Post them up...

fine, I will start you off:

There I was, 14, and very horny (just like any other lad of my age at the time, unless they are supressed by the church).

So I take out my best wank mag and begin to beat off... then all of a sudden my fucking dad pops his head (no pun intended) around the corner and thats when I knew I couldn't expose my face to the public again.

Your turn...

Hmm, probably having a wet dream whilst sleeping over at a buddys. I cleaned my kex as best I could but i still had to go around with damp undies till I got home.

Ever see Chasing Amy? Know where Banky's talking about going down on Brandi Svening?

Same thing happened to me, only it was in my house, and my mom walked in on us, so I didn't get the neck problem like he did.

quote:Originally posted by ---Beany---:

Hmm, probably having a wet dream whilst sleeping over at a buddys. I cleaned my kex as best I could but i still had to go around with damp undies till I got home.

Ahh, that reminds me of when I was a 14 year old lad (I did alot when I was 14), I was gettin head from this fucked up dog (not being able to hold my drink I didn't know what I was doin) when she started trippin out. well any way I ended up spurting all over her hair and wipped the rest on my friends guitar tabs... good times.

Nothing more than the old fashion cock block. If you don't know what a cock block is, it's when you aim for the pussy hole and hit her leg or whatever, and your cock kind of bends, it hurts.

quote:Originally posted by Gala:

Nothing more than the old fashion cock block. If you don't know what a cock block is, it's when you aim for the pussy hole and hit her leg or whatever, and your cock kind of bends, it hurts.



what dumb fuck would aim for the pussy hole you idiot

quote:Originally posted by Electron:



what dumb fuck would aim for the pussy hole you idiot

Em, me. Why, do you go for the back door? You fuckface.

fucking stop fucking swearing you fucks

Last night, my boyfriend tried to fuck me, but he said it hurt him because it was too dry. It wasn't that bad though because we were stoned.

So far, I haven't seen anything truly disastrous... hasn't anyone here broken their cock or had their girlfriend pee on them? Anything?

A long time ago one of my ex's was giving me head and took her mouth off me to jack me off. Right about that time I could feel that I was about to cum so I told her but I guess she didn't think it would be right after I said it. She started to put her mouth back on me but she didn't make it in time and I shot a load right on her forehead. We had a good laugh about it. Not a horrible disaster, but I'm thankful that it's probably the worst thing that's happened in my sex life, unless you count the numerous walk-ins by the angry parent of an innocent daughter whose mind I have just corrupted.

quote:Originally posted by crimsonsmoke:

Ahh, that reminds me of when I was a 14 year old lad (I did alot when I was 14), I was gettin head from this fucked up dog (not being able to hold my drink I didn't know what I was doin) when she started trippin out. well any way I ended up spurting all over her hair and wipped the rest on my friends guitar tabs... good times.

*Chuckles*

Wow... I don't think I really have anything disasterous. One time I was at my girlfriend's house (using the word "girlfriend" loosely because she had a boyfriend as well) and me and her boyfriend were handcuffed to each other and ...doing stuff to/with her and like two minutes after we (she) finished up, her crazy-ass white trash father came home. We snuck out her window and narrowly escaped certain death.

quote:Originally posted by Gala:

Nothing more than the old fashion cock block. If you don't know what a cock block is, it's when you aim for the pussy hole and hit her leg or whatever, and your cock kind of bends, it hurts.



be glad it didnt snap :P

One time i was laying down and she was givign me a hand job. Well I came and it landed right in my face. We both just started busting up laughing.

Oh I forgot:

One time, my boyfriend came on my chest and face, but also unfortunately came in my eye. It was so sore, and kind of red and swollen. It was funny, though.

This has to have happened to more people. So, you are laying there, side by side, when you start to think 'Let's go. I am too horny and too drunk to listen to my morals anymore.' So you do just that. And when it comes to the part where you, the guy, get some head, you realise this is her first time, and she has braces. All you can do from screaming 'STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT I CARE FOR, STOP,' is to drink lots and lots more.

Everyone knows what hapens the next morning, right? You get a hangover, and a very sore, unhappy, Napoleon.

ModelFifteen

I bent my wookiee.

hahahahahahaha

I have you ALL beat.

My 17th birthday i was going down on my g/f and we were in the dark. She had the spins but was enjoying herself so she didn't say anything.

All of a sudden she had this big contraction. I thought she was getting off until about a half second later when she puked on my head!!!

she was so embarrased and still wanted to fuck. Needless to say i did.... only after a shower though.

quote:Originally posted by NewModelFifteen:

This has to have happened to more people. So, you are laying there, side by side, when you start to think 'Let's go. I am too horny and too drunk to listen to my morals anymore.' So you do just that. And when it comes to the part where you, the guy, get some head, you realise this is her first time, and she has braces. All you can do from screaming 'STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT I CARE FOR, STOP,' is to drink lots and lots more.

Everyone knows what hapens the next morning, right? You get a hangover, and a very sore, unhappy, Napoleon.

ModelFifteen

I haven't gotten head from a girl with braces, but inexperienced girls tend to use their teeth. AND THAT SHIT HURTS.

Once when I was about 16 I was giving my guy head after a long night of drinking. I went to deep throat him, which typically isnt a problem. This time though I gagged. Puked all over his cock. Cleaned up, went back to work, LMAO, sick fuck! I think he got off on it.

quote:Originally posted by KnowingYouNow:

Once when I was about 16 I was giving my guy head after a long night of drinking. I went to deep throat him, which typically isnt a problem. This time though I gagged. Puked all over his cock. Cleaned up, went back to work, LMAO, sick fuck! I think he got off on it.

That same shit happend to me, except my g/f puked on my cock. Twoz funny, right up to the point when she puked on my cock

Gettin it on with this one girl at my house with my parents home at like 1am... She moaned really really loud, my dad walks in but she was already partly under the bed so... Nobody ever knew a thing, we got back to it too

Putting too much weight on a rock-solid erection....>_<

It gets worse...Once, I was with you-know-who, and she was on her stomach, legs apart, and I was on top of her, and we were getting really goddamn hot and nasty. At one point, I got carried away, and I must've let my bracing arms go limp or something, because I ended up falling on her, ALL my fucking 195 pounds centered on Mr. Jones..I ended up diving insanely deep into her, and bending it bad...Against her cervix. I made her bleed and hurt, and I wasn't exactly feeling so good myself after hearing and feeling a snapping sound when falling on my penis..No, I didn't do any damage to me or to her, and that surprises the fuck out of me. Ever since then, when we fucked in that position, it took a lot of work to get her to open her legs really wide and give me good access; normally she'd keep them open enough for access, but closed enough to where her ass would prevent another lancing.

I still love that position, though.

That is a mighty fine position, bleedthrough. No accident in that position myself, I just think it's a damn good position.

I haven't had anything too disastarous. Standard accidently farting while recieving head. One night while rolling everytime my boy got out of the car (to pick up beer/bud/whatever) by the time he got back I'd be gettin' head from this chick. Not an accident in my mind, but I don't think he thought it was cool at all.

One night on my spring break from college so I was home with my girlfriend after not seeing her for 2 months I was on meth and as a result of the blood pressure or whatever I went limp when she was giving me head. She flipped thinking I had been cheating on her, yada yada yada yada.

I nearly ripped out my girl's nipple ring grabbing her breasts a bit too hard one night in the doggy possition. It wound up getting infected because I messed it up so bad and she had to take it out.

quote:Originally posted by Bleedthrough:

Putting too much weight on a rock-solid erection....>_<

It gets worse...Once, I was with you-know-who, and she was on her stomach, legs apart, and I was on top of her, and we were getting really goddamn hot and nasty. At one point, I got carried away, and I must've let my bracing arms go limp or something, because I ended up falling on her, ALL my fucking 195 pounds centered on Mr. Jones..I ended up diving insanely deep into her, and bending it bad...Against her cervix. I made her bleed and hurt, and I wasn't exactly feeling so good myself after hearing and feeling a snapping sound when falling on my penis..No, I didn't do any damage to me or to her, and that surprises the fuck out of me. Ever since then, when we fucked in that position, it took a lot of work to get her to open her legs really wide and give me good access; normally she'd keep them open enough for access, but closed enough to where her ass would prevent another lancing.

I still love that position, though.

First of all, good to see you once again. Second, that is real tough, seriously. Good luck in that position in the future, because at 195, the New Model doubts Mr. Winky can take another hit like that.

Unless you're doing cock push-ups.

And that isn't very likely.



ModelFifteen

ok Im 15(for two weeks now)

I've only been laid twice,the first time was smooth sailing and very very very great.

the second time i was at a good buddy's house and we had 5 girls over.4 of them were bi,all of us were drunk or buzzed at least.so we got chicks makin out eveywhere and god know what else.keep in mind im a pretty big guy,not too fit ::195 5'8 but i carry it well:: so i was really surprised when the only sober person there asked me if i wanted to fuck her.for a minute i thought it was a trap but then i agreed.whenever i drink if i get a hard on,it stays hard till im sober,no matter what! so she's giving me head and she bites my dick!(she was a kinky goth)and since my dick stayed up she kept suckign and bit again like 2 minutes later,i get up to leave b/c i have a very sore dick and she fucking rat tails me in the ass with a wet towel,ever since that day i've stayed aways from sober gothic chicks.

~pink panther~

[This message has been edited by outsmartyouwithignorance (edited 07-28-2004).]

ok, not too bad, but its the worst yet.

im fucking my girl in the school band closet, im sitting on the floor & shes riding me. she has 2 orgasms by the time lunch was over. i get up & see that my khaki pants are drenched in her fluids.

-\m/etal

Edit: one time i was doin my girl from behind, kneeling on my bed. in that position she queefs (sp?) every now & then. little ones. just when i was feelin it, she makes a loud queef. she says "wow, that was a good one" & we both collapse laughing.

-\m/etal

[This message has been edited by MetalHead0221 (edited 07-28-2004).]

Going at it doggy style...rather fast. It slips out, and accidentally slips BACK in her ass, without any lube, going really fast.

That ever happen to anyone else or just me?

Wasn't fun.

well, I'm guessing she liked it, seeing as how easy it went in there...



was it that loose?



eww.

i was with my g/f an we were on my bed, she had her skirt pushed up and i was licking her out, it was really good until my mum walks in, but to make matters worse, i didnt hear her come in, but my g'f did, and shes trying to push my head away, and im like what? lol

-pcp-

quote:Originally posted by pcdpl:

i was with my g/f an we were on my bed, she had her skirt pushed up and i was licking her out, it was really good until my mum walks in, but to make matters worse, i didnt hear her come in, but my g'f did, and shes trying to push my head away, and im like what? lol

-pcp-

That's so awesome. What did your mom do?

quote:Originally posted by Psychotogen:

well, I'm guessing she liked it, seeing as how easy it went in there...



was it that loose?



eww.

Wasn't loose at all..maybe that's why we both screamed?

hmmmm, it would have to be the time the hoist gave way and i hit the floor, not too many details for you but in the hospital is the first time my parents found out a lot of new things

Okay, this didn't happen to me but what the heck...

This couple are geting randy in their kitchen when the guy decides to take his clothes off. So he strips down to only the apron he was wearing (he was cooking soup at the time), after this his girl decides to give him head (not a bad idea at the time). So, she's going at it, and he's enjoying himself so much that he begins to raise the pot of soup over the girls head (without noticing it). Anyway, one thing led to another and the pot slips of ouf his hand and poors all over the girls head , she bites his bell end off and she recieves 2nd degree burns...

Nasty, I think so.

[This message has been edited by crimsonsmoke (edited 07-28-2004).]

Oh, I've go a handful. None too bad, but still my worst.

I've nailed myself in the face on at least 3 occasions getting a handjob. That stuff burns the eyes!

Also, I was lying on my back, and my girlfriend was giving me head. I warn her that I'm about ready to finish, and just as she takes her mouth off, he goes off. Nailed her square up the nose. She was seriouly not happy, and I felt really bad. Victim of slightly bad timing.

And, I was having sex on my livingroom couch (which is where I slept at the time, I didn't have a bedroom), when BAM! My sister and my 3 year old niece walk right in the front door like they own the place.

I've got more walk-ins than I care to admit, but they're not really that amazing.

quote:Originally posted by Darkus:

Going at it doggy style...rather fast. It slips out, and accidentally slips BACK in her ass, without any lube, going really fast.

That ever happen to anyone else or just me?

Wasn't fun.

The exact opposite thing happened to me. A girl I was with said she wanted to stay a virgin, but anal sex was ok. Not being one to argue, I said ok. I was going at it, and it slipped out, and went straight into the other side, which promtly broke the hymen. She was a little upset, thought I had done ti on purpose (which I hadn't). But it all worked out in the end (get it).

This sucked:

I was getting a blowjob in the girls' locker room after class one day. She was my girlfriend at the time, and so I stayed for her tennis match after my last class and such. When she was done, I walked her to the locker room, and was going to stay outside. She dragged me inside, no one around, and started blowing me. I was very worked up, nervous, and wonderfully content all at once. She had gone down before, and enjoyed having me cum on her face, which I did. No sooner do I finish blowing a massive load on her face and tennis blouse, that THE WHOLE FUCKING GIRLS VOLLEYBALL TEAM AND COACH WALTZ IN, AND SEE US. They all looked disgusted. The coach screamed for a second, then said get out. We ran out, I drove her home crying. I felt like shit.

My friend, like really my friend, not me was fingering a girland accidentally started fingering her ass. Its not that bad but the amount he gets hacked on is. Haha.

Bummpity bump

Heh, I've got another sex fuck up (mind th pun). Last night, me and my g/f were going at it when I decided it would be a good idea to 'try' fisting... Bad idea, Yep I didn't use enough lube (she cryied a bit but we carried on). Any ways, later I decided to tie her up, twoz fun for a bit but then I decided to take it up a level (she's still sitting their blind folded). I slip on a condom and shove some lube on, I then preceede in moving my cock into her ass, of course I failed to realise that she was most cirtainly not prepared for this... I ram my cock in... damn that must of hirt! (she crys harder this time). I beg for forgiveness and she eventually excepts. My reward, a blow job.

Don't you think it's ironic that I set up this thread the day before I have another sex related accident? (fuck, I can be dumb).

quote:Originally posted by crimsonsmoke:

Heh, later I decided to tie her up, twoz fun for a bit but then I decided to take it up a level (she's still sitting their blind folded). I slip on a condom and shove some lube on, I then preceede in moving my cock into her ass, of course I failed to realise that she was most cirtainly not prepared for this... I ram my cock in... damn that must of hirt! (she crys harder this time). I beg for forgiveness and she eventually excepts. My reward, a blow job.





Welcome to my world now have a scotch and a big fat blunt!

quote:Originally posted by ralldrittvsa:

hahahahahahaha

I have you ALL beat.

My 17th birthday i was going down on my g/f and we were in the dark. She had the spins but was enjoying herself so she didn't say anything.

All of a sudden she had this big contraction. I thought she was getting off until about a half second later when she puked on my head!!!

she was so embarrased and still wanted to fuck. Needless to say i did.... only after a shower though.

Well i have you beat, when i was done fucking (girl on top), she gets up to o of the bed, knee-walks off of mee and puts all he weight on one knee,

on my balls.

I got a good one my ex dislocated her jaw. Iam not branging here but while she was in pain I was so proud of myself. She was giving me head and pop she dislocates her jaw then pops it back in. Iam sitting there with the biggest grin on my face. We desided that was enough foreplay and had some good old fashion sex.

I guess im still kinda in the lead here,what with my dick getting bit twice then gettin rat tailed on the ass.

(sober+gothic chicks=not a very good time)

~pink panther~

quote:Originally posted by outsmartyouwithignorance:

ok Im 15(for two weeks now)

I've only been laid twice,the first time was smooth sailing and very very very great.

the second time i was at a good buddy's house and we had 5 girls over.4 of them were bi,all of us were drunk or buzzed at least.so we got chicks makin out eveywhere and god know what else.keep in mind im a pretty big guy,not too fit ::195 5'8 but i carry it well:: so i was really surprised when the only sober person there asked me if i wanted to fuck her.for a minute i thought it was a trap but then i agreed.whenever i drink if i get a hard on,it stays hard till im sober,no matter what! so she's giving me head and she bites my dick!(she was a kinky goth)and since my dick stayed up she kept suckign and bit again like 2 minutes later,i get up to leave b/c i have a very sore dick and she fucking rat tails me in the ass with a wet towel,ever since that day i've stayed aways from sober gothic chicks.

~pink panther~

[This message has been edited by outsmartyouwithignorance (edited 07-28-2004).]

You're in the same boat as me with the weight thing.....I'm also 5'8 and 199 pounds.

Bump I have nothing to contribute, but everyone who has had a horrific accident should post it for all to see

Muthafuckin' friction burns!!!!!

Yes... Well my g/f is about to get her clit pierced so I'm am quite sure that there will be many future accidents to contribute to this thread at a later date.

On a related note; I know this guy who got his tounge stud attatched onto his g/f's clit ring. It took the paramedics 4 hours to get them apart, thats love for you.

I was drunk, it didn't count

i have already recounted how while losing my virginity the girl fell asleep!

accident the 2nd

----------------

while at a party i retired to the bedroom with a beautiful woman. she was a former school friend of my then girlfriend.

after leaving school she had got herself a rich boyfriend which explains why she'd come to this goth party in a designer dress.

anyway we went into the bedroom and started to 'make out'.

i lifted her dress to find she was wearing very very expensive flimsy suspenders, garters and silk stockings (which btw looked incredible).

i'd never encountered such things before having been brought up in norfolk and the local girls only wearing cheap multi pack briefs or tangas at best (if they wore anything at all!).

well mrs ketch's little boy can be a fast learner when he wants to be and i figured out how to get it all undone without tearing or ripping it to shreds.

at that point she said 'i'm sorry we can't fuck but i'm on my period'

to which i replied getting bloody didn't bother me if it didn't bother her.

this idea seemed to delight her muchly so i reached down to remove her tampax.

couldn't find the string....

looked between her legs properly..

and said i couldn't even see the string.

she felt and felt then went gray and rushed outta the room into the bathroom.

over the next half an hour girl after girl went into the bathroom to try and help her and in the end one of them managed to locate the errant tampax and remove it although by this time of course the moment had passed.

Top!

i got a cramp during my first time and couldn't finish it off

quote:Originally posted by outsmartyouwithignorance:

ok Im 15(for two weeks now)

I've only been laid twice,the first time was smooth sailing and very very very great.

the second time i was at a good buddy's house and we had 5 girls over.4 of them were bi,all of us were drunk or buzzed at least.so we got chicks makin out eveywhere and god know what else.keep in mind im a pretty big guy,not too fit ::195 5'8 but i carry it well:: so i was really surprised when the only sober person there asked me if i wanted to fuck her.for a minute i thought it was a trap but then i agreed.whenever i drink if i get a hard on,it stays hard till im sober,no matter what! so she's giving me head and she bites my dick!(she was a kinky goth)and since my dick stayed up she kept suckign and bit again like 2 minutes later,i get up to leave b/c i have a very sore dick and she fucking rat tails me in the ass with a wet towel,ever since that day i've stayed aways from sober gothic chicks.

~pink panther~

[This message has been edited by outsmartyouwithignorance (edited 07-28-2004).]

i think i like sober goth chicks..

I was really drunk at the time... and I was fucking the holy hell out of this girl missionary style... and I was really tired and out of it.

Turns out that I was fucking the bed half the time and fucking the pillow a lot of the time and then her a minority of the time... thats also the day I stopped drinking.

I feel bad now...I jerked off to alot of your Posts :0

Im so Lonly

Hehe i have some stories to tell tho...Ill Post Them a lil bit later...

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



while at a party i retired to the bedroom with a beautiful woman. she was a former school friend of my then girlfriend.

after leaving school she had got herself a rich boyfriend which explains why she'd come to this goth party in a designer dress.

anyway we went into the bedroom and started to 'make out'.

i lifted her dress to find she was wearing very very expensive flimsy suspenders, garters and silk stockings (which btw looked incredible).

i'd never encountered such things before having been brought up in norfolk and the local girls only wearing cheap multi pack briefs or tangas at best (if they wore anything at all!).

well mrs ketch's little boy can be a fast learner when he wants to be and i figured out how to get it all undone without tearing or ripping it to shreds.

at that point she said 'i'm sorry we can't fuck but i'm on my period'

to which i replied getting bloody didn't bother me if it didn't bother her.

this idea seemed to delight her muchly so i reached down to remove her tampax.

couldn't find the string....

looked between her legs properly..

and said i couldn't even see the string.

she felt and felt then went gray and rushed outta the room into the bathroom.

over the next half an hour girl after girl went into the bathroom to try and help her and in the end one of them managed to locate the errant tampax and remove it although by this time of course the moment had passed.

I think this one wins for laughs so far. Damn.

Damn good thread.

Not much to contribute, but my boyfriend and I are into piercings, so we have troubles occasionally. We were making out and he starts to lay me down on my back [on the couch] and as he does that one of the spikes in my ear catches on the couch. Wasn't healed yet, that was painful.

Oh yeah, once he was going down on me and he came up for a sec, I ended up elbowing him in the eye on accident.

Well, lets see...there were the few times when my ex-ex was giving me head and my cum went up her nose. *sniff*sniff*

Probably the most horrifying moments in my sex life happened while fucking my ex. Imaging this, you're having sex with a girl missionary style. She is very flat chested and total crap in bed. Then you realize, while looking at her laying on her back, that she looks a lot like a 12 year old boy. That sucked. I just tried to not think about it and finish as fast as I could (which wasn't easy since I was fighting permanant impotence and she was a horribly lay). I still feel dirty...

I'm heir from Venus. I don't have sexual accidents.

yes you do, you just call it different (same reason i never have sexual accidents)

quote:Originally posted by Little Pea:

Well, lets see...there were the few times when my ex-ex was giving me head and my cum went up her nose. *sniff*sniff*

Probably the most horrifying moments in my sex life happened while fucking my ex. Imaging this, you're having sex with a girl missionary style. She is very flat chested and total crap in bed. Then you realize, while looking at her laying on her back, that she looks a lot like a 12 year old boy. That sucked. I just tried to not think about it and finish as fast as I could (which wasn't easy since I was fighting permanant impotence and she was a horribly lay). I still feel dirty...

you arsehole! if she was crap in bed thats because your technique sucked kid.

secondly any woman who makes you the gift of her body is beautiful.

god what am immature little wanker you are. 'feel dirty'? hah you should feel deeply ashamed.

like she is at fault cos you don't find small breasts attractive or cos you can't make love properly?

grow up

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

you arsehole! if she was crap in bed thats because your technique sucked kid.

secondly any woman who makes you the gift of her body is beautiful.

god what am immature little wanker you are. 'feel dirty'? hah you should feel deeply ashamed.

like she is at fault cos you don't find small breasts attractive or cos you can't make love properly?

grow up

So it is up to me, and me alone, to make the sex great? You obviously don't know much about sex. It takes two to make it good.

And just because she made me "the gift of her body" by having sex with me doesn't mean that I have to find her attractive. And no, it isn't her fault that I don't find extremely small breasts attractive; but maybe if she were a cool person or at least half decent in bed I wouldn't care.

"Deeply ashamed" my ass.

Mojo does have to be rather resilient to handle the Divining Rod of Infros, the God of BloodSugarSexMagik.

quote:secondly any woman who makes you the gift of her body is beautiful.

god what am immature little wanker you are. 'feel dirty'? hah you should feel deeply ashamed.

like she is at fault cos you don't find small breasts attractive or cos you can't make love properly?

Shut up you pick-faced-no-dick-wanabe. You quite obviously want to make your self sound like you are moral, there by getting respect on this website and in the hope of

'scoring'. You have no dick.

Infrared you have posted as bleedthrough and infrared in this thread. Thats how much we suck at sex.

Let's see, this one chick named Angie. She was your typical 17 year old girl. Dumb and naive. Her step-dad was Major Asshole (as well called with due to his past military experience) he was definately a fucker you did NOT wan't to piss off.

Well, Angie was one of those mentally unstable people. Hot as could be, just quick to attempt suicide (hell, what girl isn't these days). She would complain about her step-dad and her bitch mom and this and that. I only lived 1 mile away, so I would walk to her house on a DAILY BASIS to be her "support councelor". It always ended up her giving me head outside on one of those "bench swings".

Well, one day, I got tired of head. I wanted some of that pink pussy! I eventually got her to agree. We went into the storage room in her basement and lied down on the cold basement floor. This was to be her first time riding a dude, I felt special. She got on, and I slowly eased my shit in her. I have to admit, it was tough to do. Very tight.

We started to have sex, I'm trying to coach her along on how to properly ride me (we know what feels best) and after about 6-9 good inserts, we hear right above us, "Angie! Dinner time! Where are you?!"

Her younger sister (I called her celery to make her mad) was coming down the stairs looking for us. Angie wildly went to jump off (while my dick was still in her) and I guess it was so tight and she was so scared, she was holding my dick in there. She about drug me across the floor by my dick that was still in her.

I literally had to grab hold of my dick and yank it out.

She didn't catch us, but man was my dick sore.

And then that time I tried pulling a condom off too quick by the tip. It was something like:

Me: "Uh, uh, uh, ooh yeah. Here it comes!"



*grabs tip and pulls fast*

*STREEEETTTCCCHHHH, KA-POW!*

That thing shot off, oh damn that still hurts to think about it.

quote:So it is up to me, and me alone, to make the sex great? You obviously don't know much about sex. It takes two to make it good.-little pea

yes it is up to you. because of the way most women's arousal works. as a broad generalisation, women need longer to reach a state of arousal and orgasm.

Therefore as the man(boy?) it is your duty to first bring her to that state then she will be capable of receiprecating .

quote:hut up you pick-faced-no-dick-wanabe. You quite obviously want to make your self sound like you are moral, there by getting respect on this website and in the hope of

'scoring'. You have no dick.

LOL JESUS Loves You Too, kid

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 09-09-2004).]

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 09-09-2004).]

quote:Probably the most horrifying moments in my sex life happened while fucking my ex. Imaging this, you're having sex with a girl missionary style. She is very flat chested and total crap in bed. Then you realize, while looking at her laying on her back, that she looks a lot like a 12 year old boy. That sucked. I just tried to not think about it and finish as fast as I could (which wasn't easy since I was fighting permanant impotence and she was a horribly lay). I still feel dirty...[/B]



I had a similar experience while having sex with a man who was very skinny. When I put my arms around him, for a moment, I felt like I was with a girl. It was a bit strange...[no offense intended to those who are bisexual...]

quote:Originally posted by panthrax:

Let's see, this one chick named Angie. She was your typical 17 year old girl. Dumb and naive. Her step-dad was Major Asshole (as well called with due to his past military experience) he was definately a fucker you did NOT wan't to piss off.

Well, Angie was one of those mentally unstable people. Hot as could be, just quick to attempt suicide (hell, what girl isn't these days). She would complain about her step-dad and her bitch mom and this and that. I only lived 1 mile away, so I would walk to her house on a DAILY BASIS to be her "support councelor". It always ended up her giving me head outside on one of those "bench swings".

Well, one day, I got tired of head. I wanted some of that pink pussy! I eventually got her to agree. We went into the storage room in her basement and lied down on the cold basement floor. This was to be her first time riding a dude, I felt special. She got on, and I slowly eased my shit in her. I have to admit, it was tough to do. Very tight.

We started to have sex, I'm trying to coach her along on how to properly ride me (we know what feels best) and after about 6-9 good inserts, we hear right above us, "Angie! Dinner time! Where are you?!"

Her younger sister (I called her celery to make her mad) was coming down the stairs looking for us. Angie wildly went to jump off (while my dick was still in her) and I guess it was so tight and she was so scared, she was holding my dick in there. She about drug me across the floor by my dick that was still in her.

I literally had to grab hold of my dick and yank it out.

She didn't catch us, but man was my dick sore.

And then that time I tried pulling a condom off too quick by the tip. It was something like:

Me: "Uh, uh, uh, ooh yeah. Here it comes!"



*grabs tip and pulls fast*

*STREEEETTTCCCHHHH, KA-POW!*

That thing shot off, oh damn that still hurts to think about it.



Oh man i laughed so hard after reading this. THis is one of the best posts on this thread.

My worst sexual experience would have to be. I was fucking this girl at her hourse. And half-way during sex her dad walks in.(Now her dad is an over protective cop)So he walks in and see's me shagging his little angel. And he then chases me 4 blocks away from the house yelling "come here you little fucking whore. Ima rip off your cock and feed it to my dog.!" now that happened for four blocks. Then the next day i was shagging her again in public. And where we was shagging her dad walks in again. This time he was in uniform and so i ran like a son of a bitch. Thats my worst sexual experience

i was on this beach vacation with some friends for the end of summer and i kepy almost geting ith this chick but this girl who liked me kept fucking showing up.

damn cockblock.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

...yes it is up to you. because of the way most women's arousal works. as a broad generalisation, women need longer to reach a state of arousal and orgasm.

Therefore as the man(boy?) it is your duty to first bring her to that state then she will be capable of receiprecating...



Are you a virgin or something? You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. A girl doesn't have to get off in order to be good in bed. Besides, I got that damn girl off plenty of times through oral; and what did I get? Shitty sex and even shittier blowjobs, not to mention her being a complete shit girlfriend.

Get a clue, biased moron.

quote:Originally posted by Little Pea:

Are you a virgin or something? You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. A girl doesn't have to get off in order to be good in bed. Besides, I got that damn girl off plenty of times through oral; and what did I get? Shitty sex and even shittier blowjobs, not to mention her being a complete shit girlfriend.

Get a clue, biased moron.



no wonder you only got shitty sex kiddo...with an attitude like that. and btw for a woman to be really good in bed she usually needs to loved,accepted and desired.(yes i know there are exceptions to this rule).

she was prepared to overlook your imperfect body maybe you could have felt enough for her to do the same.

(just for your info i'm a 37 year married bloke )

Well, Me, my best friend, my girlfriend (at the time), and his girlfriend we're all over at my house. He was fucking his girlfriend in one room and I was fucking mine in the other.

A little background:

Me and my ex were having sex a couple of days before, and I pulled out and busted all over her chest. This wasen't such a big deal, but for some reason she wiped her hand in it and tasted it, then she wanted me to taste it. When I refused, she slapped me across the face with a handful of seamen.

Now, back to the story. I was angry about getting slapped in the face with a handful of jizz, so I decided to get my payback. We we're having sex, and as im about to come, I pull out.

Now, this is where you see my real skill. I pull my dick out, and aim stright for her eyes.

Needless to say, I got a direct hit from a good 4 feet away, I was very proud of myself. All the sudden my friend who is the other room hears "Michael! Michael!". He found out why when we left the room and my friend and his girlfriend kept asking my ex why her eyes we're all red.

I told them what happened, and why I had done it, and we all had a good laugh about it.

My girlfriend and I were fucking on my satin sheets - covered in baby oil. Alls well; we end up falling asleep about 4am but come midday we wake up covered in it ( so to speak ). We get up, change sheets, and throw the drenched ones in the wash.

Next day we are hanging them out, inspecting for incriminating marks etc etc and can see none. Relief. Sheets are fine.

Now, those marks are hard to see when black satin is wet. So when we venture out to grab the clothes from the line we notice two sets of black satin sheets blowing in the breeze with handprints, buttprints and half a body cast giving the neighbours ( I was living in a villa complex at the time ) instruction on just what the noise they heard the other night was all about.

Not a sexual accident as such; but its still something we laugh about a lot. And fun sheets to sleep on still.

Goddamn these are funny. Keep em up.

I dont really have any too interesting stories to share. I'll keep thinking tho, maybe one'll come up...

"Injury prevention

Safe sex also implies that no harm is done to oneself or the partner. It cannot be denied that sex often involves uncontrolled behaviour. For many, sex is not exciting unless it be spontaneous, non-premeditated, intoxicated, wild, rough and tumble, or even violent. Soft and gentle lovemaking is by many rejected as old-fashioned or 'romantic'. This attitude is often found among those who actually know little about lovemaking, feel negative about it, and are afraid to appear vulnerable.

Most accidents, however, happen during masturbation, because when one is alone, one is usually less inhibited. Most people continue to masturbate throughout life for this reason. No single partner can compete with fantasies, images, and objects used as stimuli.

Certain techniques of masturbation carry some risk and it is best to be aware of them. Girls tend to put pins or sticks or other objects into their vagina or urethra or anus, If in their excitement they forget the object, it may get stuck, or even pass through into the bladder. Boys can have similar experiences, which are usually very unpleasant, especially if the doctor has to be called in.

Girls and boys can push their genital against a surface or object, and boys can stick their penis into something, making coital movements. If the movements are not controlled and gentle, the sex organ may be hurt, or even damaged.

A rather well-known accident is for a man to stick his penis into a narrow ring or hole in an object, a bottle or kettle, and have an erection, which then makes withdrawel impossible, because the bloodflow out of the penis, which normally occurs through veins on the outside of the penis, is blocked.

It is unwise to stick the penis into the opening of a vacuum cleaner hose while the hoover is on. It wil suck too hard and cause painful blood swelling.

Also used in masturbation are tight clothing, piercings, sharp metal objects or unusual postures. Near-suffocation is another stimulus to arousal and orgasm. This is called asphyxophilia. Sometimes people are found dead, who put a plastic bag over their head, and were apparently unable to remove it before they lost conscience.

People can also have risky sex together. Interestingly, accidents occur as a result of inhibition and ignorance more frequently than through sophisticated kinky sex. Because we never learn how to make love, we do the best we can, but often without sufficient knowledge of even the anatomy of the partner, let alone their sensitive spots, and how to make them feel good. The urge to have intercourse (fuck) which is natural, often overrides the need for typical human closeness, intimacy and communication. Clumsiness and rough movements can cause pain, skin irritation, bruises, scratch marks, swellings and infections. This is why sex instruction always stresses gentleness and communication even in the heat of sexual desire, waiting for or using sufficient lubrication, and never assuming that the partner wants to feel pain.

Of course, if couples want to try out games involving an element of pain, that is a different matter. SM (sadomasochism) is the name for any sex game involving the conscious use of power, subjection, postponement of orgasm, seeking out limits of pain experience in combination with sexual arousal. There is a wide range of activities, from mild bondage and only verbal subjection to the use of leather outfits and masks, manacles, chains, whips, piercings in nipples, clitoris or penis, hot candle wax, tight bounding and twisting of the genitals, the use of knives. If accidents occur (again mostly through ignorance), they are usually more serious, and magazines for sm regularly warn their readers against causing damage to themselves or others, cautioning them to be very aware of how much pain the partner can take, and to break off as soon as the activity is no longer experienced as a pleasure.

SM used to be considered a perversion, but nowadays many couples indulge in it to some extent. They usually do so in order to raise the level of arousal in their sex life, which may have become more or less routine. Mostly it is the man who want this extra kick. He probably has had fantasies about other partners for some time and has waited to ask his wife if she is willing to indulge him. He does not want to go outside his marriage. The wife may reluctantly go along, dislike it and and give up, but may also turn out to be a diligent and active player in a mutually satisfactory sex game, for as long as it lasts."

Listen to the doctor^

P.S. Basically, don't try anything dumb;

1 that’s no vacuum cleaners

2 no injecting anything into ones penis

3 no over sized novelty dicks to be used as actual dildos

4 no animals

5 no piercing

6 no bleach disguised in a lemon aide bottle

7 nothing sharp

8 no tying yourself to the wall without guided assistance

9 no heavy drinking

10 no heavy drug taking

11 no sheep, and or pigs blood

12 no sex toys only acquired from Amsterdam

13 no weapons or any sort

14 no good ideas that sounded good at the time

15 and most importantly, no fun.

These are great. Sadly, I have nothing good to contribute, but my girl is on her way to see me, and I just moved into my universtiy Res, so I'm surrounded by other teenagers, so I expect something funny/embarrasing to happen. I'm quite looking forward to it.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

at that point she said 'i'm sorry we can't fuck but i'm on my period'

to which i replied getting bloody didn't bother me if it didn't bother her.

this idea seemed to delight her muchly so i reached down to remove her tampax.

couldn't find the string....

looked between her legs properly..

and said i couldn't even see the string.

she felt and felt then went gray and rushed outta the room into the bathroom.

over the next half an hour girl after girl went into the bathroom to try and help her and in the end one of them managed to locate the errant tampax and remove it although by this time of course the moment had passed.

That's funny, very funny. I laughed my face off when I read that. My experience is similar, except that it involves my then boyfriend was doing some finger work and when he stopped, I opened my eyes to ask him what the hell he was doing and saw him sitting with a look of disgust on his face and his fingers all red, not nice. Got it all over my dress as well the bastard.

^^^^ lol but not impressed by the b/f's attitude..

This story does not so much relate to the process, but the after-effects of maddening animal intercourse.

I'm mostly reminded of this by the oily sheet exposition above. Good one, by the way.

My ex-girlfriend (at the time even, the animal) and I had just engaged in a session of the variety of clawing-biting-hip dislocating pornfestivities she was with me for and were settling in for the evening, when her auxiliary officer father bursts through the bedroom door screaming wildly.

Turns out the flavoured oils snd such used that evening had attracted the dog, wich stole and proceeded to consume one of the discarded rubbers. The dog's gagging and subsequent vomiting awoke the father who, clad only in his underwear, came storming downstairs to see just where the hell it came from. Apparently he had no idea what kind of things we had been up to in the months leading up to it and did not appreciate his 17 year old daughter (I was 16, if that bothers you) engaged in such acts of perversity.

I did the only natural thing.

I pushed the giant over and ran my naked ass out of there and all the way home, ducking behind bushes and trees.

I never saw my clothes again.

I really liked that shirt.

^^^rites of passage kid,rites of passage. you ain't a man til you've been chased by a homicidal father/brother/lover/husband..

Damn strait!

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

^^^^ lol but not impressed by the b/f's attitude..

That attitude is why he became my ex a few weeks later. Hehe, I'm such a bitch

quote:Originally posted by panthrax:

And then that time I tried pulling a condom off too quick by the tip. It was something like:

Me: "Uh, uh, uh, ooh yeah. Here it comes!"



*grabs tip and pulls fast*

*STREEEETTTCCCHHHH, KA-POW!*

That thing shot off, oh damn that still hurts to think about it.

Snapbacks are MUCH worse X(

quote:Originally posted by crimsonsmoke:

fucking stop fucking swearing you fucks

my, you ARE a celever one.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

you arsehole! if she was crap in bed thats because your technique sucked kid.

secondly any woman who makes you the gift of her body is beautiful.

god what am immature little wanker you are. 'feel dirty'? hah you should feel deeply ashamed.

like she is at fault cos you don't find small breasts attractive or cos you can't make love properly?

grow up

That deserves a round of applause. Guys, you could all take a hint from Jakketch.

quote:Originally posted by lightning_whore:

my, you ARE a celever one.

Fuck off shit head, this thread died ages ago, and just for the record; You're a bit slow on the uptake. Now go and loose your virginity.

hey guys its the 15 year old again,Ok Im a freshman,and out skool is only for freshie while the actual building is under construction,so right now everything is portables.Im in the girls bathroom getting head from 2 girls,sarah and courtney,sarah was drop dead gorgous black hair,beautiful body courtney was a very skinny blonde with braces,but atractive none the less. well after sarah had her turn (oh my god she was wonderfull!!!!) courtney started,and about 3 minutes into it,the rubber bands on her braces snapped as she went to deep throat me.

I was in soooo much pain,I almost cried and the welt on my dick hasnt gone away yet!

but luckily sarah made me feel ALOIT better.

)p.s. I should quit getting head,because that seems to be where all my problems occur. . .)

~pink panther~

was inside, and she coughed. that hurts like a fuckin bitch, seriously it does.

Damn thats bad.

Two incidents.

one, 16 years old jsut started seeing this girl, her folks were upstairs sleeping we decided to sneak in and have some fun. We go to the laundry room for some privacy. I have her up on the washer we are having a great time, she pushed me to the ground and starts to ride cowboy style. She pulls me out and comes down hard, I feel this increadible pain, and scream. She gets off and goes to turn the light on. I am uncut and well, there was a small peice of skin that holds the hood over the head of the penis, mine tore, I look down and see blood squirting out of my penis, she faints knowing over shelf making a big crash, I quickly pull up my shorts. He parents run, in to see their daughter laying naked passed out on the ground. I am standing there in my shorts with blood running down my leg. This was the second time I had ever meet them.

Second time, I was 18 took a gal to a fancy dinner and then to a play, we had some time to kill before the play so we parked in a parking garage and started to make out, she went down on me and wanted more. My car was small so we got out and I bent her over the hood. We had a great time. We walked out of the parking garage to see the security room full of guys. They gave me a standing ovation and thanked me for the show. Apparently I parked right under a security camera. Fun had by all.

Cheers!!!

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



secondly any woman who makes you the gift of her body is beautiful.



YOU SOUND GAY.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



no wonder you only got shitty sex kiddo...with an attitude like that. and btw for a woman to be really good in bed she usually needs to loved,accepted and desired.(yes i know there are exceptions to this rule).

she was prepared to overlook your imperfect body maybe you could have felt enough for her to do the same.





YOU SOUND LIKE A PRETENTIOUS FAGGOT. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY AN UGLY FEMINEST WHORE.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

^^^^ lol but not impressed by the b/f's attitude..

YOU SUCK COCK.

quote:Originally posted by crimsonsmoke:

Post them up...

anyone see the funny thing in that!

quote:Originally posted by Player1:

YOU SOUND GAY.

quote:Originally posted by Player1:

YOU SOUND LIKE A PRETENTIOUS FAGGOT. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY AN UGLY FEMINEST WHORE.

quote:Originally posted by Player1:

YOU SUCK COCK.

Remove the Caps Lock dick face, then get the fuck out of my thread if all you're going to do is flame. (even know you can't flame for shit).

P.S.

quote:Originally posted by chuckNrambo:

anyone see the funny thing in that!

Yes! Now I see it.

I dont, does that mean Im a bad person?

quote:Originally posted by 30-06:

I dont, does that mean Im a bad person?

Stupendous.

Sweeet!

My girl friend got her clit pierced a few days ago. It looks cool, i'm shure there will be many accidents to come. Full report later. Oh, and by the way, bump.

Earlier todya my gf punched me in the balls at skool,so when we got to her house today I was real nice,and she ended up giving me a hand job,and to get her back form the nut punching earlier,I blew my load in her hair.evil bitch. . .

~pink panther~

^^fuck head have some respect for females, you probably deserved it anyway!!!

quote:Originally posted by 30-06:

^^fuck head have some respect for females, you probably deserved it anyway!!!

Hahahahha.

i dont know about anyone else but i, personally, like a little teeth in the action. im not talking about like biting and crazy stuff like that, but a bit of teeth running across the head feels REEEAALLY good. shit happens though. this is like two stories in one. this one time, while my then gf was going down on me, she was running the tip of her teeth along and i guess her hair made her almost sneeze or something because she jerked a little like she was going to sneeze and................ needless less to say, i was hurt. swollen external reproductive organs bleed alot, even when theyre just slightly nicked... :(