Hi, everyone. I'd like to first apologize for my slight absence, to anyone who might have been concerned; it's just...Do you ever get those urges to wander the desert aimlessly for extended periods of time, surviving only on various forms of cacti? You understand.
Anyway, Uncle 'Red, upon returning home from the Mojave, decided to test the "Big" (heehee) three drugs out there today meant to treat ED, and/or be recreationally abused by ED-free men, like yours truly. I obtained some Viagra, Levitra and Cialis, through legit means, so don't give me any shit about swiping them. There. Anyway. I tested each, and will give you a brief synopsis of my experience with each.
THINGS TO KNOW:
-Uncle Infrafuckingred is about 194 pounds of lean and rather muscular (I've been working out; I don't have the skinny tweaker look I did, but that's irrelevant), virile male, standing at 6 feet and 2 inches, no shoes/boots on.
-He has no ED or other erectile problems, except for his propensity to overstress the zippers on his Levi's. Cough.
-He does not recommend the high dosages of the medications he took; start at a lower dose. He will elaborate on this.
-Yeeep I'm talkin' in third-person perspective. I'll have me summa them french-fried puhtaters, mmhmm.
-The means of stimulation were, ahem, solitary. I'm single and not ashamed of it, but even if I wasn't, I'd be too busy making her scream, not thinking about how my completely-unnecessary dose of Viagra is working.
VIAGRA - Sildenafil Citrate
Dosage: 100MG (Maximum!)
Test material: Generic whack porn
Notes: Supposed to take only 30 minutes to work, and last 4 to 5 hours. The original ED-treating drug.
0:00 - Took the li'l blue fucker.
0:15 - Noticing nothing, yet, did not expect to. Puts on side one of Pink Floyd: The Wall. Skips to "Empty Spaces".
0:30 - Noticing no strange feelings; again, not expecting to. However, this is how long the subject is supposed to wait. Slightly runny nose.
0:35 - Finishes "One of my Turns", gets up to go get bizzay.
0:37 - Test material viewed. Penis goes from limp to insanely, rock-fucking-solid in about five seconds, literally. Whoa! It is even more-solid than usual; if I was rock-solid before, I'm harder than fucking steel now. Wheeee.
0:37 - Engages in manual sexual stimulation while viewing "test material".
0:40 - Urge to ejaculate. No reason to stop it; my hand doesn't bitch to be pleased. Splort!
0:40 - Whoa - Maybe it's just my psychological vigor as a result of my massive, solid, healthy manhood and it's 110% state, but I think my ejaculation was further, more voluminous and the orgasm was improved. As a non-dumbass who knows Viagra does not improve ejaculation and orgasm, but rather only quality of erection, I feel my conclusion is accurate.
0:41 - Umm, shit, I'm not getting any softer...Okay, chill, you'll be fine
0:50 - Shit! Shitshitshitshit! Still rockmotherfuckingsolid..Oh no..Okay, okay, chill; don't worry until it's been a couple hours..
1:00 - Still priaptic, and forced to contain insanely erect penis in loose clothing (robe)
1:10 - Think non-sexy thoughts, think non-sexy thoughts...
1:22 - When I stopped thinking/worrying about it, I finally returned to normal. Good. Kickass.
1:23 - "Girls Gone Wild" commercial comes on. I begin to regain massive erection - shit! I get up and walk around a bit, preoccupying myself with side 2 of The Wall.
1:25 - Close call there, but no erection.
1:25-on - Erectile capability doubtless remains, but I have a few shots of vodka and go to sleep in the middle of "Comfortably Numb". Experiment concluded.
Conslusions: Viagra is a very effective drug, and though a dose may not last as long as it's counterparts, I feel that it works much better and provides better erectile quality during it's 4-5 hour window of efficacy.
Important note: I took a very high dose that is probably close to an OD for me, and doubtless way too much for someone smaller. Too much Viagra can cause dangerous priapism which can result in a permanent loss of erectile capability. I have had past Viagra experience! If you have had none, please begin with a 25MG dose, for the sake of your sexual and progenial (is that a word? Well, you get what I mean) future. Sure, you may get a nice, big stiffie, but how would you feel if it were your LAST?
CIALIS - Tadalafil
Dosage: 10MG
Test material: Generic whack porn
Notes: One dose is supposed to be effective for 36 hours. Cool. ViagraContin!
0:00 - Popped the strange-shaped li'l bastard.
0:30 - I choose to wait much longer than the Viagra, to make sure it has enough time. I watch "Celebrity Death Match"; Hugh Grant kicks Clint Eastwood and Harvey Keitel's ass; gets ass kicked by Andy Dick.
1:00 - I decide to test. Present myself with "test material". My erection comes on at the usual pace, rather than the superspeedy Viagra rate, but still smoothly. Hmm, penis is a little harder than usual, but again, not Superfuckingsolidlikesteel, as it was with Viagra. I decide not to engage in any manual stimulation, but rather save this for later, to examine Cialis' long-term capability. I swill cheapass rum and pass out.
14:23 - Finished with the day's schlock; decide to test again. Same onset of erection; same rate of flaccidity. Orgasm not noticeably different; ejaculation a bit improved.
14:25 - Sadly disappointed, as it only took this long to return to normal, limp-dick state. Hmm, so no priapism, at least not at this dose.
Conclusions: Cialis appears to be a less-intense but longer-acting drug; make no mistake, it does not suck, and it does what is promised, but it's not as intense as Viagra. I prefer Viagra so far, but Cialis is indeed a quality drug.
Notes: I took the mid-range dose, this time. 20MG is the highest. I would recommend that anyone looking to try it begin with 2.5 or 5MG tablets. That is INFORMATION ONLY - if you do that, and even that low of a dose ends with you rendered permanently impotent, it is not my fault. Seek other sources for information; I'm only ONE.
LEVITRA - Vardenafil
I'll let you know - I'm testing it tonight.
TO BE CONTINUED.
LEVITRA
2004-08-07, 04:17
Viagra, Cialis, Levitra test results
I kid)