This was in a different thread before, so I thought I'd more clearly spell out the content than I did before. Note that this is S&A-specific, whereas the posting etiquette that Cindy swiped from OsiriS ( ) was more totse-wide.

So, get out your rosaries, kiddies, 'cause you're going to want to say a few Ave Marias for me when you're done reading - it's time for Uncle 'Red's latest derisive, dickheaded rant:

S&A-specific posting etiquette: Closed captioning for the thinking-impaired

1: The poster with the name akimbo to de "HornyHotGurl" is what dey call a TROLL, and likely a male, likely under 14.

2: To my horny male brethren; I'm sorry, but responding to one of said posts anything like this:

-"Haha I'm a horny guy too!"

-"What should I do?!"

And anything similar is automatically a loser and subject to an E-cocksmacking and tongue-lashing by yours truly, and others.

3: Posting topics along the lines of "How do you please a girl", "How do I get a girlfriend", or "Anyone in the >big city/shit town< area wanna FUCK?" is automatically a loser, and a moron, and subject to the above treatment, coupled with a good old-fashioned E-backhand. Go on, gimme that "bark is worse than bite" shit, motherfucker! Anyway.

4: There is this thing out there, born in the highlands of Scotland in the 1400's, known asGOOGLE.COM that might help you with your hornificated/confuzoluted quandary. Go on, try it sometime. Type in "How to please a girl", for example. That way, only that Russian guy and his boyfriend that created the website will laugh at you, instead of the lot of us here. Google is immortal, inside it runs the blood of kings! Dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN..You get the drill. If not, you've failed at life. I'm sorry.

5: For the love of motherfucking Trent Reznor, DON'T FUCKING TRY TO DATE YOUR BEST OPPOSITE-SEX FRIEND! It's just not copacetic, and guaranteed to doublefuck you in the end: You lose not only your friend, but your lover, too; you'll be seeking the friend to help heal you from the lost love, and you'll fucking have neither, and you'll end up like ME!. I choked Linda Lovelace, and by that girly-boy who fronts Filter, I'LL CHOKE YOU! Hey man, nice shot!

6: Just use your damn head. There's resources, search engines, women's magazines, fuckin' newsgroups where you can get info. See what happens when you come here?! You run into assholes like me who make half-assed, obviously out-of-character attempts to ruin your E-shit with verbal dildos of vitriol and hatemongering, with RealDolls of concise, arrogant E-pinion, who spray you in the face with the jizz of practicality and wisdom! By that Captain Farrel guy in that Metallica song, I'll make a veritable bukkakefest of attitude-adjustment out of you!!

7: If you think I'm actually this crazed, you're also dumb, but it's understandable: I'm like motherfucking Jim Carrey: Serious when I want to be, but mostly skinny and full of shit!!

8: I'm also only one voice (I have a dream!), and I ain't a mod: Just your everyday jackoff. I'm not this bad, unbridled or quickly slow-witted except when I'm in bed, but there's nothing "slow" about that, unless we feel like it!

Oh, and cindy, I'm not trying to piss you off or step on your toes; I'm just kind of getting tired of dumbassed fucking shit like those "Come fuck me" threads, as are you, I'm sure (correctifwrongz0r); you're just more mature than about five of me, heheheh. I DID try to keep this on-topic, and if you ignore the vitriol, my jizz of wisdom (jizzdom) will unite with your egg of sensibility to create a zygote of evanescence, allowing you to see through my fog of bullshit! Or something. I hope your depo-provera shot of thread-lockitude doesn't stop my jizzdom, though! But it's up to you. Sorry if I wasted your time.

I'm done now.

Oh yes, I'm sure I have psychological problems. I'll get that checked after I taint the wolf of viscilassitude (I forgot what that meant, or if it's even real, but it makes no difference), allowing it to run down and bite the doe of alternative perspective's jugular of Webster'sfuckingdictionary.

I'm on fiiiiiiire!

I'm sure I will be, anyway. Bring on the flames! Don't make me go all GTAIII on your asses, though.

-Infrared, general wound-up, immature type-A pissbag who probably does need a good rifle butt to the face...again (college; don't make me tell the story).

Nicley done, Infrared! I'll try my best to follow those guidelines

It's too bad UBB doesn't allow for stickey threads; this is something that needs to be at the very top of the page--minus all off Infra's ramblings.

And your presence as a whole.

Next time I come to Albuquerque I'm bringing you a handful of quaaludes...

I'll keep the Amyl Nitrate and camcorder handy for you and Skippy.

I totally agree with you there, Infrared. Plus you said for the love of motherfucking trent reznor...which made me really happy. You deserve a hug.

Don't forget El Rezzo.

OMFG... That's the funniest thing I've read in quite some time!

Thanks for the chuckle babe.

You posted this before? Did I post in that thread? I must have had one of "those" moments. You know.

All good, Infra.

Heh, it was originally titled "Closed captioning for the thinking-impaired". I just pasted it here and gave it a more-obvious title.

I somehow failed to include the John Holmes references and the Google link in this iteration, though...

Heh, you said "John Holmes google link".

Note to anyone who cares: I'm actively archiving threads with useful or at least interesting info. So if an old thread seems to have disappeared, that's where it went.