ok a couple months ago i was at this sorta party thing with a few friends n a few people id just met. we got very drunk n i ended up being quite fucked so i lay in bed most of the night. sometime in the night i felt a bit better n cause it was quite hot i was walking without a top on n came across one of the new people. evryone else was asleep except him so i went n talked to him for a bit sitting next to him. outta the blue he tried rubbing my chest n i felt uncomfy bout it so i got up n went back to my room/bed place thing. maybe he got the wrong idea or sumat but he followed n i think the whole getting up too quick spun me out so i was practically paralyzed again on the bed. he came in and i just ignored him cause i felt shit. i noticed he kept touching me n ended up fingering me but i donno i dint really want it to happen but couldnt stop him cause i was too drunk. my friend came in so he stopped n walked off. i felt like crying but blamed myself. the next morning i went home n after speaking to my friends found out he'd got off with one of them and also fingered my other friend. both of them had boyfriends n didnt want anything to happen.. is this our fault or is the guy a player who uses people? get back to me please xxx

first off luv, use paragraphs cos it makes it easier for fuckheads like me to read.



second. ain't your fault and he was just taking advantage of the situation(as any teenage bloke would). forget it ,move on and find a decent bloke.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



ain't your fault and he was just taking advantage of the situation(as any teenage bloke would). forget it ,move on and find a decent bloke.

As any teenage bloke would? Nah, I wouldn't do that. This guys a complete fuck, who doesn't care for anyone. I'd go get your b/f, and your mates b/f to go and beat the shit outta him, cause hes totally out of line.

To all those who have g/f's....What would you do if some guy fingered your g/f?

Anyhoo, don't feel bad, it's not your fault. If you want it off your mind, then telling your b/f might be an option. Really it depends on how he reacts to stuff like this, as to whether or not you tell him. It's up to you!

Like it or not, women have to be aware that certain behaviors, i.e., being drunk and in mixed company, might lead to undesirable circumstances. It isn't right, it isn't deserved, but it does happen.

You might have been wasted, and there's a good chance he was equally wasted and didn't have his wits about him. People do ill-judged things when under the influence of alcohol/substances, such as walk around topless, or grope at and sexually assault a girl that walks around topless.

So, no one is at fault. You're absolved by reason of temporary incapacity, and he's absolved by reason of temporary incapacity.

alcohol is absolutely no excuse. If you want to get drunk to escape reality, you´re responsible for anything that you do or not. Be happy if you have a tolerant bf.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Like it or not, women have to be aware that certain behaviors, i.e., being drunk and in mixed company, might lead to undesirable circumstances. It isn't right, it isn't deserved, but it does happen.

You might have been wasted, and there's a good chance he was equally wasted and didn't have his wits about him. People do ill-judged things when under the influence of alcohol/substances, such as walk around topless, or grope at and sexually assault a girl that walks around topless.

So, no one is at fault. You're absolved by reason of temporary incapacity, and he's absolved by reason of temporary incapacity.

My thoughts exactly.

also, i agree with the person below me. You put yourself out there, yes its understandable that you were drunk, and believe me i've done irratic behavaiours and such while intoxicated, but it probably gave him a hint or two when he saw you bare chested.

[This message has been edited by Saline Colors (edited 06-16-2004).]

You don't think walking around topless at a party might encourage such behaviours?

I live in Toronto, CANADA, and it is legal for women to go topless in public here because we're (mostly) mature enough to handle unclothed breasts. This doesn't mean we go around molesting women, just because they have no shirts on. That's called inappropriate behavior, and being drunk isn't an excuse.

Who know how far he would've gone had your friend not entered the picture. I say get your boys to talk to this guy about the way he treats women.

Since (I may be wrong about this, I'm just going from your post) you didn't tell him to stop, or hit him or something, he had no way of knowing you didn't want this. And since he was drunk too, I don't really think that common sense would factor in too much.

I mean, he could have been just being a total jerk, what do I know. But you really have no way of knowing without confronting him about it. It's either his fault, or completely the fault of the alchohol, depending on how you divy out blame. In my mind, if he didn't know that what he was doing was harmful to you, it's not his fault. I don't really see why you might feel that it was your fault, though. Getting drunk was the only way you contributed to the situation.

Oh, and this is one of the many good reasons not to get drunk.

[This message has been edited by ChickenOfDoom (edited 06-16-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

first off luv, use paragraphs cos it makes it easier for fuckheads like me to read.





Don't kid yourself, you can't read anyways! j/k.

Well lets see, you got drunk with a bunch of guys and laid down on a bed. Hmmm....... It's a hard call.



Shek

whose*

What the fuck is with these dumbass girls calling everyone players?

He isn't a player, he sexually assualted a drunker girl at a party?

Yes, he does have to charm to whoo any girl.

Anyways, your fault for not telling him no, your fault for walking around naked, your fault for not doing anything about it.

Not his fault, your fault.

i would prefer that my g/f told me and under those surcomestances i would understand but the question you should be asking yourself is why wasnt youyr b/f at the party with you?

and to anwser your question its both of your faults!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finding fault is for people who get in car accidents. Try fixing the problem instead of figuring out who to blame it on.

ok heres my take.

when you walked out topless and drunk, i personally wouldve stayed the hell away from you. all i need is some drunk bitch saying i raped her. no thanks. of course, i have very lil faith in humanity, and trust no one.

were you lucky you werent raped? yes.

but, from a guys point of view, one whos prolly not too smart as to the rape thing, id say you both fucked up.

i dont care if your from canada or russia, a topless chick is gonna get attention. especially walking around and sitting next to a guy to talk.

now if i were him, id think this girl wanted some strange cock, and picked me as the guy who was gonna give it to her. this is what he thought since we went for your fun bags.

unless you raised hell about it, he might not think your serious. i know ive seen some guys get bitched out if not fucking slapped for that.

the bed thing: you didnt say anything. you shouldve, even if it meant puking. id say had yousaid something, hed have backed off.

it sounds to me that the guy was testing the waters. for what? maybe he thought fingering you wouldve warmed you upto the idea of fucking him. maybe he was testing to see how out of it you were, to fuck you while you were passed out.

moral of this story: dont do this again.

warn all your friends about him. do not put yourself in a similar position with him again. if hes even at the same party asyou, leave. he may thing nothings wrong and try it again. thats saying his intentions wereon the better side.

as for the boyfriends....i dunno. the topless thing will prolly throw yours, and not mentioning it would be a very asshole stunt. you have to take into consideration, that this young, drubk, horny guy might have just thought you wanted to fuck. nothing bad or evil or forced. does he sound too smart? no, on many levels. is what that was said here make him a rapist or a sexual assaulter? no.

you both fucked up,and at the time it was stopped nothing very untoward had went on. you now have first hand reason why you, as a woman in mixed company, should never get out of control drunk.

good luck

dude i would be pissed if some dude fingered my girlfriend, id beat his ass.

but-- i think i wouldnt beat his ass if my girlfriend said it happened after she got smashed as fuck, and stumbled in on a guy drunk and topless in the middle of the night and sat down next to him and started talking to him with no top on while everyone else was sleeping.

i think id let the guy get away with it, i mean under the circumstances you said, who could blame the guy.

>--id definitly say it was youre fault--<

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

Finding fault is for people who get in car accidents. Try fixing the problem instead of figuring out who to blame it on.

I'll have to agree with that.

I don't think sending someone after him will solve anything either. If you and your friends didn't say no or stop etc.. then he obviously didn't rape you violently.