Is this normal?

She's been with 4 guys. Well, that's how many she's told me. All of them were fuckheads, idiots. I don't mean socially, intelligence-wise, as well. All of them were older who statutory'd her.

Me, I've been with 2 other girls. One was a fling. The other was a long tale of heartache that I don't feel like re-hashing.

I'm the first guy she's had a serious relationship with. I don't mind that, as she's incredible. I really can't see myself with anybody else.

However, my mind keeps drifting back to those other 4. Why was she with them if they were jerkoffs? Am I the nice guy that the stereotypical slut settles down with after sowing her wild oats in high school? Am I the pushover that's chosen to spend the rest of her days with in white-picket-fence perfection?

In short, I am extremely angry. What's worse, I cannot let it out. I feel that fucking berserker screeching in me, ripping through my entrails, dying to get out. I want to fucking murder these 4 guys. I don't even know them.

Is this normal? And would I be convicted if I just killed one to feel better?

I don't think I have slept with a nonvirgin in anything other than a one night stand or sexually charged brief encounter. Then again I am still young and have different ideas in my head. I wouldnt really let it bother me, but right now at this stage in my life, I have enough things to balance right now and serious relationships arent what I'm aiming for so I tend to think about all the other fish instead of going for one. No one's perfect but when I get to know girls this fact of life pisses me off and I think of any reason to put myself off her.

I don't think 4 is a lot either so I wouldn't worry about her choosing you to settle down with after a playing the field. If they were jerkoffs... be glad you are here to hold her now, and that she is happy with you. Overly thinking about the past will only make you start coming up with ideas that begin to sound more truthful and more truthful everytime you even entertain them.

I hear the average sexual partners a human has in it's {average} lifespan is 8.

Four is a good number, a lot less than most of the people I know who can count on both hands and feet and then some..

Of course they're all fuckheads, they always are. Everyone hates their significant other's exes, especially when the S.O. hates them too (which is more often than not the case).

Call me obvious but you are jealous. Severely jealous. But think of it this way: it's easy to have sex with someone. Open legs, insert, pump. It doesn't require anything but energy. However, falling in love, being with someone, connecting is so much more. It takes courage, heart, commitment, harmony, faith. What they had with her pales in comparison to what you have with her.

Would you be more or less jealous if she fell in love with 4 other people? If she told you, honestly, that she's been completely enamored by someone other than you? That she's felt these emotions before, that she's been just as "swept away" if not more, by other guys.

She's with you. Her past is just that, her past. She's experienced things and has learned from them. She had a life before you, a life that you weren't a part of and you have to accept it because you can't change it. Who she's been with and what she's done isn't as important as WHO she is. When it comes down to it, her past actions has made her the woman you love today. Without those 4 fuckheads who knows where she would be.

And what would be wrong if she was the stereotypical slut that has sowed her wild oats in high school and is now settling with you? Does it matter that much? People grow up and change, in some cases, regret. We all have skeletons in the closet that we deal with.

If you can't resolve your anger by yourself you are going to have to tell her how you feel. Maybe the two of you can talk about it. If you don't, you're dooming your relationship.

Resenting the exes is normal. After a while of being in a relationship it tends to fade away. And it's only illegal if you get caught.. I suggest Bad Ideas for ways to speed up decomposition.. No, I mean no killing!

[This message has been edited by MrMojoRisin (edited 07-26-2004).]

Thanks, mojo. You make some good points that I didn't really think of.

I suppose I'm just worried that I'm the jerk-off on the TV shows that works his ass off and comes home to find his wife fucking the hispanic pool boy.

That's completely unfair to her, I know. It's also completely contradictory to everything I know about her character. But that still doesn't stop that fear.

I couldn't tell you how beat that fear. That's something that's going to come with trust and faith in her. Being afraid of her leaving is an insecurity that you're going to have to change if you ever want to be comfortable in a relationship.

Just as her past shouldn't effect your relationship, your past shouldn't hinder your perception of her. She has never left you, other women might have but she is not them. Not saying it's a sure thing you'll be together forever but that's risk you're taking whether or not you fear it.

Take everything you know about the female sex and throw it out. Most of it won't apply to her anyway. That's why you're with her, because she's different.

Thanks, mojo. You've made a lot of sense in regards to an issue where I'd discarded it entirely. I appreciate it.

Happy to help.

Good luck with the new wifey.

fantastic mojo

If she makes you happy, why even worry about it?

MrMojoRisin has given you some great advice on how to entire into a blissful state of denial.

so there's that or be set free by reality

Dude its totaly normal. The anger the hatred the images of some other guys dick in your girls pussy. They will never stop haunting you. You will question her and yourself in every way possible. Untill one day it will drive you crazy and you will hate her for the way she makes you feel. At which point you will break up with her and maybe lear your leason. NEVER ASK A GIRL ABOUT HER PAST.

This sounds possibly like bad advice, but if you can handle something like this, you have one solid fucking relationship:

Sit down and talk with her about her past, ask her WHY she was with these people. Ask her WHY she chose somebody like you as opposed to the usual. Explain to her your fears in the relationship. If both partners know the fears that are there, they can BOTH work towards eliminating them.

You're afraid you're going to be hardworking then come home to see her fucking the pool boy, or some equivalent? You need to tell her about your insecurity, and explain why you have it, and why you want to rid yourself of it (from the sounds of it, you think she's a great person, so include that in your explanation if you follow this advice).

Opening up about your insecurities in a relationship to your partner is one of the hardest things to do, and can be extremely destructive to a lot of relationships, though the ones it destroys are the ones that are doomed to failure. If you two can work around insecurities and eliminate them, your relationship is going to be a great deal stronger. If you let them fester and just try to ignore them, there's going to be an unsaid aggression that will ultimately tear apart the relationship...maybe a week later, maybe a few months, maybe two decades...but the lack of communicating your fears and desires is a gauranteed way to cripple love and eventually shoot it in the face.

Damn Mojo, I think you just fixed my ass....

I get the exact same feeling Rabbi! Take it from SWIM, it feels much better after you kill one or two.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

I want to fucking murder these 4 guys. I don't even know them.

Is this normal? And would I be convicted if I just killed one to feel better?

Yes its normal. Considering you don't even know them that increases your chance dramatically of getting away clean.

Free Shyne Po!



[This message has been edited by KriminalMinded (edited 07-27-2004).]

My last post was pointless.

On a more serious note Optimus Prime has explained it best. Damn good advice!

<Optimus Prime's response here>

she liked them all. prolly hotter after there bodies than yours.

yea, shes settling for you cause your safe. shes always thinking about fucking others, how long can she withstnd?

you dont want to kill her exes, you want to kill her.

and you should.

^ I concur.

Why cant the answer be as simple as she found the right guy. These men before you were jerks. She found the one that understands her and treats her like she wants to be treated. Why make turmoil for yourself, when it is obviously not needed.