Okay, I have to say this to someone.. because it's been bothering me.

For as long as I can remember I've found men physically attractive. I see a nice looking guy and I think he looks attractive. Thing is though, this attraction has never ever been sexual. When I see gay porn, or even an attractive guy with his shirt off or something, my boner drops and shrivels.

On the other hand though I've always been confused about girls. When I seen an attractive one, I wonder is she attractive -this could be down to a few things I think, like wondering does everyone else find her attractive or wondering was I only finding her attractive because everyone else does. I don't know.. that and the question about myself always pops into my mind.

Thing is though, I usually get aroused when I see hot chicks.. whenever they look sexual (I'm not huge into porn, but I look at hentai from time to time), or if I imagine them in a sexual way.

I usually feel more nervous around girls, or often disinterested. When I'm around guys I feel attractive, the most I'd want to take my attraction to was hugging.. I would not want anything more ever.. (As said before I get dearoused in seconds). But a buddy hug with a dude would always feel cool, relaxed.

So.. that's how it is. I know it's wierd and I'm probably a complete idiot for posting this, but what is I to do?

Hmm.. Hugging with a male but no more... Hate to ask this but how are things with your dad? Maybe you are looking for a father figure? :/

[This message has been edited by Pilsu (edited 06-18-2004).]

Well.. it's been around for quite a few number of years so I dunno..

With my Dad I don't know, he's out a lot and asks me to do a lot of things. We rarely have proper conversations though and we find different things funny or interesting. Only things we can talk about are old music I happen to like, history, odd tv programs or general crap unimportant stuff. Usually though he either seems disinterested or will wait for his turn to speek and ramble on as if he just seemed like he was waiting to talk.

He encourages me to work hard, but I don't often think I'm on the same wavelength.. he's often out and I'm often on the net so we wouldn't get a chance to talk much.

Like I say, I just don't know.

You're a fucking faggot.

quote:Originally posted by KillaCas:

You're a fucking faggot.

Why is he still around?

quote:Originally posted by SublimeZen124:

Why is he still around?

Hit man's flight got delayed.

Well, as long as you want to have nothing to do with guys sexually, you are quite normal. I too can notice that some guy is hot but it doesn't mean I wanna fuck him. Don't worry about it.

quote:Originally posted by KillaCas:

You're a fucking faggot.



Dude, what you say isn't worth shit. I don't even know why you hang around. Nobody even cares about your half-assed flames.

quote:Originally posted by Pilsu:

Hmm.. Hugging with a male but no more... Hate to ask this but how are things with your dad? Maybe you are looking for a father figure? :/

[This message has been edited by Pilsu (edited 06-18-2004).]

I think I'm missing the point here :/

Yes, your sexuality is weird because you apparently don't repress a natural affinity (not necessary sexual) for other males as society urges you to do.

And...whoa, finding yourself aroused by hot chicks. THAT is weird.

Well said.

Well, it's just the fact I wonder if they're attractive in my head. Though getting aroused has to all be about biological.. it's nothing to do with being conditioned, or having conditioned myself to like chicks (I don't think I have.. I'm just wondering is it possible).

I think I've probably started this thread for reassurance, but also because I was confused and it sort of helps to say something about it.

You sound like you're leaning strongly to guys from natural instinct but being aroused by hot females kind of confuses the issue. Why not just explore your feelings? You may be bisexual and unaware of the fact that you don't necessarily have to be pigeonholed into a neat little category.

Don't worry about what society (or this BB) has to say , take advice with a grain of salt and ultimately use your best judgment in assessing your sexuality, you'll be happier. Morality is a funny thing dude.. we all perceive it from our own perspective and learned experiences, doesn't mean what's right for me is right for you. Good luck.

You know, I think your problem is that you're over analyzing the situation.

Okay, so you think some men are attractive. That's good. That's fine. THAT'S NORMAL. If you're not sexually attracted to them, then you're not gay (no matter what fucktard up there says). You just happen to be secure enough in your own sexuality that you can notice that another man is physically attractive. This is not a big deal. I think women are gorgeous. Hell, I've had crushes on chicks before. However, I'm not a lesbian, or even bi (or bi-curious). There are some women who are beautiful, who I love to look at and be around, but the thought of doing anything sexual with them is simply... repulsive. I know it's not something that I could do and enjoy, so I don't worry about it. I just enjoy the company of attractive females from time to time. Not an issue.

And I do the same thing with "hot" guys that you do with "hot" girls. I'll catch myself thinking, "Wow... he's hot." And then I'll snap out of it, and cynical Lilly takes over: "You stupid slut. You only think he's hot because society says he is. I bet he's a complete asshole. You're married, you shouldn't be looking at him anyway..." blah blah blah. Cynical Lilly isn't very nice. I think, for me, my ... wariness, for lack of a better word, about being attracted to "hot" people stems from the fact that I wasn't particularly attractive until about the 9th grade, and "pretty" people intimidated me for a long time afterwards. Every now and then, they still do. So whenever I would catch myself thinking of a "pretty person" as "hot," I would mentally slap myself for being shallow.

Over the years though, I've figured out that it's not shallow. It's just chemistry. You find that person attractive. You think they're hot. You want to be around them because they're pretty. That's akin to wanting to have pretty furniture, or planting attractive flowers in your garden. Do you analyze your need for attractive surroundings in your home? Then why analyze your desire for attractive people in the world?

Listen, go with your gut. Just don't forget: beauty is skin deep. Normal looking people often have better stories.

Edit: ah... fucktard referring to KillaCas, not you pathogen. I didn't see your post before I posted.

[This message has been edited by Lilly (edited 06-18-2004).]

There a re a couple good bits of advice here. All I care to add is that labels aren't where it's at. I call myself gay for simplicity's sake, but I still like being with the odd girl. Bottom line is, everyone in the world should be Omnisexual, that is, universally sexual. Just do whatever the hell feels good at the time, and try not to worry about what other people might think. Worrying is just going to keep you from being happy. And hey, porn is more of a state of mind than it is erotica. I don't blame you for not finding it very hot, I find gay porn rather boring

Thank you Lilly. I recognize when a fellow male is attractive, but sexual acts with another man are disgusting from my viewpoint. (Key point: I don't mind gays as long as they don't hit on me.) I could only imagine doing sexual acts with a female.

quote:Originally posted by yixil:

I could only imagine doing sexual acts with a female.

Are you physically unable to? If not, then get your ass out there and actually DO those acts!

On topic:

I find guys hot all the time. I'll see one and be like "damn, he's hot," and that's the end of it. I don't go exploring my sexuality or anything, because I don't need to. I find him attractive, as in, were I a girl, I'd want to sex him up, but not as a guy. I admire his physical qualities, and in the words of the late Johnny Bravo:

"I want to look LIKE these men, not at em."

This has helped out a fair bit I think. It's just something that I often feel really down or insecure about - I don't really mind gay people, but I don't think I really want to be gay - the labels soceity has put on them has gotten in the way. I think what Lilly has said was right - I do find guys attractive often enough, but it isn't remotely sexual and I don't think I'd ever be interested in anything sexual - would pretty much disgust me.

I can see myself doing things sexual with women.. I dunno, maybe in the future =].

So I'm gonna say thanks guys. This has helped.

You can think that guys look good in the same way that you can think a car looks good, or a peice of art looks good, or a buliding looks good... it doesn't mean you want to fuck it, it just means it's pleasing to the eye. The attractiveness/hugging thing around guys is probably just feeling comfortable around friends, and maybe feeling bonds with them or somthing. If it's not sexual, you're not gay.

quote:Originally posted by ZeroMalarki:

For as long as I can remember I've found men physically attractive.

This is your first clue.

quote:Originally posted by ZeroMalarki:

When I see gay porn,

Okay, I'm probably way older than you, I've never seen gay porn. You have to look for it. This is your second clue.

quote:Originally posted by ZeroMalarki:

On the other hand though I've always been confused about girls.

I'd say this is your third clue.

quote:Originally posted by ZeroMalarki:

I usually feel more nervous around girls, or often disinterested.

As if you needed a fourth? I'm not dissing on ya ZeroMalarki and I couldn't care less about your sexual preference... to each their own. The feeling nervous around girls statement gave me pause in thinking you're definitely a future sword swallower, but in the same sentence you say you're usually disinterested.

Hey, whichever way your heart tells you to swing just embrace it, that's who you are and don't sweat what society and standards say. Once you figure it out you'll start being a happier camper.

quote:Originally posted by ZeroMalarki:

Well, it's just the fact I wonder if they're attractive in my head.



When this happens...try to pinpoint everything you find attractive about them...EVERYTHING. I think you are worrying too much about what other people think and are trying to go with a flow when it comes to this topic. You stated that you wonder if you find girls hot because other people do. When really its your opinion that matters. I find girls hot that other guys dont, and vise versa. I don't think you even have to worry about being gay, if youa re comfortable around gay people and you know your limits and where your attractions end, I think you are just comfortable and in touch with your self and your sexuality. Think about what you notice first about girls...then second then third and so on. I am sure you will have no problem figuring yourself out and after you do, don't think so much on why you like girls...just know you do.

P.S. With me, a lot of the time, its the way they carry themselves and whether or not they have noticable self esteem, then its how hot their face and body is...or the other way around...depends on the girl.

Well, I've only ever gone looking for gay porn as an experiment, I don't make a habit of it. I really wasn't sexually turned on and on a few accounts I've thought about women sexually, finding myself aroused, then tried thinking about men sexually and found myself unaroused again. So, men, I've found physically attractive.. but not sexually, I was trying to make that clear. Part of a problem that the confusion about girls was I blame was when I was 8 (I don't remember if I had any feelings like that back then) a friend told me that I had to fancy girls and that I was supposed to have sex with them. So I'm kind of confused because I don't know if I totally like them or am just thinking I like them because I'm supposed to. The disinterested bit I suppose could relate to certain girls, I get nervous with anyone sometimes.. I know I have a fair few other insecurities (chances are I have aspurges). A point I really have to make is that I do get sexually turned on by thinking sexual thoughts about girls. I'm still unsure, but I pretty much doubt I'm gay, whole gay and nothing but gay.