You guys know, I wouldn't exactly be described as a "nice girl". Some of you - I know - think my morals are too loose and some of you - I'm sure - find my existance completely disillusioning. So, it should come as no surprise to you that it has caught up with me a bit. I figured the day may come when I'd get into an actual relationship and he'd start asking me question about my past or would hear from somebody else. Especially since my boyfriend and I have known each other for a long time.

People talk shit. People have been talking shit about me since before I was even old enough to do anything worth talking about. It's just the way I am. I inspire this in people. So, when my boyfriend tells me he's heard some bad things about me and I ask him

"Who said what?" Of course, he doesn't want to tell me who or what but I finally get out of him that it was actually one of my old bandmates. My old drummer and dj partner who loathes me ever since we have a breif fling. We were only sleeping together for about a month when he started getting all "I love you" on me talking about how we could be just like Syd and Nancy, and fuck all that shit. Especially any sort of "Let's be so very punk rock" Fuck punk rock. And may be it would've worked if the man had a punk rock bone in his body, but the only bone in his body that was work rocking was in his pants. And even that was a gamble. So, when I dumped him he claims that I had led him on to think that we were in love and we were going to be wed in punk rock bliss and shoot heroin together for the rest of our days.

Whatev. And apparently that hairdresser bloke from DiPenis Todd came into my boyfriends bar with Liza from So So Many White White Tigers (who I've had a fued with ever since I was in this punk band called Sweet Polly) and then they were talking a bunch of shit about how I'm all cracked out, and nearly died off the junk, and that I'm a big old crackwhore and the only reason my band made it anywhere was because I'm a whore and I fucked my way to the top. She's just mad that I told everyone she has herpes. Which she does.

Then one of my exboyfriends (who he just happens to work with my new boyfriend) tells him all about how I used to work for this sex club and how I was a stripper at The Gold Room and how I was Suicide Girl and that I fucked all sorts of bitches while we were together, etc...

Then we get back to his place and he had a piece of some rag cut out that had a picture of me kissing this bloke. It looked like I was kissing him on the lips, but it was just on the cheek. The problem is is that the guys cheek I was kissing was an exboyfriend of mine who is in a rather famous band now, so whenever we go out together he gets his picture taken and I, by default, was in the picture this time.

My boyfriend was less than amused by all of this and what could I do about it?

So I came up to him and I said "Listen. I don't know what everyone is saying about me and I don't need to know. People have been talking about me forever. Some of it's lies, but to tell you the truth, most of it's true. But, the point is, is that I never want to do anything bad to you. I really want to be a nice girl to you."

I hope that sounded as good as I think it does.

Cheers,

Lost

The past is in the past.

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:



So I came up to him and I said "Listen. I don't know what everyone is saying about me and I don't need to know. People have been talking about me forever. Some of it's lies, but to tell you the truth, most of it's true. But, the point is, is that I never want to do anything bad to you. I really want to be a nice girl to you."

I hope that sounded as good as I think it does.

Cheers,

Lost

If he loves you then he'll accept and understand. He may not like what you were but he'll not let it bother him..but only if he is a man and he loves you.

Love is one of those emotions that blind you to the truth. And the past is the past, but it's also the future for people that never learn.

We'll see, I guess, soon enough.

LostCause, this kinda stuff happens to me all the time. It causes me more stress than I would even like to admit. These guys aren't making stories up, so it's not that bad. And it was before you met your boyfriend so hopefully he'll see that. Just don't give him any excuse to think you're still like that. I've had guys say I've slept with them when I've never even been near them - I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole! People with no lives of their own like to talk about other people and invent their own version of the truth. So, I empathise..

You should make him read all your posts on totse. Then he'll understand like we do

Everyone's got a past, even the most seemingly good, honest decent people. Just because yours has a few more blemishes on it than someone else's doesn't make you a bad person. If your boyfriend loves you, then he'll probably be willing to look beyond what you have done, and look to the future of who you are now/are striving to be. Just give him some time to absorb all the new, crazy information.

well Lost,tell your bf that ppl say a lot of bs about you.If he doesn't believe you.....then you're lost little girl......

Ouch LC; that sucks. I have had pretty much the same problem throughout my life; my past coming back to bite my ass right as I'm getting shit together...and I'd let it tear me down to the piece of shit I used to be. I find, now, that it helps to be forward about where I used to be, let people know roughly what they're going to hear about me, and let them know that it's mostly true; I also try and explain that I have learned from my fucked up past this time, and have really gotten over it.

Yeah, it happens to me a lot too, though not to that degree. People dislike me because I'm widely thought of to be a racist (I'm just misunderstood) and there are rumors all over campus that I have some sort of affiliation with a white power organization....complete bullshit.

There are also rumors that I am a coke addict, and those don't seem to disappear. What's funny is that none of these lies are consistant; if I was such a huge coke addict, how would I be able to successfully provide leadership for the white power organization that I am supposedly tied up with?

Even though these are just rumors and obviously bullshit, they are some pretty heavy charges. I'm surprised my girlfriend stayed with me while everyone was feeding her all of these lies.

^^^Coke? Of course not!

Meth is the Fuel of White Power!

Serves you right for being a lesbo cheating whore.

quote:Originally posted by Chronos139:

Serves you right for being a lesbo cheating whore.

... because that was definitely called for.

I think you said the right thing. Just don't try to explain too much unless he asks, 'cause it'll just look like you're trying to make up excuses. Don't worry about it though. If he can't accept your past, he's not worth your time.

Fucking drama, I can't stand it. This is why I kill my enemies, which is probably why no one has actually ever really made enemies with me(at least not since middle school). That and it's actually pretty hard to get on my bad side, you would have to intentionally fuck me over somehow.

Anyway, as said, if he loves you he'll look past that, but don't be surprised if it bothers him a little. Once he realizes that you actually care about him and won't do something to hurt him it probably won't bother him at all.

quote:Originally posted by casanova:

Yeah, it happens to me a lot too, though not to that degree. People dislike me because I'm widely thought of to be a racist (I'm just misunderstood) and there are rumors all over campus that I have some sort of affiliation with a white power organization....complete bullshit.

There are also rumors that I am a coke addict, and those don't seem to disappear. What's funny is that none of these lies are consistant; if I was such a huge coke addict, how would I be able to successfully provide leadership for the white power organization that I am supposedly tied up with?

Even though these are just rumors and obviously bullshit, they are some pretty heavy charges. I'm surprised my girlfriend stayed with me while everyone was feeding her all of these lies.

Maybe they misheard power for powder?

[quote]Originally posted by casanova:

if I was such a huge coke addict, how would I be able to successfully provide leadership for the white power organization that I am supposedly tied up with?

Loyalist paramilitaries suggest this is very possible.

So you fucked tons of people eh?

Tell him it fucking means about shit-all and if he's going to get all worked up about it, you'll hold out on him as long as you want.

Yep.

What are you, drunk?

That wasn't long, and if memory serves, which, I'll admit, it sometimes doesn't, then it isn't much of a problem for you.

So he's pissed off that you've led a more exciting past than him, so the fuck what. He should be stoked that you've been there, fondled life's genitalia, and love him and choose to be with him If he wants certainty, bland-no-surprises existence, and a life that others will not talk about then he chose the wrong girl. What was it that...I think it was oscar wilde said?

"a best love is a woman's first love and a man's last"

Hmmm, that can't be right but I can't bring myself to look it up. The point is that you had lived all of this life when you had met him, but you care for him now. Make him understand that, like he should already.

I don't know if that makes sense....I think I've done some damage to my brain.

quote:Originally posted by Cloaked Dagger:

I kill my enemies.

Now, that's something I would like to do. Care to share your wisdom with me at some point?

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:

What are you, drunk?

That wasn't long, and if memory serves, which, I'll admit, it sometimes doesn't, then it isn't much of a problem for you.

So he's pissed off that you've led a more exciting past than him, so the fuck what. He should be stoked that you've been there, fondled life's genitalia, and love him and choose to be with him If he wants certainty, bland-no-surprises existence, and a life that others will not talk about then he chose the wrong girl. What was it that...I think it was oscar wilde said?

"a best love is a woman's first love and a man's last"

Hmmm, that can't be right but I can't bring myself to look it up. The point is that you had lived all of this life when you had met him, but you care for him now. Make him understand that, like he should already.

I don't know if that makes sense....I think I've done some damage to my brain.

You qoute me Oscar Wilde? I love you.

Cheers,

Lost

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:

"a best love is a woman's first love and a man's last"

Wouldn't this suggest that, in all actuality, her love for him is not her best?

I probably vaguely know the guys situation, and I'm probably kind of in it now. All the girls I've been seriously into have had histories I can't quite stomach.

People in this thread are saying "if it really loves you, it won't bother him". I would dispute that. It could be that (as is the case with me) the more he's into you, the more it will bother him. If he didn't really care about you what would it matter if you'd been a dirty slut? But because he does, it has to be gnawing away at him...that nice mixture of jealousy, repulsion, questioning of who you are, worrying about what you'll do in the future...

The most important issue here is *IF* you've actually left that stuff behind you.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

I probably vaguely know the guys situation, and I'm probably kind of in it now. All the girls I've been seriously into have had histories I can't quite stomach.

People in this thread are saying "if it really loves you, it won't bother him". I would dispute that. It could be that (as is the case with me) the more he's into you, the more it will bother him. If he didn't really care about you what would it matter if you'd been a dirty slut? But because he does, it has to be gnawing away at him...that nice mixture of jealousy, repulsion, questioning of who you are, worrying about what you'll do in the future...

The most important issue here is *IF* you've actually left that stuff behind you.

How do you just leave a piece of you behind? I have ugly hands. I can't just leave them behind when I feel like it. My past is a part of who I am right now and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not doing that sort of stuff right now because I don't want to, but it's not like I've left anything behind. It's not like I'm a different person, and I don't intend on becoming a different person right now. I'm just being myself, just like I've always been. And I may be a whore, but I've also been a good wife to a man, and I've never cheated on anyone in my life, and I love my family, and I work very hard on my career. So it may be true that I have loose morals, but if that's so, I know about a million other people who have "tighter" morals than I do and are way bigger assholes to their fellow man.

Point being? I'm going to be who I am and do what I think it right, just like I've always done. And if what I've done isn't up to someone else standards, fuck it, that's them. So, if he can't accept my past, he can't accept who I am, and if he can't accept who I am, then why would I want to be with him when there's plenty of other guys who would love to date me?

Cheers,

Lost

well, let us know what he decides

Well...you have matured in the last few years haven't you? You're not nineteen no more.