About a year ago (when I was 16) I met this guy names Ray. He was working at Subway and he started talking to me, we kinda hit it off real well and he gave me his number. I called him and we got to talking. I find out he's 23, but we find a lot of things in common so we start hanging out.

It wasn't long before we started have sexual attraction and we start dating. He was always good to me, he'd go out with me to the barn when I worked with my horse and he always got me high (breaking my long 2 year sober period). Being together so much, we had sex somewhat early in the relationship (about a month into it) and he was the second person I had sex with.

I should mention he lived at home with his grandparents and his mother and brothers and sister. I soon became a new installment since I was there all the time and I guess I grew on his family. When I was breaking my little addiction to my happy pills, I stayed over there with them and his mom took care of me.

During this time I was having a lot of problems at home. I started doing different drugs and started spending the night. One night I tried to take 40+ pills, he made me split them with him. We overdosed, I flipped out and a lot of fucked up shit happened that night. Before I completely blacked out, we were having sex, I kept telling him to stop and he wouldn't and I was too fucked up to stop him. He says he didn't remember anything and I do believe him. My family was freaked out by this and banned him from coming over (can't blame them).

About 3 days after this I was still fucked up and decided to go to Maryland to see my (whore of a) mother. He went with me, which is another mark down with my father. Shit went bad and I realized she was the same whore bag I left. We both went clean and started going to NA.

Well, during our wonderful visit to Maryland my mother sent papers of Ray's record to my family. He has a charge not to be proud of on his record. When he was 12 he touched a 6 year old girl. He was charged when he was 19. He did tell me this before we even started hanging out. I got to know him and came to realize that he'd never do that again (and if he did I'd cut his balls of and bury him in the swamp), It was a mistake by a child. This did not go over well by my father and I was too scared to tell him before hand, but I had talked to him about telling him before my mother fucked everything up.

Well, he's on my father's shit list, has no job and we were both under a lot of stress. He's the type of guy that wants to have a family, get married. I'm scared of having kids (even though I'd like to) and the thought of marriage. During all this I was scared to say "Yeah, in the future I could consider having kids" and I beat around the bush.

Well, during Christmas his ex calls him up and she's pregnant. She says it's his and I noticed a change in him. He left me the day before Christmas eve and he still wants me over for Christmas like we planned. I got everyone in his house a present and they all got me something too. I started poping pills and call his mother, she comes and gets me and takes me over there all fucked up. His uncle got me to play video games with him to keep my mind off it while he was hiding in his mother's room.

Finally his family cornered on the porch (we're both smokers and that's the designated smoking spot so it was relatively easy). We start talking and he starts saying about how he doesn't want either of us to make a mistake. We resolve to be friends and he kisses me and we go wrap Christmas gifts. I'm dying inside.

3 days later he leaves and goes back to Orlando to his ex-girlfriend. New Year's Eve I tried to kill myself, got drunk and call him. His family calls me and comes and gets me again and spent the night over there. His family loves me and was fiercely pissed he left me. I talked to him and he said he'd call me back. He did, my father told him to fuck off and never call me again while I was over his grandparents house.

I go with out talking to him for 3-4 months. I go crazy and start hanging out with this one women who used to be his manager at Subway. We got fucked up all the time and I started drinking and smoking heavily with her. I also got drunk a lot and ended up having sex with quit a few people, even his old manager from subway.

When he comes back he calls up Subway on a Friday night (apparently they lost my number and his cell phone was stolen). He tells me he needs to talk so I start talking to him. At this point it took a lot of effort to block out previous feelings. His ex lied to him and fucked him over. He also started doing drugs again too ( he stopped when I stopped, but I never forced him or anything, he just followed what I did.)

Pretty soon after he comes back we start hanging out and feeling come out again. He tells me he loves me and never feel out of love with me, he just lied to me so I would hate him . He went down there to be a father to a child he thought was his. My father finds out he's back and flips out. My father went through a shitty marriage and didn't want that to happen to me. He tells me if I go back to him that he won't talk to me again as he can't watch me fuck my life up like he did.

Since then our relationship has been hidden from my father. I'm scared to lose my dad, I love him and we have had a good father-daughter relationship, but I love Ray. We have a weird relationship, were comfortable with one another and I feel connected with him like no one else I've been with, sex is even different. I am happy with him no matter what were doing. I never stopped loving him, not even for a minute, but I've never stopped hurting completely after he left me.

What should I do? I love my father and I love him. I can't stand to be hurt anymore and I don't know what to do. If I choose Ray, I loose my father. If I choose my father I loose any possibility of happiness. I tried to get over him and I can't, when I had sex with other people after he left I was drunk, hurt and figured no one loved me and I still felt dirty for doing it. He insists he never had sex with her or anyone else while down there and was just there for the child.

I know this is a bunch of rambling and I normally can relate things better, but it hurts to thing about and is hard to get my thoughts down about this. Anyone have any advice?



Thanks.

You fucked other people, therefore you FUCKED UP.

Drop Ray, it's already too late for that.

/story

I really doubt you'd loose your dad, he's just trying to protect you. Ray sounds a lot like me, he is a terrible person, and is going to hell for all the bad things he has ever done, but I bet he really does love you. I'd stay with Ray, forget the past, lay off the pills, and go to college while you try to get him a job. Once you gratuate, you'll be better prepared to make the descision to stay with him or not.

Your family is ALWAYS more important than some guy you have a fucked up relationship with. Always. If it comes down to a choice between the two i hope you make the decision to stand with your family.

However i have to agree with Tibberous that your dad is probably just trying to use that as leverage. Try talking to your dad about it, and be open about it. If you try to hide it from him then something will eventually slip, and thats when you risk losing your dad, and probably your bf at the same time/shortly after.

And lay off the drugs/suicide bullshit. Thats all it is. Face your problems instead of running from them or burying them with drugs. My ex did that and there is nothing harder you can put somebody you love through than the constant threat of suicide/overdose/relapse.

quote:Originally posted by varactor_blue:

You fucked other people, therefore you FUCKED UP.

Drop Ray, it's already too late for that.

/story

I never slept with anyone else while we were together. After he left I was really not in the right state of mind and made bad choices, but I never cheated.

Wow..... Just. Wow....

I want to go to college, I want to have a life, I just don't have the motivation. Ray was the only person who could ever get me to do shit with my life. After he left I died a little inside and said fuck it.

I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to hurt anymore. When he left I had my father fight me over a loaded gun. He put up with a lot of bullshit when I was going through the break up.

He's gotten a job now (not a great paying job, but better then nothing) and I have a good paying job as a server. I know we could make it together, but I don't know what to do about my father.

My father wants to kill him. There is no talking about it with him. Last time we did he started cry and told me that I wouldn't exist to him if I went back to Ray. I have to hide this... I love my father to much to hurt him, but I'm not happy or content with out Ray...

This thread makes me laugh so hard. Sorry kid, you fucked up. Clean slate FTW.

Then you're fucked. Leave the guy and move on with your life. It seem hard now, but its not the only love you will ever find.

Besides hinging your happiness on him is complete and utter bullshit. AND it is incredibly dick of you to put that on him. Its not his job to motivate you into doing something with your life. If you 'wanted to do something with your life' you wouldnt need him to tell you to.

If he makes you happy, go with him. If things work out, your Dad ought to see the fallacy in his argument and start talking to you again.

Most of the time, dad knows whats best... especially when it comes to guys. But I know you can't/won't see it. And I don't blame you.



But, I'd suggest talking to your dad, and offering for your dad to meet this guy, Ray.

This kind of seems like a Logic vs. Emotion type of thing... logic would tell you to not be with Ray, because of him just leaving like that, and you're family comes first... but I know for a fact that it isn't just that easy.

The best thing you can do is try and talk to you're dad about it, and get them to meet. Let them go out to supper or something, just one on one. If Ray is an actual good guy he'll make a good impression infront of your dad. At the end of the day, what I would do, is talk to people who actually know Ray(Not his family), and ask them their opinion, because they will tell you if it's worth it.

Sometimes when you're in 'love', or think you're in 'love', your thoughts are a litle disoriented. And then, if you're friends don't think too highly of him, chances are, you're dad is right, and you are better off without him.

I hope this made some sense, I'm extremely tired, and haven't slept for a while.

drop ray, youll get over him eventually. get your life back on track and someone new will come along.

quote:Originally posted by XHippie HunterX:

Then you're fucked. Leave the guy and move on with your life. It seem hard now, but its not the only love you will ever find.

Besides hinging your happiness on him is complete and utter bullshit. AND it is incredibly dick of you to put that on him. Its not his job to motivate you into doing something with your life. If you 'wanted to do something with your life' you wouldnt need him to tell you to.

It's not that he tells me to do things, no, that's not the case. He give me the motivation and support. I feel like I can accomplish what I want to do when I have him backing me up.

I can't help I feel at peace with him and actaully happy. I just feel complete and that feeling is amazing with dealing with bullshit and depression most of my life.

Chinese Food, I do apprciate your post. I wish I could get them to have a one-on-one, but my father wants to KILL him. They have met and talked before shit went bad, but it wasn't really much. After he hurt his 'little girl' he might as well have signed a warrent for his head.

Our friends seem to think were a good couple. Even the one's who thought he was an asshole after he left. We just kinda fit together. Without some of them, we wouldn't even be able to see one another.

Another factor I didn't think about to add was he was one so long was because his family told him not to come back after he left me. They were very pissed at him for leave me...

I really think I need to see someone in the psychiatric feild, but I can't afford it. You don't have a clue how badly this has been fucking with me. I wish everything were as easy as it seems.