Hey guys,

I'm a 17 year old male. Over the past two weeks or so I have become very good friends with a girl. She hugs me at the end of anything we do together, she usually initiates the conversation on msn messenger, we recognize each other's voice on the phone, exc. So she defiantly (I hope) likes me. The problem is I want her as my girlfriend (not only for sex as you may think, me being 17) She's pretty, funny and nice. I was wondering what the best way of going about asking her out would be not just as a casual thing but to let her know I'd like to have her as my girlfriend, that would not ruin my friendship with her. I'm confident she'll say yes but I need advice; I don't want to go about this the wrong way and ruin our friendship. How should I ask her out

should I simply lead up to it and then say "Hey Jane (not her name ) do you want to go out with me?" or

"Hey, will you be my girlfriend?" or any other suggestions. Thanks. I know I sound like an idiot but you know I can't screw this up! here's the thing...this morning my good friend committed suicide, and i told her about it and shortly after her msn name became "let me hold you high and steal away your pain" then just now i noticed it has become "its just the symptoms of young love" A short while ago, my msn name was "damn cops go arrest some real criminals" and her's "kudos my friend"

Should I read this as being about me? Am I being totally daft here? Guys Thanks for any advice

quote: I'm confident she'll say yes

So why the fuss? Just ask. Sounds like a sure thing.

"Hey Jane, wanna go out with me?" will work just fine in your case.

Okay, this one is simple. Have you ever made out with her? If not, do so. After you become friends who make out and cuddle a lot, the transition to girlfriend is a pretty easy one.

No.

No, no, no.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!

Just don't. I'll elaborate, if you want me to, but I'm asking you to just take the word of someone with some very profound experience in this matter. It will NOT end up good for you. Please just remain good friends. I'm very serious. Find a girl who's your partner from the beginning (as in, you start off courting her, not as her friend). Turning a friend into a love hurts in the end..Badly.

^ agreed. don't ever ever ever ever EVER *shakes head wildly* date your friends.

it always ends badly. always.

[This message has been edited by bloodenangel (edited 07-17-2004).]

Ok... Do you kiss her (cheek, watever) often? If so, move on to kisssing her lips.

If you dont, start kissing her cheek watever often and then move on to lips... she'll understandyou want to be her boyfriend.

Another way you could do it is take her to a disco, ask her to dance with you (preferably a slow song)and whisper in her ears wat you feel about her, and when you finish your "speech" kiss her.

quote:Originally posted by fuckfriends:

Hey guys,

I'm a 17 year old male. Over the past two weeks or so I have become very good friends with a girl..................

listen, dont do it!

do not!

don't!

i repeat

DONT DO IT YOU STUPID FUCK!

if you all remember, i had the same problem it only ends up bad...



quote:Originally posted by Bleedthrough:

No.

No, no, no.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!





i agree with him ^^

ask her if she likes you, but you have to say it in a certain way, you know the way, all guys do, if she says yes say will you go out with me, and shell obviously say yes. if she says i dont know tell her you really like her and want to go out with her and see what she says. ask her out if all goes well. if she says no then say oh i was just wondering or something else weak like that so you dont look like an ass.

quote:Originally posted by Bleedthrough:

No.

No, no, no.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!

Just don't. I'll elaborate, if you want me to, but I'm asking you to just take the word of someone with some very profound experience in this matter. It will NOT end up good for you. Please just remain good friends. I'm very serious. Find a girl who's your partner from the beginning (as in, you start off courting her, not as her friend). Turning a friend into a love hurts in the end..Badly.



dude, thats so true...

Fuck what those with experience are saying: You NEED to learn this lesson first hand or you'll make the mistake some other time down the road. Go for it now while you're still young and can recover. DO IT! Ask her out, get this shit over with; the younger, the better.

That IS very true, and if you choose to take Op's advice, I suggest you prepare yourself for whatever may come. All signs point to a fucking lot of pain that might drive one to suicide or murder if that's your type, and definitely to, well, fucking soullessness for awhile. It's NOT pretty. But if you can pull through it, you WILL have some fucking very valuable wisdom and perspective for the future.

Don't let my glass-is-fucking-half-empty-and-I-fucking-hate-everything attitude deter you, though..You never know; you might be one of the lucky friend-couples who ends up perfect for each other. It can and does happen, kinda like Middle-East peace and Ralph Nader becoming President.

There's that attitude again; ignore me! Follow your own path, but consider me a road sign saying "Fucking huge, soul-killing dip ahead - maybe", or something.

Good luck to you, either way.

Damn, I learned this one at 16, but still haven't been able to convince myself that is entirely true that it never works and fucks things up, so I'll make this mistake one more time just to re-enforce that it never works.

On a side note, my situation was quite a bit different. I knew the girl for about a year or so and didn't start to like her until a couple months(!) before I told her what I thought. We were good friends and junk and all the stuff you described was pretty much the same, like on car trips laying her head on me and stuff, talking to me on MSN blah blah blah... Anyways when I told her I liked her (over the phone if that makes any difference) she said she never really thought of me that way and just wanted to be friends etc etc...

We didn't talk for a few weeks at all, but fortunatly I'm involved in a sport with her that we are both seriously into that neither would possibly quit so we still saw eachother for a few hours a couple times a week and eventaully started talking again then in no time back to being good friends. Now we are even better friends than we were before, and even though I can't deny I don't like her that way a little bit still it's not big deal at all, nothing I can't handle, and all is well.

Longish post for me, but at least it gives you an example with a happy ending, so after she rejects you, you can look forward to hopefully going back to being really good friends later. Looking back on the whole situation I'm glad she rejected me because if she didn't so many things would be so complicated and screwed up right now, within the group of people from the sport we do I mean.

a pretty goddamn smart and wise person told me the other day that she feels that we have two "true" loves in our lives, as opposed to one: The first one IS true, but not meant to last: Instead, he/she is there to, well, give you a motherfucking hell of a stab in the heart, but in doing so, to teach you a VERY fucking profound lesson, and to prepare you for your REAL "true love" later on down the road; the one that is meant to last. (Theory-originator, ID yourself if you want. )

EDIT: Removed irrelevant diatribe, posting it elsewhere.



[This message has been edited by Bleedthrough (edited 07-18-2004).]

^-- Great post, but either I'm too stupid too see how it relates to the topic at all, or it doesn't, could you explain if it does because the lesson being discussed in this thread is something I know I'm going to have to re-learn because the first time it didn't hurt me badly enough.

it doesn't relate at all

infrared the loser must think he is writing on his blog or his pathetic diary again or something.

go die infrared you fucking loser

ive lost a fair percentage of female friends from asking them out. if you want to be with them always show them that from the start

Ratt: Only the first paragraph relates. Then it kind of spirals off like most of my posts do. Heheh. Maybe I'll make a seperate thread out of it, or something.

quote:Originally posted by Avril Lavigne:

it doesn't relate at all

infrared the loser must think he is writing on his blog or his pathetic diary again or something.

go die infrared you fucking loser



It does relate. You're just too stupid to know how. And apparently also too stupid to properly type the language you speak. But what should I expect of someone who names his/herself after Avril fucking Lavigne?

quote:Originally posted by Bleedthrough:

No.

No, no, no.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!

Just don't. I'll elaborate, if you want me to, but I'm asking you to just take the word of someone with some very profound experience in this matter. It will NOT end up good for you. Please just remain good friends. I'm very serious. Find a girl who's your partner from the beginning (as in, you start off courting her, not as her friend). Turning a friend into a love hurts in the end..Badly.

Oh my god is this guy entirely correct (yes I'm agreeing with Infra, this is definitely one of the signs of Apocalypse).

I won't bother telling you the entire story (which was terribly profound, meaningful and heartbreaking for me but would be an Infra-style post [no offense Infra] to you guys), but if you really want to read it as it unfolds look for my old posts, you'll know which ones I'm talking about.

Long story short (because I just love wallowing in self-pity whenever possible): I moved to Utah and I made this really great friend who was a girl. She was really smart and pretty and we had the same sense of humor blah blah blah long story short, we became pretty good friends.

Now fast forward however much time and I go over to her house (what ever could this entail? Use your thinking caps people). My situation is a little different in that I was getting obvious signals from her, but we were "good friends" and nothing more until this point.

So I'm at her house and even though I'm incredibly timid when it comes to girls I figure I like her enough to do something so we make out. Then I tell her that I love her and we kiss more.

And so then I (being impatient/inexperienced) try to progress things further, and she's like "no way". So I'm like 'wtf' (except I don't say that because I actually respect other people [especially good friends]).

Long story short, and this is what she says, is that she had a boyfriend, but more relevant to your situation is that she just wanted us to be friends.

Except now we can't be friends because I told her that I loved her and that would be really awkward.

This is what will happen to you unless you're very lucky.

And when you end up losing that love, the best friend side of her is exactly what you'll be seeking for solace, and you won't have it. It's like double-heartbreak.

And hey, mook, I'm hurt, I'm hurt: We agree on things a lot, man! We're like this: || ! We're bro's from diff'rent ho's! And now this?!

You broke my heart, Mook. You broke my heart.

..Or something. Fuck off, I'm drunk. Cunt. I didn't mean that. Hell with it; time for more of my home-grown Opium. shiggedy-shiggedy-schwa.

I just contacted the one whom I experienced this with. I swear to God, this occurence is the modern world's Rites of Passage for boys into manhood.

The only flaw in your (fuckfriend's) thinking is the whole waffling thing that makes you think "I don't want to screw this up!" As Yogi Berra said, you can't think and hit at the same time.

If you're wanting something that will fundamentally change the friendship, then you can't be scared of "ruining the friendship". The only way to be certain of not doing that is to stay friends. You get it? You can't have it both ways.

So arrange a "real date" which can be any sort of outing that includes only the two of you doing something which allows for communication and paying attention to each other. Talk to her like she's your girlfriend. If she seems puzzled or bluntly asks what's up, you can tell her. It's also possible that she'll play along because she wants the same thing. Then you can steer things into a more romantic mode. If she's not into it, she'll let you know.

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:



It does relate. You're just too stupid to know how. And apparently also too stupid to properly type the language you speak. But what should I expect of someone who names his/herself after Avril fucking Lavigne?

Well if you really want to be a grammar nazi; in this specific case using the words "and" and "but" to begin a sentence is incorrect but what should I expect of a 14(15?) year old pothead who names herself Glitter fucking Punk112358?

Why don't you wait for her to take action man ?

If she likes you as much as you like her she's gonna ask you out.

Women these days know what they want and they sure as hell know where to get it.

Seriously, I would wait for her initiative, then when it goes wrong like most people here seem to think you can blame her. That's much easier on your conscience.

all my relationships have fucked up,so i can't say don't do it,cause ive gona out with a couple of chicks who were my friends and thats fucked up anyway.i did tell a chick friend i liked her a while ago,she freaked out.but fuck it,what ya got to lose?

I learned this lesson a couple of months ago... but currently, im trying to arrange plans with a girl who i am extrememly good friends w/ so i can tell her how i feel about her. I know she doesnt feel the same way, but its killing me inside not telling her... while at the same time, im scared shitless of fucking the friendship up. I guess i never learned, and i guess i never will...