Last December, I went on a date. We go out to dinner, have fun talking, I pay the bill, we leave. We start rolling up some joints in my car for later and drive around town awhile, talking. So far, everything is going pretty good, and is about to get better.

So, we get to my neighborhood, we smoked our 2 joints and then busted out a bowl...got really stoned. So, we go to my place and watch the 10 o'clock news, then Leno, then Conan. During that time, we had a bit of cuddlin', lots of massaging, nipple sucking, manuals, and such...for some reason we hadn't kissed yet though, which surprised me...

So, I go in for the kiss...planning to suck on her tongue, nibble on her lips, run my tongue along that small crevace on the roof of the mouth. I get there for the kiss and she's just fucking horrible. It was like a fucking alligator trying to eat down buckets of whipped cream. This disgusted me so much that I was unable to move...she was trying to eat me and my body was paralyzed...like a deer in headlights.

From this point on, my goal was to end the date. So I went to the kitched to, "Get a drink." So I cover my hand in ketchup and a bit of maple syrup, and mixed up well. I scream as loud as hell, run back there and freak her out, hop into my car and get the fuck out of there, screaming that I'd go to a hospital.

I never saw her again. I can't believe that bad kissing made me go to such great lengths. Oh well, I had a cigar afterwards and it made everything better.

Nice idea... wish ida thought of it

What the hell? You're such an ass. But a funny ass.

That's kind of extreme, no? Did she call you?

And where does the locked away memory come into the picture ?

fuckin funny shit

Uncus, duh?

Funny story.

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

What the hell? You're such an ass. But a funny ass.

That's kind of extreme, no? Did she call you?

It was an extreme reaction, which is probably why I locked the memory away...I couldn't believe I freaked out like that...I was acting the same way I did when I first started entering relationships (nervous, exaggerating, stupid).

Yes, she called me, and I told her it wasn't going to work because her "kiss" scared the shit out of me.

Sounds like she was kissin' the wrong * Part * of you.

I mean if that * alligator *, wanted to eat the * Cream *...

[This message has been edited by moonmeister (edited 07-25-2004).]

Haha, nice moonmeister.

Her blowjob wasn't that great either, now that you mention sucking cock.

you should have had her rim you

[This message has been edited by Televangelism Rapist (edited 07-26-2004).]

I tried not to laugh because people around me are sleeping, but I couldn't help it.

quote:Originally posted by Televangelism Rapist:

you should have had her rim you

[This message has been edited by Televangelism Rapist (edited 07-26-2004).]

Brother, if you're going to post in my threads, atleast tell some of your stories. I know you're ugly as shit, but so am I and I have plenty of fucked up stories...share a few or I'll hit you with your sais.

One time, I was fucking my ex in my friend's basement. I got off, and went down on her. After she came we started fucking again. Now, I'm not one of those guys that can generally cum twice in such a short time span, seeing as the second time around is a lot harder. So I was humping the hell outta this broad wishing that I could just stop.

I was tired and had already gotten my fix, and she wasn't any help. Screwing her was like fucking a dead body, except its eyes follow you and it has a stupid expression on it's face.

But, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I kept on going. After about 20 minutes and trying everything that I could to get off, I finally (barely) came *thank God*. Turns out that she had become so dry during the duration of the sex that I got pussy burn and she got dick burn. Sucked.

If I thought that I could have gotten away with faking it, I would have been a regular Meg Ryan with that girl. I need to get laid.