trust me, I know from personal experience

People are calling you stalker because apparently you've wanted this chick for 4 years and have been too pussy to be anything more than background. But oh well, happens to the best of us.

What did you want from us, if you don't want to hear the solution to your problem?

If you don't want to just talk or try to spark up conversation, (since yes, it will be awkward) you have to either let her grow fond of you again in some way (let her see you doing nice stuff, being sweet, whatever) or you have to open up to her. Tell her how you feel and what you think of everything thats happened, and if you have known her for those years, then she will understand that you're shy and where you're coming from.

Please dude, all that stands in your way is a misunderstanding. Like most peoples problems. They just never have the balls to clarify and easily fix the misunderstanding. That or they can't be bothered, and all they get is regret in the end. Find some time to talk to her alone, she won't just walk off if you ask "Hey...could we maybe talk later?" or something along those lines while standing at your lockers. Just say it sincerely and seriously; sadly too. I know it's difficult to open up but if you do it can fix the problem and earn you major points for being honest and doing somehting difficult like that. I believe in you man.

You seem like a sincere enough guy so just let her see that. Girls aren't total bitches despite what many guys seem to think and im sure that with a little bit of time you guys will get used to being around each other again. That level of comfort may return and then you can work that into something more. But if all fails, remember it's highschool and you will be moving on sooner or later.

It's obviously been established that I need to talk to her, so does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can actually say?

As already stated, it's awkward suddenly talking to her when we haven't done so in almost a year.

To everyone: I know that the nature of this thread screams the fact that I want to hook up with her and such, but there's something more than that -- a loss of a friend.

Since she has a myspace... Oh come on, we all know she does...

Wait for a break in school (thanksgiving maybe?) and send her a message. Cat with her online. It'll be alot easier then actually talking to her face to face. You can see what you're about to type, and edit it to your liking. It'll give you ample time to develope a friendship before you're around her again.

Oh, the power of technology.

You're obviously scared shitless of rejection because you haven't experianced it. You should first go to a very social place a nicely ask women for lunch and total up a certain amount of rejections for yourself as a set goal. You'll notce that this will build you up and make you stronger, then it will be easy to ask this girl out because you'll become used to the feeling of rejection. Go for 50 or something.

I read this on stumbleupon for some guy. He liked this women for about 3 years and couldn't ask her out. He went to a department store and had a goal to be rejected 75 times. Finally he called her before he finished and it turned out she was already in a relationship but he had the balls to go for a cute women in his neighborhood and they've been together since.

You just need experiance with being turned down, that's all.

Hey Baby...damn, sounds like you are kind of lost....

damn...just say hi to this girl...who says friends can not talk...

and if it is meant to be....

then more power to you, and if not, at least you would have gotten the hardest part over with...

It has been years since I was in school, but seems to me that if I remember right, the ones that have the nerve to say something always have the upper hand

I still have dreams (nightmares) about high school, so hang in there baby...

if you two are meant to have anything together, just saying "Hi" is an opening statement

do not think she does not want to hear from you until she just comes right out and says it....

As a woman (once a girl) we love to have a guy acknowledge us first......

you will be surprised...I promise

if not, then it is not meant to be, then you can move on....

good luck

[This message has been edited by darkgypsy (edited 09-20-2006).]

Well, I talked to her on Friday and got a completely unexpected reply.

Err, I guess I'll go over the events that had finally gotten me to talk to her, first.

So, on Wednesday I was preparing to enter my school and we walked past each other and she jokingly said "Let's throw this at [my real name]" (she was with a friend). I smiled. The next day, in English class, I was sitting at my desk and she walked by. Then, all of a sudden, we were looking right at each other, I opened my mouth, but nothing came out --- So, that basically lead to Friday.

At the end of school, Friday, I decided that I was definiately going to talk to her. I started off by aplogizing for ignoring her and the whole issue of us two ignoring each other. But expectedly, she stated that nothing of that sort happened. She stated that yes, we did talk last year. I brought up the issue of us blindly passing each other on the sidewalk. She just scuffed it off...

So, any interpretations of what happened?

Note: I should really say that I had looked like a complete bum on Friday with my hair. I guess I should have waited until after I had gotten my haircut (after the weekend)...