so my girlfriend and I want to have sex, and we have gotten very close (to the point where we were both undressed and the condom was on).

however, I have found while fingering her that she is very tight, and when we came to the point of actually having intercourse, unfortunately it did not just conveniently slip in there. we tried for a little while, but since everything was a bit chaotic, I decided to give up on it and just finger her instead for now.

anyway, what can I do to "make enough space" for myself down there? I have fingered her and I will keep doing it, but I alredy have trouble fitting more than 2 fingers, and as of now there's no way I'll fit, given that I'm quite wide. I do not want to hurt her and we both really want to sleep together, but like I said, technicalities are stopping us.

it is also a possibility that she was nervous and therefore not physically loosened up.

what can I do? thank you.

quote:Originally posted by Argus:



it is also a possibility that she was nervous and therefore not physically loosened up.



Very very possible infact.Make sure there are no 'trust' issues between you and she feels safe and secure where ever you do it. 'Feeling safe' also includes her not feeling scared that she might become pregnant (despite your using a condom). Take it sloooow. Concerntrate on giving her orgasm with your tongue and fingers. A LITTLE alcohol might help too.

IF it won't upset her then buy her a vibrator to practice with.

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 09-09-2006).]

thanks for advice, jackketch. yes, I have already decided to be very very slow and gentle next time there is an opportunity, and just do a lot of foreplay and possibly go down on her.

so you're saying that the main issue is her mindset? but if I do everything right and there are still physical constraints... what then? the vibrator thing would definitely be too awkward. we're both relatively young and both virgins, and she is more on the shy side.

thanks again.

My girl is pretty tight too. I can't use anymore than one finger without her being uncomfortable. I'm pretty thick too, so I have to ease it in slowly at first. You should definitely try using lube, as condoms create a lot of friction when it's a tight fit. They bother my girl a lot, so she's gonna start on the pill so we can go skin on skin, which is a lot less problematic and feels way better.

I suppose lube is a good idea. but first I'll just spend more time trying... I am a little reluctant to physically try to get in there because it sort of kills the mood.

also, missionary didn't seem to be exactly perfect for it, at least not for getting in in the first place. any recommendations?

Try her on top. The angle is better.

^ we tried that, but not for long. it's harder to see where you're going, and I suddenly got this irrational fear of it snapping if it doesn't go it and she pushes down on it

quote:Originally posted by Argus:

^ we tried that, but not for long. it's harder to see where you're going, and I suddenly got this irrational fear of it snapping if it doesn't go it and she pushes down on it



If you're afraid your dick is going to snap off, dont have sex. Seriously...I wouldnt stick my little friend anywhere near anything I even remotely thought might snap it off.

[This message has been edited by SilentMind (edited 09-09-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by SilentMind:



If you're afraid your dick is going to snap off, dont have sex. Seriously...I wouldnt stick my little friend anywhere near anything I even remotely thought might snap it off.

haha. it was only momentary, and I specially labeled it an "irrational fear".

anyway, more advice please! you guys have been very helpful so far.

I had the same problem with my current gf. I got over it by lots (emphasis on lots) of foreplay, resulting in her getting very (emphasis this time on very) wet. It helped her a lot by the amount of time I spent 'preperaing' her. Just don't rush her, take time (as i'd hope you are).

If all else fails, alcohol works

ok, more foreplay it is. she has actually gotten very wet, but I just need to spend a little more time and finger her a little more to prepare the way.

I don't drink anymore, but alcohol as a last resort doesn't sound like a bad idea either

make sure you're hard enough. and not like hard enough to be upright, but still squishy. be



like a rock

p.s.

drinking is very bad for you. a small amount of marijuana will help you both very well, and make sex very sensual.

[This message has been edited by Obbe (edited 09-09-2006).]

Drinking isnt bad for you...

Yes, nervousness can be a problem here. It's just one of those things which you'll eventually overcome, though. Patience, my boy, patience.

Also, foreplay will be very important here. The first time you have sex don't rush into, make sure there's a shitload of foreplay, almost until you get bored (if you're good she won't, though.) I give this advice because not only will it make it easier for everything to get where it should be, it should make you last a hell of a lot longer if that's what you're after. Be gentle too.

Foreplay is king!

quote:Originally posted by Obbe:

make sure you're hard enough. and not like hard enough to be upright, but still squishy. be



like a rock

p.s.

drinking is very bad for you. a small amount of marijuana will help you both very well, and make sex very sensual.



this was actually an issue too. during foreplay I was hard as a rock but as soon as I put on the condom the intensity decreased by about 10% or so. not dramatically, but just enough to cause a problem in combination with her tightness.

this was quite frustrating, and we did some more foreplay... it occasionally went back to 100% but mostly stayed at around 90%. I suppose I was somewhat nervous too, being a virgin.

I suppose I also need to relax a little more. the uncomfortable thing is that now I'm a little anxious that this will happen again next time.



concerning alcohol and weed... she doesn't smoke, and both make me last very long when masturbating... too long. I don't think it would be a very good idea for me, except maybe in very small amounts, but then again I can't exactly let her drink alone.

keep up the good replies! thanks.

quote:Originally posted by Argus:



this was quite frustrating, and we did some more foreplay... it occasionally went back to 100% but mostly stayed at around 90%. I suppose I was somewhat nervous too, being a virgin.





Same thing used to happen to me, even after 6 months of sex.

^ hm. well, it was really quite frustrating for me, left a bad aftertaste for the whole evening.

how did you solve the problem?

Some days, you just go with it. Some days, not so much.

No, usually it's a matter of getting bored. Like if I was going down on her for a while, and she wasnt responding, then my little guy would start to lose interest.

Honestly, thats a problem to be dealt with after you've actually lost your virginity and are comfortable with each other. It's pretty simple too, just find the things that excite you.

quote:Originally posted by Argus:

I am a little reluctant to physically try to get in there because it sort of kills the mood.



Alright then, Mystic Meg, how else do you expect to get it in there? Mind control?

you know honestly, it's gonna hurt her anyway if she's a virgin. most of the advice given so far is good. go slow. make her feel safe. all that. in the end, though, you're going to have to put your weight into it to get it inside her. i've had this experience a lot with tight women. as long as there's enough lubrication, you're not going to hurt her in a way that won't heal in a few hours. besides, once you're inside, she'll love it and forget all about any pain, provided you're still kissing her and touching her.

and fyi, tightness is a highly prized thing. why else would so many guys be into anal?

Personaly I am still virgin also, but have friends thats fuck virgins as a game. Sad but tru. They do body shots, only like 2 i think vodka, then like a hour or so of foreplay. then go down on her and eat her out threw a orgasim or two, and kissing sensually on the inside of her legs.. then slowly start easin' their way in. Dunno if thats ne help but between my two friends they have fucked 14 virgins... for fun...

quote:Originally posted by Duck In Fog:



Alright then, Mystic Meg, how else do you expect to get it in there? Mind control?

haha. you know what I mean. I just didn't want to spend too much time on it at that point.

quote:Originally posted by nmne:

you know honestly, it's gonna hurt her anyway if she's a virgin. most of the advice given so far is good. go slow. make her feel safe. all that. in the end, though, you're going to have to put your weight into it to get it inside her. i've had this experience a lot with tight women. as long as there's enough lubrication, you're not going to hurt her in a way that won't heal in a few hours. besides, once you're inside, she'll love it and forget all about any pain, provided you're still kissing her and touching her.

and fyi, tightness is a highly prized thing. why else would so many guys be into anal?

you're right, I might as well see the positive side of it. ok, I understand that I will actually have to put some physical force behind it, but I'll just be gentle. thanks.

[This message has been edited by Argus (edited 09-10-2006).]

If you can get 2 fingers in her, your cock should fit too. She's physically large enough to accomidate you. This leaves a few possibilities.

1: You're doing it wrong. Getting the angle right takes practice. Keep trying, and you may get lucky.

2: She's very nervous at the thought, and clenches up when you try to put it in. If this is happening, it's most likely subconcious. She probably just needs to relax more. try waiting a few weeks before trying again, and spending the mean time just having fun together, with no thoughts of sex.

quote:Originally posted by Argus:

you're right, I might as well see the positive side of it. ok, I understand that I will actually have to put some physical force behind it, but I'll just be gentle. thanks.



=P

Right, the guy I lost it to was very big and could barely fit two fingers in me without it killin'.

But we got it in eventually, we spent bloody ages on foreplay, and I was totally relaxed and it hurt like fuck, but after a while it wasn't as bad, but you just need to get her to totally relax and you do need to put some force into getting it in unfortunatly.

^ of course, I can only put force behind it if I myself am 100% hard. and like I said earlier, the fact that I was suddenly reduced to about 90% was an issue too.

is there any solution against this (besides viagra, and I'm nowhere near that desperate), or do I just need to get a little more comfortable with the situation as well? I assume the reason was subconscious nervosity, as everything got a little chaotic.

quote:Originally posted by Argus:

^ of course, I can only put force behind it if I myself am 100% hard. and like I said earlier, the fact that I was suddenly reduced to about 90% was an issue too.

is there any solution against this (besides viagra, and I'm nowhere near that desperate), or do I just need to get a little more comfortable with the situation as well? I assume the reason was subconscious nervosity, as everything got a little chaotic.

I think the percentages are to blame lol.

And a whole '10%' off that isn't enough to make it soft enough to not go in, lol.

Dude, just push that shit in. It's a cock, it's job is to impale and make room and make shit bleed. If you don't just fuck her ragged you will regret it.

quote:Originally posted by Argus:



this was actually an issue too. during foreplay I was hard as a rock but as soon as I put on the condom the intensity decreased by about 10% or so. not dramatically, but just enough to cause a problem in combination with her tightness.

this was quite frustrating, and we did some more foreplay... it occasionally went back to 100% but mostly stayed at around 90%. I suppose I was somewhat nervous too, being a virgin.

I suppose I also need to relax a little more. the uncomfortable thing is that now I'm a little anxious that this will happen again next time.



concerning alcohol and weed... she doesn't smoke, and both make me last very long when masturbating... too long. I don't think it would be a very good idea for me, except maybe in very small amounts, but then again I can't exactly let her drink alone.

keep up the good replies! thanks.



when i first lost my v i just felt it was wrong having this condom in my hand lol i got over that after like 5 seconds

then like 3 weeks later i got it agen lol

ever since then i been sleepin around LOTS and i'm fine lol

The tightness is caused by over-inflation causing a reduction in vaginal width.

Kiss and tell her it's gonna be all right, but it will hurt a bit.

Hold her down, and slam into her. Pray you used enough lube, she's wet enough, and make sure to cover her mouth, just in case she screams.

Keep going until you cum, and make sure she's still alive.

Done.

Nah, but seriously, just lube her up, and finger her until you can get two or three fingers in. Gonna be damn-tight, but though, it won't matter if it's too tight to fuck.

Slam and cover mouth (with your hand or your own mouth, you pick).