Ok a friend and I were working out yesterday and she comes up too me saying i needed to work more on my shoulders. I asked her why and she thought my shoulders looked uneven and were a bit meaty...So that kinda made me mad cause i've known this girl for 4 years now and she is never critical nor negetive about a persons looks

So i thought i would come back by saying she looked fat in her spandex shorts, and that her legs looked "to porky"

and damn did i make a mistake, she literally flipped out on me and started to cry....

Its been a day now and she wont take my calls or even accept my apology! She is one of my best friends and i dont know how to tell her sorry.

can someone help me?

Man, you struck a nerve the only thing you can do is keep trying to make her feel better. Only time will tell good sir.

Seems to me that she was offering advice and you took it as her being mean. The best thing I think you could do in this situation is admit to her that you were trying to hurt her feelings because you felt like she was trying to hurt you. While she might have over-reacted, you were also in the wrong. Admit that you're an idiot/asshole, and do something to make it up to her, ie. gifts, take her out to dinner, something to make her a little less piseed.

i think i did take it the wrong way, but now i cant even apologize cause she wont answer my calls, emails, or even talk to me outside of her house! i feel really guilty and bad and i do agree that i am an asshole!

Listen to sublime zen. Girls are great at giving "advice" but when you give it back, we flip out. The absolute best thing you can do is say that you were angry about what she said, and you didn't understand that it was her being nice, and that you were just trying to be hurtful to her.

Leave her alone to whine for a couple days, and then when you try and call, she'll probably accept your calls.

Well, a person who offers unsolicited "advice" about how someone can "improve" themselves is declaring open season on his/herself. I should know; I do it here in the forums.

So, she over-reacted a bit. You might have been more unkind than you needed to be. A better response might have been along the lines of "Ouch. Next time try to have a little more tact, or hold your thoughts until I ask for them."

Let her cool off, and send another email with something simple like "I'm sorry, please read" in the subject line. No excess punctuation or pleading or unnecessary capitalization of words.

tell her you are really sorry adn dedicate a song to her

Send her flowers (Have the flower people deliver them) Include a note with your appology, This has worked for me in the past. (I Called Somebody A Stupid Blonde)

Get used to it you are male, you always say the wrong thing.

quote:Originally posted by Wmupilot:

Get used to it you are male, you always say the wrong thing.

not all the time, and females say the wrong too, just we are not sensitive!

quote:Originally posted by chuckNrambo:

not all the time, and females say the wrong too, just we are not sensitive!

This is very true; but we do get hurt by harsh words, it's just not our feeling that get hurt, our egos do.

Its not like she will hate you forever because of it. As long as you keep showing that your sorry she'll come round. You didn't do anything that bad. She'll come round.

This rights any wrong. Leave a basket of like 2 bottles of vodka. Some E. A sack of dope and a note that says "I fucked up".

quote:Originally posted by ChainsawGutsfuck:

This rights any wrong. Leave a basket of like 2 bottles of vodka. Some E. A sack of dope and a note that says "I fucked up".

Didn't you say you were something like 12 in the post your age thread? Does your mother know you're using such inappropriate language as "fucked" and do you even know what dope, E and vodka are? Because they aren't the best things for a 12 year old to be running around putting on peoples doorsteps, try some crayons instead.

quote:Originally posted by Rattrap51:

Didn't you say you were something like 12 in the post your age thread? Does your mother know you're using such inappropriate language as "fucked" and do you even know what dope, E and vodka are? Because they aren't the best things for a 12 year old to be running around putting on peoples doorsteps, try some crayons instead.

i agree with you

And i have sent her some flowers saying how truelly sorry i am....but still no contact

I talk to her last night on aim but for 1 minute Nothing really got said!~

i hope she forgives me and we continue or great friendship!

Ask her if she got the flowers, even if you know she did, that should at least make her say something.

Well, from what I can understand, and also coming from a females perspective, you were already working out and she was probably just trying to give you a goal to work on by saying that "you need to work out your shoulders." She didn't mean it in a mean way, she was trying to help you work on something different besides the usual thing you do when you work out. Girls tend to take offense to guys telling them their bodies don't look good, ESPECIALLY *emphasis* on the thighs and stomach! It's like someone coming up to you and telling you that your penis is too small when you're about to have sex. Lol. Since you have already tried to talk to her about it over the phone, I suggest going to see her in person and try to work it out. Go over to her house, you don't have to buy anything, thats just so typical and you don't have to buy her heart back, and try that. If you're not comfortable with that, get one of your friends to talk to her and get her to go somewhere with them like the mall or wherever you hang out, and then *miraculously* show up and tell her there. Don't worry, it's not something she won't forgive you for, but it a very mean thing to say to her. Try it and see how it goes.

~*InimitableBallerina*~

I know what you mean. I told my friend that she'd chunked out a little bit once. That was so stupid. Of course, that was me being a jackass, so I just let her know I was really sorry.

this girl i know told me all the things girls do to fuck wit guys and this was one of them...

she only said that because she wanted you to disagree so she feels better about it.

it happens all the time

girl: im fat, look at this belly

guy: no, your not fat, u have a great body

girl: no! i hate it, im so fat

she just wants to get assurance out of u and to make u tell her shes NOT fat. i persoanlly enjoy taking the other way cuz im austrailian and i dont like putting up wit that garbage. here what id do...

girl: im so fat, look at this belly

me: yea, ur a fucking cow

girl: ...excuse me?

me: im just tellin ya what u want to hear

i love fucking wit them back. u cant win either way anyway except for the first way, she eventually stops denying it and you end up being wrapped around her fingers and u become a total pushover, i just say, "no comment" and walk away now cuz that other way got me into shit wit so many girls...

Ahahahahaha, you idiot. You told her she was fat. Girls are INSANO about their weight. 99.9 % of them anyway. You never ever EVER say anything about a girl being chunky, tubby, fat, meaty... they'll go berserko on you. But then also, there's girls like me, who are just like "Fat, eh? Awesome. "

quote:Originally posted by paintballpunk:

girl: im so fat, look at this belly

me: yea, ur a fucking cow

girl: ...excuse me?

me: im just tellin ya what u want to hear

i love fucking wit them back. u cant win either way anyway except for the first way, she eventually stops denying it and you end up being wrapped around her fingers and u become a total pushover, i just say, "no comment" and walk away now cuz that other way got me into shit wit so many girls...

Or you could just respond with:

"No your not fat, your have an alright body"

you told her what she wants to hear, and you insulted her at the same time. Its refered to as a neg, and works wonders dealing with super hot chicks

LOL! That seriously had me laughing! Nice one dude. Keep it up!

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

Well, from what I can understand, and also coming from a females perspective, you were already working out and she was probably just trying to give you a goal to work on by saying that "you need to work out your shoulders." She didn't mean it in a mean way, she was trying to help you work on something different besides the usual thing you do when you work out. Girls tend to take offense to guys telling them their bodies don't look good...

And...? Guy can be just as self-conscious as girls when it comes to their bodies. Try to look at this from a non-biased opinion.

[This message has been edited by Little Pea (edited 06-29-2004).]

give her a hammer and some nails, tell her to build a bridge and get the fuck over it.

quote:Originally posted by paintballpunk:

this girl i know told me all the things girls do to fuck wit guys and this was one of them...

she only said that because she wanted you to disagree so she feels better about it.

it happens all the time

girl: im fat, look at this belly

guy: no, your not fat, u have a great body

girl: no! i hate it, im so fat

she just wants to get assurance out of u and to make u tell her shes NOT fat. i persoanlly enjoy taking the other way cuz im austrailian and i dont like putting up wit that garbage. here what id do...

girl: im so fat, look at this belly

me: yea, ur a fucking cow

girl: ...excuse me?

me: im just tellin ya what u want to hear

i love fucking wit them back. u cant win either way anyway except for the first way, she eventually stops denying it and you end up being wrapped around her fingers and u become a total pushover, i just say, "no comment" and walk away now cuz that other way got me into shit wit so many girls...

That reaked of sarcasm. At least I hope it did. Cause if you weren't being sarcastic I'd say you were 12 years old. And if you arent't 12 years old you are stupid. You think telling them they're a cow is fucking with their brain? You must be one of those guy that tinks they get all the girls but only gets the occasional fat when one when you're needed by your 'friends' as a wingman.

And chuckNrambo, you must be really sensitive cause I would have taken a comment like that as a compliment. When you're in a situation like that at the gym you could only expect comments like that. And I think that in the 4 years you've known her she would have made at least one negative comment about a persons looks. You can't expect a girl never to do that. That's what they do best. And you must have been delerious to want to even think of a come back. And to say that she looked fat in her spandex would have been bad enough by itself. It might not have got gotten such a bad reaction if you hadn't said anything about her thunder thighs. I don't know how you're going to get her to listen to you. The only think I can think of is if you see her at the gym again. You would have to be very careful of what you say though. If you say something like "Wow you've really been working those legs" you might as well shoot yourself. You should probably just take it slowly and not try to get her to stop what she's doing and listen. Just a few carefully thought-out short sentences to get her to think about what you guys said. If that goes well maybe you could make a joke about your retarded shoulders and get her to laugh a little. I don't know, just trying to give you some suggestions.

And guernica, why aren't there mre girls like you in the world? Make chucksters life much easier.

Fin.

And Bleedthrough, I'm not trying to appeal to the 'wimmens' I'm just telling you my opinion.

quote:Originally posted by Das Troll:

give her a hammer and some nails, tell her to build a bridge and get the fuck over it.

Nice!

quote:Originally posted by Das Troll:

give her a hammer and some nails, tell her to build a bridge and get the fuck over it.

And what is she supposed to build that bridge with?

I think she's over reacting - hopefully she will get over it and realize you're a great friend whom made a thoughtless remark in the heat of the moment.