We all have those times where, intoxicated or not, we try to hit on someone and it just does not work. Let's hear about the embarrassing and completely unsuccessful pick-up lines that plague us.

For me it would actually be just recently. I was at this party, drunk as all hell, and trying to hit on a girl. Apparently, I thought it would be a good idea to, instead of engaging in a regular conversation, just shout my SAT scores at her repeatadly from a distance. So I just stood looking at her shouting "I GOT A 1330 ON MY SATS!!" (which isn't particularly impressive. I have no clue why I thought this was a good idea) over and over again. Needless to say, I didn't get ass that night...

Now I wanna hear the lame, the cheesy, and the downright embarassing failed-attempts of you guys.

~Mike

Hmm, I don't really have any that are too too embarassing, but some that have happened to me are bad.

It makes me shudder when a guy says, "Baby, I'll rip you in half". Yeah...That'll get me into the sack...

A few months ago I was at a friend's house, and countless people started to come over. A very drunk guy comes sauntering up and leans over, puts his head near mind (I almost gagged becaues of the overwhelming stench of hard liqour on his breath) and says "Come fuck me". Heh, real smooth that one.

There are some more, but meh.

mmm, my worst pick-up line. Umm nope dont have, i dont try and pick ppl up so meh, i dont have any embbarressing lines. My mates however do hehehehehe and if they saw me posting these i know exactly where their foot would go but seeming as they dont know bout this site, i guess its ok :P

ok line number one: "you know if you get with me, everyone in the school will think im actually cool"

Number two: "wanna see how hard you make me? Followed by pulling down his trousers to reveal a smaller than average piece lol, that was a funny party)"

Number three: "if you get off with me, ill let you do whatever you want wuith the rest of me (gets off with him then usues cellophane to wrap him round a lamp post lol)"

Actually, when i come to think of it, they were all said by the same person, and he wonders why hes still single? Mind you he was drunk each time

quote:Originally posted by mongolia_d:

mmm, my worst pick-up line. Umm nope dont have, i dont try and pick ppl up so meh, i dont have any embbarressing lines. My mates however do hehehehehe and if they saw me posting these i know exactly where their foot would go but seeming as they dont know bout this site, i guess its ok :P

ok line number one: "you know if you get with me, everyone in the school will think im actually cool"

Number two: "wanna see how hard you make me? Followed by pulling down his trousers to reveal a smaller than average piece lol, that was a funny party)"

Number three: "if you get off with me, ill let you do whatever you want wuith the rest of me (gets off with him then usues cellophane to wrap him round a lamp post lol)"

Actually, when i come to think of it, they were all said by the same person, and he wonders why hes still single? Mind you he was drunk each time

are you sure "your friend" wasent you?

mine would be, "i have something to ask you but i forgot"....i was baked out of my face

pz

I've had guys say everything from "I want to eat your pussy" to "Damn! You're pretty hot for a white girl."

One time I was at a friend's house and we were all sitting around drinking. I squatted down on my feet and this guy starts massaging my shoulders. I looked up at him and told him to get the fuck away from me and brushed his hands off of me. He persisted and I kept saying "no". Finally, I got pissed stood up and cursed him out. I sat next to my friend Davo and put his arm around me. The guy was totally drunk and pissed and called me a bitch. I called him a rapist.

This other time me and a couple of friends went out drinking. I was in the backseat with this guy I've never met. He asks, "Have you ever had your pussy licked?" I looked at him, gave him a fucked up face, and demanded to sit in the front. I called him out bad.

I've had guy literally pull me into their rooms and press me against the wall to kiss me. That requires a bit of struggling.

I can't really think of the worst. I really hate it when guys honk and whistle and psst at me.

The most annoying was when I running in my neighborhood. This guy in a car that looked like it just came out of Pimp My Ride kept going up and down the streets trying to talk to me. I've hade people make U-turns but they usually leave after I don't talk to them. This guy followed me for at least 20 minutes. Fucking dipshit.

One time this guy that haven't spoken to or seen in about 5 years called, asked for me, and said, "Will you give me head?" I said, "No" and hung up. I haven't heard from him in about 5 years now. Maybe he'll call soon!

Ok, one last one because I know these aren't that entertaining. This one guy has a habit of calling me once a month and saying he's coming over and he's going to eat me out.

Well, when I do give it a shot, I tend to be very direct: My last attempt was with a very fucking beautiful waitress who I'd been flirting with for the evening. When she came to pick up my check, I was ready: She says "Have a good night!", I said in response, "Why don't we both have a good night sometime?" and I slipped her a napkin with my cell number on it. It did work; I saw her again, and the date was ok, but after getting to know her a little, my "flake" alarm went off, and I stopped calling.

Anyway, my point is, that directness of mine has gotten me nearly slapped on a few occasions. You can probably see why.

EDIT: Mike, if you don't mind my asking, how's the whole quitting-the-reefer thing treating you?

[This message has been edited by Bleedthrough (edited 07-27-2004).]

The only time my pick up attempts seem to go wrong is when I'm wrecked.

One that comes to mind is about 2 months ago, I was drunk, but not stewed. I walked up to a girl sat at a bus stop, she was waiting for a bus maybe, but who knows. I thump my arse down on the bench next to her, pull off my shirt and tell her if she's lucky she will get to see the rest.

About the same time the bus pulled up, of cause I tried to follow her on, but after a brief disturbance with the bus driver it became clear that I was not allowed on the bus.

Ah the one that got away...

Thinking back, I can only remember one time, that i was rejected. There was this girl in high school, I reallllllly liked, we had been friends for awhile by this time, so I wrote like a poem type letter that was about 5 pages long. I give it to her at the beginning of the school day, then after school she smiled at me, took me by the arm, and said let's go. I was thinking, (yep that was my first mistake, i was thinking) all right. We sat down in a nice quiet spot away from every one else. And she started rambling on and on about how nices every thing was that I had said in the letter and thank you, but she just wanted to be friends, and by the way, she had let all of our friends read the letter tooo. I was so in shock and ahhh, that I missed my bus ride home that day. Damn that sucked.

After high school, I lost touch with her for several years, then one day, I seen her, talked to her, she had just gotten married. And she told me that she still had my letter, and was still letting her friends read it ever chance she could.

Once, I was staniding outside drinking with a fella I knew quite well, and had went with a few times, but he's really, really drunk, and keeps trying to suck my neck, slide his hands up my shirt, or down my trousers, despite my continual rebuffs.

Then he leans over, cups his hands round my ear, and gently whispers,

"Let me pleasure yoow"

Another time, I was waiting for a friend of mine to get her coat after a night out, and talking to the guy I was seeing's best friend. I was sitting on a stool, and he grabbed me around the waist, lifted me up, and asked if I'd let him lick me out.

The next week, he asked me to let him "bring me to orgasm".

Several months later, he suggested we go out to the back seat of his car, and "fuck like rabbits". The best thing is, he doesn't drink

Why is it that allmost everyone is posting the times people did foolish things to try and pick them up?

This is about your foolishness, fools.

i've said some of the dumbest things at the dumbest times. Funny thing is sometimes they work. It all depends on th girl

quote:Originally posted by Gala:

Why is it that allmost everyone is posting the times people did foolish things to try and pick them up?

This is about your foolishness, fools.

Because the majority of posters who bothered to reply are beautiful women and we don't get turned down when we hit on anyone.. including gay guys.

Amazing innit?

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

Because the majority of posters who bothered to reply are beautiful women and we don't get turned down when we hit on anyone.. including gay guys.

Amazing innit?





I think you may be a little overconfident (READ: Conceited) there are plenty of guys who would turn you down, you just probably never ask them out because the ones that wouldn't are all over you. Check these forums out www.americanwomensuck.com (http://www.americanwomensuck.com) to get your overconfidence problem checked.

EDIT: Quotes I found amusing from above website.

"Going without sex with American women is a GOOD thing, my friend!

You should say "I have gone extended periods without eating shit."

That would be a more realistic portrayal of what interacting with American females is like.

Consider yourself sanctified.

Unspoiled."

"God Himself made us sexual creatures.

The job of the female is the satisfy the needs, both physical and emotional, of the male.

The reason we see so much porn and prostitution is because females are simply inept and holding up their end of the bargain.

But men, being closer to God, trudge along with their duties and obligations regardless.

Thus we have a serious disparity in the cause/effect areas of most relationships."

[This message has been edited by Rattrap51 (edited 07-28-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by ShutYourRattrap51:



Blah blah blah blah blah blahnt blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blaah blahh blaa bahh bahh bahh bahh bahh bahh bahh bahh bahh bahh bah bah bah bah bah bawww.mysogynisticdumbfucks.com (http://www.americanwomensuck.com)rconfidence blah blah blahblah.

EDIT: Quotes I found blindly stupid from above website.

"Going without sex with American women is a GOOD thing, my friend!

You should say "I have gone extended periods without eating shit."

That would be a more homosexual portrayal of what interacting with American females is like.

Consider yourself cursed.

Unblessed."

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah blaa blaa blaa blaa blah blah blaa I have a small penis. Blaa Blaa Bahh bah bah bah

Bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah ba

Blah blah blah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah.

But men, being thick skulled perverts (except for Infra) blah bah bah bah ba hba hba hba h.

"If you can't baffle them with brilliance, befuddle them with bullshit."

[This message has been edited by ShutYourRattrap51 (edited 07-28-2004).]

Right..

[This message has been edited by MrMojoRisin (edited 07-28-2004).]

When I was about 11 I was at this arcade and this guy in a basketball jersey and cowboy boots comes up to me. Showed me his "fresh bulldog tattoo". Said his name was Hank, and that his car was parked outside and asked if I wanted to go for a ride. At about this time he finally decided to ask how old I was and told me he was 17. I told him I was ten years old. End of Hank.

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

Because the majority of posters who bothered to reply are beautiful women and we don't get turned down when we hit on anyone.. including gay guys.

Amazing innit?



So would you accuse the guy of being gay for turning you down? I bet you would!

No, I wouldn't. No guy would ever turn me down.

/sarcasm

/sarcasm

/sarcasm

/sarcasm

/sarcasm

/sarcasm

/sarcasm

/sarcasm

/sarcasm

I was being sarcastic, guys.

[This message has been edited by MrMojoRisin (edited 07-28-2004).]

So was everyone else.

Stryker, you're an idiot.

I walk up and shake this girls hand.

I say:

"Has anyone ever told you you look like Gabby from Home and Away?"

She looks blankly at me.

I walk off feeling like an idiot.

Although I had just thrown up and was kneeling in pissy water before hand, so.

this isnt exactly the topic, but worth a mention. occasionally, my friends and i go down to the mall area and bring acustic guitars and sit down and play jesus songs for money (not really christian, just really fun/funny.) Anyway, we were in the middle of a song, and this girl comes up to put a $5 in the guitar case, and my friend who was close to her said while he was playing "Jesus dont want your money, jesus just need your phone number" and she laughed and gave it to him, what a great idea.

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

I was being sarcastic, guys.

So was I

Had I presented my post in any other fashion it wouldn't of been worth it.

Oh and Infrared, don't worry, I share the same opinion of you buddy.

I was 100% sane and sober when I did this. I was at school, sat down next to a chick, unleashed my ultra-pick-up-line-of-awesomeness; "Hi". That went so horribly wrong, next thing I know, her and her friends are calling me ugly/weird/uncool etc... then like 15 minutes later I hit on this other chick at lunch and got to making-out with her by the end of the day.

mike, thats classic. im def doing that. i love you now.

i was at a roller rink at like midnight, and a flock (about 6-7) 12 year old girls come over to my friends and start all talking to them. btw i was taking a piss, and i came out to this. we were ages 15, 15, 16, and 19. we walked away but they followed us. apparently they tried to act like they were hammered on bacardi and e so whatever the did/said was excuseable. they would just randomly grab my ass and be like 'you know im real slutty'. i was like wow, thats fantastic, how would your dad feel if he was here young lady? she just stared at me and quit acting like she was rolling for the next couple of minutes.



one time at the beach i drew a line and a half of nothing, and since it was becoming high tide, the water washed it away. 2 girls came up to me and started interogating me over who 'mary' was. i was flabergasted and tried to tell them i dont know a mary. they thought i was writing i love mary in the sand for some odd reason, i dont know. so i called my friend over he tells them i dont know a mary. they reply with 'geez, you dont have to be mean'. he flips out on them and they left. it was hilarious.



at a party one time, everyone was drunk. and no one had eaten in like 2 days because all our money went to alcohol. well i was gonna leave at like 11 pm because i have to ride a long way home, piss drunk and high from countless blunts, on my bike. she pulls me into the bathroom, completely catching me off guard. i almost fell too. she gets real close and starts to grope my torso and chest and junk, meanwhile saying in her most sexy movie voice 'you know if you stay we can have lots of fun'. i tried telling her i was leaving (she wasnt that pretty anyway and besides, we were both cocked, and i didnt want to be on a commercial) be she kept trying to seduce me in her bathroom during the party. i just left with my boys and we had a good laugh.

the only times i got rejected (i dont make myself seem wicked desperate all the time by saying dumb pick up lines) was when id go up to a girl at the movies or mall or something, after my buddies persuaded me to, and just say hi and introduce myself. nothing really corny, just being nice and friendly and i try to work in a smile or something. then she says 'i dont even know you why are you talking to me?' like i just molested her or something. then i walk away and pray to god i never see her again.