Well it's got to that point where I just can't take it anymore. I have no friends whatsoever. Let me elaborate that. (I'm 16 btw).

I'm english speaking. I live in French Canada, I go to a french school with french people. I used to go to my abusive fathers house every weekend, and he used to call me every night on the phone and kept me there for hours, while he was yelling at me for no reason and I couldn't go out or do anything after school and on the weekends. He used to control my life. So I wasn't able to have friends.

Now that I don't speak to him anymore (it's been 9 months), I spend all my time on my computer, either on Totse, or playing games. I do that when I come home from school till I go to sleep.

Sure, I have friends in school and everybody in the class talks to me (not necessarily friends since I don't see them outside school).

But that's only half the story. I don't know how to talk to anybody. My hands get sweaty, I start to get palpitations, my head rushes and I have NOTHING to talk about since I spend all my time on the computer and there's nothing interesting to talk about. I get morning sickness because I'm too afraid of what people are going to think of me in the bus/metro/school.

In class, I keep thinking people are looking at me and are making fun of me (though they are not, or are they?). Sometimes I have difficulty going into a store because I'm afraid of what people think. I find myself to be very very ugly, though girls (yes, girls!) tell me I'm not. I have the worst baby face EVER. This one black girl asked me out, but I don't want to go out with her because I know she won't like me. She'll want to break up in a week because I have nothing interesting to talk about (that, and well, she's black, I'm white..how would that look? People would laugh at me on the street, and I can feel the palpitations just thinking of it). I can maintain a 1 minute conversation with most people, but it's mainly joking around because I can make people laugh but it's not a serious conversation, and I have nothing else to say.

And this is all on and off. When I started writing this thread, I had that feeling of anxiety and self hatred, but now I suddenly feel uplifted. But it won't last long, it never does.

Here's a perfect example...today in school, I was with my one friend (french, unfortunately) from school and we were talking to two chicks. Well, he was talking to them, I was just standing around while they were laughing/talking and since I have nothing to say, I was just standing there feeling like an idiot and my hands were sweating. Then the bell rang and they walked away and I was behind, following them. I don't know how to talk to anybody anymore. I just close up inside and not do anything about it. I can talk on msn and be really interesting/entertaining but in real life, forget about it.

This has all gotten to the point where I just can't take it anymore. SA, can you help me out? Some suggestions maybe? I'm going to see a social worker, that's a start..should I ask for prescription? Do you guys know any tricks that may help? Where can I find 15-16-17 year old ENGLISH friends, that smoke weed and have the same interests as me (music, weed, chicks)? Remember, this is Canada, not USA. I know I'm going to get flamed...but I don't really care, I just want some of the good replies I usually get in SA (Oh how I hope I get some of those) because I really have nowhere to turn to anymore.

Thanks in advance.



Edit: Added quite some stuff.



[This message has been edited by Exploration Of ZodSpace (edited 09-15-2006).]

They're all around you, people just like you. Afraid of each other, so badly, that they don't even try to be friends...

Find them. Bring them all together.

You sound like you have a bad case of Social Anxiety http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety

Read up on it and look for ways to fix it. Seeing a social worker should help big time.

Good luck.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Find them. Bring them all together.

Where? Where do I start? I don't even have the confidence to walk into a room with people. Where are these long lost 16 year old potheads that I day dream about?

Edit:

Jackel

Wikipedia definition ''involving overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in everyday social situations.''

That is me word by word.

[This message has been edited by Exploration Of ZodSpace (edited 09-15-2006).]

Definately see someone. I wouldn't straight up ask for a prescription; let them diagnose you to see if you even need one. If I were you, just work on building up your self confidence.

Edit:

quote:Originally posted by Exploration of Zodspace:

Where? Where do I start? I don't even have the confidence to walk into a room with people. Where are these long lost 16 year old potheads that I day dream about?

Ever been to the states?

[This message has been edited by i11uminati (edited 09-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Exploration Of ZodSpace:

Where? Where do I start? I don't even have the confidence to walk into a room with people. Where are these long lost 16 year old potheads that I day dream about?

They're hiding in the same place that you are, but at different times and in different ways...

It's simple, really... You're both far too afraid to talk to each other... So you need to start it. Otherwise it'll never happen.

Talk to a doctor, they prescribe fucking BENZOS for anxiety disorder man. BENZOS.

Just don't touch any SSRI antidepressants whatever you do, those things are shit.

Pills aren't the only/best answer.

Start slow, and teach yourself. You can do it.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Pills aren't the only/best answer.

Start slow, and teach yourself. You can do it.

I understand what you're saying. But where do I start? Where are these people? In the park? What park? What time? How do I approach them (okay I'm NOT approaching a group of people I don't know, not in a million years holy fuck). I've been to USA many times, only stayed for like a week or two at a time. I definitely made friends in the hotel but my severe social anxiety didn't allow me to be a cool good friend. But yeah I definitely remember some people my age that would hang out with me in the hotel/on the beach in USA.

If you find an answer, do share please.

Same situation

If you're in ontario sometime maybe smoke some bud!

quote:Originally posted by Jewbacca:

If you find an answer, do share please.

Same situation

If you're in ontario sometime maybe smoke some bud!

Oh how I wish. Montreal here.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Pills aren't the only/best answer.

BENZOS.

Edit: ah, in seriousness you're probably right. But damn benzos are fun.

[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 09-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

BENZOS.

I'd take benzos for this, or get drunk every day but..The side effects suck and I'd rather hold on to my mind than be social.

quote:Originally posted by Jewbacca:

If you find an answer, do share please.

Same situation

If you're in ontario sometime maybe smoke some bud!

I live in Ontario! And I'm kind of in the same situation aswell, despite the "what people think of me aspect" because really, I don't give a shit; I just can't meet people because I'm so damn shy.

btw, Hamilton,Ontario.

quote:Originally posted by Influx:

I live in Ontario! And I'm kind of in the same situation aswell, despite the "what people think of me aspect" because really, I don't give a shit; I just can't meet people because I'm so damn shy.

btw, Hamilton,Ontario.

Ah, near toronto here.

Also, on top of the anxiety I'm really fucking paranoid.

[This message has been edited by Jewbacca (edited 09-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Exploration Of ZodSpace:

I understand what you're saying. But where do I start?

That's what I'm TRYING TO TELL YOU.

You can't be told where to start. You have to figure that out, for yourself.

But, if you want, here are a few tips... Libraries are usually good, as well as bookstores.

Try and chat with people online, that are local, before meeting them in person. They can understand who you are before you scare them away with what you seem to be.

Anybody else? Jakketch? Suggestions?

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

Talk to a doctor, they prescribe fucking BENZOS for anxiety disorder man. BENZOS.

Just don't touch any SSRI antidepressants whatever you do, those things are shit.

I agree benzos are awesome, but that's a shitty suggestion for this guy, therapeutically they're meant for short-term relief -- they'll help him keep from losing his shit and having a full-on panic attack when he needs to function, but you know as well as I do that they're not gonna actually help him overcome his social anxiety on the long-term. OP: Save the benzos for the bigtime panic situations...think you're having problems now, wait till you become dependent on chill pills for social interaction -- imagine the same thing except during Xanax withdrawal. Ugh...That'll send your nervous system to shit real quick.

OP: browse some online support groups & websites dedicated to social anxiety, tons of people are going through the same thing you are, and many of 'em are your age. I have a naturally introverted/shy disposition, and though I've never experienced physical symptoms or the severity you describe, I definitely know how the self-consciousness feels. A simple google search will yield plenty of material, tips on how to train yourself to overcome this stuff, ways of dealing with it in public, etc.

And I hate to say it, but it might be a good idea to chill it out on the chronic for a little while, or at least cut down. I know how essential that end-of-day toke session is when your life seems like shit, but in my experience, weed definitely doesn't help social anxiety issues. I don't know how much you smoke, but I've found that when I'm smoking every day I feel significantly more self-conscious & shy & anxious in social situations unless I'm with close friends. Weed is a sensitizer, it makes all those little thoughts & impressions way more intense than they'd normally be.

Anyhow, good luck. Can't give you any advice on how to find cool people to hang out with, I'm having a bit of a problem with that myself since all my close friends are off at college and I'm sitting on my ass in a city full of auto workers & hustlaz. My main RL social contact for the past month has been my dealer.



[This message has been edited by deadteenager (edited 09-15-2006).]

Google search, will do.

I don't smoke everyday. In fact, I took a break from weed from september first till october first. I'm fine. I will take xanax (or whatever is prescribed) when my anxiety hits a high, but I won't take them everytime. It'll be controlled. I just need some friends, and I know it'll all go away. Thanks for the long reply.

Drinking yourself dead is easier/more fun.

*clink clink*

Plus, you're from Montreal. Dying of alcohol poisoning almost goes unnoticed there.

[This message has been edited by Chronos139 (edited 09-16-2006).]

Don't do anything one day you will be dead and it won't matter any more

I was exactly like you when I was in high school.

I ended up telling my doctor about it and I was prescribed Paxil, which didn't work out for me, but since I still had anxiety, I was afraid to mention it.

It's really hard to help yourself out when you're like this, but you took the first step by talking about it now.

damn zodspace I hella respect you as a poster and I feel bad about the whole anxiety thing.You gotta remember that what you see in people in the day to day, habitual actions and such, its all just a facade.To make friends you have to get to know who people really are and such so you naturally have to get to know them.You have to be brave enough to take those special opportunities to get to know people more.Like when a bunch of people talk about going somewhere and an acquaintance invites you to hang or something.Or head on over to the "hangout" spots and just make a little insignificant conversation with people you know.Youve got to start to open up to people.You can do it.One step at a time man.

P.S. you dont need drugs to help you

I was also exactly like you. I was prescribed xanax. I also read a lot of things by people I idolized. Instead of worrying about what I thought I should do and that I'd never get better, I realized that I should just aspire to be a better me. Xanax allowed me to realize that true confidence comes from within. And everything that makes ADULT (teenagers and just idiots, plain and simple. Once you get out of highschool, it's a whole other ball park) womanizers who get all the chicks, is that they are the alpha-males. They have true self-confidence and are completly comfortable about who they are and aren't afraid of women.

Once I began using xanax, I could socialize with people where they would want to be around me. Eventually I needed xanax less and less, as I realized what it really means to have confidence in yourself.

[This message has been edited by NoMoreWebs (edited 09-16-2006).]