hey,

I got a bf, we've been together for nearly 3 monthes and already it seems to be drifting. I really love this guy but I think he's starting to lose interest in me.

He rings me up nearly every night, which I totally don't mind, but I have to start a conversation, and he just plays his computer games, which really frustrates because he seems as if he isn't paying attention. Then I'll comment on it, and he says that I should start the conversation, I'm 'better' than him. Tonight he didn't call me, but I think that's because of today's non-events.

After school we didn't go to german because the teacher was absent, so we went to his house. He seemed good, until we walked out of his lounge room to his bed room to listen to some tunes, he said 'ok lets go my better half.' He puts himself down a lot and praises me, saying Im better than him. And I had to go home otherwise I'd be in shit, I'd been at his house for about half an hour, and I thought he was going to come around to my house, but when I established that I needed to go home he said he wasn't going to come with me. All he wanted this afternoon was sexual activity. But here's the funny thing. He'll want to fool around, but when it comes down to it, he gets himself off and I'm left 'hanging.'

At school he annoys the hell out of me, and starts to be a jerk sometimes, in really annoying ways, and I just take it because I don't know what to do, I just want to punch him, -I've even fantasized about it. But I could never hurt him, I love him. But he is really frustrating me at the moment.

See, I got sick (real tired, stressed, no medicene) and had to stay home for 4 days, I went back to visit family for a few days, so leaving him for about a week. He didn't really seem to have missed me, and chose to spend time at friend's houses instead of seeing me. I'd just been fucking sick, I couldn't even read because I was so fatigued, I could barely even think without my energy draining. He hardly visited me for the next week, and spent sweet fuck all time with me, except he dropped around for about an hour or two, but that's only because he wanted to be 'naughty' with me. Then I got my compy, and him and his mate were around burning stuff some stuff, and he was a jerk in the slightest ways, in front of his friend of course. He apologises on Sunday night for ignoring me and says he'll make it up to me.

If there's anything wrong, I don't know, he won't say because apparently he wants to keep me because I'll be 'the only girlfriend he'll ever have' and he doesn't speak up. Like he said that I sometimes spoiled sweet moments, but that's only because I kept hassling him about why he becomes pensive.

In this relationship, there is none of this emotional communication, and there's sexual tensions, and his behaviour change. He was the sweetest guy, now he's beginning to change.

What's going on?

your in love with a guy that ignores you, rather spends time with his friends, is only interested in sex, is annoying, and is just plain boring? god damn chicks like you make my life so much easier.

First you need to realize that you aren't in love with this guy and that you seriously need to dump him. He makes you feel like shit and you put up with it. You also need to realize he is only into you for the sex...hard to admit, I know, but its true. He would have visited you when you were sick if he cared. Give him a chance to make it up to you, give him one week, don't remind him, and if he doesn't don't expect it. I will be the first guy to freely admit that guys lie to get what they want. How long after he told you that he loved you did you start having sex? I would imagine not long because you have been together for so short a time. Also...you mentioned that he got his and left you hanging...another dead give away. You can do so much better than this guy, dump him, tell him why, and make him realize what he is losing...Don't give in until you actually see what appears to be permanent change (which will never happen, you can't expect to be happy with someone that you expect to change) Find someone you love for who they are, not who they appear to be and I guarantee that you will not be posting this question again, I hope this helped in some way, I know its not what you wanted to hear, but its true...

Ahhh, high school.... Sounds like a normal high school relationship. Dump him. And quit being so co-dependent.

^Everything they just said.

"ohh, but I love him too much"

Shut up. It's high school, it's always 'true love.'

See, what bothers me is that most teens and young people use the word "love" too much. I don't think they really know the definition of true love. In this relationship, it seems that the boy is too immature to handle a relationship at this time, and it being his first, it is ackward and he doesn't know what to do, so therefore he gives up completely.

Also, why are you even having sex when you get nothing out of it? Thats just degrading yourself. Obviously he doesn't really care about your sexual needs or desires, its all about himself. Why are you just laying there and letting him pleasure himself? Thats stupidity on your part.

So, in the end I conclude that you two are way to young to be in a sexual "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship, and need time to mature and grow. I'd say dump his ass and tell him how you feel. If he really "loves" you, he will do everything he can to get you back and make you happy. But, chances are, he won't do that, but I could be wrong.

[This message has been edited by InimitableBallerina (edited 06-03-2004).]

I had a friend who was sorta like that with his gf. She eventually dumped his ass, and although it sucked for him, it made him a better person overall because it gave him a chance to reevaluate himself and make improvements.

I'd say dump this bitch, it seems like he's constantly using you, either for sexual needs, or to feel good about himself, or whatever. But it's unfair to you

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

See, what bothers me is that most teens and young people use the word "love" too much. I don't think they really know the definition of true love. In this relationship, it seems that the boy is too immature to handle a relationship at this time, and it being his first, it is ackward and he doesn't know what to do, so therefore he gives up completely.

Also, why are you even having sex when you get nothing out of it? Thats just degrading yourself. Obviously he doesn't really care about your sexual needs or desires, its all about himself. Why are you just laying there and letting him pleasure himself? Thats stupidity on your part.

So, in the end I conclude that you two are way to young to be in a sexual "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship, and need time to mature and grow. I'd say dump his ass and tell him how you feel. If he really "loves" you, he will do everything he can to get you back and make you happy. But, chances are, he won't do that, but I could be wrong.

[This message has been edited by InimitableBallerina (edited 06-03-2004).]

HEY SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID GOD DAMN WHORE.

TELL ME AGAIN HOW YOUR TORTURED, I WANNA KNOW ALL YOUR FLAWS. YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT

YOU'RE EXACTLY LIKE THE PEOPLE YOU DESCRIBE IN YOUR POST YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE GO FUCKING DIE, AND DON'T TAKE MY WRITING WITH YOU.

gee sardonic i thought only i pissed you off that much.

If you want a chance at a relationship, the most effective thing you could do is something you may not be capable of, which is to disappear from his life without explanation. If you must cross paths at school, be polite but cold. If he pursues, tell him you're not ready to discuss anything, and you choose to be on your own for now, then turn your back and walk away.

You can try having a discussion, but I suspect that he'll either react with indifference, which will hurt your feelings, or he'll be annoyed, or he'll talk a lot of rot and make false promises.

The disappearing act gives you the upper hand and makes the choice yours, which keeps you from feeling powerless. If he chooses to pursue, you may choose to continue the relationship. If he doesn't pursue, you then know it's over, as it probably was doomed from the start, and at least you'll know you chose to walk away.

quote:Originally posted by henteichicken:

gee sardonic i thought only i pissed you off that much.

no, the other day, i decided i wanted to be your friend. notice how i haven't been mean to you lately.

in that thread about hair when you said your boyfriend liked you shaved, i was going to say something like "SO YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A 9 YEAR OLD GIRL!??!??" but i didn't. because we're friends now.

but inimitableballerina is just stupid. i know her in real life. and the other day, she got ahold of some of my writing.. it was like over 500 pages of writing in a folder and threw it away. so it's all gone.

it was meaningless anyway, but she's still stupid

The definition of "true love" as explained to me by an expert... "When all your thoughts involving your future and day to day life involve that person and when all you care about is that person's well being" It sounds to me that if you fantasize about punching him...you don't care too much for his well being, your future thoughts aren't with him and what you are feeling is attachedness, you are feeling a sense of comfort from not being alone and it is a false feeling of love...This guy will never change for you and you really need to get away from the stress he causing in your day to day life...move on...find someone new...someone who respects you for you not someone who wants you because you put out...think about this...

thank you

quote:Originally posted by SARDONICPILLOW:

no, the other day, i decided i wanted to be your friend. notice how i haven't been mean to you lately.

in that thread about hair when you said your boyfriend liked you shaved, i was going to say something like "SO YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A 9 YEAR OLD GIRL!??!??" but i didn't. because we're friends now.

but inimitableballerina is just stupid. i know her in real life. and the other day, she got ahold of some of my writing.. it was like over 500 pages of writing in a folder and threw it away. so it's all gone.

it was meaningless anyway, but she's still stupid

Ehem.... lol. I think you are a little twisted in the mind "buddy." You gave me that folder with all your writing in it to hold for you for the whole day because you didn't have a locker. Then, I saw you after school and tried to give it back to you but you didn't want it so you grabbed it out of my hands and threw it in the trash can. So, tell me, who's the one with the anger management problem??? Don't take it all out on me, I have done you a lot of favors this past year. I have been nothing but nice to you. So tell me, why do you keep yelling at me?

I didn't controdict myself in my last post. I consider the word love a very deep and meaningful word that shouldn't be used as often as it is, and the last I checked, this is a place to post your thoughts and feelings towards certain subjects. I choose to do so with this one. If your reputation on here is so important that you have to bring people down to try to make yourself look better, so be it. But you are reminding me of someone we both know and I don't think you want to end up like them. I will be here for you, I was always here, the whole ten years that we have known eachother, and I hope to god you and your brother aren't going to give that up now.

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

Ehem.... lol. I think you are a little twisted in the mind "buddy." [b]

we're not buddies.

quote:You gave me that folder with all your writing in it to hold for you for the whole day because you didn't have a locker. Then, I saw you after school and tried to give it back to you but you didn't want it so you grabbed it out of my hands and threw it in the trash can.

now, i've seen some liars in my time, but you have got to be one the biggest i have ever met. geeeeeeez.

i mean, what the hell!??!! did you just come up with all this stuff on the top of your head?

we don't even go to the same school,



quote:So, tell me, who's the one with the anger management problem???

i don't remember saying you had an anger management problem, and i think my anger is rather justified.

you've done nothing but maliciously lied, and you through away months of my work which i will now never have back.

quote:Don't take it all out on me, I have done you a lot of favors this past year. I have been nothing but nice to you. So tell me, why do you keep yelling at me?

you've done nothing for me, only use me for your own selfish wants and needs. nothing but lies and deciet.

quote:I didn't controdict myself in my last post. I consider the word love a very deep and meaningful word that shouldn't be used as often as it is, and the last I checked, this is a place to post your thoughts and feelings towards certain subjects.

you contradicted yourself because you say the word love is a very deep and meaningful word that shouldn't be used as often as it is, but you throw it around like all the other 12 year old idiots who think they're ready to get married.

yes, this is a place to post your opinions, you posted your opinions, and i posted mine about how they are hypocritcal coming from you.

quote:I choose to do so with this one.

good job, you want a cookie?

quote:But you are reminding me of someone we both know and I don't think you want to end up like them.

the only snobby elitist here is you, and you're in denial about it.

black no. 1 is a cool person, and he is a lot more REAL than you are.

quote:I will be here for you, I was always here, the whole ten years that we have known eachother, and I hope to god you and your brother aren't going to give that up now.

you're nowhere to me.

i am giving up,. i'm no pawn.

that 6 years thing is off too!

p.s. we're not buddies.

humbly, sardonicpillow

p.p.s. i'm done polluting totse with this bullshit. if you want to talk to me for real you can, but i'm probably going to be azria

[This message has been edited by SARDONICPILLOW (edited 06-04-2004).]

Thanks for the laugh SARDONICPILLOW

My post was all the truth, your the one lying. Not my problem. And tell me, how could I have "stole" your writing, as you put it, if we don't go to the same school or live near eachother?!

[This message has been edited by InimitableBallerina (edited 06-04-2004).]

[This message has been edited by InimitableBallerina (edited 06-04-2004).]

learn to read.. i never said we don't live near eachother.

p.s. you're dead to me.

humbly, sardonicpillow

[This message has been edited by SARDONICPILLOW (edited 06-04-2004).]

In a few words: People change. Dump the bastard and find better.

what trailer park are you guys gonna live in when you get married?

Sounds like me when I was in highschool. Then I dumped the girl on christmas.

So dump or be dumped.

:reads Inimitableballerina's and Sardonicpillow's threadjack:

Woo yay! High school catfight! Aw, they're so adorable at that age...

You sounds like a selfish whore, why dont you just give the guy his space.

Im tired of chicks always wanting attention bitch you have to realize that a mans priortity is his computer and his games than comes the other shit in his life.

It sounds like he's suffering from low self esteem. and that he doesn't care about you. At least, that is all that can be inferred from the information in your post. Seriously, though, you need to talk to him about it in depth. Say all the stuff you said here. If that doesn't resolve it, dump him.

Also, it might not be that he's changed, but that he has gotten more comfortable around you, so he no longer feels the need to go out of his way to make you like him, and no longer fears rejection.

If I was that poor bastard I would have dumped your ass, as soon as you started to act up like your doing now.

Can I tell you something? I went through something similar, only mine lasted for 6 years. I was "in love" with this guy, and he barely knew I existed. When we finally did start to "go out," all he was interested in was his car. And his computer. And his video games. The guy was twenty-fucking-one, a virgin who wanted to stay that way, and not interested in spending time with me. But I was too "in love" with his to see how miserable he was making me. We eventually broke up, and I'll be honest: it took me nearly two years to get over his sorry ass. But once I did, I realized something.

I am SOOOOOOO much better than he is. And he wasn't the problem in all that. I was. I wanted to love him, so I told myself I did. I wanted to BE loved by him, so I told myself HE did. I wanted us to be happy, so I told myself we were. And we weren't. Ever. We fought constantly, he was rude, inattentive, and thoughtless. After I broke up with him, I spent a lot of time by myself. I took myself out to dinner, read, wrote, painted, worked... anything to take my mind off him. And while doing that, I discovered me, and how great I am. I don't mean that to sound self-serving or self-centered, but to be honest, I really am a good person. And now I love me for me. It took a while to get here, but here I am.

I'm also married now, and I have a child. My husband loves me to the breaking point. He's attentive, thoughtful, caring, patient, kind, loving, gentle, intelligent, funny, and above all, AFFECTIONATE. He doesn't demand sex, but he let's me know how beautiful he thinks I am, despite my slightly saggy breasts (thanks to breast-feeding my daughter), my fading stretch marks, and the dark circles under my eyes from nearly a year and a half of sleepless nights. And more than telling me he thinks I'm beautiful, he sincerely believes it.

Now then. Why did I tell you all this? To prove a point. When it's love, it's real. All the bullshit doesn't matter. What you're going through now? I don't doubt that you love him, in your own (albeit immature, no offense but it is) way. But it's not the love that you want, and it's NOT the love that you need. Dump the asshole. Get to know YOURSELF. Get to LOVE yourself. Then go back out there and let the right guy find you. You DON'T need a man in your life to be complete. Not right now. Let yourself be a teenager. Have fun. Do stupid stuff. Go on dates with guys and DON'T commit. A commitment to a guy isn't what you need right now.

And don't forget to spend time with yourself. That is SO important. That's the only way you'll get to know and love you.

*hugs*

It gets better. Just give it time.

quote:Originally posted by Schraff:

:reads Inimitableballerina's and Sardonicpillow's threadjack:

Woo yay! High school catfight! Aw, they're so adorable at that age...

*Rolls eyes*

that last reply is total bullshit, chicks need a man to tell them what to do all the time and keep them on check. every girl wants that deep down inside.

grow the fuck up ladies we dont live in the 60's anymore.

quote:Originally posted by greyhat7:

that last reply is total bullshit, chicks need a man to tell them what to do all the time and keep them on check. every girl wants that deep down inside.

grow the fuck up ladies we dont live in the 60's anymore.

Fuck off asshat. I most certainly DO NOT need a man to tell me what to do. And you're damn skippy we don't live in the 60's anymore. In the 60's women still thought they "needed" men. It was the 70's in which women started to become liberated.

If you're going to try to use history to back up your bullshit chauvenistic snivelling, at least get it right.

Yes, love thyself. But not so much that you let it all go to your head and up and turn into a prissy little bitch. No offense, but it happens often. Be wise. And don't be a wise-but-uncompromising-and-bitter asshole like me. Seriously.

And again, dump the prick. He'll get it through his head someday.

NOTE: This is for the thread starter, and anyone else to whom it applies.

NOTE II: Not talking to Lilly. Stop trying to make me look bad, Schraff. :P



[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 06-05-2004).]

Lilly, I enjoy you, but you ought not to be fished in so easily.

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

Yes, love thyself. But not so much that you let it all go to your head and up and turn into a prissy little bitch. No offense, but it happens often. Be wise. And don't be a wise-but-uncompromising-and-bitter asshole like me. Seriously.

And again, dump the prick. He'll get it through his head someday.

NOTE: This is for the thread starter, and anyone else to whom it applies.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 06-05-2004).]

this is coming from a person that hates himself? cool... and to the person that posted this and stuff: dump him, simply because i would love to see him suffer

lily, why dont you suck my cock and well call it even, you know your a cheating slut anyways.

sooner or later your husband is going to dump your gay ass.

^^^Uh huh. Sure. And maybe after he does I'll give you a call and come make your life hell for a while. It's probably what a "cheating slut" like me would be good at, right?

And while I'm sucking your cock, I'll be sure not to bite it really, really hard.

Somehow, I'm reminded of eating those "Dots" candy as a kid.