This is my first post ever in this forum. I have a tough situation with my girlfriend and I'm seeking advice. I'm 19 and she's 16. Her parents think that I'm too old, so we've been secretly dating for the past year and four months. We've been doing a damn good job at it, might I add. She spends the night here sometimes on the weekends, and generally sees me every weekend. I get to see her, sometimes, during the week if I get lucky. Last year, close to this time, she cheated on me. Nothing big .. she kissed another guy .. but it was cheating, and I dumped her. She realized what she had lost and came running back to me. I took her back because she was sincere. Since then, we had been very close, very intimate .. a great couple. Sure, we had our fights, but who doesn't? She always made time for me despite the situation with her parents and I even got the poon on a regular basis. Well, lately, it seems like she's been phasing me out. She's been wanting to spend more time with her friends, which generally means that I get to see her once a weekend at best. I'm pretty sure that she's really doing what she says she's doing, but it still kills me when she goes out and I'm sitting at home. See, I really dont have any friends. So the whole time she's gone, I'm sitting around wondering what she's doing. We've gotten into several fights over this. I want things to go back to the way they were. She wants to see her friends. It just kills me inside because I used to have her around whenever I wanted her and now I don't. She says that things WILL go back to the way they were, but right now, she just needs her friends. I really don't know how to handle this. I'm a very high-maintanence/clingy guy. I'm very jealous. I should be happy that she has friends that like to hang out with her, but I'm not. I just want her to myself. I realize that she's probably not the one who's wrong. It's me. But any tips on how to handle this situation? I'm sick of feeling lonely and depressed every time she's out without me.

This is classic codependency. Most people in this forum will tell you that you need interests of your own to occupy yourself. Having a girlfriend should be the icing on the cake, not your meat and potatoes.

Nothing you do or say will make her act differently, except keeping yourself busy so you're not needy. Talking won't help; it's more likely to drive her away than anything.

There are no pills, exercises or techniques to get over clinginess or lonliness. But if you truely care for her and trust her then you'll let her do what she wants. In the meantime, take up a hobby, play some sport, smoke pot, go to some parties, clubs, church groups, whatever and meet some people!

i feel like im being erased...no one got left here...

shes through with you. shes fucking someone else. or both.

nail her one last time, and move on.

quote:Originally posted by Nihilism:

i feel like im being erased...no one got left here...

shes through with you. shes fucking someone else. or both.

nail her one last time, and move on.

You always state the worst case scenario very matter-of-factly. Why do you even bother getting up in the morning?

In regards to the original post she's 16 and as such wrapped up in highschool things. Social gigglings of a collaboration of hormones spiraling towards a graduation with no knowledge except for how to small talk. You're 19, you should be off on your own post-highschool affairs. Stop sitting by the phone and find your passion. Find it quickly before you are assigned a "passion" to be executed without descretion for the rest of your life.

shes choosing ppl she can hang around with at any time over a long term boyfriend she doesnt get to see often at all.

i think its pretty open and shut myself.

Nice post deadlycindy. Nihilism, while my feelings do go along with your LAST post ( somewhat ), your first one is off. I know she's not fucking anyone else. If she were through with me, I've given her plenty of opportunities to leave.

"In regards to the original post she's 16 and as such wrapped up in highschool things. Social gigglings of a collaboration of hormones spiraling towards a graduation with no knowledge except for how to small talk. You're 19, you should be off on your own post-highschool affairs."

I am handling post-highschool affairs right now. I'm in college, preparing for a career. This still leaves me with alot of downtime .. moreso than when I was in highschool.

See, I do have hobbies and whatnot. I like to play videogames, exercise, listen to music, internet, and whatnot, but when she's gone and I'm alone, it's like none of it can be satisfying anymore because she's spending time that COULD be spent with me with her little friends. I'm just the kind of boyfriend that expects to come first ALL the time. Thanks for the input, guys. More, please.

I'm not saying this with malice or anything. But you're not very good looking are you? If you are. Get another chick. Simple.

Actually, I'm very good looking, and my girlfriend is dropdead gorgeous. It doesn't have anything to do with that. I could get another girl easily. But another girl isn't what I want. I want her and only her. It's a burdon and a joy. My questions to you: How old are you? Have you ever been in love?

P.S. - If you absolutely must have proof of my good looks, it wouldnt be beyond my means to post a pic.

quote:Originally posted by BattleTested:

I know she's not fucking anyone else. If she were through with me, I've given her plenty of opportunities to leave.

I don't mean to ruin your fun but you must be dumb. She did it once, nothing would stop her from doing it again.

Meh, I cheated on her around the same time she cheated on me. She just never found out. I haven't cheated on her since, nor will I. If she were cheating on me, it wouldn't take me long to find out. Trust me. I'd know the day afterwards at the latest. I asked for advice. Not an attack at my intelligence, and not speculation as to her motives. I know what she's doing when she's out. That's not the issue. I want to know how I'm supposed to handle myself while she's out, without going utterly insane. If I'm not already.

Nah, dude. I believe you're good looking. So many people don't believe me when I say I'm good looking, but meh, why the fuck would someone lie about stupid shit like that. In that case dude, go with whatever you think is best after you've considered what everybody has said.