Who hear can say that they've experienced reasonable amount of love throughout their life so far.

Pls tell me about it.

Beany, are you alright? You seeming a bit shitty from your recent posts. Anyway, what type of love do you mean? Love from your friends, your familly, or from a woman?

I've had plenty of the first two. Since the bitch left me for my best mate, however, I appear to be lacking some of the third.

I've experienced all 3. The third with both a man and woman too.

I've experienced it I think. It ended, and I think I'm the one who fucked it up.

I've seen a lot of people try to sum it up, but the best job in my opinion might have been during the movie Men In Black, believe it or not. The part where Will Smith's character breaks in on Tommy Lee Jones' character secretly watching the woman he loves and says, "Well, you know what they say, it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

Jones turns to him with a perfectly pissed-off look and replies, "Try it."





[This message has been edited by Morb (edited 06-12-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by Cap'n Grok:

Beany, are you alright? You seeming a bit shitty from your recent posts.

Er, no I haven't been great lately (See inner demons in "Reinvent yourself").

quote:Originally posted by Cap'n Grok:

What type of love do you mean?

Any kind of love. I guess I just mean a feeling of happiness and comfort.

Can you look back and think "Ah my lifes been sweet, thanks".



[This message has been edited by ---Beany--- (edited 06-12-2004).]

Love is a fucker. it can hurt like fuck. its really really really not nice. worst feeling i've ever felt in my entire life...

but then again, it has also been the best feeling in my entire life.

Go figure.

Shittie

Yeah, I'd seen your inned demons post, that's why I asked. By "shitty," I meant you seemed pretty down. Sorry man.

I think most people can say there life has been good in parts. Recently, mines sucked in general. Loves too much of a doubled edges blade. Great when you have it, but ruins you when it leaves.

I think I'm a manic depressive. 1 Minute I feel like a god, the next everythings gray and horrible.

Cheers for the concern Cap'n Grok. It's appreciated.

[This message has been edited by ---Beany--- (edited 06-12-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by ShitFace:

Love is a fucker. it can hurt like fuck. its really really really not nice.

I agree. When the girl I loved moved away, I cried everyday, non-stop for 3 months. Then eased up a bit on the crying after that. Just thinking that I wont see her again still makes me tear up. This was years ago.

quote:Originally posted by Brilliant2U:

I agree. When the girl I loved moved away, I cried everyday, non-stop for 3 months. Then eased up a bit on the crying after that. Just thinking that I wont see her again still makes me tear up. This was years ago.



funnily enough, thats very similar to my situation.

Shittie

love sucks and death swallows.

quote:Originally posted by SHELLI:

love sucks and death swallows.

And stupid people make up stupid rhymes.

Stupid teen angst.

Shittie

my love is like a rose, buried under some snow, waiting for you to dig it out

Only once...this girl, I had only known for 2 months or so, but we quickly became like best friends, completely open with each other and so on.. anyhow I soon started to think we were perfect for each other, I was completely in love, but never had the balls to tell her.

One night though, when she was out with her girlfriends she decided to randomly phone me and we talked for a bit, and at the end of the conversation she said in her little voice 'I love you.' I was completely shocked..I just went silent and gritted my teeth, I so badly wanted to say it back but it just never came out. She got tired of waiting and hung up. After that, all night I didn't get any sleep and just kept pacing around my room, thinking of what I was going to say to her the next day...so I phoned her in the morning, and even though she was badly hungover, she was in a completely ecstatic mood.. I asked her why and she says "Ohh this boy Tom, I have liked him for ages but he never liked me, just came up to me and danced with me, kissed me.. wow it was so magical, he kisses me so softly, not like the other boys..."



....

when it (love) leaves it the worst feeling in the world but when you have its feels like you're untouchable. If its from a family member chances are it won't go away, if its from a female ( without sex) its feels like you're on top of the world, from your friends its like you, no matter what, you have someone there to guide you and fall back on. I have to say i am extremly lucky, i have all 3. good luck, don't give up hope, you'll find it.

Love is good, love is bad, love is cheerful, love is sad.

I have loved and lost, loved and left.

Love is everywhere, yet nowhere.

Love can save our souls, and the world.

Just thought I'd ramble out some shit over your thread.

You're welcome. I always registered you as one of the more worthwhile posters. Sounds like bi-polar, ask a GP.

/me gives Beany very, very nasty look...Briefly considers shooting him in the face, but doesn't, because he's Beany

Yeah, in short, I've had love.

Just a small word: I swear that the next person to tell me (here in person) "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is going to get punched in the fucking face.

That little love/loss matter of mine aside, though, there's still some good love in my life: mine for good friends, family's for me, mine for them, mine for finding the whole love thing again in the future but not in any hurry, mine for myself, etc. That's pretty much why I haven't quite given up, in spite of all the damage that fucking shit did. But I'm healing; sometimes it feels like "one step forward, two steps back", but hell...If you have to use this as a guage: Notice I barely ever mention it here anymore.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 06-12-2004).]

I've eradicated this post after coming the conclusion that it made no sense what-so-ever, and I don't even know why...

[This message has been edited by Cap'n Grok (edited 06-12-2004).]

Lol, Whose Kay? And How did I piss of Infrared?

Confusion!!

Anyway like I said I don't necessarily mean the love of a lover. Just any kind of love, or even just the love of yourself.

I just want someone to post that they have experience profound happiness. Maybe it'll make me feel good.

quote:Originally posted by ---Beany---:

And How did I piss of Infrared?



You didn't. I was mostly joking; it's just that threads like these, even so little as a month ago, could make me think of all that shit with 'her' and ruin my moment. Yeah, I was pretty fragile. No, yours didn't, or anything; nobody's do anymore. Think of it as a throwback.

I can say. It's fucked up though, I'd rather not go into great detail.

A boyfriend.

*Shakes head knowingly*

Aren't they all? Fucked up, that is.

quote:Originally posted by Cap'n Grok:

*Shakes head knowingly*

Aren't they all? Fucked up, that is.

No, they're not. Just this one. . .Whom I still feel for.

*Sigh

Could we NOT turn SG into a soap opera?

*On knees pleading*

A happy post...... A happy one....

Someone toss me a happy story.

Gah, you know you want to, Liberate.

quote:Originally posted by Cap'n Grok:

Gah, you know you want to, Liberate.

I'm resisting.

quote:Originally posted by LiberateTeExInferis:

I'm resisting.

Go Liberate Go. Let it out.

beans, i've experienced profound happiness. and it stays with you too. i'd tell you more, but this is the wrong forum.

quote:Originally posted by Eil:

beans, i've experienced profound happiness. and it stays with you too. i'd tell you more, but this is the wrong forum.



*In the voice of Roger Rabbit*

Pppppppppppleaaaaase!

A happy story, for Beany:

quote:Once there was a little girl ...

Who was looking for a cowboy.



She had to wait until she grew up to find him.

It was true love.



Children were soon to follow.

And the children loved their mother.



And she loved her children.

Even the dog was loved.



There were many happy times...

Family vacations...



and Family outings.

Gah, google isn't good for happy stories. They all seem to revolve around abandoned dogs and people with AIDS.

Once I was very nervous before a night out. I couldn't stop worrying for days before. Then I went out and it was kinda scary to be around so many strangers.

Then I got drunk. I found myself talking to people I didn't know and I had no idea what the fuck I'd said.

In the morning I felt happy.

This story has happened many many times.

Hopefully it will apply tonight.

One of the glorious advantages of alcohol. It gives you the extra boost, dutch courage. Just so long as people don't depend on it for the ability to hold a conversation with a stranger every time... I still think the little girl and the cowboy were more cheerful, though .

Love is a funny thing. It can leave you so open, that you're vulnerable and might end up feeling some real heartache. At the same time, while you're in love it's the greatest feeling in the world. The care you feel for that person, the joy you get seeing them laugh is better than any drug. Any which way, it is better to have loved and lost than yadda yadda yadda...

Yes, I have been blessed with love.

In terms of brotherly love, I have a very loving, very forgiving family. I'm not an easy person to live with and I've made plenty of mistakes growing up, but they were always there for me. I'm particularly close to my only sibling, a younger brother. He's growing up into such an amazingly kind young man. I try to support him in everything he does, and he does the same for me.

In terms of romantic love, I've been slightly less lucky- in a way. I've only had one serious long term relationship that lasted about 18 months. It went horribly, horribly wrong, because I wasn't mature enough to handle it. I sacrificed too much and let my lover become the center of my life, which she was disgusted by. It took her leaving to re-evaluate where my life was headed, for which I'm quite grateful.

After we broke up, we got along infinitely better. I remember one conversation we had about how if I hadn't left California, I probably would've OD'd by now. She softly said, "I really did think you were going to end up dead. And if you had, I wouldn't have lasted much longer myself." It was such a shocking moment. I realized, for the first time, that in an alternate reality, both of us were dead. In this reality, we had both cleaned up our act- she was back in school studying to be a nurse, I was working and building up my rep with community service to save up enough so that going back to school would be an option. We were both preparing ourselves to help so many people- lives we wouldn't have touched if I had left just a little more air into the syringe, or taken that additional hit just a little too soon after the first. But I didn't, and she didn't either. Life is so fragile, and we came so close to losing each ourselves without even realizing it. Even without having the social comfort of a significant other, I am grateful for every day I continue to live.

We communicate all the time, and each conversation ends with, "I love you." Because the love of a good friend is the strongest, most beautiful thing in the world.

quote:Originally posted by Schraff:



Because the love of a good friend is the strongest, most beautiful thing in the world.

Zing.

i went out with my ex for over 2 years... i had a dream where a strange girl who felt oddly familiar came over in the middle of a frat party and we kissed gently & sweetly, for no reason other than it was the natural thing for us to do.

a few weeks later on the day i met her, i was at absolute rock bottom... i was working on a drinking problem, flunking out of college, disillusioned with college life and the world outside of it, experimenting with way too many drugs, and tripping really nasty on shrooms. i was sitting in a corner at a party with my head hanging down feeling like i was about to fall into an abyss of hopelessness. 'what the fuck am i doing with my life??? what am i going to do? i have absolutely nothing to live for.'

all of a sudden, she sat down next to me and started talking. i talked to her for a few seconds and knew that i could really love this girl. she was not even the type i used to be interested in. physically she was shorter, not as slender, and not what you'd call beautiful in a postmodern sense (stupid college words); but she was definitely cute, and the fact that we seemed to understand each other perfectly from the start piqued my interest all the more. for about 2 years, i was happy. the ways in which i loved her did not stop growing.

but life did not get any less hectic, and after 2 years, we broke up. not because of any loss of feeling, but because those feelings were beaten back by fear of the future and increasing miscomunication. there's some more history, but i'm not going into that much detail. at first the breakup was mutual, since we both understood that we had lost that basic understanding. after about 3 months of keeping in touch as friends, i realized i had made a big mistake. i loved this girl, literally, like i never imagined i could love a girl.

for the next couple of months, i tried to patch things up. by this time we were many miles apart, and on different paths altogether. i realized it was over when i went to visit her and hang out this one big weekend up at school. even though we were still on friendly terms, she made it clear that she was annoyed by my persistence. i was drinking and acted obnoxiously. i acted out of complete desperation and it was calculated - it was my last pathetic attempt. i was resolved to not be that annoying/scary ex-boyfriend that just doesn't get the message. as i drove home i cried so hard my brain felt like it was splitting in half. i had snots pouring down my chin and shit... i thought i was losing my mind, but i knew i had to let her go.

after a few months of somehow resisting the desire to call or email, i realized that letting her go was something i actually wanted to do - for her.

i know she still loves me, and i also know i'll probably remember her the day i die, but i also know i did the right thing.

i also know this all sounds real corny, but that girl renewed my hope in life, and i'm a happier, stronger, smarter guy for it.

that guy who said it is better to have loved and lost than blah blah blah is actually right. a big part of that is that it's more important to love a person than to be loved to your heart's desire in return.

[This message has been edited by Eil (edited 06-12-2004).]

You know, the ancient greeks had four different words for love.

One for love of objects - like "I love the Simpsons"

One for family/friends

Sexual Attraction/Lust

And self-sacrificing love

I love my family and in a slightly different and much lesser way my buddies. I know my parents are proud of me and stuff, so I feel loved there.

Of course I've loved things like computers, games etc. That and sexual attraction, hard not to.

Then the self-sacrificing kind. In a stupid way yeah. I used to get crushes on girls where I'd get a little obsessed. And in general I'd be willing to die to save someone else. Probably almost anyone, that's who I am.. I don't particularly like living and I think there are enough people out there who are better than me, so whatever.

I don't think I've experienced "true love" if you know what I mean. Never had a proper relationship like that.. maybe one day. In a way I'm glad a lot of you actually believe in love.. there's a lot who think it's just a dumb idea. To me, it's an emotion - the mind and chemicals in the body going crazy. Perhaps a little random. But we live in a randomly created world.. so we're told.

quote:Originally posted by ---Beany---:



Can you look back and think "Ah my lifes been sweet, thanks".

There really are sad people, and that's not an insult. You know, if you haven't had love from family and friends, that is unnatural, and I'm sorry for you. As to a woman, that comes with time.

"And let every man, in mankind's frailty, consider his last day. And let none presume upon his good fortune unless he find life, at death, a memory without pain."

Sophocles (bitch)



[This message has been edited by Ourajin (edited 06-12-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by ---Beany---:

Who hear can say that they've experienced reasonable amount of love throughout their life so far.

Pls tell me about it.

Holla.

quote:Originally posted by ZeroMalarki:

[B]You know, the ancient greeks had four different words for love.

One for love of objects - like "I love the Simpsons"

One for family/friends

Sexual Attraction/Lust

And self-sacrificing love [B]

Eros- Sexual love

Philos- Fraternal love (platonic)

Agape- Love of God

Stergo- Parent/child

I can always know that my family will be there for me. No matter what, I can be myself and not worry. We are truly free when we are with loving family.

My lovers have always been a much more fiery and passionate love than family (I hope) and as such burn out over time, unless it's true love. But nothing matters when you are with you lover, they make everything ok.

Fraternal love to me is like my friends. They won't dump me over something like arguing over furniture, but they still hold that amount of enjoyment that you won't find im your family.

So yeah, I have felt love. I am happy, and know that when I leave this world, I will have made an impact not only on the world around me, but that I touched my loved ones' lives. If you can't find love in the world, then you need to try.

I know how some of you feel. I broke up with my girlfriend about 5 years ago. Was really in love with her. Realized how much I needed her after she was gone. The thing was, after so long you start to wonder if you two were even together. That's the worst feeling in the world. It happened to me. Got to the point where I would maybe drive over or go to a place we used to go to just so I wouldnt forget.

I would always get a little psyched when talking to someone that knew us when we were together. Hoping that maybe this person that knew us would I guess just remind me of how much love I showed my GF and she showed me. Sadly they didnt really remember either.

I guess I also always figured she'd eventually call. It took a few weeks after the breakup before I realized that she wouldnt be calling anytime soon, but I guess I always just figured she'd call eventually. She never did.

All you're remembering is the good. I remember lots of great things about when my GF and I were together but none of the bad. I remember a few bad things, but I cant imagine they were actually something to get upset over.

Here's what I suggest if you had a situation similar to mine. CALL HER! That's what I did. Took me 5 years, but I did it. And you know what? Felt damn good. I started it out by just saying that I always felt bad about how things ended between us and I was sorry. She accepted apology. We talked a little more. Discussed getting together to hang out, still hasnt happened yet but it doesnt matter. The point is I feel a lot better. Although it seems that since then I am now starting to forget things about us being together that seemed so crystal clear before. Things that I was showing no signs of forgetting. That's sad for me, but its probably best.

Seriously. Look her up and call her. If the relationship didnt end on good terms go the route I did and apologize. Just say you always felt bad about it. If it ended on better terms, just call to see what she has been up to. Godspeed.

does love of ut 2k4 count?

Yes. I can honestly say I have, and continue to enjoy that particular comfort still, and hope to enjoy it until I die. Life is sweet.

YOu know how they say ignorance is bliss? Well, I've never known love, and I'm perfectly happy.

There's a 50/50 chance it'll fuck you up forever or make you happier forever.

quote:Originally posted by SkiPpYP:

YOu know how they say ignorance is bliss? Well, I've never known love, and I'm perfectly happy.

same here but if an opportunity presented itself i might go for it

quote:Originally posted by ---Beany---:

Go Liberate Go. Let it out.

Here's something I wrote for a different friend earlier in the year. Keep in mind this was earlier in the year, a lot has happened since then.

(Here's what they said when I said on the open board "If anyone cares to hear, or try to help me out, PM me."

"Quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He says I have the same options for now but I don't do it, for 1. I don't feel the need to for I am not a sex addict, and 2. He would be angry, even if he said I could.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you are in a relationship that will always cause you great pain... even on the chance that the comittment becomes more serious you'll find you will never be able to trust when he says he will be faithful...

"sex addict" is a great excuse to have your cake and eat it... he just wants to fuck around with every one... there is no addiction to it just as alcoholism is not a disease, its a concious choice a person makes...

if he;s the jealous and angry type and he;s doing this, you need to leave that relationship, the next progression will be physical confrontations... I base this on my experience with people as to what happens but speculation as to the nature of your man... I know what I read and often read deeper than what was stated...

if you wish someone to talk ot about things like this... an outsiders view, I'm always willing to listen...")

This is my reply. . .

"Ahoy Prisoner,

I'm glad to hear you care, and that you're here to talk to about this. I'm not home now, but at home I keep a bit of notes on what happens between us through IM. I will talk to you about this, if you don't mention things about it in the forums, or to anyone. I don't like putting this type of thing out into the open, because I don't trust myself with what I might say. I don't like being the freak show, you know? Well, I'm going to try this with you, because besides all your beyond great pictures, I have respect for you, and I feel I might trust you more than anyone on this board.

I'm not going to give anything personal away about him just yet, but if you peck at me and prove I can say these things, you'll have quite more understanding with this, if you knew a bit about him. I know he's not comfortable with people knowing anything about him, that I am the only person that he shares his DREAMS alone with, yet what he personally thinks or feels. I know him better than anyone else out there, even his best friend. He doesn't feel he can trust anyone, but I'm the closest to trust that he has. I know him like the back of my hand; I've come to the point in our relationship where I could say a certain thing, and correctly predict what his response will be.

I'll tell you a bit about myself; who I am to him, is completely different as to how you know me. I have never yelled at him, or hurt him intentionally. I see something in him that keeps me from it, and I know he sees the same in me, but when he's angry everything goes. I'm trying to help him with it, but I know because I don't yell back, and he knows me so well, is two of the reasons he will be so angry. He's said some very hurtful things to me, but I see beyond them. I know you're going to read this PM and see a lot of negatives from his side, but it's not what he's all about. I can't say right now that things are going well, because he doesn't want me talking to him until Wednesday, because he's "sick of me" because I'm always there. I suppose it's a bit repetitive, and I may be quite annoying to him for that fact sometimes, but sometimes I think about leaving him. I wouldn't ever, but I've contemplated the subject quite a few times. He knows that he hurts me, and he tries not to do it, I can tell he tries, but it happens anyways. He has medications he won’t take, and he's been through a lot of mental and physical pain through his life. I won’t reveal anymore than that, for now.

I have an anger problem. It's not like the usual thing, like he has, but it's that I can't get angry with him. I can get frustrated, but I won’t yell or call him names, I can't say he pisses me off. I don't understand it, but I just break down instead of feeling angry, and I'll feel hurt instead, and I'll cry. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me; it just seems as if it's getting worse as I get older. It used to be as I was a teenager, like younger teen, I would get angry and feel like I'd want to bash someone's face in . . . . But now I don't feel that. Now it's different. I haven't ever seen a psychologist or therapist for any of this. I feel like I can do that myself, for myself, because it's only I who understands myself the most, I just need the understanding of others to put my pieces together.

He's always planning an escape from me, because he feels I'm "out to get" him. (Keep in mind that I am a virgin still, we haven't had sex or anything of the such.) He tried telling me a few days ago that he's lied to me the entire time, and he's sick of pretending he loves me, and that he was really a woman. I know him very well, and I asked him questions and all of that good stuff, and he finally admitted he wasn't. We talked about it for a while, and I could see that he has told me he loved me, and not meant it how I felt it for him, but I also know that there have been quite a few times where he's felt that I'm the only one for him, and he loves me more than anything, that he would never hurt me intentionally, and that he would spend the rest of his life with me. He's not just a good actor as it may look like he really is pretending, because I read how he talks and acts around other people online. The point it boils down to is that somewhere he wants me to marry him, and live with him, but when he's angry it's gone and he just wants me out of his life, and to never return. When I get home tonight, I'll piece together a bit of the negativity directed at me when he's angry, and for what reasons he was angry, but I want you to keep in mind that he's not entirely this person. He's not a bad person, and he's not out to get me. He's just horrible with handling his anger with me, because he knows that I know a lot about him. He knows that because of where we stand at a mental state with each other, I could pin him down with anything, or use things against him. He doesn't like the fact of being pinned down with anything, mentally or physically. Physically I mean that he's told me about a previous girlfriend he had, two years ago, who pinned him down while they were having sex, and he freaked out. He had a panic attack because she pinned him down to the bed, and he couldn't move.

He makes me beyond happy. Just if he's there, I'm happy. I love everything about him. It is my fault when he's angry, because I know what type of things set him off, and sometimes I don't catch them happening but I know that what I had done afterwards was wrong, and that I shouldn't do it again. I learn more about him everyday, I learn more things that could make him annoyed or angry, which I need to keep in mind because of the fact that I know him better than anyone else, it's very easy for him to be set off with me. I also learn more about what makes him happy every day.

The deal here is, he spends all his time with me that he's not working. I am his social interaction from day to day. He has sex with other girls, but he never talks to them about anything, or spends time with them. He has his friends that he will spend time with, then there is about 5 other girls (5 recent girls, the "regulars" for the time being) who he does not see anything more than sex with. We have gone about this where he didn't have sex with anyone for three months, and he started getting really annoyed with me for no reason, almost every day. He told me "I want sex so bad that it's killing me, you're making me miserable. I can't have sex because you're not here with me now. I can't go out because we're dating, and it's cheating on you." He's stuck with me for over a year now, with no sex at all from me. I am the only one in his life to hold onto him for this long, and make him feel as if he wanted to stay. He's not the jealous type, just angry for little things between the two of us. He does make the conscious decision to go do this, but it is an addiction. He can refrain from it any time, but he feels as he needs it, and it eats at him depending how long he's been without it. I told him to masturbate, and he says it's not the same, he can't see anyone other than himself, and he can't touch. He told me it's not real enough for him, and he can only go so long without being miserable, on just masturbation. The girls he has sex with are nothing more to him than pleasure. He doesn't see sex as love; he just sees it as it's making him feel good. He said he doesn't know if he would feel anything more than that with me, even. He's told me he tried to feel more than that with a previous girlfriend in high school, who he dated for quite some time, but he got nothing but pleasure on his dick. He says that half of it is the pleasure, and the other half is the mental state that he had sex, no matter who it was. It's a little messed up, but I'm helping him with it. We're trying. He's not using me for a good time, because he can't have sex with me now. I don't have the best body, really. He says I'm gorgeous, but I'm not exactly pin-up. He says if I was pin-up looking, he wouldn't try a relationship with me, and just go for sex. It's how we stand on a mental level together that keeps him with me. He's tried leaving me before, but I've always changed his mind in the last second, somehow. I'm terribly paranoid I'm going to do something wrong, and he'll leave me, and I wont be able to change his mind. I don't ever want it to happen; I'm always on my toes trying to keep him.

I've blabbed enough for now, I suppose I'll write more this afternoon. I really appreciate that you've sat and read through my life off the Shroomery. This is who I really am, or at least a great part of it. I'm a really nice person. I've been rude to people here because I'll never know them, it was just fun for me to experiment with their reaction."

Now, I had another friend who wanted to know about this. This is what they wrote back to me.

"riddle me this then

you say that he has this open relationship policy where supposedly the two of you can go elsewhere to get what you need just as long as it's clear with the other person what you're doing...BUT...he'll get all pissy at you if you chose to follow this policy (even though he himself does exactly that from time to time)

I'm sorry - but in my book that's called a double standard (and in most cases is a tale tale sign that *someone* wants to be able to get away with something that they know they shouldn't be doing...but they justify it by saying that it's okay even though they won't actually allow it to be okay for anyone else other then themselves)

Where I come from this is a sort of psychological control that creates an atmosphere where the person being taken advantage of is lead to believe that the only time this kind of behavior comes into play is when they're doing something (or *not* doing something as the case may be) which pretty much forces the other person to take these so called 'drastic mesures' which result in behavior that they typically would never partake of had they not been drove to such extremes (or so they say anyway)

The person buying into all this bullshit then starts feeling as if they're not living up to everything that they're supposed to be...thereby making them want to be extra attentive to their significant other in hopes that they don't make another 'mistake' and lose their beloved all together (which is exactly what this particular individual was trying to accomplish all along - a sort of relationship security that allows them to act pretty much any way they want to act, and do pretty much anything they want to do...without ever having to worry about finding themselves in a situation where they don't have someone to be there for em at all times)



- but then again -



I really don't know all that much about the situation as a whole, and I'm jumping to all sorts of conclusions based off the little that I do actually know (which very well could be misinterpreted as it is)

or I suppose

it's entirely possible I may actually be closer to the truth then even you realize (cause I've seen these situations before many a time)



perhaps if you wanted to explain to me your side of things a bit more clearly (like how exactly *you're* the one playing psychological games here) I may be better suited to give advice (assuming of course that you even want an outsider's opinion about the situation)

or maybe I'm just sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, and asking questions that I really shouldn't be asking (you'll have to forgive me if that's the case - I never really did learn that whole personal boundary thing) all I know is what the gestalt of this situation seems to be, based off of what little I currently know...and from what I'm seeing it's not a pretty picture



care to prove me wrong?"

I wrote this person back, but I didn't save the reply. Here's what they PMed me back after I replied to this.

"I'm still not sure what exactly to say...



It seems to me that your boyfriend does indeed have some emotional problems though - he certainly doesn't seem to have a very healthy concept of what love is all about, or what a relationship is supposed to be. It sounds to me that he isn't entirely in touch with his own emotions and because of that he overlooks the importance of connecting with people on a deeper level...which in turn flares up his own natural defense systems and causes him to feel as if he needs to seperate himself from the situation simply because he isn't sure how to deal with it (ye ol fight-or-flight syndrome) Plus this whole obsession with physical pleasure isn't exactly helping one bit either. It's almost as if somewhere deep down he knows something isn't quite right and he tries to compensate in the only way he knows how - by having sex. And that all just goes back to the idea of relieving the symptom without ever really curing the disease. (metephorically speaking of course) In short - sex gives him a temporary breath of fresh air which makes him feel as if everything's a-okay...when in reality it really isn't. Sooner or later the feelings return and he goes back for another fix in order to avoid having to deal with the real problem at hand (which is most likely due to the fact that he can't even pin-point what exactly is causing him to feel that way)



I can't put this all on him though...he's just a mixed up guy that doesn't know how to deal with his own inner demons. Unfortunately for him though - he also has to deal with certain outside forces that only seem to exaggerate everything he's feeling inside. Your refusing to become 'intimate' with him is one such example. (and by 'intimate' I'm of course referring to sex) Now I don't know if this is some personal choice of yours that would be the same for anyone you might happen to be with, or if this is something you decided as a way to help him understand that using sex to hide from the truth isn't a resonable solution. What I do know though is how an action like that very well could affect someone in that sort of a state of mind. It's entirely possible that he's seeing sex in very much the same way as a heroine addict might view that needle of theirs (or even how a dying patient might view their medication) and by standing in his way of getting what he feels he needs (regardless if there's good reason or not) it's almost certain that he's going to imediately try an turn you into the so called 'bad guy' in his mind, and he's just gonna feel that much more angst toward you because of it. (which I'm sure can't be all that far from the truth if he progressively gets worse and worse the longer he goes without it)



Aside from that though - it also seems like you may be playing some mind games with him too (unintentionally perhaps?) which is going to make him even more confused about what he should be thinking, or how he should be dealing with the situation. If you ever find yourself calculating possible outcomes in your head and acting in a manner that would (hopefully) lead to whatever outcome you think is most preferably - then that's exactly what you're doing...and it needs to quit. This sort of behavior will be picked up on by whomever is at the recieving end of it (even if only on a subconscious level) and will manifest in a sort of distrust that does nothing but cause unjust resentment and overall paranoia. People can't feel comfortable around other people they feel may be playing them as a puppet. They can't ever be truely at ease with somebody they think *might* possibly be secretely leading em down a path that they otherise wouldn't have chosen themselves. This is the same sot of thing that happens to many people raised in intense religious situations - they either succomb completely to what they're being fed and never again make a single descision about anything in their lives, or they fight to break free from the situation and then never again even glance back. And judging by the fact that he was trying to make you believe he was once a girl (I hope I understood that right) it's entirely possible that this was the sort of extreme he was willing to go to in order to break free from the situation he was in...and I seriously doubt he would've gone to such an extreme had he not felt it was absolutely neccessary to do so. It's very likely he felt very much trapped, and he was willing to do or say quite literally anything to get away.

But as the old saying goes: "it takes two to tango"

I can't just sit here and make this all about him any more then I can stit here and claim everything's all hunky-doory...cause it appears to me that you likely have your own emotional baggage to deal with as well. The very fact that you tend to break down in tears when you get all worked up tells me that you too also succomb to the whole proverbial 'flight' mentality when push comes to shove. Chances are you're not sure how to react in those types of situations and so you simply fall apart for no apparent reason - that's the only way you know how to react...that's kinda your safty net that you fall back on when no other viable solution seems availible (or even when there's too many variables involved and you wind up overloading yourself attempting to get a firm grasp on the situation) You also seem to have a bit of a messiah complex in that you've taken it upon yourself to help cure the problems of the person you love - problems which would be better off left for him personally to deal with. (just as you personally are more qualified to help yourself then any other outside force that doesn't have the same level of understanding of what's going on inside your head as you do) I understnd you're desire to help, but if he isn't allowed to do this on his own - then you're running the risk of inadvertantly leading off in the wrong direct...your assistance may very well be making things worse in the long run. He needs you more for support and compasion then guidance...just as I'm sure you need him the same way.



It really seems to me that the both of you are stuck in a very peculiar situation where neither one of you want to take any risks for fear of losing the other, but somewhere deep down you both know that sooner or later *something* is going to have to happen otherwise the situation as a whole will blow up in both of your faces just like Mount Saint Helens bursting out in every direction after having that pressure build up for so damn long. You both need to spend some time away from eachother to clear your heads and get refocused on what exactly it is about yourselves that is causing you to feel the way you do, and act they way you do, and all that other nice shit. Once you both know where you stand (which could certainly take some time) you can each start working on taking things one day at a time...and you won't have try and work out a solution to whatever it is that lies at the root of your problems (or even pin-point what exactly the 'root' really is for that matter) all you'll need to know is what types of behaviors you've been doing that have had a negative impact on the situation (even if your intentions were good) you need to figure out where the negativity stems from and work on not allowing those same sort of situations to continue to occur. For example - if your boyfriend decides that a certain way he acts (or an attitude he has from time to time, or whatever) typically results in you breaking out in tears - then he has to make a conscious effort to insure that he isn't acting that way any more. And you're going to have to do the same exact thing for him. If you realize there's something you do that causes him to act a certain way, then you need to make a conscious descision not to act that way in the future. ----- And probably most importand of all - you're both going to have to be able to recognize when things in general start taking a turn for the worse (even if you can't pin-point why exactly things started going off kilter again in the first place) and you're gonna to have to be willing to take a break from eachother (even if only a day or two) so that you can both clear your minds and start over again with a clean slate.



Obviously it's gonna take a while before any real progress is made, and obviously the only way any real progress can actually be made is if the both of you stop trying to make progress and start focussing entirely on preventive messures (i.e. dong what you can for yourselves to not complicate things any more then they already are, instead of trying to figure out solutions to problems which you may not even fully understand as much as you might think you do) You both gotta just stick together and be there for eachother for strength and support...but at the same time - you both also need to work on your own inner demons. Which basically means that you have to almost start seeing this 'relationship' as more of a symbiosis then a union of two seperate individuals. Sure you're gonna be able to be intimate, and have all those wonderful couple late night conversations, and all that other great stuff that comes along with having someone by your side to love and cheerish indefinately...but you're also going to have to keep in mind that you both need to focus on yourselves first and foremost, and keep eachother second on the list no matter what. Cause if the two of you can't deal with the problems that you each personally have - then you can never expect any more out of this relationship then what you both share right now.



And I know I'm probably jumping to a whole bunch of conclusions and making all sorts of unneccessary assumptions...but based off the impression that I got from your last PM this is the best advice I can give. I appologize if any of it came across kinda harsh, and I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear. I would assume, however, that if there actually is any truth to any of the guesswork I've done here today - then surely it'll become apparent when he comes back around in a few days (you did say he was gonna be gone til like wednesday or some shit right?) Just observe his actions and listen - really listen - to anything that he feels the need to sit down and talk to you about...cause it's very likely he may be going through a moment of clarity right now, and it could be advantageous to let him open up to you and show you what he himself discovered on his own without being lead to the conclusion by anyone else, and without having his discovery time influenced by certain outside forces which may have prevented him from having such realizations before (which isn't to imply you seeing as it could be anything really...changing set and setting alone can make a huge differnce when it comes to these sorts of things)



Or I suppose it's also possible that he might not be attempting to work jack shit out (consciously or otherwise) and that he's just taking this time away to step back from the situation for a moment to take a breather. In which case it may be more difficult get through all of this. In any case though - the only thing you can do for sure to help the situation is to consider what kinds of things you say/do/whatever that typically lead to situations you'd just as soon avoid...and then try your best to avoid that type of behavior (even if it means biting your tounge when you know you're right, backing off when your beau needs a little extra space, or whatever else really) Cause as long as you just concentrate on doing what you know in your heart you gotta do (for yourself) then sooner or later he'll start doing the same himself, and eventually you'll both get through this crazy mess together.



I hope that helped"

This might not make any sense, but oh well. The ex is a Schizo, literally. Sex-addict, bad youth. . .Really sweet man underneath it all. We still talk, in which less than five minutes ago I told him goodnight. He's my best friend.

Yay! Totse is a soap opera.

So much for a soap opera.

*Sigh

Ah, well. . .

You killed it... You killed the thread... MURDER!

quote:Originally posted by Gustave:

You killed it... You killed the thread... MURDER!

I did. Damn the person who told me to spill.

Hehe, don't worry LiberateTeExInferis, I'll read it soon. It's just kinda long and I have a hangover, so.

There's some cool posts in this thread.

It's weird when you hear about a break-up, you never really appreciate how heartbreaking it can be for the couple.

I've been feeling really attached to this girl lately.

I must say I love her.

Argh, not yet. I've had many crushes like others, but no love...

Bah! Love is for the mentally weak! One must refrain oneself from falling in love. (unfortunately 'one' has difficulty doing so and ends up thinking "why the fuck did 'one' do that?)

Hey Beany, you enjoy last night?

quote:Originally posted by Captain Retard:

you spelled misscommunication* wrong.

Nope. Google, MS Word and Dictionary.com all tell me that it's actually miscommunication.

OWNED.

[This message has been edited by Das Gorilla (edited 06-13-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by Cap'n Grok:

Hey Beany, you enjoy last night?

Kinda, I'm not sure. I wasn't amazingly sociable, but I found myself laughing a lot at 2 guys who I work with. When they get together they crack clever witty jokes, one after another.

I got pretty drunk and ended up not caring about anything which was good, but I didn't do much in the way of communication. It's a shame coz that's usually what makes a night for me.

I'd say the night was average.

EDIT: Adding the letter "s"

[This message has been edited by ---Beany--- (edited 06-13-2004).]

shoot yourself

quote:I don't like putting this type of thing out into the open, because I don't trust myself with what I might say.

I saw that in you right off, when you arrived here on Totse. Just a note. And it's nice to know that I haven't entirely lost my perceptory ability to drugs/heartbreak/what have you, yet. Anyway:

A goddamned soap opera alright, one that plays out a hell of a lot like my last relationship. I'm serious. You sound quite a lot like she did, and I'll tell you that I definitely could get a lot like the guy, too (the irrational anger, the hatefulness and wanting to leave when I got out of control, but only then, "knowing" that I wanted to marry her, and yet so disturbingly quick to throw it all away and want her gone, the horrible things I'd say; I didn't know at the time, but it turns out I only spoke the honest truth about her when I was angry, for the last few months of our relationship...The catch is that, even angry, and even after saying horrible things to her, I always would tell her that I loved her still.) I eventually learned that I was holding onto the past with her; that we're two different and incompatible people now, we'd changed, we'd grown apart from each other. But I had to figure this out on my own; she had the luxury of learning it earlier on and moving away from me before I was ready to move away from her. I was also lying to myself in the end and forcing my true feelings, the ones that I revealed during angry moments with her, down to the bottom and telling myself they weren't real. But they were.

She's still a part of me, and likely always will be. I'm slowly healing from the extreme damage that losing six years of what I thought was true love did, but part of me still loves her, and misses her. Most of my days are good now, even if full of methamphetamine (though I laid off about two weeks ago, stayed off...until tonight, when I regressed), but I'll just out of nowhere have one day where all the pain and jealousies (I AM the jealous type) over her new partner and all the love comes back, and overwhelms me, dragging me right back down into the hole. I'm basically slowly self-destructing, but there's nothing I can do about it.

Sorry to ramble. In short, Liberate, based solely on what you posted, you're a lot like she was (yet entirely different), and I'm like your guy was, yet entirely different. This is very disconcerting.

And it brings back a lot of bad memories. Not your fault. Thanks for sharing, though.

-Infrared

i am more in love with this girl michelle, than anybody could ever be with anybody else. shes like some good coke. if ya get some, u just want summore. and i have tried thinkin of reasons why i shouldnt love her, btu i cant. everything i think of just makes me love her more. and this isnt like some "new love" bullshit to where i am just obsessed and infatuated to the point where i think i love her. i have been with her for 5 yrs now... well until she dumped me yesterday (see my post). so i know what love is. and i know what it is like to love somebody else, it is a different kind of love. it is diff with each person. i have loved all of my girlfriends over the past 15 yrs, but each one was different. and it has been the best with michelle. now im ranting...

True Love, Love at first sight, is a corny thing, if you never experienced it.

Chances, coindcidence?

At the last moment I decided to study in Ireland, and so did she.

Two different nationalities, two different courses at school.

I do computing, but had one bussiness course, where I met her...

First reaction: wow, she's cute... and her smile!! wow! We talked a bit, and when i woke up the next day, i couldn't stop thinking about her. I'm shy to getting to realtionships. I have loads of friends, am extremely sociable, but not on relations. I walked over to her that same day, to chat... After some troubles we got together. The troubles being her fear of going on a relatino in a far away country, fear of not lasting, fear of me not loving back...

After one month we lived together, after three months I had to go back to Belgium. I'm now for the moment in a long-distance realtionship, and I'm looking forward to the 2e of July, when I'll see her again.

We're now together for over half a year, and my love has only grown. In July I'm moving to Poland, and we're gonna live together.

...

Beany? Will that do for a happy story?

--SEmper

quote:Originally posted by ---Beany---:

*On knees pleading*

A happy post...... A happy one....

Someone toss me a happy story.

family loves ok....gotta lot of friend love, and the relationship love isnt measurable....how much do i put into it? notta damn thing, and i get everything out

but it wasnt all good...i went through sum hard times...vivid memories of knives,guns, homemade pipebombs, phone taps, 2 years of counciling, and thoughts/attempts of suicide r the only things that still haunt me 2day...but it was all worth it.

This topic is too gloomy - but it is far better than all the other topics that have been started - and re-started - in SG, and all the other places, too.

The New Model

LOVE:

STATUS: INEXPERIENCED

LEVEL: NOVICE

PROGRAM: JUST SAY NO



ModelFifteen

quote:Originally posted by NewModelFifteen:

This topic is too gloomy

Hehe you're right. I wanted it to be one filled with happy memories, but aah well.

quote:Originally posted by Cornpuff Mgruff:

you spelled misscommunication* wrong.

haha, you did too.

and i accidentally missed that 'm'. at least i wasn't trying to correct someone, only to end up looking like a jackass... the schtick is getting a little old, cornpuff.

I did... for a year... and it was awesome... and then the girl started changing... and then there was the big fight... and now theres lots of hate...

The Day My Heart Died

By Aunt Jemima

Because of you,

I'll never be happy.

Because of you,

I'll never smile.

The only joy I ever felt,

Was the day my heart died.

You were excited to see me,

As I was of you.

Something important to tell,

I thought it good news.

You told me you liked me,

My heart filled with joy.

There was nothing in the world,

That I'd wanted more.

I went to school,

All filled with glee.

I smiled at everyone,

I was so happy.

Met my friends at lunch,

Told them the news.

Sorry.they declared,

His words were untrue.

No! I exclaimed,

You must have heard wrong.

But I guess it's true what they say,

Happiness doesn't last long.

As I thought of,

How much you'd lied.

I knew for sure,

My heart had died.