i just write what happens in my life becuase it helps me to deal with it in its ownfucked up liitle way nothing.

*crackle* *pop* *burnnnn* "should be load

up another pipe tigs ?" i dont know man its getting late and we gotta go to that putas party tonight, "shit i almost forgot man.... ahh one more pipe will be sweet then just save some mix for later". i manage to find some decent clothes on the floor just a i start to get changed *bang bang* someones punding on the front door, shit police, quick hide everthing..fuk , alright just chill and act casual, i stroll to the font door and casually open it only to see fuken roach rolling on the ground laughing, "fuck roach what are you doing knocking like the damn cops" he replies with a "chill man it was funny" then just strols in as always, he proceeds to pull out a bag a small bag with 6 small tablets, hmmm green. Tigs walks in with a big smile on that stoned lil face of his "so you got em roach" roach then in the the only was roach can dramatically tell us the story of how he has manages to liberate drugs from his opressive brother again hands waving around and all. Ok roachy so what do these ones do roach just looks and and says "wait its a suprise" and he pulled the erriest grin i have ever seen "it betta not be a dirty K bomb you junkie, but he assured me it wasent and that i was going to have a good time tonigt. Shortly after i get a call form my favorite party girl, aleisha was this sexy little thing with the most banging body and the best personality we have been best friends for ages, we always go shopping talk about guys and girls anything an everthing, were always dancing together and we always have a good time we just connect, but we have never done anything beyond being best friends either she ahd a b/f or i had a g/f and most of the time i just dont feel that way about her.

"so are you comming tonight sexy", "you know ill be there baby, so gorgeous what panties you wearing" ,i love stiring her up shes gets soo imbaressed "you know i dont wear any when im partying this hard, your missing out wooooo" but shes nows how to push my button better than anyone i laugh then tell her ill be there in 20.



as soon as we rocked up i told tigs to keep an eye out i was fucked up and drained becuase of the break up with my girl and i knew that after a couple of drinks and sum E i would latch onto the first girl that let me. i walk around doing the meet and greet, not a bad party at all the E was starting to kick in i could feel the music, i go into the dance room but no alseiha, i looked everywhere but no where where is she ? then out of the corner of my eye i see her sleaze bag boyfriend hooking in with some dirty slut, fuck i gotta find her before she does soemthing stupid, i ran out the front and saw her walking down the road "HEY LEASHI" shes turned around and stoped "COME HERE SEXI" i see a faint smile and she comes over we go for a walk for a while and talked.

"hes an asshole, i hate him why does he keep doin this to me ?" we wernt to far from the party maybe 3 or 4 houses down i leaned up against the the dark blue sedan parked in the driveway, i pulled her in close to me "dont let him keep doing this to you, your stronger than that" she jus put her head on my chest and i felt it, my shirt slowly moistning with her tears "he doesnt care about me, he never did" ..."other people care, care more than he ever did leashi"

what the hell was i saying this girl has been my best friend for ages, i cant do this can i ? should i ? im so confused, thats it i said to myself no more of roaches "suprise look what i stole from my borther" pills. I cant think straight all i want to do is fuck, i cant use her like that.. i love her, i hate her, i need her it feels like my brain is sizzling in my head to many ideas to quickly,then she lifted her head form my cheast and just looked at me, tears rolling down her face i looked into her eyes, so innocent.... so damn drunk, i knoew i couldent do that to her i just wiped the tears from her face and kissed her on the forehead "dont worry ill always be here for you" she just hugged me tightly and started to cry "lets just stay here a little longer ok " i didnt say a word i couldent stop thinking about weither that was the stupidest of smartest desicion you have ever made.

im so drained, scattered i have no idea what im going to do i always talk to her and i think i have feelings for her but, i dont want to be with her becuase my friends will think im using her a rebound girl and her friends will think shes using me as a rebound guy and i can just see myself fucking it up and hurting her which is the last thing i wanna do...