The Never Ending Heart Ache

Even though she has hurt me, I still love her just as much. She thinks I was mad cause she broke up with me, but that was only part of the problem, the real fact is because I made sure this is what she wanted and she said yes, I thought she had actually made up her mind this time around with me. I still had the fear in my heart that she would do it again. I actually believed that she wanted to stay with me for a while this time, because she did things with me that she would never consider doing with other guys. So when I left the movies, I was sure that she actually wanted to be with me, I believed it in my heart. But I believed too soon, because that night, she ended it with me. It hurt so bad, it was like my heart fell out of my chest and exploded on the floor. I knew that this day would come, but not as soon as it did. It was only two days. But the thing that hurt the most out of it was that fact that I thought she was telling the truth. When she told me this is what she wanted, she told me she loved me. That’s what made me agree with it in the first place, but I was wrong to believe it. And now all I want to do is forget about her. But I can’t cause every where I go there is someone ore something to remind me of her, my friends wont let me forget, and every time I’m on the computer I catch myself hoping to find her screen name in my buddy list window. And when school starts I won’t be able to forget. I remember the days we would sit out in the cold at lunch during the winter so we would have a reason for her hands to be inside my hoodies pocket along with mine. And every day ill pass the spot where we used to hug in between classes. And ill pass her friends in the hallway and imagine her with them. I will always remember her even when I try my hardest to forget, she is the type of girl that just can’t be erased from your mind. She is so beautiful, so fun to be with, but I know those days of happy school time was over the day I found out that she was to be home schooled, I was the first one that she told, she pulled me over to the side of the cafeteria wall when the bell sounded for class, she gave me a tight hug, and I asked what was wrong, she looked at me with her eyes that started to fill with water, she gave me another hug and she told me in the middle of it that she was leaving for home schooling, I was upset when I heard that cause I thought that I would never see her again, She told me the day that she was going to leave, and on the day before I was making plans on how to say goodbye to her. And then when I was done making plans on how to do it her best friend came up to me and told me that she had left today and she wasn’t coming to school tomorrow my heart sank to my gut, I thought I would never see, or talk to her again, and I was too shy to go to one of her friends and ask them for her number, then one day I got the courage to ask them and they told me that they didn’t know who she was, I realized that they had hated her for it, and that they had in a way disowned her. I thought that it was certain that she was gone. But a couple week later when I had almost completely forgot about her my brother came in with the phone in his hand, and told me that I had a phone call, and as I put the phone up to my ear and said hello, I heard her say “Hey buddy!”, and my heart leapt up too my throat. I almost chocked as I managed to say “How have you been?” And I asked her how she got my number. And she told me that she had been going through her French book the other day and found a folded up piece of paper. It was a note that I had wrote her and stuck in her French book cause I wanted her to know how I felt about her and I was too shy to say it too her face. And at the bottom of the note I had put my number there in case she wanted to call me. And once again she had crept back into my heart. We started talking to each other and told each other how we felt about each other. But one day she didn’t call me and before I had realized it we stopped talking. And I had almost forgotten about her once again. Then my tenth grade orientation came, and the last thing I expected was to see her there, I was almost to the car when she called my name, I turned to see who it was, and I saw her standing there and my heart started to beat faster and faster as she walked over to me. When she wrapped her arms around my back as she was giving me a hug I smelt her perfume that she was wearing and the smell of her shampoo. And I slowly started to remember the days we had together, I tightened the grip of my arms around her back as I started to remember the old days we had together, and I snapped back into reality and released my grip and let my arms fall to my side. And we talked for a short while, then I worked up the courage to say I had to go(and all the feelings I had of never wanting to lose her had started to come into picture) because my friends mom was waiting for me to get into the care cause she had an appointment she had to be at. So I said good bye and got in the car. A lot of things started to go through my head, but not enough of them to stop me from looking into the side mirror to see her walking away as the car drove off. I thought that I had lost her yet once again, but later through out the day I worked up the courage to call her, and as she answered the phone my heart started to beat faster and faster. An hour or 2 later of talking I said goodbye, but first I asked her for her screen name, and that is where I apparently screwed up, and after about four hours of me talking on her on the computer she had asked me out, even though I knew that she had hurt me in the past by doing this, after a little bit of talking and thinking I answered her question with a yes. She told me that this is what she wanted, and that she would not hurt me again. And I was a fool to believe her, I thought she had changed and would stay with me for a while this time, But apparently I was wrong. And a couple of days later we had made plans to go to the movies. When I arrived at the movies I saw her standing there and I thought she looked so beautiful, and she smiled at me. As we sat down in the theater my heart started to race and all of these thoughts had started to flood my mind. But I calmed down and we started to talk and my fearful thoughts left my mind, and I felt comfortable with her as she held my hand. And after some time I looked into her eyes and I noticed she was looking at me, I slowly leaned in and she leaned forward and she hesitated for a moment just before our lips touched and I stopped, and waited for a moment and she started to kiss me, it seemed that time had stopped for those few short seconds and I felt free. All of my fears of her betraying me had left. And we started to watch the movie again. And about an hour later I had slowly been moving my hand down her inner thigh and my left side of my hand was at the crotch of her pants and a moment later she grabbed my hand and looked at me, I wanted to pull my hand away, but she wouldn’t stop holding it there, and she started to guide my hand where she wanted it (and I was afraid to do it cause this is the girl I have loved since the seventh grade I didn’t want her to think I was a creep), and I asked her if she was sure, and she nodded yes and she put my hand where she wanted it and I took over, and as her breathing started to get heavy, I was happy that she was letting me do this, but I thought that I may not be the only guy that has done this to her. But I quickly forgot about that thought, and I started to love her even more because I thought that she had opened up to me. And then she told me to stop and I did, and when I was out I wrapped my arms around her and she scooted close to me. And as the movies ended we sat there for a while and just sat there, and I commented on how much the movie had sucked, and the people standing in the row in front of me laughed and agreed with me. And was stood and left, and I left her in the hallway with her brother and soon to be sister in law, I was afraid to meet them for some reason though, and when I sat in the car to go home, I did nothing but cheese my ass off, but I had my head turn to where no one else in the car could see. But when I got to the house and sat down in the computer chair and signed onto the internet my happy mood quickly faded to tears. She told me that she was having second thoughts about us when she got home. It was like she had taken and axe and swung at my heart as hard as she could. She tried her best to make me feel better about it, but it was doing nothing to help, it just made the gaping wound in my heart start to deepen. No matter how hard she tried to make it sound better, and no matter how hard I tried to tell her that the main reason it hurt so much wasn’t because she broke up with me. And right after I was done talking to her I started to erase every piece of information I had of her away. I took her email address out of my phone book and her number along with it. And I started to delete the emailed pictures I had of her, but I looked at it and I started to cry, and I quickly erased it from the computer and didn’t have any second thoughts about it. And all I want to do is forget about her, but I realized that every time I almost forget about her she unexpectedly comes back into my life, and I get hurt again. I don’t think that I will ever forget about her, or not have a heartache cause of her. And I have accepted this into my fate, and I will always love her, no matter how many times she hurts me. And I am expecting to hear from her very soon.





For the person that will always have a place in my heart.

wow im not reading all of that

But you should probly jsut get over her and move on. Theres other fish in the sea.

quote:Originally posted by FOrsaken0u812:

The Never Ending Heart Ache

Even though she has hurt me, I still love her just as much. She thinks I was mad cause she broke up with me, but that was only part of the problem, the real fact is because I made sure this is what she wanted and she said yes, I thought she had actually made up her mind this time around with me. I still had the fear in my heart that she would do it again. I actually believed that she wanted to stay with me for a while this time, because she did things with me that she would never consider doing with other guys. So when I left the movies, I was sure that she actually wanted to be with me, I believed it in my heart. But I believed too soon, because that night, she ended it with me. It hurt so bad, it was like my heart fell out of my chest and exploded on the floor. I knew that this day would come, but not as soon as it did. It was only two days. But the thing that hurt the most out of it was that fact that I thought she was telling the truth. When she told me this is what she wanted, she told me she loved me. That’s what made me agree with it in the first place, but I was wrong to believe it. And now all I want to do is forget about her. But I can’t cause every where I go there is someone ore something to remind me of her, my friends wont let me forget, and every time I’m on the computer I catch myself hoping to find her screen name in my buddy list window. And when school starts I won’t be able to forget. I remember the days we would sit out in the cold at lunch during the winter so we would have a reason for her hands to be inside my hoodies pocket along with mine. And every day ill pass the spot where we used to hug in between classes. And ill pass her friends in the hallway and imagine her with them. I will always remember her even when I try my hardest to forget, she is the type of girl that just can’t be erased from your mind. She is so beautiful, so fun to be with, but I know those days of happy school time was over the day I found out that she was to be home schooled, I was the first one that she told, she pulled me over to the side of the cafeteria wall when the bell sounded for class, she gave me a tight hug, and I asked what was wrong, she looked at me with her eyes that started to fill with water, she gave me another hug and she told me in the middle of it that she was leaving for home schooling, I was upset when I heard that cause I thought that I would never see her again, She told me the day that she was going to leave, and on the day before I was making plans on how to say goodbye to her. And then when I was done making plans on how to do it her best friend came up to me and told me that she had left today and she wasn’t coming to school tomorrow my heart sank to my gut, I thought I would never see, or talk to her again, and I was too shy to go to one of her friends and ask them for her number, then one day I got the courage to ask them and they told me that they didn’t know who she was, I realized that they had hated her for it, and that they had in a way disowned her. I thought that it was certain that she was gone. But a couple week later when I had almost completely forgot about her my brother came in with the phone in his hand, and told me that I had a phone call, and as I put the phone up to my ear and said hello, I heard her say “Hey buddy!”, and my heart leapt up too my throat. I almost chocked as I managed to say “How have you been?” And I asked her how she got my number. And she told me that she had been going through her French book the other day and found a folded up piece of paper. It was a note that I had wrote her and stuck in her French book cause I wanted her to know how I felt about her and I was too shy to say it too her face. And at the bottom of the note I had put my number there in case she wanted to call me. And once again she had crept back into my heart. We started talking to each other and told each other how we felt about each other. But one day she didn’t call me and before I had realized it we stopped talking. And I had almost forgotten about her once again. Then my tenth grade orientation came, and the last thing I expected was to see her there, I was almost to the car when she called my name, I turned to see who it was, and I saw her standing there and my heart started to beat faster and faster as she walked over to me. When she wrapped her arms around my back as she was giving me a hug I smelt her perfume that she was wearing and the smell of her shampoo. And I slowly started to remember the days we had together, I tightened the grip of my arms around her back as I started to remember the old days we had together, and I snapped back into reality and released my grip and let my arms fall to my side. And we talked for a short while, then I worked up the courage to say I had to go(and all the feelings I had of never wanting to lose her had started to come into picture) because my friends mom was waiting for me to get into the care cause she had an appointment she had to be at. So I said good bye and got in the car. A lot of things started to go through my head, but not enough of them to stop me from looking into the side mirror to see her walking away as the car drove off. I thought that I had lost her yet once again, but later through out the day I worked up the courage to call her, and as she answered the phone my heart started to beat faster and faster. An hour or 2 later of talking I said goodbye, but first I asked her for her screen name, and that is where I apparently screwed up, and after about four hours of me talking on her on the computer she had asked me out, even though I knew that she had hurt me in the past by doing this, after a little bit of talking and thinking I answered her question with a yes. She told me that this is what she wanted, and that she would not hurt me again. And I was a fool to believe her, I thought she had changed and would stay with me for a while this time, But apparently I was wrong. And a couple of days later we had made plans to go to the movies. When I arrived at the movies I saw her standing there and I thought she looked so beautiful, and she smiled at me. As we sat down in the theater my heart started to race and all of these thoughts had started to flood my mind. But I calmed down and we started to talk and my fearful thoughts left my mind, and I felt comfortable with her as she held my hand. And after some time I looked into her eyes and I noticed she was looking at me, I slowly leaned in and she leaned forward and she hesitated for a moment just before our lips touched and I stopped, and waited for a moment and she started to kiss me, it seemed that time had stopped for those few short seconds and I felt free. All of my fears of her betraying me had left. And we started to watch the movie again. And about an hour later I had slowly been moving my hand down her inner thigh and my left side of my hand was at the crotch of her pants and a moment later she grabbed my hand and looked at me, I wanted to pull my hand away, but she wouldn’t stop holding it there, and she started to guide my hand where she wanted it (and I was afraid to do it cause this is the girl I have loved since the seventh grade I didn’t want her to think I was a creep), and I asked her if she was sure, and she nodded yes and she put my hand where she wanted it and I took over, and as her breathing started to get heavy, I was happy that she was letting me do this, but I thought that I may not be the only guy that has done this to her. But I quickly forgot about that thought, and I started to love her even more because I thought that she had opened up to me. And then she told me to stop and I did, and when I was out I wrapped my arms around her and she scooted close to me. And as the movies ended we sat there for a while and just sat there, and I commented on how much the movie had sucked, and the people standing in the row in front of me laughed and agreed with me. And was stood and left, and I left her in the hallway with her brother and soon to be sister in law, I was afraid to meet them for some reason though, and when I sat in the car to go home, I did nothing but cheese my ass off, but I had my head turn to where no one else in the car could see. But when I got to the house and sat down in the computer chair and signed onto the internet my happy mood quickly faded to tears. She told me that she was having second thoughts about us when she got home. It was like she had taken and axe and swung at my heart as hard as she could. She tried her best to make me feel better about it, but it was doing nothing to help, it just made the gaping wound in my heart start to deepen. No matter how hard she tried to make it sound better, and no matter how hard I tried to tell her that the main reason it hurt so much wasn’t because she broke up with me. And right after I was done talking to her I started to erase every piece of information I had of her away. I took her email address out of my phone book and her number along with it. And I started to delete the emailed pictures I had of her, but I looked at it and I started to cry, and I quickly erased it from the computer and didn’t have any second thoughts about it. And all I want to do is forget about her, but I realized that every time I almost forget about her she unexpectedly comes back into my life, and I get hurt again. I don’t think that I will ever forget about her, or not have a heartache cause of her. And I have accepted this into my fate, and I will always love her, no matter how many times she hurts me. And I am expecting to hear from her very soon.





For the person that will always have a place in my heart.





The Never Ending Post

Shit son no girl is worth all of that typing. Iam just wondering how many people will actually read all that. Thumbs up for you.

Less poetry, more substance. You're supposedly trying to tell us a problem and not showing us your poetical genious. Heh, well, I'd read it but not at this time of the night. Or should I say morning?

Sorry guys, i wrote that to make her cry

i think it is worth typing all of that to see a girl cry, for her love of you,........muwahahaha, but ill see what i can do about the length