haha, I saw this topic on another forum and found it quite humorous so I'd like to see all your crazy fucked up stories of a perfectly good beating session gone awry. Personallly, i have none...pretty boring i guess, whatever.

Came right in my goddamn mouth a couple times, in my eye once, got caught by Tweaker's girlfriend (well..wait, no, that was cool), forgot I had my ring on once, got the dreaded zipperteeth upon finishing once, and endured a near rod-breaking impact from a hardcover book which had fallen from the shelf above my bed of the time; I knocked it off by banging the wall with my head mistakenly (the long-haired one. No, no: Think feet, not inches).

Hilarious: The book was "Mein Kampf".

I wish it had been The Communist Manifesto instead. The softback one, from Signet.

College.

[This message has been edited by Bleedthrough (edited 07-12-2004).]

^^hilarious

I haven't really had too many wanking "disasters" but I have ruined a few good shirts.

One time I cut up a few habanero peppers(hottest pepper in the world) to make hot sauce and didn't wash my hands properly. I eventually forgot afew hours later. Needless to say, I spent the next half hour scrubbing my balls with a sponge and dish soap in an ice cold shower. I learned a valuble lesson that day, capaisin + balls = extreme pain.

Edit: Oh yeah, I forgot all about this. I guess I repressed it. One time I was THRASHING my wang in the shower, pounding the hell out of it. I was laying on my back sliding around on the soapy residue in the tub so I grabbed onto the soap holder thingy on the wall. I had just gotten to the good part and was leaning forward slightly holding myself up with the soap holder. With out warning, at the point of release, the soap holder snaped off the wall causing me to fall backwards hitting my head on the side of the tub while getting a facefull of my own juices. The funny part was attempting to explain to my mom why the soap holder was gone the next morning. I said I had slipped and hit it on the way down.



[This message has been edited by Half Blue (edited 07-13-2004).]

I once masturbated at the computer, sitting on the computer chair, and in the moment, forgot that said chair had wheels.

The wheels shot out and I got slammed to the floor, where I lay with my pants entwined round my ankles and the keyboard in several pieces scattered around the room,

and I'm laughing so hard and trying to smother it in my hoodie because it's 4am and my mum is in the next room..

XD

Well it's in the morning right now, so honestly, I have nothing better to do..

Basically I was jacking off, and my dad comes home, but I was on the second floor. But since he's the kind of guy who kicks off his shoes and bolts up the stairs. I had altogether about 4 seconds to get my pants on, and dive underneath the computer table to turn off the computer, which at this point you should be able to guess had some materials of sorts on it.

So anyways in the end he comes up wondering what the hell happened, and I told him the computer had crashed, and I was turning it off, and the loud bump he heard was me hitting my head because he scared me.

Lucky for me..

Anyways I beleive thats my worst, since my other involves my g/f walking in on me, and finishing for me. So.. that wasn't bad. Heh.

YO (http://www.kontraband.com/wordsview.asp?ID=144)

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

I once masturbated at the computer, sitting on the computer chair, and in the moment, forgot that said chair had wheels.

The wheels shot out and I got slammed to the floor, where I lay with my pants entwined round my ankles and the keyboard in several pieces scattered around the room,

and I'm laughing so hard and trying to smother it in my hoodie because it's 4am and my mum is in the next room..

XD



oMG 9ur1zz b347 0ff!!!!!1111!!!oneone!!!!wtf!!!111!!

I hadn't mastrubated for 4 days because we were moving. I was 13, and extremely fucking horny. We finally arrived in the new house, and that night, I mastrubated. It was good up untill the moment of orgasm, when I accidentally put my finger over the tip of my penis just before I ejaculated. It was the most painful thing ever to happen to my genitals.

I was doing it in the bathroom, and my sis forgot to turn her hair iron off. Hit the cord and it came flying over and landed, settling right on my shaft. I couldn't jack again for about 2 weeks of torture.

Hmm, whacking off disasters...Well occasionally I catch the end of it with my fingernails, that can hurt. Oh yeah, once I was whacking off in the bath and tried to see if using lube made a difference pleasure wise. Unfortuantely I used shampoo like a knob, which went in my pisshole and burnt like shit for an hour after.

B31|\|6 C4U6|-|7 BY _|0|_||2 6|24ND|\/|0+|-|3|2 |-|U|\/|P1N6 +3h C0|_|CH!

quote:Originally posted by ikilluslo:

B31|\|6 C4U6|-|7 BY _|0|_||2 6|24ND|\/|0+|-|3|2 |-|U|\/|P1N6 +3h C0|_|CH!

|)()|\|7|_|3\/4R1234|)|\/|\|/_|()|_||2|\|4|_464||\||_|4554073!11

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

I once masturbated at the computer, sitting on the computer chair, and in the moment, forgot that said chair had wheels.

The wheels shot out and I got slammed to the floor, where I lay with my pants entwined round my ankles and the keyboard in several pieces scattered around the room,

and I'm laughing so hard and trying to smother it in my hoodie because it's 4am and my mum is in the next room..

XD



And you're a girl. That turned me on.

Damn, I spank off too much.

1.I was furiously thrashing my wiener in the shower and As i was stroking my raging boner my mom walked in just to tell me that a friend called. Well that just pissed me off cuz I came and heard her voice at the same time.....I wasnt satisfied nope noway fuck that so i got it up again and got to the climax once again and as that happend my damn 2 year old brother slides the glass door open and my dog was right beside him...I came all over it (Thank god so much that my lil bro had his head turned preoccupied by a thread on my towel) So after that i hurried up and dried off than raced out of the shower to clean up the pooch..oman cum is a very hard thing to get out of dog hair lemme tell ya. That was my worst.

I gotta run ill tell more after im done with this damn Bass string.

quote: oman cum is a very hard thing to get out of dog hair

I rekon aye....I'll get a girl one day

I once wanked it with calamine lotion and my dick went numb.

quote:Originally posted by Fridgeseal:

I rekon aye....I'll get a girl one day

lol. I find it hard getting cum off my hand when I'm in the shower cause when it gets wet it sticks like shit to a blanket.

And I don't really have anything else to contribute to this thread. Maybe if I set it up so my step sister walks in on me I could....

I dont really have a wanking disaster. But this girl was giving me a hang job and I was just laying there not paying attention. She desided to use some lotion to I dont know anyways it so happened that it was pepper mint stuff and when she put it on it felt good nice and cool after about 20 seconds it was really cold and at the same time it kinda burned at the time I had no idea what she used so I started freaking out telling her I need to go home to do something at which point I spent an hour washing my balls trying to get that peppermint stuff off. It was some warming lotion stuff felt like aci hot. Now that sucked.

I was wanking and just cummed. But I didn't feel the second load coming and I had just relaxed and ended up shooting mself in the mouth.

you know how if you eat something minty, your mouth gets really cool if air hits it? well i used minty gel of some sort for lubricant once

oh man that was soooo cold!

Once, a long time ago when I first discovered it, I had the *STUPID* idea of using toothe paste as lube. Don't. Ever. Do. That.



Ever.



EDIT: Typo.



[This message has been edited by watchmeburn (edited 07-19-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by Half Blue:

Edit: Oh yeah, I forgot all about this. I guess I repressed it. One time I was THRASHING my wang in the shower, pounding the hell out of it. I was laying on my back sliding around on the soapy residue in the tub so I grabbed onto the soap holder thingy on the wall. I had just gotten to the good part and was leaning forward slightly holding myself up with the soap holder. With out warning, at the point of release, the soap holder snaped off the wall causing me to fall backwards hitting my head on the side of the tub while getting a facefull of my own juices. The funny part was attempting to explain to my mom why the soap holder was gone the next morning. I said I had slipped and hit it on the way down.



[This message has been edited by Half Blue (edited 07-13-2004).]

The same thing happened to me once as well. Well, actually not nearly as bad. I was laying down in the shower wacking off and after I finished I grabbed the soap holder as I was getting up and it came undone from the wall.

quote:Originally posted by watchmeburn:

Once, a long time ago when I first discovered it, I had the *STUPID* idea of using toothe paste as lube. Don't. Ever. Do. That.

Guess your name says it all.

quote:Originally posted by watchmeburn:

[B]Once, a long time ago when I first discovered it, I had the *STUPID* idea of using toothe paste as lube. Don't. Ever. Do. That.



Ever.B]

Haha I did that once, its a serious kind of burn.

quote:Originally posted by watchmeburn:

[B]Once, a long time ago when I first discovered it, I had the *STUPID* idea of using toothe paste as lube. Don't. Ever. Do. That.[B]

Once I tried using shaving cream as lube while in the shower. Needless to say, I never tried that again since.

[This message has been edited by Half Blue (edited 07-20-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by bunghole:

Haha I did that once, its a serious kind of burn.

So have I, heh. Lets make a club.

Actually, I think that the funniest (and probably most disgusting) masturbation story happened today.

Gabe, Chelsea (espcially you), you guys might not want to read this. Might be a little too much info for you guys.

I was hanging around the house today, bored, when I just decided to "clean my pipes". Got some porn goin' on the computer, still kinda bored, but at least jacking off. I was about to bust when I hear something knock on the side of the house.

I assumed that my brother had come home and had put my moped (yes, I own a moped...Bi9 Pi|\/|piN9!!!) back along the side of the house, so I shut off the porn and head for the back bathroom to finish my business when he knocks on the door. He doesn't have a key and I am always have to unlock the door for him. So I walk up to the door, unlock it, and start walking back to the back bathroom. Then I realize halfway there that he hasn't come in yet, which is odd since the door is unlocked, so I go check it out.

Turns out that it was Andrew (more of an old aquaitence than anything) and his friend who I had seen around school. So I let them in and Andrew introduces me to his friend and the whole while I'm hoping that this kid is too trashy to shake my hand. Wrong. I was thinking about shaking his hand first, since I'm left-handed (but use my right to do the business), but he already had his hand out and I didn't want to leave him hanging...that would have been akward . I had already whiped my hand on my shorts, but it was still a bit moist and tacky.

So I give this guy the biggest pussy handshake (and I fucking hate it when guys give me a pussy handshake) I have ever given in order to reduce the amount of skin-on-skin contact...but still!

What makes it even sadder is that before I got to wash my hands, I asked him for his name again (bad memory), to which he repeated his name...and shook my hand again.

P.S. Still can't remember his name.

P.P.S. I love your stories, yoyo. Always fun reading.

quote:Originally posted by Half Blue:

Once I tried using shaving cream as lube while in the shower. Needless to say, I never tried that again since.

(OT) Foam seems to work, so I assume you used gel? Anyways, toothpaste is actually a good lube if it's HEAVILY mixed with water. Then you get a bit of the sensation but nothing painful.

quote:Originally posted by Rico:

(OT) Foam seems to work, so I assume you used gel?

The gel works fine.

quote:Originally posted by Little Pea:



Gabe, Chelsea (espcially you), you guys might not want to read this. Might be a little too much info for you guys.



So I give this guy the biggest pussy handshake (and I fucking hate it when guys give me a pussy handshake) I have ever given in order to reduce the amount of skin-on-skin contact...but still!





lol

at least it wasnt chelsea or gabe you touched.

lol i have one majorly bad whacking disaster.

HAppened bout 3 years ago, when i was 15 (god those were the days lol). Anyway, i was on holiday with my rents in the south of france and made some friends with some ofther brits who were there. Anyway, just came back from the pool and was very very horny ( u ever seena nice french bird wearing a sring bikini? trust me thatll get anyone horny!) So i decided as my parents are out id have a whacking session in the tent, coz usually id have to go to the showers.

Anyway, 30 mins into doing the business (yes i said 30, its not a typo!) all of a sudden my mate appears at the door! he thought i was inside and just invited himself in! well he learned to knock after that and i learned to make sure i lock the bloody door!

Well a couple times Ive accidently(honestly, it was an accident) shot a load on my face or upper torso. And one time I was jerkin it infront of the comp and all I went to go on a peice of toilet paper I put down. Well I underestimated my force and basicly covered a nice section of the keyboard with jizz. I had to fucking clean it out by taking out some buttons going in every little groove with a small paintbrush. That was something I dont want to repeat. Nothing else except getting walked in on once.

:P! LOL... I dont have any good stories like u guys, the worst mishap that I have had was shooting self in the eye. it was nasty... BOy, Am I glad I have never shotmyself in the mouth, that would truely be fucking grossssssss