Everyone,

I recently pissed off a girl that I care a lot about. See, she has feelings for her ex-b/f of 3 times, and I know that she's always really sad (although she won't tell me why, or what's wrong), and I figured that if I could hook her and her ex (Neil) back up that she would be truly happy; however, I ended up telling him a lot of stuff that I promised her I wouldn't, and he told her that I told him, and who knows what else he said about me. Right now, there are only 2 things in this world that I want, and only 1 is optional: 1) Be friends w/ her 2) her to be truly happy. Would you people forgive me? Keep in mind that her and I were/are really good friends, I'm probably one of her best friends.

No.

quote:Originally posted by Discipulus:

Everyone,

I recently pissed off a girl that I care a lot about. See, she has feelings for her ex-b/f of 3 times, and I know that she's always really sad (although she won't tell me why, or what's wrong), and I figured that if I could hook her and her ex (Neil) back up that she would be truly happy; however, I ended up telling him a lot of stuff that I promised her I wouldn't, and he told her that I told him, and who knows what else he said about me. Right now, there are only 2 things in this world that I want, and only 1 is optional: 1) Be friends w/ her 2) her to be truly happy. Would you people forgive me? Keep in mind that her and I were/are really good friends, I'm probably one of her best friends.



Whilst you where intefering with other peoples buisness a bit, I dont understand what exactly she's meant to forgive,

as you where actually trying to help her.

If she cant see that, and she's inexplicably angry with you for you giving a damn about her,

well,

to hell with her.

it´s none of your business - get lost

Didn't she make it my business when she told me that she liked him?

quote:Originally posted by Discipulus:

Didn't she make it my business when she told me that she liked him?



NO

I'm w/ yoyo... you're meddlesome, but your good intentions make it forgivable.

quote:Originally posted by KidKelko:

No.

Thx Sarc, I didn't really think I was being THAT meddulsome! You guys are down right harsh, maybe you missed the whole "we were really good friends" bit, and the whole "I wanted her to be truly happy" etc etc.

[This message has been edited by Discipulus (edited 05-31-2004).]

Harsh? If you wanted us to all say yes, you should have made that a reply requirement. I think we were all just being honest.

You broke your promise by spilling the beans, she probably feels that she cannot trust you now. That screws up any relationship, and friendship is no exception. You need to rebuild that trust by assuring her that what you did was just good intentions, to make her happy, but in future you will not interfere. Continually stress that your only priority was her own welfare and not to make yourself look better, because she might be getting that thought. Promise, and I mean really promise, that you will not break her trust again, and most importantly that you are sorry. From your post it is obvious that you are.

'Really' good friendships don't break apart easily, and I'm sure that when you get back in touch with her on a regular basis, you'll seamlessly fall back into the pattern you had before - as good friends. Especially as one of her best friends, I don't think you need to worry about losing her friendship, as long as you play your cards right and be humble.

You should read the Tao Te Ching, this site has a copy, I think.

I really think if you want to help her, maybe you should talk to her, and if she has already chosen to put an end to those conversations, then that's her choice.

Meddling in other people's business is never a good thing, even with the best on intentions.

[This message has been edited by Black Tanuki (edited 06-01-2004).]

Forgiveness is the best option, whenever possible.

So you blew it. You violated a trust. Never mind that you had good intentions--who are you to decide what's best for her? Just own your wrongdoing without the "but I meant well..." disclaimers. It's hard to forgive someone who hangs on to their righteousness over wronging you.

Then, as suggested, apologize, and promise to make trust your priority in the friendship. A good friend would allow you to err (once, at least) as a human.

quote:Originally posted by Discipulus:

Would you people forgive me?

I'd forgive ya.

Some of you are kinder than she was:

quote:

Conversation with darkprinces89 at 2004-05-31 14:10:18 on Discipulus2k (aim)

(14:10:26) Discipulus: Brittania, you there?

(14:10:41) Discipulus: we need to talk

(14:10:57) Discipulus: I don't know exactly what Neil told you, but it can't be too good if your pissed at me

(14:11:14) Discipulus: and if you haven't gotten the note, I'm sorry for betraying your trust

(14:11:19) Discipulus: because it meant a lot to me

(14:11:33) Discipulus: and I thought that things would work out for the best, especially if I gave 'em a lil' shove

(14:12:01) Discipulus: I wanted you to be truly happy

(14:12:07) Discipulus: even if it means that I have to step aside

(14:12:32) Discipulus: I'd like to continue to be your friend, and I realize we can't continue where we left off, but I'd like to get there again

(14:12:54) Discipulus: and if you don't, then just tell me, and I'll disappear

(14:13:00) Discipulus: you'll never have to say another word to me again

(14:13:04) Discipulus: and I'll never say another word to you

(14:13:12) Discipulus: but all I wanted

(14:13:19) Discipulus: was for you to be happy

(14:13:35) Discipulus: that's all I ever want

(14:13:43) Discipulus: and quite frankly, I'll do anything to make it happen

(14:14:07) Discipulus: I told him a lot of stuff, and perhaps I shouldn't have

(14:14:16) Discipulus: I don't know what was going through my mind

(14:14:32) Discipulus: some people say I'm too trusting too fast, and maybe this is nothing but another example of that

(14:14:51) Discipulus: I don't know what he's said to you

(14:14:55) Discipulus: so I can't argue against it

(14:15:02) Discipulus: or say that it actually happened

(14:15:10) Discipulus: all I can say is that I'm sorry

(14:15:14) Discipulus: and ask you what happened

(14:15:18) Discipulus: and hope you'll tell me

(14:16:01) Discipulus: if you wanna still be friends, or if you wanna talk about it, then lemme know

(14:16:04) Discipulus: doesn't have to be now

(14:16:10) Discipulus: but try and make it soon

(14:16:14) Discipulus: take as much time as you need

(14:16:18) Discipulus: you know how to get a hold of me

(14:16:35) Discipulus: and if you wanna talk tomorrow before school, I'll be by the library

(14:17:00) Discipulus: otherwise, it was fun, I care a lot about you, and I'll always be there for you, whether you believe it or not

(14:17:20) Discipulus: I can't choose what you believe for you, that's your choice

(14:17:29) Discipulus: I can only tell you what I know

(14:17:39) Discipulus: and if you ever need me, I'll be there, and I'll be waiting to help

(14:41:43) JargonMan89: who dis?

(14:42:38) JargonMan89: hmm

(14:42:45) JargonMan89: guess u away for a reason

(14:42:50) JargonMan89: lemme no when u get bak

Conversation with darkprinces89 at 2004-05-31 14:51:23 on Discipulus2k (aim)

(14:51:23) Brittania: leave me the fuck alone

(14:52:14) Discipulus: you don't wanna talk about it?

(14:52:24) Brittania: no fucker..i dont want to talk to you at all

(14:52:32) Discipulus: what did I do that pissed you off so much?

(14:52:49) Brittania: if you dont know..then your pretty gay

(14:52:51) Brittania: now leave me alone

(14:52:55) Discipulus: Neil didn't tell me

(14:54:26) Discipulus: Brittania, don't do this to me

(14:54:27) Discipulus: or yourself

(14:54:54) Brittania logged out.

(14:55:01) Brittania logged in.

(14:56:00) Brittania logged out.

Is it just me or did she just basically tell me to fuck off?

Just let it drop, she doesn't sound like she is a very good friend. If she ever comes around, she'll know where to find you.

She probably wants your nuts, and you didn't realize it, and went and told the other guy all the bullshit she fed you, trying to make herself look desireable.

I don't know though, I would forgive you, but it might depend on what was said. But, then again, it is human nature to want to help, so I can't really blame you.

You fucked it up, now run away in shame.

She told you to fuck off.

Best thing to do is leave it for a day or two. She might find it hard to chat to you in person or on-line.

Send her an e-mail so that it's not 'live chat' type stuff. She can read it and think it over rather than needing to reply straight away.

That's about the best advice I can give.

Similar thing happend a while ago with me and a very good friend. We are not as close now as we were before but still friends.

Hope that helps,

HJS.

You fucked up really bad. I betrayed someone's trust once. I never expected her to speak to me again. I know I wouldn't have in her place. This chick has full right to be pissed at you. Though the fact that she's an inarticulate twat kind of bothers me. I'm on your side, but only because she pisses me off

Well, if truth be told, my friend just found out why she's pissed at me, and it's because I told how far she went with another chick. Why I mentioned it, I dunno, wasn't thinking straight. But now she's really really really really really really pissed at me. Man, not only did I betray her but I betrayed myself. That 44 magnum in my moms room is looking real inviting right about now...

Yeah, you messed up here. Your intentions don't mean jack shit. If she trusted you with confidential information, and you violated that trust, why would she trust you again? Trouble is going backwards never leaves you where you started. I agree with Cindy that your only option is a real apology that owns everything and reserves nothing. If you want to play the "if I did anything" or "what did I do" or the "how did I hurt you" games then just don't bother. If you can write a real apology, then send it to her and let her come to you if she chooses. If not, learn your lesson and move on.

edit: One more thing. You keep saying that this should not be so bad because you were good friends. Try to see this from her point of view. You are not a good friend if you betray her. It may still feel like you two are friends to you, but she feels like she never knew you. Your "this is not that big a deal" attitude just reinforces that.

[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 06-01-2004).]

she doesn't wanna hear from me at all, so why even bother writting an apology?

No.

I have gotten out of situations where she would not talk to me at all. It is not guaranteed, but a real apology where you acknowledge that everything she is feeling is justified and take all the blame for it without reservation goes a long way.

Alright, my buddy who just talked to her said she's really pissed at me. When I told him that Neil told me that he doesn't really love her, he asked me if I told her that and I was like "No, figured I'd get her to forgive me first, besides, Neil told me to butt out" he said he should smack me for so ignorant and that if anything could have gotten me outta this mess in the first place it's that.

quote:Originally posted by Discipulus:

he said he should smack me for so ignorant



Yeah, you're lucky. I'd suggest you get out of this while you can. You betrayed the trust of a good friend, and whether or not she decides to come around is up in the air right now. But one other point, the fact that you were good friends doesn't make your sin any less wrong, it only makes it worse. I would excpect someone I didn't know and trust too well to turn around and fuck me over. But not a good friend, that would be an unforgivable sin. Period.

Did she ask you not to tell anyone how far she went with a chick? ...and what the fucking fuck? She doesn't care that you told the guy all that other shit?

I return to this thread with whoop-ass and bubblegum, but I'm all out of bubblegum.

Here's where you went wrong:

quote:(14:13:12) Discipulus: but all I wanted

(14:13:19) Discipulus: was for you to be happy

Attempting to justify your stupidity.

quote:(14:13:35) Discipulus: that's all I ever want

(14:13:43) Discipulus: and quite frankly, I'll do anything to make it happen

Presumptuous, and it's all about you.



quote:(14:14:07) Discipulus: I told him a lot of stuff, and perhaps I shouldn't have

(14:14:16) Discipulus: I don't know what was going through my mind

You know you shouldn't have, and there you attempt to absolve yourself of responsibility.



quote:(14:14:32) Discipulus: some people say I'm too trusting too fast, and maybe this is nothing but another example of that

(14:14:51) Discipulus: I don't know what he's said to you

More attempts to "save face" and explain yourself.

You seem to stuck in self-interest because you seem more interested in finding a way to justify and make excuses for your actions. To make this better, you need to say something like "I did a shitty thing, I blew it, and I'm very sorry, and I realize how I screwed up so it won't happen again." If you can't do that, then you're not going to have your friend back, and she's not going to be happy.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

I return to this thread with whoop-ass and bubblegum, but I'm all out of bubblegum.

Here ya go: <A HREF="http://www.candydirect.com/images/web/544-AA_prod.jpg">http://www.candydirect.com/images/web/544-AA_prod.jpg" width="90" height="90 (http://www.candydirect.com/images/web/544-AA_prod.jpg" width="90" height="90)</A> .

quote:Originally posted by Discipulus:

Thx Sarc, I didn't really think I was being THAT meddulsome! You guys are down right harsh, maybe you missed the whole "we were really good friends" bit, and the whole "I wanted her to be truly happy" etc etc.

[This message has been edited by Discipulus (edited 05-31-2004).]

You can't expect us to be anything BUT "harsh" as you call it. Since you went and told private information which you had no business doing. As much as you had good intentions for her to be happy, you did something stupid at the same time, which in my opinion cancel each other out.

Again, cindy holds up her deadly name.



In the words of Gustave - pwn3d.

quote:Originally posted by Discipulus:

(14:10:26) Discipulus: Brittania, you there?

(14:10:41) Discipulus: we need to talk

(14:10:57) Discipulus: I don't know exactly what Neil told you, but it can't be too good if your pissed at me

(14:11:14) Discipulus: and if you haven't gotten the note, I'm sorry for betraying your trust

(14:11:19) Discipulus: because it meant a lot to me

(14:11:33) Discipulus: and I thought that things would work out for the best, especially if I gave 'em a lil' shove

(14:12:01) Discipulus: I wanted you to be truly happy

(14:12:07) Discipulus: even if it means that I have to step aside

(14:12:32) Discipulus: I'd like to continue to be your friend, and I realize we can't continue where we left off, but I'd like to get there again

(14:12:54) Discipulus: and if you don't, then just tell me, and I'll disappear

(14:13:00) Discipulus: you'll never have to say another word to me again

(14:13:04) Discipulus: and I'll never say another word to you

(14:13:12) Discipulus: but all I wanted

(14:13:19) Discipulus: was for you to be happy

(14:13:35) Discipulus: that's all I ever want

(14:13:43) Discipulus: and quite frankly, I'll do anything to make it happen

(14:14:07) Discipulus: I told him a lot of stuff, and perhaps I shouldn't have

(14:14:16) Discipulus: I don't know what was going through my mind

(14:14:32) Discipulus: some people say I'm too trusting too fast, and maybe this is nothing but another example of that

(14:14:51) Discipulus: I don't know what he's said to you

(14:14:55) Discipulus: so I can't argue against it

(14:15:02) Discipulus: or say that it actually happened

(14:15:10) Discipulus: all I can say is that I'm sorry

(14:15:14) Discipulus: and ask you what happened

(14:15:18) Discipulus: and hope you'll tell me

(14:16:01) Discipulus: if you wanna still be friends, or if you wanna talk about it, then lemme know

(14:16:04) Discipulus: doesn't have to be now

(14:16:10) Discipulus: but try and make it soon

(14:16:14) Discipulus: take as much time as you need

(14:16:18) Discipulus: you know how to get a hold of me

(14:16:35) Discipulus: and if you wanna talk tomorrow before school, I'll be by the library

(14:17:00) Discipulus: otherwise, it was fun, I care a lot about you, and I'll always be there for you, whether you believe it or not

(14:17:20) Discipulus: I can't choose what you believe for you, that's your choice

(14:17:29) Discipulus: I can only tell you what I know

(14:17:39) Discipulus: and if you ever need me, I'll be there, and I'll be waiting to help...

You are a pussy and an idiot. I have no respect for you.

Well, apology sent, hopefully she gets it and reads it, and then hopefully she will be understanding. I also told her that Neil said he doesn't love her. Why would that make a difference? Would it show he doesn't care as much as she thinks he does? Hmm, well, any advice is helpful at this point.

If you don't mind, post your apology so we can see the "tone".

quote:After this, I will leave you alone, as you have asked me to. Is suicide upon my mind at this point as Gary (Reaper tm) said, yes it is. Is it truly because of you? No, it isn't, if anything you were, and still are, a reason for me not to do it. You did, and still do, mean the world to me, I would, and will, do anything for you, and why I let this bit of information, among all of it, out, I'll never understand. I truly am sorry, and I can honestly say that I hurt myself. Betraying someone's trust is never a good thing to do, and Lord knows I've done it to you more times than I can count. You don't know how sorry I am, and if I could take it back, I would. Also, Neil said he doesn't love you, log attached. Well, it was nice knowing you.

Sincerely,

Michie

Yea, that's pretty much it. Gary read it over and said other than being poorly written (bad grammer is what he meant) that it was good and to send it, so I did.

What the fuck!!

~You're talking about suicide now?!?

Your situation is difficult, and I know it must be hurting alot,but suicide is never an option. NEVER!



Also,talking about suicide may make her feel guilty, scared for you, and responsible.

So she'll come back to you, but the bitter resentment inside will be there.

That was okay, but still focused on you a bit too much and did not validate what she was feeling enough. I would have tried something like this:

I am so sorry that I hurt you. You have been the best friend anyone could ever have and I betrayed your trust. I cannot imagine what you must be going thru right now. I feel like I have lost a truly great friend, and even though I deserve it, I feel sick. I cannot imagine how you must feel going thru this having done nothing wrong. If there was anyway I could take away the hurt I caused you, I would. I still cannot believe what I did to you; I have no excuse. Please believe that I am truly sorry that I hurt you and that I will miss you very much.

I know it'll make her come back to me but still resent me, but I'm not the one who told her. And when he did tell her all she said was it only showed I was weak and couldn't handle my problems. If I do it, I'm not gonna do it because I have a problem, that's the least of my worries. If anything, I saw her as a reason to live. With no reason to live, but yet no reason to die, what's the purpose?

You can always find a new reason to live. Even if things don't work out, don't kill yourself.

Shannon, one of Neil's friends, was threatening me last night and I was like "Shannon, what your saying doesn't scare me. You should always fear a man who fears not death." and he was just like "Bitch, I bring death so you better fear me." then he proceded to call me a fag and I was like "Only you would know that" and then he was like "Well, if you are going to commit suicide then do it cuz the only person who would miss you is your b/f" and I was like "Well, I guess you'll miss me then." I was being harsh cuz I don't even give a fuck what anyone thinks about me anymore, and I'll just tell 'em how it is.

your friends a rat for narcing on you and your a bigger rat for telling him in the first place, so in the true rat tradition you should try and each eath others young..... or not

Oh, man, you done fucked up.

I think deadlycindy summed it up and Little Pea summed it up even more concisely; although you said sorry early, you spent most of your time absolving yourself of guilt. You should have waited for her to answer, really, because else you're making yourself vulnerable to say a lot of things like 'I'll always be there for you' that are going to make her more angry. In her current state she is unlikely to take you seriously. It just struck me as a wimpy reply.

My method is probably not the best, but I would have simply stopped talking and got the message. Allowed her to cool off. Right now you're starting convos then following it up with apology - smothering her with too many messages when she needs some space. Play the waiting game until she is ready to respond, and if you get tired of waiting, give up.

I'm only saying that you should still care because you called her one of your best friends - she sounds like an asshole to me. 'your gay' is the epitome of idiocy, no matter how stressed she might be.

She's only an asshole when a bastard pisses her off

quote:Originally posted by Easy Going:

Yeah, you messed up here. Your intentions don't mean jack shit. If she trusted you with confidential information, and you violated that trust, why would she trust you again? Trouble is going backwards never leaves you where you started. I agree with Cindy that your only option is a real apology that owns everything and reserves nothing. If you want to play the "if I did anything" or "what did I do" or the "how did I hurt you" games then just don't bother. If you can write a real apology, then send it to her and let her come to you if she chooses. If not, learn your lesson and move on.

edit: One more thing. You keep saying that this should not be so bad because you were good friends. Try to see this from her point of view. You are not a good friend if you betray her. It may still feel like you two are friends to you, but she feels like she never knew you. Your "this is not that big a deal" attitude just reinforces that.

[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 06-01-2004).]



Go get that gun! That'll show her!

SHOW her how sry you are

#1 I think that if you were going to hook her up, you should have told her that that was what you were going to do

I personally would have gotten very pissed off that you did that

#2 I think that if you explain to her what you were trying to do and the reasoning behind it, and then you give her her space for awhile, eventually she will foregive you

Just as long as you have never done anything remotely like this to her or any of her friends in the past

Question...Are you a person who likes to solve everyone's problems for them? Cause if so, for future reference, you might want to change the way you go about it next time

Just so that you don't have to go through all of this again

dude you are a sorry piece of shit

you remind me alot of myself 10 15 years ago

sorry for your self,worry about what other people think and feel when its none of your business meddle in bull shit that dont matter in the long run

just hope you grow up more then i have

Discipulus, you're a schmuck for meddling in her shit and betraying her trust (which is what you did). Don't expect her to get over it and you guys can be best friends the next day; these things take time. Try taking a week off and then seeing if she's more amicable.

I'd forgive you, but then again I don't use the word "gay" in a disparaging manner, and tell someone who just poured their heart out to me to "fuck off", no matter how mad I am.

Like Guswut/tave said, she doesn't seem like too great of a friend, and it sounds like she's got issues (from what you've told us). I want to say you should just drop her, but you're not going to. So give it a while and talk to her after that.

Lesson: Don't meddle in other people's shit.

Edit: Re-read the thread, and here's what you also need to know: Your intentions don't mean shit. Analogy: Try explaining to the dead guy's family that you killed him "by accident". You fucked up, admit it to her: a little humility never hurt anybody. Stop trying to rationalize your decision to her - rationalize it to yourself and keep that to yourself.

[This message has been edited by deptstoremook (edited 06-10-2004).]