After a chat with my boyfriend, he said that it would be ok if I had a girlfriend aswell, as long as I dont give her more attention than him.

So I found a girl I like and found she likes me, and as thinks are starting to kick off, my boyfriend changes his mind saying Im not allowed a girlfriend anymore and said 'I didnt think youd take it that seriously'!

I really want to know if Im bi or not, but I dont want to loose my boyfriend. What the fuck should I do?

Now let me give you some bad advice.

Don't tell your boyfriend.

See if you are bi or not.

Make out in front of him.

Trust me, he WILL jump in.

Interesting situation. I'd say stay with the boyfriend, he seems very important to you. If your boy is bi, maybe a threesome with a girl could work. If I were in your position I'd wait until I had no commitments to explore bisexuality. I can tell you from experience though that three way relationships aren't a good idea, they lead to too many complications.



[This message has been edited by Davanman (edited 06-20-2004).]

hey i feel ya im a girl and really liken girls for a couple years now, i dont have a b/f so basically im free to explore-u r lucky to have found a girl thats into u

i would take advantage just maybe explore sexually and not get emotionally involed a bet your b/f is afraid of loosen u, u can try and not let him know and if he does find out just tell him theres no emotions attached and u still like him but if u do find u liek the girl better well then u should dump him-just do what u feel u never know if u dont try

There are certain rules to communication. One of them is that if you have a conversation where a decision is made, assuming all parties involved were lucid and not under the influence of drugs/alcohol, it's presumed to be valid and binding. Going back and saying "I wasn't serious" is manipulative and wrong.

Tell him so. And ask him not to do it again.

Then, decide how important this exploration is for you versus how important this bf is for you. Will the bf drop you if you choose to have a gf also?

From experience and observation, it's ill-advised to have two relationships at the same time; drama is inevitable. It doesn't matter whether the relationships are hetero, bi, homo, or a mix.

quote:Originally posted by charsky:

What the fuck should I do?

Mostly what everyone else said, figure out if trying to figure out if you're bisexual is more important then losing your current mate.

R u sure u want to be eating another chick out? Bi/Gay it's all the same to me ,would u want ur man fucking some dude or sucking him off ? Hell no. Chill out and keep it simple u will be a happier person later on down the road. Though this is just MY opinion and ur most likely gonna do what feels right to u.

Why do you have a boyfriend if you want to fool around with other people?

Kinda defeats the purpose, don't you think?

Yes, that's a peculiarity among some "bi" people. Somehow it "doesn't count" if you have two relationships with people of different sexes.

Any "practicing bisexuals" around who would care to comment on that?

I have several bisexual friends, and for the most part, they tell me that if they're in a serious relationship, then they're in a serious relationship, just like anyone else. Of course, if both parties want to bring someone new to bed, a threesome, f you will, then that's fine. But no philandering outside of that. Eh... that's what I'm told.

As far as the topic is concerned, however, I think it's ... ill-advised, to have a two relationships at once, as deadlycindy already pointed out. However, I also think you're boyfriend sounds like a slime ball. I think he thought the idea of you with another girl was hot, so he thought he'd say hey, It's cool with me. And then when you decided to take him up on that offer, he freaked out thinking you might like her better than him, and renigged (sp?). You need to do some serious thinking here. Is that guy even worth your time? And of course, what everyone else so far has said: is he more important than settling your bi-curiosity?

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Yes, that's a peculiarity among some "bi" people. Somehow it "doesn't count" if you have two relationships with people of different sexes.

Any "practicing bisexuals" around who would care to comment on that?





Yeah, me, and I think it's total crap.

If you want to be in a monogamous relationship, such as having a bf/gf, then by definition it should stay monogamous.

I think, in the cases I've seen, that whole "doesn't count" thing is used after one party has already been caught cheating (or as a justification for terminal infidelity).

Charsky, I know how important it is to find out for sure just what you like, but the fact is it can be very tough sometimes to be a good gf(in your case) AND get the action you want. Take Lilly's advice, and do some serious thinking to figure out who you want more.

What does the girl think of this whole situation? Ignoring everything I said earlier:P, a one night stand could solve all your problems. Notice I said "could", because it sounds to me like you're not sure yourself. You say you just want to know if you're bi or not, but you also want this girl as your gf. Which is it?

As for your bf, it sounds to me like he belongs to the school of "If they say they're bi, they're actually just confused."(hence him not taking you seriously about wanting a gf) Make sure he realizes you're not the only one a little confused right now.

I just broke up with my gf after she told me she was bi. She said there were times she didn't like guys at all! Not attracted! And at the ripe young age of 17, it would be unfair of me to expect her to dedicate herself insofar as she wouldn't want to explore her bisexuality...



goddamn it

and now she's having a little secret love affair with her best friend (the one that always got more attention than me, in a little-too-flirtatious kind of way) "pretending" I don't notice.

was there any way I could have not fucked that up?

so, pertaining to your problem, I can see why he wouldn't want you to have a girlfriend. maybe the guy has feelings too... not just sexual impulses

quote:Originally posted by charsky:

After a chat with my boyfriend, he said that it would be ok if I had a girlfriend aswell, as long as I dont give her more attention than him.

So I found a girl I like and found she likes me, and as thinks are starting to kick off, my boyfriend changes his mind saying Im not allowed a girlfriend anymore and said 'I didnt think youd take it that seriously'!

I really want to know if Im bi or not, but I dont want to loose my boyfriend. What the fuck should I do?

THREESOME !

Just don't let him know what's going on? Keep ya girl on the side, if your bi, your bi, if not, at least you'll know for sure. In all, it's still your body, your life, your bf, hasn't got any thing to do with that. You've got to think about your self first.

Tell him to get a boyfriend.

have a threesome.........

quote:Originally posted by fletch_999:

Just don't let him know what's going on? Keep ya girl on the side, if your bi, your bi, if not, at least you'll know for sure. In all, it's still your body, your life, your bf, hasn't got any thing to do with that. You've got to think about your self first.

You should be commited to a relationship with one person, having another is just going to fuck it up.

I see it as most guys being idiots and thinking that they'll stay number one and get to enjoy the benefits of their girl doing stuff with another girl, so they say it's ok. Being bi and having two relationships at the same time is just like being straight and having two relationships at the same time, your guy just likes lesbians so he doesn't care.