Ohh where do I start...

...I am really confused and lost I don’t know what to do.

My life is shit, I work a shit job that I hate so much, I have no money and now I think I have to brake up with my girlfriend, she moved away last august, but we’ve stayed together, I made a thread about this back then, anyway the plan was for me to move in with her and her mother and 2 sisters,

But my mother was upset about this and doesn’t like my girlfriend, anyway this didn’t bother me as its not her decision to make, however next may is my 21st birthday and my parents have planned and booked 2 weeks in Florida for my birthday, its all paid for except my spending money which I will have to find myself that’s not a problem,

But at the same time my girlfriend as planned our engagement party (because I proposed) for the same time, but up there where she lives, without my parents, now I could move but then if I do I am leaving everything behind my friends, family, to go live in a place where I don’t know anyone but my girlfriend and her immediate family, and I may not even be able to get a job straight away,

Now my girlfriend wants me to move in Christmas day but I said no because I want to spend Christmas with my parents, so I said I would move in just after Christmas, but I cant move in with my girlfriend because I wont be able to afford it with this holiday, now I know the logical thing to do would be to hold off on moving in with my girlfriend until after the holiday then move,

However I’m not sure if that’s what I really want because like I said I’m not going to know anyone I’m going to have to move out of my home I have to leave everyone that I know and love, I cant take anything except my clothes because I cant take anything of mine with me, we have to live out of a bedroom which is the tiniest fucking bedroom you’ve ever seen, because her mother doesn’t want us round them all the while,

I cant afford a place of my own otherwise it wouldn’t be so bad, on top of all this everyone I know is telling me that this is a really bad idea and I’m stupid if I go through with it because its all just a mistake, so I really don’t know what to do, I love my girlfriend very much so the last thing I want is to brake up with her.

So to summarise I have to choices upset my parents by refusing to go on this holiday and move out and go against the advice of everyone who cares about me, live in a box with no money, possibly no job, no friends, no family, but I will have the person I love with me,

Or stay at home brake my girlfriends heart, but I will have a job (even though it suck ass big time), I will have a fair bit of cash, my 21st in Florida, and my friends.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thank you

too long/didnt read

How come i know that was gonna be there when i checked back

quote:Originally posted by Source:

How come i know that was gonna be there when i checked back

sorry, i will read it later... i promise

~~Bump~~

I think you've answered your own question.

You said your choices were:

1 - Have no money, be with a girl you're not sure you want to be with, disappoint you're family and friends.

2 - Have money, have a job (virtually NOONE likes their job), keep your parents etc happy.

I know that it's a lot harder to actually follow through with your choices, but from your description, you know what the obvious right thing to do is.

Are you still in school? That makes a difference in what I would say to you.

From what you wrote though, I don't see how you're ready to think about marriage.

quote:Originally posted by Source:

go against the advice of everyone who cares about me

but take the advice of random people online? if you are not sure about your next step, maybe you should take the advice of those who know the situation better and who care about you.

go up there, fuck her a weekend, then dump her off.

you might as well get something before you do what you know youre going to do.

quote:Originally posted by Peter Thomas:

I think you've answered your own question.

You said your choices were:

1 - Have no money, be with a girl you're not sure you want to be with, disappoint you're family and friends.

2 - Have money, have a job (virtually NOONE likes their job), keep your parents etc happy.

I know that it's a lot harder to actually follow through with your choices, but from your description, you know what the obvious right thing to do is.

Yes it is harder to follow through with my choices, and i really dont wanna hurt anyone.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Are you still in school? That makes a difference in what I would say to you.

From what you wrote though, I don't see how you're ready to think about marriage.

No im not in school, and maybe your right about the marriage thing as well.

quote:but take the advice of random people online?

I wanted the opinions of people who would look at things without there own motives.

If you need a sugar-coated response, please don't read this.

Yes, your life might be called "shit". I've seen far worse, but it doesn't sound at all like things are the way you'd like them to be.

Why not? Why are you 20 and still living at home, not in school, and have no money? You should have had a good two years of gainful employment.

If you're healthy, mentally and physically, why are you in the situation you're in? Have you been in trouble with the law? Are you not yet capable of money management? Are your parents control freaks and have discouraged you from being independent? Those are the main reasons I've seen people unable to leave their parents' home.

You say you have a "shit job". So, you have some sort of job. Is there a reason you can't get a better one? Do you live in an economically depressed area? Do you lack of transportation? Do you lack motivation?

If you want your life to be better, you'd benefit from being more realistic about what you can handle. Learn to recognize your limitations and live life within them.

Committed relationships are a bit beyond that scope for now. You need to learn to take care of yourself first. Going from one dependency (family) to another dependency (fiancee and her family) is a classic "out of the frying pan and into the fire" situation.

It seems it would be in your best interest to move out of your parents' house and live independently for awhile.

Pondering a trip to Florida is a mix-up of priorities. I think that such an extravagant (yes, for you, it's extravagant just to come up with the spending money) is beyond your means. If you don't have at least 3 months of on-your-own living expenses in the bank, you can't afford extras like travel.

If your parents really want to be supportive, they'd cancel the trip and help you with things you'd need for your own apartment.

Sorting out your life is going to involve causing disappointment (to your family) and maybe pain (to your fiancee). That seems to be the very thing you'd like to avoid, but let me be real with you: you can't avoid it. You need to start putting yourself first, and the longer you wait, the more complicated and unsatisfying your life is going to be.

This is a lot of info at once, so I'll see how you respond before going on.

No things are not the way i'd like them to be, my parents are control freaks well my mother anyway my dad's not so bad, she has made it clear that im not aloud to move far from home, she doesn't mind me leaving as long as its within our area,

I haven't been in trouble with the law im a good boy

The reason my job is shit is beacuse there isn't many places round here you can get work, unless you can drive which i cant, i really should learn, and the places round here all pay the same minimum wage,

Now i really wish i could afford to get my own place i really do but its just beyond me at the moment,

Now we have come to an arrangment and i wont be moving anywhere yet my fiancee is going to wait until after the trip i have no choice but go on, so i can afford to go to florida now, and then when i come back i can work on managing my money better and maybe sort myself out with a place of my own so she could move in with me, maybe learning to drive first and then looking for a better job out the area would be a wise idea.

I thank you for your input, and sorry for taking so long to get back to you.

If your girlfriend loves you, really loves you, shew will be patient. As hard as it is being far away from the person you love, you don't let them make foolish decisions just so that they can be near you. Neither of you have to rush. If it's right, it will last through whatever needs to happen between now and the time you're prepared to be out on your own... which, by the way should've been a few years ago. Come on man, 21 and you aren't ready to rent a place of your own? Kinda sad... get it together.