I went out with this girl today who has been kind of close to me lately. We flirted and got pretty close, however nothing happened... She has a boyfriend, who as she put it she is still "aparently" dating him even though she sees me more than him, and he doesnt make time for her really. They have been together for some time now. My question is what would be the best way to address this? A) leave it alone and let her sort it out. B) Use a hypothetical situation saying "theres this guy who really likes this girl and is she is totally into him but has a boyfriend, what should I tell my friend to do?" C) some other option not mentioned.

Just curious what you all would do, as far as I can tell she is not happy with her boyfriend at the moment at all.

Thanks,

Mike

Dude women just say that shit so when they sleep with you they can feel better about themselves, since it was your fault, after all she told you she had a boyfriend. Thus it wasn't her fault that she cheated.

I know it sounds strange but dude, women think bass ackwards compared to men.

I'd have to disagree with that last statement...many girls I know feel guilty about cheating on a guy, but they always do it again and again. It's relatively easy for them to be persuaded to cheat, primarily because they know that they're getting twice the dinner dates and twice the sex.

Yeah but they will go to amazing lengths to justify it to themselves. So they can have their little "Emotional Insights" or wtf ever.(you are right they will feel guilty, they will just find ways to tell themselves its ok)

Truth is they believe their own bullshit.

keep your gaurd up. im in a very similar situation that, honestly lol, would make yours seem like fucking paradise.

heres the reality: in this chain ur the weakest link. you can be disposed of the easiest. shes still with him, so it could be your the filler for whatevers lacking in the primary relationship. primary being NOT YOU. when he does, or says, the right things, youll prolly be out the door. be ready for this.

maybe shes playin both of you towards each other, especially if shes mentioning you o the other and vice versa.

she could be messing around ith 3rd person, and your both fucked. this is very possible, since shes already testing your waters.

the relationship could be doing a slow death. doesnt mean youll be around when its done, or that youll be the next to be with her by default.

shes flat out lieing, and is leading you on cause she can.

its rare that its only one of the above.

bottom line, keep your eyes open. this will most likely end badly for you, and this type of pain is like dieing: you do it alone. she will not hurt like you, and shell never understand how it feels. whether its you, the bf or another boytoy, shell have a cushion to fall on. sadly, you may be the one who opens her eyes and liberates her, but the final prize may not be yours. this is life, its a zero sum game, and more often than not it doesnt work out. face facts, cause your wants dont matter.

forget pushing her for answers or bringing it up in the 3rd person. ive done this and if there are any answers, you wont get them anywhere but from within. she has a vested interest in keeping things looking rosey. this is part of a fallback plan. hve i pushed? yes. do i still bring it up occasionally out of a lack of anything solid to hold on to? yes. can i help it? largely no. does it solve a damned thing? no. my, and your, input means nothing. ZERO. and telling her youll be there for her opens you up to be taken advantage of. it may be the only way, but its a tremendous risk, one she may not know to appreciate.

so, let go, as much as you can, of your need to know. forget exerting pressure, itll backfire. hope she can understand that youre flapping in the breeze, and be kool with your insecurity and fear. and if she makes a choice, or finds another, or does something in a moment of weakness, shell have the humanity to let you know. after all, you also have everything on the line here as well. and tht goes for you too. when the doors closing on the relationship, when youve had enough, if you find someone else, you gotta show her the honesty you expect. endevour to be as upstanding as possible, and make things as open, honest and clean as you can.

good luck, youll need it.

People like you get murdered all the time.

And if you don't get killed, you normally get beat. If you are in America, don't take the chance, mowing another man's lawn is a shootable offense. If I was her boyfriend, I'd kill ya' if I found out, and I wouldn't give two shits if I got caught because it would be considered a Crime of Passion.

"Ruin another man's life and you will soon find yours in ruins"

Try the old "If I were your boyfriend..." thing.

It seems that, from what you have described, you would make a more suitable companion for this girl as opposed to the guy she's with right now.

Just plant various subtle ideas in her mind...If she thinks about you as a possible boyfriend in any way, you should be in for some good luck.

Or you could just say "Look...I really like you...And it's easy to see that the other guy isn't doing much of a good job...Why not give me a try?"

Either way mate, good luck.

Close to what Psycho said, I would just tell her, "Hey, I like you, so if you ever break up with your boyfriend, I'd like to take you out. Call me."

Look I am a female, and I hate when guys play the guessing games. So don't say that "my friend..." or "i know this person who likes you" and make them guess who it is. It's a waste of my time and it could be resolved faster. Just tell her how you feel and chances are that it will turn out to be a good response because her boyfriend doesn't care much about her apparently.

Yeah, I just didnt wanna see like I was pressing the issue. Sarcastic_lover in this situation, as a girl would you prefer a guy to just let what happens happen, or say something to you about it?

quote:Originally posted by chortleborp:

People like you get murdered all the time.

And if you don't get killed, you normally get beat. If you are in America, don't take the chance, mowing another man's lawn is a shootable offense. If I was her boyfriend, I'd kill ya' if I found out, and I wouldn't give two shits if I got caught because it would be considered a Crime of Passion.

"Ruin another man's life and you will soon find yours in ruins"

I love it when punks like you try to be all tough cause I treat their girl better than they can.

Don't wet yourself, cowboy.

EDIT: Oh yeah, more on topic.

Go for it. If a girl says "I have a boyfriend, and I'm not interested" back off. Not out of respect for her boyfriend or anything stupid like that, but out of respect for her.

But if a girl says "I have boyfriend" and everything she does implies that she's interested... then go for it. You don't owe her boyfriend any sort of respect. There is no 'code of honor' or any of that dumb shit. All is fair in love and war.

How to address it? I'd say just kiss her. Seems primitive I know… but in my experience such matters are just made worse by words.



[This message has been edited by nocuous (edited 08-15-2004).]

Thats exactly what I was thinking, but when I even suggested it here everyone freaked out and made me question everything about the situation. Thanks nocuous for your input and making me feel less like an asshole about this whole thing.

I guess the easiest thing to do is see what happens. I understand that her boyfriend may be a dick to her now, but I also can understand they have been together for some time now so its difficult to leave someone after a long period of time. So im not gonna expect anything or get attached, but whatever happens, happens, and I can live with that. Thanks everyone

[This message has been edited by mlopez8629 (edited 08-15-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by mlopez8629:

Yeah, I just didnt wanna see like I was pressing the issue. Sarcastic_lover in this situation, as a girl would you prefer a guy to just let what happens happen, or say something to you about it?

I would say you should talk to her about it. You can kinda beat around the bush to get the subject started on the right path, but then just be open with her about your feelings. Chances are, if what you say is true about her not liking her boyfriend at the moment for ignoring and shit, shes gonna say yes because she spends the majority of her time with you. And maybe it will be an eye opener for the other guy if he truely did like her. He needs to know that it takes two to be in a relationship, not just one to hold them up above the water from drowning.