As some of you know, earlier this year I ended a realationship that had lasted a year and two months. There were many reason for the break-up, but over time I have realized that her having a realationship with another guy was the foundation of many of the reasons. The thing that I am not sure about is whether or not she actually cheated on me.

The situation is a little complicated, so lemme explain.

I was taking extra classes to make up credit and she was working and we both had regular high school schedules so we weren't able to spend as much time as we used to together, although we still spent every spare minute with eachother.

She atarted hanging out at the house of an old friend of my brother's named Noah who had a room-mate named Andy while I was at school. I was cool with it because I didn't want to seem controling and I trusted her and I also didn't want to give her an excuse to bitch if I wanted to hang out with a girl.

The situation soon changed though. She started hanging out over there even when I was home and trying to contact her. This may not seem unreasonable, but our relationship had never been like this before. We had always spend every spare moment together; but now I was sitting at home waiting for her to call me (sad, I know).

Anyways, I'll cut to the chase. All of a sudden she tells me this bullshit about her thining that we aren't going to be spending the rest of our lives together, that I might want to see other people. You know, the usual bullshit that you feed someone when you are trying to get what you want.

Three days later she breaks up with me.

Three hours later she tracks me down and asks me to take her back, that she realized that she didn't want anyone but me blah blah blah and that Andy had helped her ocme to this conclusion. Against my better judgement, I took her back. Two weeks later I find out that she had been "seeing" Andy for a while. They hadn't done anything physical "while we were going out" (fucking bitch) but the "talked" a lot and expressed their "feelings" twards eachother. And apparently during the three hours that we had been broken up she had gone over to Noah's house and made out with Andy, before of course realizing that I was the only guy for her.

I tell her that she can't see him any more, which I don't think was too unreasonable, although I should have just ended it then and there. She talks to him about it blah blah blah and stops seeing him, whatever.

The relationship goes South, of course. She says that she can't trust me because I got stoned with my drummer, who is a girl, and hung out with her in my father's car in the middle of the night (which doesn't look too good, I know) where we just sat around being cold and stoned. She of course needs more attention from me to get over Andy but I had grown distant from her (I wonder why...dur), but didn't quite know why. I wanted to be close to her and love her. Only after months did I figure out what the hell was really going on.

Wellp, after all of that bullshit, my question is: did she cheat on me?

I know that it may sound like a stupid question to ask, but after 6 months I am still not sure about it. It feels like she did, but I just don't know. I am not asking for someone to choose for me whether she did or didn't. I just want some third party opinions with a little insight that may enlighten me a little.

Thanks if you've read all of this (God, I sound like Infra).

I know exactly what you feel like, I was in the same situation with my x that lasted about 10months. I wonder if she cheated on me as well, she also came telling me to tak her back. im still in love with her but I dont want her back.

I know date and fuck other chicks but i try not to get to close to them or let them get close to me. I had a chick crying because i told her my mom dint let me have a gf im 18 by the way. but its just i dont want that to happend again, high school is nothing but drama.

to answer your question she did cheat on you, dont ask me how i know but I just have the feeling she did.

my advise is to see other girls and make them fall in love with you but dont let yourselfe fall in love with them.

why does it matter?

quote:Originally posted by greyhat7:

...my advise is to see other girls and make them fall in love with you but dont let yourselfe fall in love with them.

I've dated a couple of girls since and am now with one whome I have a really great relationship with.

quote:Originally posted by SARDONICPILLOW:

why does it matter?

I guess that it's just sort of a closure thing. I just want to see the whole picture as it is...or was.

Sounds to me like she was sampling the goods and seeing if she wanted something else while she still had the "security" of a relationship. Of course I could be totally wrong, but I wouldn't dream of hanging out at a "friend's" house while keeping my bf waiting for me, unless there was something going on.

yes she cheated on you. if she didnt, i may have to rethink all i know about humanity.

so i think im pretty safe.

I'd feel cheated on if I were you.

Yep she cheated on you. And even if she didnt, she still fucked up.

even if she didn't cheat on you she treated you like shite and played headgames, good thing you dropped her arse.

on a side note, you shouldn't plan your entire future around a highschool relationship, well, usually.

ok, looks like im gonna have to be the first idiot

show her your pimp hand is way strong!

your gonna loose contact with her for a couple of months, than one day out of the blue shes going to call you, and your going to fall in love again.

quote:Originally posted by greyhat7:

your gonna loose contact with her for a couple of months, than one day out of the blue shes going to call you, and your going to fall in love again.

Happened to me. Though, I was the one that fucked up. She's the one that called me back. I played around for a little bit, hard to get. Then when I was ready, I decided to dive into the relationship. I think I love her now, but who knows.

I'd say this sounds more like me: "Yes, she cheated on you, and you let yourself become a sap the second you bought into her bullshit and took her back. You might as well have written "WELCOME" on your back."

Good job realizing it though, finally, and getting out....doormat.

(Tough love, LP, tough love: I'm in fact quite fond of your posts and advice. But I didn't appreciate the crack at the end of this one.)

Cheating is a question of preset expectations, assuming you are in our defult relationship you were cheated on. But you wouldn't have been cheated on if you had given her permission to do it. (sounds stupid i know) I am saying that the normal standards of relationships are bluring and casual sex is a common past time, why not make itr avaliable while still in a relationship. Sex and love are two diffrent universes, why should we associate them so closely...

quote:Originally posted by Bleedthrough:

I'd say this sounds more like me: "Yes, she cheated on you, and you let yourself become a sap the second you bought into her bullshit and took her back. You might as well have written "WELCOME" on your back."

Good job realizing it though, finally, and getting out....doormat.

(Tough love, LP, tough love: I'm in fact quite fond of your posts and advice. But I didn't appreciate the crack at the end of this one.)

Yeah...unfortunetly I didn't realize what a stupid mistake I had made until a couple of months later. I've slowly pieced the whole thing together over time. I just didn't know what was going on in my head at the time; but whatever it was cause our relationship to finally end (thank god).

And in my little joke I was reffering to the length of my post, although I couldn't write half as much as you if I tried.

P.S. Why the name change? I must have missed something. If you have already explained it in another thread just post a link for me, thanx.

[This message has been edited by Little Pea (edited 06-28-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by Little Pea: Yeah...unfortunetly I didn't realize what a stupid mistake I had made until a couple of months later. I've slowly pieced the whole thing together over time. I just didn't know what was going on in my head at the time; but whatever it was cause our relationship to finally end (thank god).

Hindsight is always 20/20, as the old saying goes. Don't you just fucking hate yourself sometimes for not seeing things that were "RIGHT in front of me!!" the whole time? All one can really do is learn from it, so one doesn't repeat the same mistake.

quote:And in my little joke I was reffering to the length of my post, although I couldn't write half as much as you if I tried.

Heheh, ok. I just get defensive about that, because what I run across most often are people who give me this "stop being so emotional" shit. As for not being able to make a long post; hey, if you can say the same things in fewer words, cool. I actually do appreciate a concise writer, believe it or not. I tend to appreciate qualities in people that are opposite my own, lately.

quote:P.S. Why the name change? I must have missed something. If you have already explained it in another thread just post a link for me, thanx.

Got bored.

My 2 cents..

She cheated on you when she kissed him.

Wether she did before or didnt, isnt the issue. The issue is that you cant trust her. She broke up with you, and ran to him and got with him. How do you know she didnt get with him or go further while she was over there all those other times?..My point exactly, you dont know. But are you supposed to trust her after what she did?

I dont think she cheated on you, as in physically with that other guy. I think she was over there for the same reason that other guy said, she was having a taste of whats out there to see what or WHO she wants.

Forget about her. Dont even think about her, or worry about her. If she hadnt broken up with you, she would have stayed with you while seeing that other guy and probably fucked him as well.

Move on.

quote:Originally posted by xcon:

...Move on.

Did that quite a while ago. It's just that that relationship was pivotal in my life. It was the first serious relationship that I had ever been in, I lost my virginity to her, and we were together for a year and two months, so obviously there is a lot to reflect on. This is just one issue where I have been stuck.