Ok, if you havent read firebirds post about help, or something like that, i suggest you go there and read what i wrote b/c im too lazy to go copy it and too lazy to rewrite it. Well im going to use the same names as before, but only 1 matters right now, and that would be lacy.

I accidently let slip to lacy tonite that i had a problem that i couldnt talk to her about. I think she seemed a bit hurt b/c i couldnt tell her what the problem was, b/c it the problem is that i love her. So i try to tell her that i would tell her as soon as i was comfortable talkin about it, but she still seemed hurt. Then she said she was going to go, but right b4 she left, i told her i would tell her the problem. Lacy told me to wait until tomoro b/c she was tired, so now im stuck w/ no choice but to tell lacy that i love her despite all the problems i foresee happening. Im so fucking scared of ruining the friendship we have. I know im going to get lots of "suck it ups" and flames for this shit, but this girl means a lot to me, and i do not want to lose what i have. I dont even know why im posting this here... i think i just need somewhere to talk about my problem. If you have anything useful to say, please say it. If you have flames, im expecting them, so feel free to say them as well.

*I haven't read the other post thingy*

It's always better to tell someone how you feel instead of keeping it bottled up inside.

If you don't tell her than you'll just end up being upset with yourself, you'll probably be angry one day and spaz out at her for no reason and of course that's not good.

Just tell her. The worst that can happen is it gets a little awkward but then if you guys are really good friends you'll just get over it.

Also if you don't tell her, you'll keep wondering what would have happened if you did.

You watch "Friends"? Don't be like Ross.

Be Joey

*Good Luck*

i dont watch friends... but sure... ill be that guy...

I dont think i would ever spaz out at her, but i prolly would end up gettin frustrated, like i am now, so good point

I also believe you are right about me wondering what would have happened if i dont ask.

The problem is that i dont know how to go about doing this since weve already been thru this once b4 and all this other shit. Thanks though...

Okay I read the "firebird" post now

Tell her you love her and that you want to be with her.

If she says no, then that's that. You stop pursuing her once and for all.

If you really love her you'll let her go.

I know you won't like to hear this, but there is a chance you guys aren't meant to be.

But I'm thinking you guys are, just as long as when you tell her how you feel, you say it at the right place at the right time.

Lots of emotion in it, staring deep into her eyes.

quote:Originally posted by Aunt Jemima:

Okay I read the "firebird" post now

Tell her you love her and that you want to be with her.

If she says no, then that's that. You stop pursuing her once and for all.

If you really love her you'll let her go.

I know you won't like to hear this, but there is a chance you guys aren't meant to be.

But I'm thinking you guys are, just as long as when you tell her how you feel, you say it at the right place at the right time.

Lots of emotion in it, staring deep into her eyes.

Also there is a reverse psychology thing to this. If you leave her she will come back.

*Hopefully*

But before you do that, first tell her how you feel.

Idk if i will be able to tell it to her in person b/c i told her i would tell her tomoro and tomoro i wont be able to see her. Im sure i could talk to her on the phone though. Thank you for the advice... its nice to hear some real, meaningful replies to something that i find very important.

Argh... left something out about her, which is prolly important. She views lots of problems as her fault, she also has a problem w/ standing up for herself... like she will usually give in to a person if there is a problem. She also has trouble from getting away from situations. That is where the most important part of our friendship comes in. We both help each other out in these typs of situations, and if its a problem w/ me, idk where she would go and idk how she would react and if her actions were her REAL actions....

quote:Originally posted by STORMofDEATH:

Idk if i will be able to tell it to her in person b/c i told her i would tell her tomoro and tomoro i wont be able to see her. Im sure i could talk to her on the phone though. Thank you for the advice... its nice to hear some real, meaningful replies to something that i find very important.

You're welcome, but isn't it better to talk in person? I know it's risky (your feelings and everything) but there are a lot of advantages of that.

#1 She will take you more seriously

#2 You can gauge her reaction according to her body signals

#3 You can do all that stuff like coming closer to her and making her realize "physically" how much she is attracted to you

#4 She can't hang up on you

#5 Last, but not least...You can sweep her into your arms, kiss her passionately and be like "Damn it Lacy, you can't say you don't have feelings for me too"

I like your thinking... i dont think i could just kiss her like that though, considering im a fuckin pussy, but if i wait till we are in person, it may be a couple of weeks before we can hang out, so what would you have me tell her tomoro?

quote:Originally posted by STORMofDEATH:

I like your thinking... i dont think i could just kiss her like that though, considering im a fuckin pussy, but if i wait till we are in person, it may be a couple of weeks before we can hang out, so what would you have me tell her tomoro?

Her: "So you were going to tell me what's been bothering you"

You: "Yes, but I can't tell you on the phone. It's too important to tell you on the phone. I have to speak to you in person"

Her: "Okay. Wow, it must be something big eh?"

You: "Yeah"

*Then you change subject and talk about something else*

*Make sure at end of convo to arrange when you guys are going to meet*

*Make it at like her house or something. That way she invites you in and then you're like "in her domain" (trust me it works better that way) (she's more confortable in her own surroundings)*

*If she says she needs to think about how she feels, tell her "no you should know by now" (cause u say you already brought this up before) sometimes girls say they need to think about it cause they don't want to hurt your feelings. Just make sure you don't leave without a definate answer. Yes or No.

Unless she has some complicated stuff involved like "there's someone else she has feelings for" all that stupid crap then I guess she would actually need time to think about it. Try and make sure there isn't someone else involved before you tell her how you feel*

Well last time i told her how i felt was about a year ago. Also, i know that she is very mad at the guy she was developing a relationship w/, so i dont have to worry about that. And i dont think im afraid of her turning me down, im just afraid of losing her friendship b/c i have no 1 else like her to talk to or n e thing.

quote:Originally posted by STORMofDEATH:

Well last time i told her how i felt was about a year ago. Also, i know that she is very mad at the guy she was developing a relationship w/, so i dont have to worry about that. And i dont think im afraid of her turning me down, im just afraid of losing her friendship b/c i have no 1 else like her to talk to or n e thing.

Okay well as long as you guys are really good friends and "if" she says no and she like means it, final answer, then just make her understand that that's okay with you, you'll get over it. That you can handle, but you wouldn't be able to get over losing her friendship, because it means a lot to you and you feel like you guys really understand each other. That's why you thought that a relationship would work, but if she doesn't want that, it's fine, as long as you're friends, you're happy.

Then you just don't bring it up again and try not to get jealous when she goes out with other guys.

Also try to date other girls as much as possible and don't let your feelings get in the way of the relationship advice you will probably end up giving her.

Don't worry, eventually you'll get over her.

It will take time, but it can/will happen.

Thank you so very much. This is very important to me, but i find the girls feelings more important than mine, and your ideas work for me and for her. I do have one more question though. Since we most likely wont be able to get together for a lil while, what would you suggest i do about that? Should i just do what u said earlier like saying that i need to tlak in person about it and then dont bring it up again until we are together or is there something else i should do?

I liked my friend, right? So here's what I did. I drank enough whiskey to kill a horse, and then walked over to her house and told her I loved her. She said, "Okay." :|

She later informed me she didn't like me.

Heh, I cried to my now current girlfriend on the phone about the former girl later that night.

Drinking is fun.

Im really tired, and when i first started reading that, i thought u said you killed your friend and then drank whiskey and told her how you felt which is why she said ok and she didnt really like you b/c she was dead... but i reread it and figured it out.

Fuck.... i just fucked up big time again. I just got in ao much trouble from my parents. They took away my modem, but i found it again, and they took away my cell, but i found that too. I called this girl, but her phone wasnt on. Shes online right now and im talkin to her but im not gonna be able to see her anytime soon now b/c my parents are most likely going to look me in my room for the rest of the summer. Im so fucking screwed...

God damn it... im most likely going to lock myself in my room b4 my parents get back from the fathers day brunch w/ my whole family, whihc i ditched. I asked lacy if she could call my cell tonite, but she is having company over until late and then she said she is tired n will prolly fall asleep. This is all going so bad. She tried to get me to tell her now, but i told her i prefered to tlak in person, but since that seems unlikley to happen now, on the phone would be good. Then i changed the subject... hol don... still tlakin to her. Ok, she said she will try to call me tonite. Ugh... this is gonna be horrible...

Just out of curiosity, why did your parents take your phone and modem?

Good luck, anyways.

I got it back temporarily for rite now, but i was yellin at my parents all morning, n then ditche dmy family during a fathers day brunch, n i ignored all of their calls and i locked myself in my room and wouldnt come out until the got the lock unlocked 6 hours later.

I know that you're pretty pissed off, but making a hissy fit ain't the way to get what you want.

If I were you I would have done something really awesome for your dad on Father's Day, that way you could go to him the next day and be like "Hey Dad, I'm really sorry about what I did. It was irresponsible of me and uncalled for. I deserve to be grounded"

Then you go away and come back a couple days before you're supposed to meet Lacy and be like "I know I'm grounded, but it's really important for me to meet my friend on this day because she has some serious problems going on in her life, she was finally going to tell me them and I was going to help her solve them"

*Just make up some bullshit like that*

Then your parents would feel guilty and would let you go because you've taken their punishment and you behaved yourself.

the proper way to tell a girl you love her, without saying it. (And it will get her all over your nuts)

"Damn Ive had a lot of fun lately. You know, Ive never had this much fun with any other girl. Its like, a girlfriend thats my best friend too. Whenever im with you, we are having fun. I mean, i have fun when im just hanging out with my friends, but it just seems a lot more fun when your around. Even if your talking to someone else, or doing something else, just having you around makes things fun. And its funny, because sometimes when your not around, i stop and think for a sec...i think about where you are and what your doing...and i think that whatever im doing, would be a lot better if you were around. I dont know, we just seem to click."

I could write out a page long post on why this will work (and has), but I dont feel like it. Follow my advice and be happy, or follow someones elses and you might be happy. Just do anything stupid and admit your "in love". Normally ill wait to tell a chick i love untill she says it to me, but this quote will evoke the feelins and emotions of love in her, without admitting to anything. And she cant get scared that your too attached, because of the "best friend" line. And your just talking about having fun, which can be done with anyone of your guy friends too. Good luck, nail that shit all night long for me.

I mad the story of why i got in trouble short, so it seems very random, but i have lots of problems w/ my parents... they dont think im into girls yet thats how clueless they are about my life. They give in to me too easily too and my punishment is already over... not that they ever punished me, b/c i locked myself in my room.

Whiteass, thats sounds great, but i doubt she would fall for it. She doubts herself too much and so i dont think she would believe me... idk, could work tho.

Im actually refreshing this post b/c im not so sure im going to tell her anymore. She didnt call me last night after i asked all morning long. I left her a msg on her cell voicemail... my AIM a/m was even addressed to her asking her to call, but she never did. She usually doesnt call me, im usually the one calling her even though she enjoys being on the phone with me. Im also the one that always innitiates plans with her even though she always enjoys hanging out w/ me. Im starting to think that its stupid of me to put my friendship on the line when i know she doesnt feel the same way about me. I know i will get turned down when i tell her. Its not even a guess about it, im certain of it. Idk what to do, if you knew me in person, you would know how... interesting... of a person i am and you would understand why im feeling this way. I cant really explain it to you, but im just fucked up around ppl b/c of previous problems in my life and i easily get scared and intimidated by ppl mentally. Thats how shes making me feel, but i know its more then my fears playing out... i know it wont work.

There are only two girls that I have been very close friends with. I had extremly deep feelings for them both. I never acted on any of my feelings with the first girl, must have been sophmore year of HS. I regretted not having done anything to tell her how I felt. With the second girl I rememberd how much i regretted not acting before so as soon as i had the chance i kissed her. We had a breif thing but them she decided that she didn't want to ruin the friendship with a relationship. So were just friends...sorta.. so the moral of the story is you're damed if you don't and sorta damed if you do. I'll take sorta damed over damed any day! good luck

Argh... this is so fucked up. Should i tell her or no?

yes...? no...?

Dude, take a mini vacation and let your mind go for awhile. It will be rough but ya gotta clean the cranium.

I cant really go on a vacation... i could stop talkin to her if thats what your implying... but that would prolly make her dislike me even more. And is that a yes i should tell her or a no i shouldnt or a forget her(which i think it is...)

no ideas?

Can i please get some ideas... i have no idea what to do anymore...

Stop talking to her but smile as you walk by.......That irratates them .

I dont go to the same school as her anymore and i wont see her unless i talk to her to make plans and that would be kind of strange if i didnt talk to her when i made plans to hang out w/ her and picked her up to go whereever it was that we chose... so anyother ideas?

Oh yea, i havent talked to her since sunday morning and she hasnt called even tho ive left voicemails and msgs asking her to on my AIM a/ms and i havent been able to reach her and i havent seen her online...

Don't tell her.

You can only tell her if you're absolutely sure that is what you want to do, but since you're having so many doubts, just don't.

If you're so worried about ruining what you go going on, then most probably that's what you're going to end up doing...ruining it.

I don't know what's going on in your life, or how you're messed up or w/e

What I do know, is a girl's mind (since I am a girl). There is no girl in the entire world who does not like having the admiration of guys. Any guys, doesn't matter if they're short, tall, fat, ugly, skinny, hot...w/e We like guys liking us.

If you told her, and she didn't feel the same way, she would still be flattered none the less.

Just as long as "Stalking" doesn't come into it, nothing bad can happen from telling a girl that you like her, find her attractive, and so on.

Basically just do w/e your heart tells you to.

I figure that as humans we use our brains way too much, over our hearts.

We deny ourselves the simpliest of pleasures because we fear what could happen from indulging in the future.

You and I both know, that the sooner you tell her, the sooner you can get over her.

So why not just tell her?

You already know the outcome...

Either she will accept your love or reject it.

Simple right?

Think about it though?

You say that she has low self esteem

Wouldn't you telling her you love her, be doing her a favour?

It will boost her self confidence

Knowing that it is possible for a guy to care about her that much

I think that you telling her you love her, would just strengthen your relationship in the end.

Shes had guys tell her that they love her only to find out that they really didnt care or they were using her or w-e. I love this girl incredibly. I would never stalk her... or hurt her in anyway unless it were unintentional, which i would beg forgiveness if i did. She is the most important person ever to me. I tell her how important she is to me, and ive told her that i think she is beautiful, took me forever to get her to believe that what i was saying about her i really thought. The thing is, we dont get to see each other too often b/c we go to different schools and we have busy schedules. So sometimes i think that i may not be as important to her as she is to me, even though she claims that i am. I also do not trust ppl very well. W/ the problems in my life... i have become a person who is afraid of trusting some1, and no matter how much i love them, i cant trust them... which was a problem in my last relationship. I used to trust the the girl from my old relationship, but then she started changing, and i stopped trusting her, and she knew i didnt trust her... which was bad. Im digressing and idk what im talkin about right now. Im just so confused and i dont know what to do. Im so helpless...

Does she know you have a problem trusting people? Does she know that you've been hurt in the past?

If not, you should tell her.

Then decide whether you want to tell her you love her.

You can't love someone who you don't trust.

And someone who knows you don't trust them can't love you back.

Well im finally tlakin to her, online, but im talkin to her... i want to get on the phone w/ her... but shes telling me she is very sick, so im guessing thats out of the question for now... I will tell her somehow. Im not exactly sure how i should say it, it will either be on the phone or in person, if we can get together in person soon, i will do it like that, but otherwise on the phone. Any suggestions as to what to say/not to say?

quote:Originally posted by STORMofDEATH:

Well im finally tlakin to her, online, but im talkin to her... i want to get on the phone w/ her... but shes telling me she is very sick, so im guessing thats out of the question for now... I will tell her somehow. Im not exactly sure how i should say it, it will either be on the phone or in person, if we can get together in person soon, i will do it like that, but otherwise on the phone. Any suggestions as to what to say/not to say?

Didn't I already tell you this?

Idk... i was pretty tired and out of it... and i dont got time to cehck now

Ive been saying lots and lots of nice things that have been getting lots and lots of "awws" (i heard that the more Ws in an "aw" the more meaningful it is, and ive been getting lots of Ws) Im gonna do w-e i can to try to make plans w/ her for this weekend on the next one. The sooner i get this over w/ the better. Im not feeling so afraid of rejection anymore, im just getting nervous w/ all this time to think about it. Argh... i feel so stupid cuz im so helpless...

I made plans w/ her for next weekend, so i plan to tell her then. Also, my old girl started msging me on AIM for no reason tonight. Shes actin like we are still friends. Im too pussy to tell her to get out of my life. Im so stupid...

tell her dude you have to let her know how u feel. a good friend wouldnt ruin a friendship over somthing like this and if she doenst feel the same was y acts as if it doesnt bother you if she says no just say "ok what ever, so whats up" or somthing along those lines. good luck

*shakes head slowly* Dude...I need your AIM name, if for no other reason than to make sure that you aren't my slightly more depressed alter ego. I agree with you and Aunt J, tell her in person, believe me it will work so much better. Don't tell her if she's sick though, cause another thing I know from experience, sick people aren't in a very romantic mood...they're usually grumpy and don't like anyone at that point. Also whatever you do, don't stop talking to her, you're right in what you said about that, that would only make her like you even less.

Aunt J, I agree with everything you said just about, your advice seems very sound, but there is one point I'd like to disagree with you on..."There is no girl in the entire world who does not like having the admiration of guys. " the girl I posted about...yeah, she's not too fond of flattery, and guys liking her tends to make her even more shut off. Quite often she will never talk to the guy again, or if she does she is cold to him (heh, I can really pick em can't I). This actually lent me hope, I compliment her and she already knows I like her (supposedly) yet she still talks to me, and is nice. It doesn't sound like this "Lacy" is like that, but just thought I'd let you know that there are girls out there who don't like it.

[EDIT:]PS. My situation is going much better if anyone cares, we're back to where we were before the fight...right now I'm in the same mental struggle as STORM, only that the girl I'm going after is slightly more hesitant to the making plans part...

[This message has been edited by firebird (edited 06-25-2004).]

Wow. I was in this exact situation, twice. It's a terrible situation that turned up failing. One of the two girls I'm still friends with and talk to occasionally(keyword), and the other has given up on any contact with me whatsoever. I'm afraid I'm getting into this situation for a third time, and I know basically what I should and shouldn't do, but I suck at taking my own advice, so I'm likely to get myself in trouble again. I'd like both your AIM name, and Firebird's, since he claims you're his alter-ego. Mine is LostInMemoryX.

WEll my old girl msged me after a month of not talkin n wants to be friends now... its really strange.

Firebird... i really wanted ur AIM sn too but i didnt know where to ask for it. Mine are STORMofDEATH386 and BetrayedinBlood. Msg me on both.

I will tell her how i feel, and i will tell her next weekend when we hang out.

I also want to thank you guys for the posts, advice, help, etc... you are all life savers. Also, i would like to thank the ppl who like to flame for not fuckin around.

(refreshing this so can find out FireBirds AIM sn and also to here what nayone else has to say.)

quote:Originally posted by firebird:

*shakes head slowly* Dude...I need your AIM name, if for no other reason than to make sure that you aren't my slightly more depressed alter ego. I agree with you and Aunt J, tell her in person, believe me it will work so much better. Don't tell her if she's sick though, cause another thing I know from experience, sick people aren't in a very romantic mood...they're usually grumpy and don't like anyone at that point. Also whatever you do, don't stop talking to her, you're right in what you said about that, that would only make her like you even less.

Aunt J, I agree with everything you said just about, your advice seems very sound, but there is one point I'd like to disagree with you on..."There is no girl in the entire world who does not like having the admiration of guys. " the girl I posted about...yeah, she's not too fond of flattery, and guys liking her tends to make her even more shut off. Quite often she will never talk to the guy again, or if she does she is cold to him (heh, I can really pick em can't I). This actually lent me hope, I compliment her and she already knows I like her (supposedly) yet she still talks to me, and is nice. It doesn't sound like this "Lacy" is like that, but just thought I'd let you know that there are girls out there who don't like it.

[EDIT:]PS. My situation is going much better if anyone cares, we're back to where we were before the fight...right now I'm in the same mental struggle as STORM, only that the girl I'm going after is slightly more hesitant to the making plans part...

[This message has been edited by firebird (edited 06-25-2004).]

I stand corrected

We were supposed to have plans this weekend, and when i asked her today to confirm when we would hang out, she told me that she was booked w/ things she was doing with other people. SO i have decided not to tell her. I knew already that she would turn me down, and considering im not a higher priority to her then some other people, especially since i have been asking for plans for a while, then she obviously couldnt care about me as much as i care about her. I dont feel like ruining shit, even though my lack of telling her will ruin shit anyways. Ah well, no surprise for me, nothing ever works out in my favor. Ill just have to stay depressed and lonely.