Alright , here's the situation. I met this chick over the internet and we've been emailing each other for the past few weeks. We met up for coffee on Thursday night. It was absolutely amazing. We're really on the same wavelength and just get along great. I think she's the coolest chick I've ever met, and I'm pretty sure she's into me too.

Anyway, my problem is that I don't have that much experience beyond first dates that go badly. Inevitably I find that I'm just not really interested in the girl or I offend her or get shitfaced drunk or something to cause neither of us to really want to go out again. So, I've got a couple questions.

1) When is it appropriate to give her a call and try to schedule a second date? I don't want to call too soon, but I like her and don't want to wait too long or play games with her. We met for coffee on Thursday night. Would it be too soon to call today and try to arrange something for tomorrow night? Should I call today or tomorrow and try to arrange something for the middle of next week?

2) How should the driving situation work out? We don't live too far apart, but it's far enough that unneccesary driving between my city and hers would be a pain in the ass. Should I try to arrange things so that I pick her up, or should I suggest we both drive and meet somewhere? Consider that we met over the internet, so she doesn't have friends who know that I'm not some crazy psycho. If picking her up is the proper thing to do, how do I let her know that if she's uncomfortable with me knowing where she lives, I'm totally fine with that and willing to do whatever would make her feel more comfortable?

3) What is the appropriate level of physical contact before, during, and after the date? I kind of prefer handshakes till I know someone really well, but I figure a hug is probably the right thing for greeting in this case. I think in most cases hand-holding and the arm around the shoulder thing are obnoxious, so unless it seems especially appropriate, I'll probably avoid doing so. I hope this doesn't create a mixed or confusing signal. Assuming the second date goes as well as the first, I'm guessing it would be time to kiss towards the end of the date.

4) Any suggestions on things to do? I'm kind of leaning towards a bar with some live music. We're both really into a wide range of music, mostly indie type stuff. I'm thinking something like that would be cool because we could get drinks and listen to music that won't be so loud that we can't talk.



Alright, I appreciate any help yall can give me. I know that I'm probably over-thinking this whole damn thing, but I'm just trying my best not to make some sort of stupid blunder.

Roofies, problem solved.

dont listen to him...just be kool about it man, follow your instincts...im sure totse cant tell you when to kiss a girl...sometimes, gotta wait till the end of the date...and sometimes, never...but anyway, I being french, when french people greet each other, like, that we know, ive noticed theres always kisses on each cheeks...i dont really do it...but if you want, you can try..a hug would do well though...

just do what you feel

and most of all

be REAL!

quote:Originally posted by Trench Coat Mafia:

dont listen to him...just be kool about it man, follow your instincts...im sure totse cant tell you when to kiss a girl...sometimes, gotta wait till the end of the date...and sometimes, never...but anyway, I being french, when french people greet each other, like, that we know, ive noticed theres always kisses on each cheeks...i dont really do it...but if you want, you can try..a hug would do well though...



I hope I don't come across as rude, but what the fuck were you thinking when you picked your name? Are you 12 or something?

With the risk of appearing too anxious (or desperate) it's good that you waited. Call her today and see what's going on. See if she offers to hang out before you mention it. If she does, she probably means today. If she doesn't, before you hang up, tell her you'll call her tomorrow. Call her tomorrow and ask if she wants to meet up again sometime during the week.

She not going to say "Come pick me up". If I were you, I'd wait till she invites you over. After a date, perhaps she'll let you see her place. After that would be appropriate to ask if she wants you to pick her up.

Oy don't shake her hand! When it comes to fairer sex, the first time we meet it's ok to shake hands but after that a hug, cheek kiss, or whatever informal greeting is popular in your area will be fine. (In Florida it's dap)

I thinkit would be too soon for you too hold hands or anything like that. If you do, you might send off the wrong signals.

That doesn't mean avoid all physical contact! If you go out to dinner, ask her to pass you something and make sure you touch her when taking it. Small physical touches like that are non-threatening and will let her know you're interested. Look for these smalltouched from her.

Don't think about whether or not you're going to kiss her at the end of the date. Whatever happens happens.

I'm horrible with ideas on places to go. My refuge is the beach, that's where I usually end up.

quote:Originally posted by D Krunk:



I hope I don't come across as rude, but what the fuck were you thinking when you picked your name? Are you 12 or something?



Speak for your fucking self!

EDIT: To give a little advice, no two dates are ever the same. Just do what feels right. If you get shut down on a kiss, let it go, brush it off, and try again next date.

[This message has been edited by bilzo (edited 06-12-2004).]

From a girl's perspective, it's good that you've waited 'til now to ring her, but do it soon, so she doesn't lose interest or resent you for not calling earlier.

Suggest meeting again, and ask her if she has any preference on what you want to do, or meet. Be prepared in case she starts that "Whatever you want to do" thing, and try to organise something that you'd both enjoy.

With the touching, throughout the date, try to instigate some harmless, non-sexual touching, and see how she responds. Greet her with a hug, and everything else should just be natural.

That's probably the best advice actually, don't go out of your way to plan everything, and try to set yourselves at ease as quickly as you can.

quote:Originally posted by bilzo:



Speak for your fucking self!

[This message has been edited by bilzo (edited 06-12-2004).]

actually I've had that moniker, ironically, for 5 years...since I was 12.

Excellent. I'll call her today and see what's up. Thanks for the advice on driving Mojo. That sounds like good reasonable advice. I'm glad to hear that obnoxious touchy feely shit is not good. I'll happily avoid it.

I know what my instincts say to do, and going over things, they seem to have been working pretty well. I'll just try to avoid self-sabotaging impulses and my misconceptions of popular culture.