Now, normally I can handle relationship-oriented problems on my own, but I turn to you SnA for this one.

Now, I've been extremely close with this girl, to the point where we're mistaken as a couple often, for about 2 years now.

During this time, she's been unhappily dating my best friend. He calls her way too much, isn't trusting and is a general neusance to her. He is constantly upsetting her and she almost always comes to me when this happens.

I'd say that her and I spend more quality time together then him and her, having fun. Whereas when they hang out, all they do is sit around and he acts like a retard. For some time now, I've been sending signals to her (complimenting her, giving her kisses on the cheek, buying her dinner etc) and it seems to be working.

I've noticed that lately she's been a lot more distant towards her current boyfriend and she's been giving me a different look. Now, I know this girl is the one for me. I've known for 2 years now. She is spiritually, physically, mentally perfect. I've spent my last 2 years rejecting girls in pursuit of the one, and people are beginning to consider it unhealthy.

So I turn to you S&A, speculate what I should do. I would just go for it, but I'm so afraid to ruin what is the best friendship being greedy.

If it's working don't mess with it? You said she's beginning to look at you differently. Is more time going to help?

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

If it's working don't mess with it? You said she's beginning to look at you differently. Is more time going to help?

I don't know. Gradually, I suppose. Over the course of 3-4 months, she's given me more attention, but at this rate it's going to take forever. Some tell me that all she needs is that last pushing, motivating force to convince her that her current boyfriend is worthless (i.e. making a move on her), but the idea of us having less thatn what we've got now scares the shit out of me.

Keep doing what you're doing. One bit of advice though: your friend that she's currently dating sounds extremely immature, so he's likely to be pissed at you when you and her get together.

She may need some prodding. Too much pressure to decide, however, can lead to running away behavior. I don't think you want that. Be opportunistic. If there's a fight with her and her boyfriend, or she complains about him, or things are weakening, it's your time. Seize the moment when it comes.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

She may need some prodding. Too much pressure to decide, however, can lead to running away behavior. I don't think you want that. Be opportunistic. If there's a fight with her and her boyfriend, or she complains about him, or things are weakening, it's your time. Seize the moment when it comes.

We're supposed to go to the strip club together here soon, that seems like a good time.. haha.

and yes, her boyfriend is extremely immature. luckily he doesn't really know that many people, so if we were to start dating, it would be pretty easy to avoid him knowing.

You are fucking over your "best friend"?

Hmmmm....

[This message has been edited by Twiggy (edited 09-11-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Twiggy:

You are fucking over your "best friend"?

Hmmmm....



He doesn't even know what he's got. He's got the best girl around, and he suffocates her with his obsessiveness. He doesn't know what she wants, he doesn't know how to treat her. He is just plain annoying. Ever since the two starting dating, he turned totally lame.

quote:Originally posted by Twiggy:

You are fucking over your "best friend"?

Hmmmm....



No, he's not; his best friend has turned the relationship with this girl into crap...and now the OP's realizing that *gasp* he and her might be a good match with something real there. The 'best friend' is going to blame the OP when it's his fault in the first place.

quote:Originally posted by Hexadecimal:

No, he's not; his best friend has turned the relationship with this girl into crap...and now the OP's realizing that *gasp* he and her might be a good match with something real there. The 'best friend' is going to blame the OP when it's his fault in the first place.

couldn't have said it better myself. he has no life outside of her's, which pisses her off. the second he gets off work, he's knocking on her door, if she's working, he'll text/call by the hour and then be waiting at her house for her. he basically wants to spend every waking second with her, when in reality, he has ran out of ways to keep her entertained.

her and i have really bonded over the summer from smoking weed. we both love it, while he will take 2 hits every once and a while and then make a total fool of himself for the next 3-4 hours.

1. You must wait til she finishes with him BEFORE making your move. That's vital and has nothing much to do with morality but more the fact that if she cheats on him she will, as sure as God made groovy nose hair clippers, cheat on you at some point too!

2. When it's time to make your move then tread carefully. And if you notice that she doesn't feel the same way about you then just lean across real quick, kiss her on the forehead and tell her that you value her friendship and you don't want to lose her as a friend.

This seems like a scenario where, sooner or later, she's gonna turn around and tell you something that reveals she's not gonna break up with him at all.

Maybe that's not very likely, but it'd be so horribly complete if it did.

It's the sort of thing that would happen to me, anyway.

Don't kill yerself over it, ok?

quote:Originally posted by 256:

This seems like a scenario where, sooner or later, she's gonna turn around and tell you something that reveals she's not gonna break up with him at all.

Maybe that's not very likely, but it'd be so horribly complete if it did.

It's the sort of thing that would happen to me, anyway.

Don't kill yerself over it, ok?

there's not a doubt in my mind that they're destined to break up at some point. it's when that is the question