how should i start this? maybe to describe myself, my relationship, and her.

me? i'm 19. i'm agnostic. i'm white. i have rather controversial views on the "truth" but do beleive in a rather abstract form of a higher being, wether in heaven, or from the heavens.

her? 18, shes white, and i'm sure she'd say she was agnostic (being as how our beleifs coincide)

relationship? 1 yr, 8 mos- its been a very loving and caring relationship. we care about each other deeply, and dont want to get married until we are settles down, 25 earliest. we might get engaged within a year and marry 3 or 4 or maybe even 5 years down the road....which brings me to the main point of this thread:

What is Marriage? (this is a "question relaity" situation)

I've deceided (and already run the theory by her) that when (if) we decide to made things "official", we will make our own vows, and not get married in a church. the beach, a grassy knoll, the ghetto, either way- not in church, thats what we agree.

but now i started to think to myself- sure, there are the benefits to being "married", it has to do with taxes and forms and such, but i've come to question the due process of marriage.

"marriage" consists of legal documents, the church(typically), a preist, and numberous other traditions.

i've deceided that i want to have our marriage not in the church- with no preist- and without the marriage liscence.

i find the legal doc's a bit overbearing and that they destroy the happy harmony that marriage is (supposed to be).

being as how we dont really beleive in god, why have a preist? i dont know this man, and evne if i did, i wouldnt be comfortable with this person who shares a completely different outlook on life and the world and nature. it messes with my energy.

so- no legal documents, no church involved, no priest, we write our own vows and do our own ceremony. its kind of special, unique, dont you think? i dont need any lawyers and contracts telling ME that i'm married to my wife.

I say that when me and my girl deceide to tie the knot and get hitched, we buy the rings, we have our friends and relatives to celebrate with, we write our own vows, and maybe someone i really beleive in, say- my father, or her father- say "you may now kiss the bride"

any thoughts?

Beautiful madfast...I expect she feels the same way?

quote:Originally posted by madfast:

i find the legal doc's a bit overbearing and that they destroy the happy harmony that marriage is (supposed to be).

However...how can a document destroy harmony?

hey madfast...I'm on AIM...can you come on and send me something so I can see if it's working now?

it was a lot for her to swallow, so we have yet to work it out. shes a tad timid, so she'll churn through it, but its not like the idea is "pressing" because we arent even goign to get engaged for a year (or two or three, no rush!)



call me a hopeless romantic, but love is about love, and its all encompassing, all powerful, and all-knowing. i dont need any signatures, lawyers, or laws to swear an oath to my lover that i promise to love her until the day i die, and to be monogamous.

to me, signing a contract about my love is like getting her name tatooed on me. once its done, its permanent, and brings bad luck.

quote:Originally posted by madfast:

it was a lot for her to swallow, so we have yet to work it out. shes a tad timid, so she'll churn through it, but its not like the idea is "pressing" because we arent even goign to get engaged for a year (or two or three, no rush!)



call me a hopeless romantic, but love is about love, and its all encompassing, all powerful, and all-knowing. i dont need any signatures, lawyers, or laws to swear an oath to my lover that i promise to love her until the day i die, and to be monogamous.

to me, signing a contract about my love is like getting her name tatooed on me. once its done, its permanent, and brings bad luck.



I agree...no need for a contract...

Do you, however, see your proposed marriage as 'permanent'?

yes, i do

i know my self very well, and i know her very well. granted, any type of marriage nowadays almost cant help but bring a lump in your throat, thats one of the reasons i eagerly wait to get married, and want to be engaged for a long time.

to me, dating is a representation, a precursor to getting engaged, and being engaged is obviously a precursor to getting married. so therefore, not much should change from one stage to the next, these labels are merely a statement of the level of commitment and love you choose to make "official" and declare to the world.

quote:Originally posted by madfast:



call me a hopeless romantic, but love is about love, and its all encompassing, all powerful, and all-knowing. i dont need any signatures, lawyers, or laws to swear an oath to my lover that i promise to love her until the day i die, and to be monogamous.

to me, signing a contract about my love is like getting her name tatooed on me. once its done, its permanent, and brings bad luck.

Marriage is not only about love. It's about partnership. It's about deciding you're pretty good on your own, but able to conquer the world as part of a pair. Sometimes love seems to take a back seat to other more expedient emotions.

If you're all about the hopelessly romantic love stuff, you don't need to complicate your life with marriage, especially if you're under 30.

For a marriage to succeed there needs to be common goals and a common outlook on life. Since you can't imagine life without your partner, getting that "piece of paper", or marriage license, isn't seen as a burden or "bad luck".

I hear where you're coming from regarding the church, I'm an atheist, but the purpose of official marriage documents are to make you two a legally recognized couple by the state and a legal spokesperson for one another. Without being legally married, many hospitals under certain circumstances will not allow you to be with your partner or allow you to make medical decisions for her or her you. Many employer provided insurance plans will not insure your partner unless you're legally married. There are many legal issues that you need to address if you choose not to legally marry.

The perks that come along with a marriage recognized by the state is one of the reasons gay's want to have the right to marry. There's a lot more to this than just saying "I do". I would recommend getting the license and making it official at the court house and then go have a romantic non-religious ceremony afterward. You may regret it 10 or 20 years down the road if something happens to where a family member is required to make a decision and without that marriage license you will not be considered family. I would consult with a lawyer and get the pros and cons before deciding.

Anyway, this is just my opinion so whatever you decide, good luck to the two of you.

Don't get married! It's a trap! www.NoMarriage.com (http://www.NoMarriage.com)

I think it's a shame that the government and other organizations interfere with personal things such as marriage. True marriage is a union between two people and ideally should be treated as such.

But we don't live in an ideal world and certain things should be considered as a practicality, I suppose. I think Van Dummy made some very practical points there.

[This message has been edited by outcast (edited 12-12-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by Parallax:

Don't get married! It's a trap! www.NoMarriage.com (http://www.NoMarriage.com)

Haha, I was JUST about to post that link.

Marriage sucks.

agreed, marriage does scare me, but you cant help but wanna do it when you love someone.

Too long, didn't read, you pretensious faggot.

i'm bumping this in relation to my "promise ring" thread.

My boyfriend says he never wants to get married because he thinks it's artificial and doesn't prove anything, and it's almost like the government testing your commitment. I love your idea. I'm really not clear on the tax benefits and so on, but I think I read somewhere that it really only benefits certain couples in specific situations and doesn't really affect anyone else. I don't know how that could be right, though. However, legal benefits abound. They involve your kid, a lot of the time.