Get used to me being late. 10 minutes won’t kill you. Women live longer than men anyway, so what are freaking out about?

Get used to me being impatient.

Get used my double standards.

Get used to me being insecure sometimes. I’m not insane or anything, but I can be silly, from time to time.

Get used to my female friends. Yes they’re good looking, yes they’re flirtations and I don’t care how slutty their names are.

Get used my double standards.

Get used to my male friends. Yes they’re idiots, yes they’re bad influences and I don’t care how they treat their girlfriends. They were around before you got here, and they’ll be around long after you’re gone.

Get used to my apathy. I just don’t fucking care, deal with it.

Get used to making other plans on Tuesday nights. Its poker night, and I’m going, and no, you can’t come. It’s a guy thing. Same goes for other ‘guy’ things like concerts, bar hopping, arcades, and guy-flick action movie marathons. I don’t care if you like my friends and they like you, and I don’t care if you ‘don’t mind’ watching guy movies. I don’t want to be on a date every time I leave the goddamn house!

Get used to be being sexist. I didn’t say you can’t play poker because you’re a girl, I said you can’t play poker with me because you’re a girl.

Get used to me disappearing for days at a time. If we have plans, I won’t ditch you, but I’m not going to call you to check in. You’re not my mother.

Get used to me doing dangerous, stupid things. You wanna worry? Fine. Worry. Don’t lecture me. You’re not my mother.

My single life has begun, and I’m feeling strangely irritated. These were some causes of re-occurring problems in my last, and other past relationships. They re-occurred, because I’M NOT CHANGING and we’d get along a lot better if she just accepted it, and got used to it.



[This message has been edited by nocuous (edited 06-23-2004).]

Get used to being single.

... of course, you will grow up. I guess your attitude is very typical of a highschool-aged guy. You'll learn which of those conditions to hold on to and which to let go of.

Of course, the girls grow up as well and stop behaving like clingy, insecure little control freaks... so it all evens out in the end anyway.

No one is perfect. Everyone has their issues, this is a list of my major ones. I'm sure whoever I end up with next will have her own list, and I'm sure I'll just have to ...get used to it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm open to compromise. But by definition, you can only do half of the compromising yourself.

[This message has been edited by nocuous (edited 06-23-2004).]

Nothing at all unreasonable about that list. When I was single, I was exactly the same way, on most of those counts. As single people should be.

Some people need a relationship like they need a hole in the head. Not every date has to turn into a commitment, and not every cool, attractive female you meet has to become a girlfriend.

I'm a strong girl and I like strong men, I like my own independence... all I'm saying is that making it all about you is doing yourself just as much of a disservice as making it all about her. You have to learn to get along with your mate so that both of you are equally interested in the other's wellbeing and happiness... so that neither you nor she ever have to worry about laying down the law or sticking up for yourselves.

I noticed a comment about high school aged guys?I believe that is quite stereotypical, I am 17 and in no way do I have the same attitude towards my girlfriend, I dont mind cancelling plans with the guys to do things with them, and vice versa, some times the two partys in the relashionship need to compromise and realize that the other person may want to do somthing different for a change.

Only thing i saw 'objectable' in that list was the one about disappearing for days at a time without telling anyone. you should at LEAST tell her when you're leaving and when you'll be back. And if its over three days, a phone call wouldn't hurt.

Major props on that one noc. Tonight- we drink to you. Heh.

Making a list of things that you do not want to/will not change for a relationship is not unreasonable, as long as you realize that your partner may have a list of their own.

Maybe I misunderstood. I thought this was nocuous's declaration as a newly single guy. A guy who wants all that in a girlfriend is confused.

A guy would need to find a girl who's either very addled or has no self-esteem in order for her to agree to those terms in a committed relationship.

To those of you who object, what parts do you object to and why?

I've been feeling really bitter so I'd say this list isn't the most accurate representation.

Glad to see you listened to me about figuring yourself out/searching the soul. As for the bitterness, it's inexorable, but pretty much anything you feel this early on is normal, and you shouldn't repress it. Stay the course, man. It's a rocky and unpredictable one, but not impossible to come out of. Don't forget to focus on the good stuff, too.

-Infrared

quote:Originally posted by nocuous:

Get used to me being late. 10 minutes won’t kill you. Women live longer than men anyway, so what are freaking out about?

I won't freak out if you won't..

quote:Get used to me being impatient.

Then get used to putting me in a really bad mood.

quote:Get used to me being insecure sometimes. I’m not insane or anything, but I can be silly, from time to time.

Same here...

quote:Get used to my female friends. Yes they’re good looking, yes they’re flirtations and I don’t care how slutty their names are.

As long as you know my limits and respect them, same goes for you. The minute you give me a reason not to trust you, though, things are going to change.

quote:Get used my double standards.

Get used to mine...

quote:Get used to my male friends. Yes they’re idiots, yes they’re bad influences and I don’t care how they treat their girlfriends. They were around before you got here, and they’ll be around long after you’re gone.

From past experience, your male friends will probably all love me, and likewise... can you handle that?

quote:Get used to my apathy. I just don’t fucking care, deal with it.

You get what you give... don't complain when you get some bitch who doesn't give a shit about you either.

quote:Get used to making other plans on Tuesday nights. Its poker night, and I’m going, and no, you can’t come. It’s a guy thing. Same goes for other ‘guy’ things like concerts, bar hopping, arcades, and guy-flick action movie marathons. I don’t care if you like my friends and they like you, and I don’t care if you ‘don’t mind’ watching guy movies. I don’t want to be on a date every time I leave the goddamn house!

Lame, fucking lame... this one I have the biggest problem with. I love concerts, bar hopping, arcades, action movies, and in general hanging out with guys. A relationship with someone who doesn't welcome me along to those activities would be very very dull. In fact, I'd be going to the same concerts, bars, movies, and arcades anyway, so I would bump into you regardless. Then what will your buddies think of you, eh? Man up and learn how to have a good friendship with your girlfriends for christsake. It's not about dates, dude. And it's not about always being together either. There are times in every relationship where the guy or girl has a mates night out, but banning your partner from all those activities is completely out of line.

quote:Get used to be being sexist. I didn’t say you can’t play poker because you’re a girl, I said you can’t play poker with me because you’re a girl.

Get used to being made fun of by your mates because you're so goddamn insecure about the fact that your girl has a better poker face than you and you're terrified of her beating your pathetic ass in front of them.

quote:Get used to me disappearing for days at a time. If we have plans, I won’t ditch you, but I’m not going to call you to check in. You’re not my mother.

Then get used to being pulled over by the cops because you've been called in as a missing person. You either have the decency to give me five minutes of your time just to say goodnight or goodmorning, or you might as well never bother to call again.

quote:Get used to me doing dangerous, stupid things. You wanna worry? Fine. Worry. Don’t lecture me. You’re not my mother.

Same here, you're not my father, no lectures!

quote:My single life has begun, and I’m feeling strangely irritated. These were some causes of re-occurring problems in my last, and other past relationships. They re-occurred, because I’M NOT CHANGING and we’d get along a lot better if she just accepted it, and got used to it.



Thing is, you will change, and probably not in the ways your partner will like either. You'll get lazy, start taking them for granted, you'll stop pulling anything even closely resembling romance... oh, you will change.

Like I said, your partner should have your best interests in mind... you shouldn't have to worry about sticking up for yourself, or defending yourself against her will. She should be just as interested in you getting out and having a good time with the boys every now and then as you are in her having a hen's night out. Mutual support and understanding is key to happiness in cohabitation, none of this bullocks about "my way or the highway!" Yeah, be strong, be independant... don't ever let yourself get walked on... but that means finding a girl who won't walk on you, even if you give her the opportunity.

That looks like fun, Sarc. I want to play, to. Mine won't be as good, though.

quote:Originally posted by nocuous:

Get used to me being late. 10 minutes won’t kill you. Women live longer than men anyway, so what are freaking out about?

Actually, I'm the jerk who keeps the guy waiting. When you arrive 10 minutes late, I'll still keep you waiting another 10 minutes. At least.

quote:Get used to me being impatient.

Okay.

quote:Get used my double standards.

Depends on the issues. If you yell at me for not being ready when you're 10 minutes late, I'll laugh at you.

quote:Get used to me being insecure sometimes. I’m not insane or anything, but I can be silly, from time to time.

Okay.

quote:Get used to my female friends. Yes they’re good looking, yes they’re flirtations and I don’t care how slutty their names are.

Knowing your history of getting together with female friends, I'd consider this a potential problem, and would refuse to enter any sort of commitment with you. If you want to keep it casual while I see others, fine.

quote:Get used to my male friends. Yes they’re idiots, yes they’re bad influences and I don’t care how they treat their girlfriends. They were around before you got here, and they’ll be around long after you’re gone.

The assumption I'd be "gone" bothers me, so this attitude is another reason I wouldn't want anything exclusive, just casual. And I can do better than a guy that keeps company with idiots and knows it.

quote:Get used to my apathy. I just don’t fucking care, deal with it.

Apathy about what? The relationship? Then why the hell are you in one? About getting a job and making a living so you don't have to live with your parents when you're 25? Bye. About life, humanity, society, politics, fashion and etiquette? Fine.

quote:Get used to making other plans on Tuesday nights. Its poker night, and I’m going, and no, you can’t come. It’s a guy thing. Same goes for other ‘guy’ things like concerts, bar hopping, arcades, and guy-flick action movie marathons. I don’t care if you like my friends and they like you, and I don’t care if you ‘don’t mind’ watching guy movies. I don’t want to be on a date every time I leave the goddamn house!

Agreed completely. Guys need this, and I'd want to be as far away from it as possible.

quote:Get used to be being sexist. I didn’t say you can’t play poker because you’re a girl, I said you can’t play poker with me because you’re a girl.

That's not sexist. See previous comment. Besides, you'd lose to me, and that's a bad thing for a relationship.

quote:Get used to me disappearing for days at a time. If we have plans, I won’t ditch you, but I’m not going to call you to check in. You’re not my mother.

This is appropriate for young people, but my fiance wouldn't dream of doing that, nor would I to him, since we live together.

quote:Get used to me doing dangerous, stupid things. You wanna worry? Fine. Worry. Don’t lecture me. You’re not my mother.

My guy plays with chemistry. Sometimes there's an unexpected fire, sometimes fumes that force us to evacuate the apartment for a few hours. It's all good.

quote:My single life has begun, and I’m feeling strangely irritated. These were some causes of re-occurring problems in my last, and other past relationships. They re-occurred, because I’M NOT CHANGING and we’d get along a lot better if she just accepted it, and got used to it.

[/B]

They recurred because a relationship isn't really what you want/need. So, the question remains. Why would you even want to be in a relationship at all when your unfettered freedom is so crucial? Such freedom is fine and good, but why give yourself the headaches of having to constantly defend it around a girlfriend?

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 06-24-2004).]

...In conclusion, Noc, looks like you're not quite ideal boyfriend material right now. Don't try to be, either - another relationship would likely make things even worse.

And hmm, I think I'll play, but differently, considering I'm a guy. I'm recently heartfucked and still single, though, so it's not entirely irrelevant..Nocuous-style post for a would-be gal:

-Family and good friends will always, always, always, always take precedence over you, no matter what. It doesn't mean I don't love you or care about you. "Get used to it". Try to come between any of us and you're gone.

-I too am extremely impatient, when it comes to bitching and long lines, and I'll get vocal about it sometimes, too. Yes, it's immature and unbecoming. Get used to it. I'll be patient with you if you're rational with me.

-I'm a quiet person who can carry on a conversation much better than I can start one. I'm silent. It doesn't mean I'm pissed at you or wishing I was with the hot Tuscano babe who just walked by.

-I'm very, very, very opinionated, and often rather impietous and inflammatory in my expression of said opinions. Stop complaining that I need to lighten up: I'm light as a feather. A critical feather.

-My hair is long and wild, and I love it that way, and no, I won't take a few inches off, consider straightening it or add hilights until I decide to, so save it. It's clean, it's wavy, it's shiny, and all yours to run your fingers through, so knock it off, ok?

-I'm devoted to you and always respectful of you in public, and I only stare at other women when you're not looking. So please be devoted to me and respectful in public, check out other guys when I'm not looking, and save the fucking exposed silk thong for our bedroom, ok?

-Teasing other guys in front of me and letting them flirt with you, even if you have no intentions at al with them, is very enraging and hurtful to me. Don't do it. I don't do it to you with other women.

-I'm a very, very, very, very serious person: Your joke about how you pretend I'm Chris Isaac in bed will be taken literally by me, I won't believe your "I'm just joking, Tommy!"s, and I'll likely smack you back with an equally-hurtful "joke". I can take a JOKE - I can't take remarks that I feel are veiled truths.

-Don't slag on my music. I'm a rocker. If you can't handle The Doors or Nine Inch Nails, I can't handle Jewel or Enya. And I fucking hate rap.

-I'm a very contradictory person who changes vastly in mood almost daily, can get VERY emotional, and REALLY doesn't handle disdainful shit when upset: All I need is some compassion. When I'm angry, don't avoid me or yell at me to calm down: Touch my face with your hand, sit down with me, lean your head against me. I'll soften right up. That is, unless it's you I'm angry at; I'll probably just avoid you. Give me my space.

-I'll always be very, very, very, passionate, loving, devoted, understanding, respectful, caring, generous, honest, fucking sincere to you, and I'd do anything to make you happy, to ease your pain, to help you solve your problems, to make you smile (except compromise my integrity or my priorities, such as family). Will you be the same to me?

-I'll also, however, be a very mood-variant, slightly bitter, emotional, hurtful, thick-headed, angry, self-serving, arrogant, narcissistic, critical (not of you, always), annoying, and immature person, at times, who will be a huge stress on your resolve and patience, and even heart, during those moments, but I don't ever want to be - It's just that my passion is also negative. Are you understanding and devoted enough to handle me? Are you trusting enough to recognize the sincerity in my remorse later-on? If you can understand the me, I can understand the you.

-I also own guns, do drugs, hate bars, love rock, wear wifebeaters in the house, leave stubble in the sink (and on my face: I shave but once every couple weeks or so), watch Spongebob Squarepants, drink Everclear straight from the bottle, wear my boots all the time, squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, like whole milk, own a big fucking dog, a cat with a number for a name (47), and say stupid things sometimes. Can you handle some of my quirks? I'll accept yours, and I'll give up drugs for you if you're sincerely hurt or concerned by it. I'll even go to the bar or hang out with your chick friends with you if you can go shooting with me and deal with me cranking "Break on through" by the Doors at max volume in my truck.

-I'm extremely easy to hurt, once I love you enough. Take advantage of me for this and you'll damage me, but you'll also be damaged. Handle me with care, and I'll always treasure you. I'm actually a very strong and resolute person, but you know my weak spots.

-Cheating on me = losing me, no exceptions

-I'm an absolutely wild-horny man who really, really, really wants you, because I love you, and because you're so, so, so much fun in bed, and I love it when I tear your hose or leave bruises or teethmarks. I also love romantic, hours-long lovemaking where we cherish each other and stay up all night. Are you willing to have lots of sex? Can you be romantic and wild, and not constantly wanting one of either type? Will I scare you if I grab you and throw you to the bed, or if I press you against the wall and start undressing you? Do you like it in the ass? (Like I told you: Honest). You know I'll try almost anything with you, and your pleasure comes first to me.

-I'm fucking smart and I use big words; a nerd, if you will. Do you know what I mean by "loquatious"? It's ok if you don't, but you know how to use a dictionary, right? Please refrain from complaints about my speech, too, because that gets annoying.

-Basically...I'll always be good to you, yet very hard on you when those moments come, and I'll expect you to be good to me, and I'll also do my best to understand your harshness to me or your actions, during those moments. Can you accept this?

Okay, that's far more than enough. I could post more, but damn, I'd kill you all. Heh. If you read this, know that I'd give you back the lost time in a jar, if I could.

-Infrared

Damn Infrared, where do you find the time to type those long replies?

Anyway, Noc you sound a lot like my boyfriend. Some of those traits bother the crap out of me, but some are just fuel for my own independence. We live together, so he doesn't disappear for days, but he has all the other traits going for him. If I don't like it though, I just give him a taste of his own medicine. I will say this though, when you find the right girl you will be willing to compromise some of those things.

From my point of view, I’m not really being unreasonable at all. I might be asking a lot, but considering the amount I’m willing to give it isn’t all that bad. The key issue here is that I’m 18, and I’m used to a lot of independence, (mostly due to my fractured family life) and cramping me is a big no-no in the Book of Noc.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Actually, I'm the jerk who keeps the guy waiting. When you arrive 10 minutes late, I'll still keep you waiting another 10 minutes. At least.

I live downtown, or I should I say, I mostly hang out downtown. I can drive but I rarely have access to a car, as I am but a poor student. Most of my traveling is done through public transit so when I say I’ll be there at 9:30 I mean I’ll be there at 9:30ish within the parameters of the subway schedule I’m late a lot. And it’s not through disrespect or just carelessness, I’m just late a lot. 10 minutes won’t kill you, and it won’t kill me either. And you know what, I’m 10 minutes early just as often as I’m late…just no one ever seems to notice that.



quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

[/b]Then get used to putting me in a really bad mood.[/B]

Fair enough.

And yes I’m insecure sometimes, isn’t everyone? I don’t freak out and try to restrict my partners from being with their friends or anything but I’d just like to be reminded that I have nothing to worry about because I give you everything you could want or need. Is that too much to ask? No. I give it to you, it’d be nice in return.



quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Knowing your history of getting together with female friends, I'd consider this a potential problem, and would refuse to enter any sort of commitment with you. If you want to keep it casual while I see others, fine.

Ooooh, low blow. But a much deserved one even if it has only happened once or twice. But like Sarc said I understand and respect my boundaries. Once in a while I will find myself attracted to one of my friends but I would never act on that while I was in a relationship. If I’ve given you every reason to trust me, than you should trust me. And I’m sick of hearing “it’s not you I don’t trust, it’s her.” It takes two to tango! I doubt she’s going to somehow trick me into sleeping with her.

quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

From past experience, your male friends will probably all love me, and likewise... can you handle that?

Fine, good, great. But the second you bring them into our relationship, I’m gonna be fucking pissed off- that’s one thing I won’t tolerate. Can YOU handle that? No? Fine, peace out.

The apathy comment was open ended, allow me to explain. It’s usually about making decisions about stupid shit like where to eat or what movie to see. I’m not indecisive I JUST DON’T FUCKING CARE! And I know women, you can say “Oh, I don’t really care if we see this or that” but I know you really wanna see one or the other. So just pick it already so we can move the fuck on damnit! Oh, and if you tell me that you don’t care, and that I should decide and I pick the wrong one, too fucking bad.



quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

Lame, fucking lame... this one I have the biggest problem with. I love concerts, bar hopping, arcades, action movies, and in general hanging out with guys. A relationship with someone who doesn't welcome me along to those activities would be very very dull. In fact, I'd be going to the same concerts, bars, movies, and arcades anyway, so I would bump into you regardless. Then what will your buddies think of you, eh? Man up and learn how to have a good friendship with your girlfriends for christsake. It's not about dates, dude. And it's not about always being together either. There are times in every relationship where the guy or girl has a mates night out, but banning your partner from all those activities is completely out of line.

GREAT! You wanna go to bars, concerts, movies, and arcades? Knock yourself out. Do you have to go with me every time? You’ve got your own friends go with them! If we share a common appreciation for a band and they’re in town than sure, let’s go together. But don’t come with me to a concert you care nothing about just to see me. Chances are Sarc, you’re not into street-punk so I don’t think there is gonna be a problem with me bumping into you just by coincidence. And if it happened, my buddies would completely understand that I need time with just them. Everyone does, don’t they? And it’s not that I’m not friends with my girlfriends, I just don’t know any friends that I hold hands with, or make out with during movies. I’m not “banning” you from those activities at all. Like I said, go ahead. Just don’t do it just cause I’m going it.

quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

Get used to being made fun of by your mates because you're so goddamn insecure about the fact that your girl has a better poker face than you and you're terrified of her beating your pathetic ass in front of them.

I’m good at poker because I know people, and I have good instincts. I’m not a nice boy and I play to win. I’m a born detective, and there’s no one I’d know more than my partner. And what’s the point of taking your money if I’m just gonna turn around and spend it on you anyway? Like I said, you wanna play poker, you’re welcome to play with YOUR friends. You don’t need to come to my game.

quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

Then get used to being pulled over by the cops because you've been called in as a missing person. You either have the decency to give me five minutes of your time just to say goodnight or goodmorning, or you might as well never bother to call again.

Not gonna happen. I’m not leaving the bar or the party of whatever just to call you to check in. I’ll call you or leave a message when I get home. It’ll be three or four days max.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

This is appropriate for young people, but my fiance wouldn't dream of doing that, nor would I to him, since we live together.

See Sarc, she understands. Maybe you forgot I was only 18. I agree with her, that it wouldn’t be appropriate for a more serious, long term live-in relationship.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Still, the question remains. Why would you even want to be in a relationship at all when your unfettered freedom is so crucial? Such freedom is fine and good, but why give yourself the headaches of having to constantly defend it around a girlfriend?

I can’t say I understand this. It must be my bright eyed 18 year old naivety but I don’t understand why having a girlfriend restricts my freedoms. (Except for my freedoms to fuck other girls...you know what I mean)

quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

Thing is, you will change, and probably not in the ways your partner will like either. You'll get lazy, start taking them for granted, you'll stop pulling anything even closely resembling romance... oh, you will change.

Well, what can I say to that? I guess we’ll just have to see…



[This message has been edited by nocuous (edited 06-24-2004).]

Avenge: Only took about half an hour =\ I had to get up and get my gun ready for my shoot, though, so that wasted about 5 minutes.