so, the old story.....what happens when someone you like lives in another state/country/non-traversable-distance? Do you think its possible to have a healthy, relatively normal relationship even though you wouldn't see that person? Has it ever worked?? Basically...is it worth the effort?!

The answer is no. Especially if you didn't know them that well to begin with. If you knew them for a few weeks then one of you moved away, or you met on holiday, it's basically a lost cause. No matter how well you think you get to know each other over the internet, phone, or in letters, you will never actually know the other person and you will have a false image of him or her. You will idealize them, and when you meet in person (even if you've met before), it'll be a huge shock to both of you. It's really not worth the pain for both of you. Unless you knew each other well before, it won't work. You can never fully get to know someone without actually spending time with them, not just talking on the phone and emailing them.

Long-distance relationships can strain even longtime marriages. If your commitment is anything less than marriage, don't count on it working.

Long-distance relationships may also work when both parties involved don't really even have time for a relationship. It gives mutual satisfaction in knowing there's "someone out there" that's "yours" but you don't really have to do much about it.

this all makes sense...but how about the ones that HAVE worked? why did they??

If you and him/her are uber-good at suppressing your sexual urges it might stand a chance. What do you mean about the distance being non-traversable? You mean ever?? Of course that won't work, you're having a relationship with bytes, or phone sex, nothing worth pursuing.

I speak from experience (one time). We were 1800 miles apart, saw each other about 3 or 4 times a year IRL.. it wasn't enough, although we did this for 2 1/2 years.

This shit rarely happened before the internet made it commonplace for people to "meet" people regulary over vast distances. I've met 15-20 people over the years that I knew from chat rooms or online singles sites, some as friends, some more. It's not much different than meeting people the "old-fashioned" way. There are internet-related nightmares. I've never had one but you hear about them.

Consider trying to meet people closer to your area. There are plenty out there and it will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

A lot of phone conversations, web cam intercourse, and trying to understand.

I am in a long-distance relationship. I've met the girl in person one time, and I'm going to see her again on the 21st of this month.

Has she gone behind my back?.. No. I know, because for one I trust her, and two, I've had several of her friends tell me, 'You have nothing to worry about Matt, shes not even interested in any other guy'.

As to why ours is working so well, I don't know.. chalk it up to 'soulmates' if you will. We never fight or argue, and we talk to each other every single day, and call each other at least 4 times a week. I suppose it works so well, not only because we stay in constant contact, but because we understand each other so well.

Most long-distance relationships fall because the needs of one or more people arn't met. I was so fortunate to find someone who is willing until such a time we can be closer together. That was VERY rare, and I wouldn't expect to find it twice. I'm perfectly happy not finding someone else, I have someone I love dearly, and thats enough.

Just my .02..

Regards,

V. Archimiel

On a different note, others will undoubtedly flame me and tell me how, 'Shes gonna change her mind, it won't work out'. Fuck 'em if they say that. I've been told, 'I promise you in 6 months or less you'll be ancient history'. You know when I was told that?

Last Halloween..

No VA, it's not an everyday occurrence, but happens. In your case it may be destiny at work, I hope so. Best of luck to ya buddy!

wow, vampire...that is truly inspiring. and yes, i wish you the best of luck whole-heartedly!!!

adding on, though, could you explain how not seeing each other affects the relationship? i mean, it would obviously be different if you saw the other person every day, wouldn't it? soo...how does that affect the image you have of her, and the flow of the relationship??

quote:Originally posted by nirgophile:

wow, vampire...that is truly inspiring. and yes, i wish you the best of luck whole-heartedly!!!

adding on, though, could you explain how not seeing each other affects the relationship? i mean, it would obviously be different if you saw the other person every day, wouldn't it? soo...how does that affect the image you have of her, and the flow of the relationship??

Nirgo, I'm 21 years old, and I have cried over this girl at LEAST every 3 days since the 21st of April. I STILL cry over not getting to see her. At times, it is the one and only thing I want to do. As they say, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', and with every passing day, the desire between the two of us grows stronger. When I see her again on the 21st... it will be just.. I can't describe it..

quote:Has she gone behind my back?.. No. I know, because for one I trust her, and two, I've had several of her friends tell me, 'You have nothing to worry about Matt, shes not even interested in any other guy'.

As to why ours is working so well, I don't know.. chalk it up to 'soulmates' if you will. We never fight or argue, and we talk to each other every single day, and call each other at least 4 times a week. I suppose it works so well, not only because we stay in constant contact, but because we understand each other so well.

It's much easier to talk with people and get to know them on the phone and internet. This is typical. It seems like a soulmate thing. I know peopel who have done it. It does not work. You are idealizing each other.

quote:Originally posted by stephanina:

It's much easier to talk with people and get to know them on the phone and internet. This is typical. It seems like a soulmate thing. I know peopel who have done it. It does not work. You are idealizing each other.

You cannot say that for sure Steph. Because it doesn't work with some people doesn't mean it doesn't work at all. My Pagan mentor met her husband through the Internet, and they've been together 9 years and ADORE each other..

The relationship between us has held with no problems whatsoever for nearly a year, and I do not anticipate any problems in the distant future.

Vamp, are you gonna meet at the mall in Cary again?

quote:Originally posted by lordsjohnson:

Vamp, are you gonna meet at the mall in Cary again?

No.

That time my parents took me. This time I'm boarding a Greyhound. Problem is, the Greyhound only goes to Raleigh, so I'll take whats called the C-Tran and have it drop me off at her door in Cary.

Why Lords? Were you interested in perhaps meeting or something?

Vamp, I just thought it was funny because the first time you two met in the mall in Cary I had just been through Cary that day at exactly the time you guys were meeting.

Obviously you guys wanna spend time together, but if you two ever send out invites for Totse members to meet up I'll try and make it.

Long distance relationships are VERY hard. I know, I am in one right now. But, the point is, they can work, it just depends on how much you love each other.

My story is this.... nick and I were best friends for a long time. I told him that I had feelings for him, and he told me he didn't A few months go by and I say that I don't have feelings for him anymore (but i do)and he is like ok. 6 months go by and he tells me that he is in love with me. And then I tell him the truth to. We dated for 2 months and I moved to another state. It has been almost 2 months without my best friend and love of my life. He is moving up here in 2 weeks and we are getting an apartment together.

I LOVE YOU NICK!

quote:Originally posted by Vampire Archimiel:

My Pagan mentor met her husband through the Internet, and they've been together 9 years and ADORE each other..

You're blowing smoke.

The internet was still in its infancy in 1995. There's no way this is possible.

quote:Originally posted by Mr. Self Destruct:



The internet was still in its infancy in 1995. There's no way this is possible.



The internet was around before 1995, and I can attest from personal experience that the internet and even the web was quite functional in '95.

Compuserve and AOL were the kings, IRC was functioning, and they had plenty of chat rooms.

quote:The relationship between us has held with no problems whatsoever for nearly a year, and I do not anticipate any problems in the distant future.

As I said, I've known people like this. They met in person, got to know each other over the phone/ internet, and they really, really liked each other. Then they met again, and kaboom! Mental image smashed. You really cannot know someone without spending lots of time with them. I cannot stress this enough. Even if you can go without fucking other people and you seem to get along perfectly, well, that's because everything is better over the phone. You can articulate in emails much better than you can in person. Everything is different. I believe you that you get along wonderfully and have no problems. I just wouldn't be so sure it would carry into real life, if I were you. It's like a very realistic fantasy that you are both participating in.

There was a couple that met over the internet, had an internet relationship thing, and got married over the internet. They never met in person because they didn't want to ruin it. They were smart.

My teacher, he tought something about businesses gave us a quote, told us that it can be used for everything. This is one of them. If I remember it correctly it goes.

"If the cost is more than the final outcome, then it's worthless" Couldnt be more true in your situation.

quote:Originally posted by Vampire Archimiel:

I am in a long-distance relationship. I've met the girl in person one time, and I'm going to see her again on the 21st of this month.

Has she gone behind my back?.. No. I know, because for one I trust her, and two, I've had several of her friends tell me, 'You have nothing to worry about Matt, shes not even interested in any other guy'.

As to why ours is working so well, I don't know.. chalk it up to 'soulmates' if you will. We never fight or argue, and we talk to each other every single day, and call each other at least 4 times a week. I suppose it works so well, not only because we stay in constant contact, but because we understand each other so well.

Most long-distance relationships fall because the needs of one or more people arn't met. I was so fortunate to find someone who is willing until such a time we can be closer together. That was VERY rare, and I wouldn't expect to find it twice. I'm perfectly happy not finding someone else, I have someone I love dearly, and thats enough.

Just my .02..

Regards,

V. Archimiel

On a different note, others will undoubtedly flame me and tell me how, 'Shes gonna change her mind, it won't work out'. Fuck 'em if they say that. I've been told, 'I promise you in 6 months or less you'll be ancient history'. You know when I was told that?

Last Halloween..

Yet another master at the game. We never fight... blah blah bla. Thats because there is no body language in LD relationships.

Body language is what 80 percent of what you talk about the rest is just bullshit. So thats why.

quote:Originally posted by stephanina:



As I said, I've known people like this. They met in person, got to know each other over the phone/ internet, and they really, really liked each other. Then they met again, and kaboom! Mental image smashed.

Hey wait... who are you talking about?

quote:Hey wait... who are you talking about?

Don't worry, not you. Aussies. I thought I would leave you to contribute your story if you so pleased, it's not my business to post about it. I don't know enough about it.