Okay, ive managed to confuse myself about my ex boyfriend/friend/soon to be boyfriend again, and I would REALLY appreciate some peoples opinions on this. I'll give you the full story:

It started when I joined my best friends youth club, this boy who lived across her road and was good friends with her and me got talking and we liked each other alot, even though I was absolutely in love with this guy who only likes me as a friend and has no idea of my feelings (but thats another story). After a few months knowing each other, our mutual friend leaked our 'secret crushes' to each other, and we started dating. Simple enough.

After a bit over a month, he dumped me, apparantly hed decided he didnt actually like me that much. I was cool with it, Id actually been thinking about dumping him too. We decided to stay friends, and yeah that worked for a couple of months.

Then we were talking on MSN one day, telling each other stuff etc, and he told me that he was madly in love with me and had made a huge mistake in dumping me. I got a bit freaked, I had no idea how to deal with this. I lied - I told him I thought I had feelings for him too. Then 2 days later I was bored, pissed off at life, pissed off cos people kept treating me like shit, and had PMT. I broke his heart, telling him not only that i had lied about liking him, but also didnt even like him as a friend. (WHY i did that is a very long story, i wont go into it.)

Well, he was absolutely gutted, and heartbroken. We talked a few times, me behaving like a bit of a bitch. Then we had one good conversation, when i was in a fabulous mood. After that, we started building up our friendship again. That was about a month ago.

We didnt properly see each other in person (as in on our own, to talk) until earlier today. We arranged to go down to a local park and just chill for about half an hour, cos its the holidays and all our friends are away and we were bored. Well, our little half hour chilling session turned into 4 and a half hours of almost constant flirting, playfighting, attacking/tickling/climbing on each other, and generally lying around on the grass and watching the clouds (we saw some really cool cloud formations!).

Then i got home, and my siblings/parents were all commenting on how happy i looked. I started thinking, if only we had been like that when we were going out, our relationship would have been so much better. We were talking again on MSN for about an hour, and i casually pointed out that we were alot less frigid than we were when we were dating today, and if only i hadnt broken his heart and all this shit hadnt happened then maybe we could give it another shot. Well, he was really surprised, and we decided that on thursday when we go to see a movie together we'll decide if we want to give going out another shot.

I was amazingly happy about this until i was laying in bed about 10 mins ago and started thinking. When i start thinking, all hell breaks loose in my mind. I got myself really confused about the situation, and i think maybe it isnt such a good idea. I do like him, and i enjoy the time we spend together ALOT, but maybe we just wont be able to make the relationship work.

Also there are a couple of other problems - my friends are all in other countries, so i cant get their opinions, which is why i have come to the good people at totse to help me out. Another problem is that i am bisexual, and several of my mates know this, but HE doesnt, and i am worried about what might happen if he finds out. Another problem is that i am still madly in love with the other boy i mentioned in my 1st paragraph, who still only likes me as a friend. I have loved him insanely for nearly 3 years now, and dont ask why cos i stand NO chance with this other guy, but my feelings about him always tend to complicate my relationships.

Anyways, now that im done with my story, i need some of you brilliant kind hearted souls to give a little 15 year old some friendly advice and opinions. Constructive criticism is good, anything that might help me work out if giving this relationship another shot is a good idea or not. Thanks!

I read your post all the way through. Now maybe I missed something but it sounds like you're asking us to read your mind, tell you your feelings for this guy.

If you really enjoy your time together and your whole family noticed you're happy after being with him it's probably a relationship worth pursuing. As far as the guy you're really "in love" with... bury that. If there's no chance with him then move on, and don't tell the other guy about him (and your feelings), it won't serve any purpose except to hurt his feelings, placate your guilt and cause friction.

-Extant

Continue as you are. Patience is a lovely thing - eventually, something will happen between you, and sponaniety is another nice thing. If you can, try to stop going / cut off all contact with the guy from the first paragraph, you'll need to forget him totally for this to work.

'True love', the biggest cliché of all, will take away your awareness, so to speak. If you don't like thinking, either hope this guy can stop you doing it (ah, Emily...) or keep yourself occupied 24 / 7, and sleep as much as possible.

Bisexuality... that's only a problem guys have, I'm still in the closet, so to speak, because if we fancy men we're poofs and weird, though no one seems to mind my gender bending, girls esp... anyway... he's not going to care. It's more likely, as a guy, that he'll like you even more, a bisexual girlfriend is one of the most common male fantasies I hear about...

Anyway, I'm only good at this when the people are my own age, so sorry if it's nothing. Blessed Be.

Alright, well, I might be able to give it to you straight forward since I'm a guy.

First of all, the guy that you are "madly in love with", tell him. I don't know about other guys, but I'll give almost any girl that's halfway goodlooking a chance if they just come out and be like "Listen, I've got something to tell you, and I think you need to hear it." Since you two ARE good friends, if he feels similar, or thinks there is a good chance at a relationship, then there will be one. Don't be afraid of getting hurt, because it won't be a GOOD relationship unless you put 110% into it. Most of all, just follow your heart.

As for this guy who you think you might wanna go out with, sit down and really think about it. Will you be happy with him? Why? Why not? Etc etc. I think the most important thing is to find someone who you will be happy with, and who you know. Take me for instance, I love my best friend (female) to death, and would do anything in the world for her. I truly am in love with her, and she knows this. Does it affect our relationship with each other? No, but her and I know each other REALLY well. I know things about her that she wouldn't even tell her boyfriends (special, I know ). You need to REALLY sit down, and sort out your feelings. If you know you're not gonna have a chance with the one you love, then sit down with him and talk to him about how you feel, preferably face to face, and trust me, it maybe hard, but once you get it over and done with, you'll feel much better. I keep getting the feeling that I must tell my friend how I feel about her (although she already knows), but I don't know how to describe it, so I know that it's love (well, not only that, a few more, but another story). Most of all, the person who knows you the most is YOU, and no one else.

Sorry about this long rant, but I love complicated relationships, especially when they are someone else's, because I like to put myself in their shoes, and do what my heart tells me to do. That's how I get through life, and it's done me pretty good so far. Good luck, and make sure to keep us updated since you've already gotten us, especially me, involved.

Hope this helps,

Discipulus

Oh my fucking god. I just figured something out. People see me as immature for the same reason that I'm thinking you're immature right now. Overcomplication. I overcomplicate totally different situations than you, but it's the same basic idea. Just don't worry about it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. What's the deal with having to do the relationship thing? Why not just ...not? Be friends who make out and do shit. Eventually discuss other things like a relationship. But there's no need to just jump into it.

As for the bisexual thing, is there really a reason he should know? Don't hide it, just don't specifically tell him about it.

I'm sorry, I couldn't be arsed to read your huge rant, could you break it up into edible chunks please. (sorry for the rudness but I'm very tired) *yawn*

quote:Originally posted by crimsonsmoke:

I'm sorry, I couldn't be arsed to read your huge rant, could you break it up into edible chunks please. (sorry for the rudness but I'm very tired) *yawn*

Broken down:

Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy. Girl dates boy.

Boy breaks up with girl. Boy realises huge mistake. Boy is in love with girl. Boy tells girl.

Girl cant handle situation, overcomplicates. Girl tells small lie. Later, Girl has PMT/is pissed off, breaks boys heart.

Girl and Boy are very strange around each other. Have one good conversation, leads to more. Build friendship.

TODAY: Boy invites girl to go to park for a short amount of time. Boy and girl have ALOT of fun together, flirting etc. Boy and Girl leave 4 hours later, Girl realises what a good time she has had.

ON MSN: Girl and boy have casual conversation. Girl drops hint that original relationship would have been better if they could have been like they were today. Boy agrees. Conversation develops. Boy and Girl decide to try out a date-type-thing, then decide feelings for each other.

PROBLEMS: Girls friends are all away, cannot get advice from any source other than good people at totse. Girl is bisexual, boy doesnt know, girl is worried what might happen if boy finds out. Also girl is madly in love with someone who is 'just a friend' and she will never stand a chance with... ...etc etc



Nice bitesize chunks for ya?



Thanks so much for some of your advice guys, its really helping. Keep it coming! And very interesting about the overcomplication thing, its ALWAYS me sorting these sorts of problems for my mates and now its the other way around so its hard for me to realise that ive overcomplicated it... ...but i guess i have, my main belief IS that relationships are about having a good time, i have no idea why im getting worked up about this, i just think maybe the past could catch up with us one day or something.

I wouldn't mind having a bi girlfriend. I don't think he would either. As long as you don't dump him for a girl. Hell, that would suck.

Yep, it would.

Anyways, if you like to take risks, then you should talk to this other guy you say you are madly inlove with. There's no way you can figure it out without actually doing it. I've no idea what his personality is like, but if he's like then it's anything but simple. I sometimes don't see what my friends see in some girls who constantly get their asses kissed by 90% of the male population. So attraction really is a game of chance, unless it's played by pros :P. It's up to you, if you get that feeling of bravado that everyone gets at some point, then go for it. If you think it's not worth the risk, keep quiet about it.

quote:Originally posted by Discipulus:

Alright, well, I might be able to give it to you straight forward since I'm a guy.

First of all, the guy that you are "madly in love with", tell him. I don't know about other guys, but I'll give almost any girl that's halfway goodlooking a chance if they just come out and be like "Listen, I've got something to tell you, and I think you need to hear it." Since you two ARE good friends, if he feels similar, or thinks there is a good chance at a relationship, then there will be one. Don't be afraid of getting hurt, because it won't be a GOOD relationship unless you put 110% into it. Most of all, just follow your heart.

As for this guy who you think you might wanna go out with, sit down and really think about it. Will you be happy with him? Why? Why not? Etc etc. I think the most important thing is to find someone who you will be happy with, and who you know. Take me for instance, I love my best friend (female) to death, and would do anything in the world for her. I truly am in love with her, and she knows this. Does it affect our relationship with each other? No, but her and I know each other REALLY well. I know things about her that she wouldn't even tell her boyfriends (special, I know ). You need to REALLY sit down, and sort out your feelings. If you know you're not gonna have a chance with the one you love, then sit down with him and talk to him about how you feel, preferably face to face, and trust me, it maybe hard, but once you get it over and done with, you'll feel much better. I keep getting the feeling that I must tell my friend how I feel about her (although she already knows), but I don't know how to describe it, so I know that it's love (well, not only that, a few more, but another story). Most of all, the person who knows you the most is YOU, and no one else.

Sorry about this long rant, but I love complicated relationships, especially when they are someone else's, because I like to put myself in their shoes, and do what my heart tells me to do. That's how I get through life, and it's done me pretty good so far. Good luck, and make sure to keep us updated since you've already gotten us, especially me, involved.

Hope this helps,

Discipulus

^^ what he said

Don't date him... for his sake.

You're all over the place. Are you bipolar?

You're not "totally in love" with that other guy. You've just been an obsessive stalker for the past three years. You cannot love someone who hasn't opened up to.

You're 15, you're confused about everything. You don't need to make other people's lives confusing too.

What the hell is a 15 year old bisexual anyways?

ARGH!! I HATE THIS THREAD!

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

Don't date him... for his sake.

You're all over the place. Are you bipolar?

You're not "totally in love" with that other guy. You've just been an obsessive stalker for the past three years. You cannot love someone who hasn't opened up to.

You're 15, you're confused about everything. You don't need to make other people's lives confusing too.

What the hell is a 15 year old bisexual anyways?

ARGH!! I HATE THIS THREAD!

I was going to post the exact same thing...

just one thing to say... anyone who read all that has no fucking life... i stoped after the first sentence. then i decided to post this little guy

These sorts of posts make me go cross-eyed. If this is an indication of how you communicate with people, your interpersonal relationships will continue to suffer.

If you really want to move forward with self-realization, you'd pay attention to what Glitter and Mojo said, even though they may be what you least want to hear.

The "all over the place" thing Mojo suggested may be a bipolar thing, or it may simply be the workings of the mind of a precocious 15-year old. You're getting yourself into complicated relationship situations that challenge people in their 20s and 30s, but you're still a boy-crazy (maybe girl-crazy too) teenager.

Consider putting space between you and relationships for a spell, and be careful about assigning the word "love" to your emotions at this time.

Thanks for all the advice, I thought it all over and we decided to stay friends... ...but seriously you people are gods, youve all been really helpful! I look forward to getting to know you all.

You should just kill yourself TGITTS. Listen, I've been where you are and let me tell you, it only gets worse. Anti-depressants won't help you either, you are already at the end of your rope so why make yourself suffer any more than is necessary. I wanted to kill myself , but I pussied out and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life. No one should live life as a coward. Suicide is the brave thing to do. However, don't do it by cutting (too much opportunity for it to become an "attempted" suicde), use a gun or a noose or a sword. Yes, a sword is the best way to end one's life, and a most honourable one. Simply stab yourself through the heart, it will be fairly painless (and quick). You appear to have run out of options, and I hope you maake the right decision. No person at your age should force themselves to suffer, when all the agony (and ecstacy) can be ended with a good blade. Now, I'm not saying I want you to end your life, but I do feel that it would be the best decision for a person in your situation to make. No one will think less of you if you do it, and you won't even care... because you'll be dead. Don't be a coward, do the right thing (and use a sword if possible).

Such wisdom! Should I kill myself too?

Norwegian cod.

I FUCKING HATE THAT!!!! EVERYTHING IS FINE AND BLISS THEN ONE HAS TO THINK ABOUT IT. then it is ruined. search for my threads to see why i have the shits

by the way, why would you get your scummy friends opionions rather than the educated opinions of 33000 people

quote:Originally posted by Mr. Aircow:

I FUCKING HATE THAT!!!! EVERYTHING IS FINE AND BLISS THEN ONE HAS TO THINK ABOUT IT. then it is ruined. search for my threads to see why i have the shits

by the way, why would you get your scummy friends opionions rather than the educated opinions of 33000 people

Ive been lurking around without an account for 4 months now and i think you people give some pretty damn useful advice, and i wouldnt rather get my friends' advice, seeing as my friends are bullshitters who give no useful advice and also dont understand anything.

And I think about stuff cos otherwise i get confused about it, and usually thinking helps but this time it didnt, so i posted it up here