This is just a post. It means nothing and intends to go nowhere. I just have to get this out of my system.

I am so lonely. I was forced to move to and live in Birmingham Alabama on February 8, 2002. A town I affectionately refer to as "the cesspool of the south".

If you are a white man in this city you haven't got a chance. Don't get me wrong, I'm not prejudice or a bigot at all. It is just a fact. You see, the majority of the people of the inner city here are poor and black. The upper middle class and rich folks live out in the burbs and they have this thing about having blacks work for them in the service industry, painting, housework, remodeling ect. Get the picture? If you are poor, like myself, you have to live in the inner city and work for blacks. I don't have a problem with that as long as I have work, but the crews I work for has brothers, cousins and homeboys they have to look after first before they throw me a bone or two. I'm a house painter by trade and probably older than most of you on totse.com. It's hard when I can't work but its good money when I do.

This town is weird. I have not been able to find a girlfried here to share with. The few I've come across have been literally crazy. It's because they've been jaded by others before me. It's frustrating here and it is driving me crazy too.

Anyway, I'm so lonely. It seems that women want guys with money - or cocaine. I could care less about that but I would like to have someone to laugh with, to cook for, to talk to and to be close to on nights like this.

Like I said above. I'm older than most of you I suppose. Most of you, if you think like I did when I was young, think you have forever to live. When I was young I never had trouble with girls. My phone rang off the hook. All the girls had to do was choose who they wanted. It was good back then. When you get old you become transparent. Older women for me are collecting social security checks so I have to find one that is young. The problem with that is they want money and lots of it. It's a cold world out there.

There's nothing better than having someone look into your eyes and tell you they care for you. There's nothing like feeling someones breath against your skin while you're holding them. I cherish my memories and would give anything to have them return.

You can flame me if you want. I probably deserve it. I just wanted to get this out anonymously.

Peace!

you should get a pet. a cat maybe, i have a cat.

here kitty kitty kitty..

Sorry to hear about that. Sounds like a real downer. May I ask what's "forcing" you to stay there? You'd be surprised at how much power you have to change things if you want to badly enough (and can endure some rough times). I wouldn't say this if I hadn't gone through that myself, and I'm probably older than you.