Seriously, topics such as that are becoming more and more prevalent, and contributing to the systematic decline of this forum and all of Totse, on a greater scale.

I just feel like pointing out to those who ask such questions that there is no answer to this question. All I can tell you is that certain patterns and trends are to be observed and experiential knowledge is to be gained from them and applied to future prospects of the female persuasion, but every woman is different. What pleases one may piss the other. Read women's magazines, ask an OBJECTIVE girl (if they exist in your personal environment), ask a friend, or go sit on a bench at the mall (if you can keep from digging your eyes out with a spork in disgust and frustration at society) if you want to learn some of the patterns and trends. Then go find your mark and work your bad magick. Be adaptable and quick to think on your feet, if you can be, and I hope you can at least appear intelligent, and be respectful of the lady. Not to mention, I hope you look presentable and don't reek of sweat and Doritos. If you dress/act/speak like most kids, don't. And brush your teeth.

As for how to please them in the sack, you're on your own when it comes down to it, but some of the same rules apply. I also advise you read up on female anatomy, from both a scientific and sex-writer standpoint, ask many women for GENERAL advice, and learn a few physical techniques/positions. And fucking don't be clumsy, be a pussy about using a rubber or let a little thing like nervousness keep you from getting it up. Be adaptable, be perceptive of your woman, be SELFLESS. Learn to listen to her cries/moans and decipher their meanings. Learn to recognize physical signs of arousal (quickened breathing, flushing skin, erect clit, increase in lubrication ["when she gets wet", for all you rebels]). Learn to respect her body, and your own. Learn how to tell when you should talk, when you shouldn't, and what should or shouldn't be said. In general, things whispered into an ear softly are better than things spouted out at normal tone. Learn to use your goddamned hands and tongue. Don't EVER be a pussy about licking pussy, either. Just do it.

Go get 'em, tiger. RRAR!



[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-29-2004).]

Yeah (the spork comment). Also, some people just have it. Others don't. I'm sorry if your're one of those who don't. You'll never learn how to eat a pussy/suck a dick/be his/her ideal mate on the net. Life experience is where it's at.

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

Go get 'em, tiger. RRAR!



somthing about that scares me... profoundly.

[This message has been edited by CatharticWeek (edited 05-29-2004).]

Bump.

I try to help you, and this is how you repay me. You ungracious fuckers!

I thought Infra was going to give out some of his smooth moves...I am dissappointed .

The 'my gf n i both wanna hav teh sex n we hav sumplace 2 do it. shud we do it?' threads are pretty bad as well...

I'd share my "smooth moves" if I had any constant ones. Whatever I may say depends entirely on situation, girl, etc. It's art, not science.

How do you please a girl?

Big fat cock!

Unless she's a lesbian.

quote:Originally posted by KidKelko:

Unless she's a lesbian.

Big fat rubber cock.

Ever seen Chasing Amy?

Smack her around and call her fat.

Amber

quote:Originally posted by KidKelko:

Ever seen Chasing Amy?

Is that the one about the Judge? If so, yeah..why?

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRz0r !!!!!!1111111

Nice post, for the n00bs I know this will be very helpful to the many people who postz0r how to pleasez0r t3h f3m4l3z0rz0r0zr!!!!111

You dont have to eat pussy if you fuck her hard enough. Just tear that shit up, and don't stop until she says no more or im tired. Then keep going. If your gonna blow your load slow down for like 20 seconds then go again. It isn't rocket science. But if you can't last long learn to eat pussy heh.

Well said Infra. Let me also add that it's ok to wait till you're 18 or older to have sex. It won't make you any more of a man to have sex before your pubes come in.

alchohol helps...alot

quote:Originally posted by PoseidonHurri:

Is that the one about the Judge? If so, yeah..why?

No, it's the one about dating the lesbian.

*Puts fist through hand making a circle*

^

And damnit, eating pussy isn't all about HER pleasure. Not for me, anyway. It's nothing to do with inability to last or keep it up, but everything to do with the ability to precisely control pressure, stroke, etc, and thus her pleasure. There really is nothing like giving an oral-gasm to a woman.

<Dr. Evil> I suggest you try it. </DE>

What is with these totse nerds obsessing over eating pussy?

Yeah dude, I'm sure the only thing you want from a girl is for you to beg on all fours to beable to eat her out.

Give me a break, I don't really see a joy in giving a girl oral sex, and for losers on here to go on about "loving" the taste of a women ovbiously hasn't been down there.

Just let it go...

Hate to break it to you, Carb, but yeah, I've been down there, quite a few times, and I enjoy it. Ok? Ok. And hey, where in my post did you see anything about loving to eat pussy? Yeah, I've said it before, but this is a different and halfway-objective thread, for once.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-30-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

Give me a break, I don't really see a joy in giving a girl oral sex, and for losers on here to go on about "loving" the taste of a women ovbiously hasn't been down there.

Just let it go...

You've obviously never been "down there" with a girl who washes herself you fucking hippy ass motherfucker.

quote:Originally posted by JoJo:

alchohol helps...alot

Debatable. Overconsumption can cause difficulty in acheiving erections.

Nope, if you need depressants to get her stupid enough to fall for ya (or vice versa), maybe you're barking up the wrong bush. Now, drugs that let loose with the serotonin and dopamine, that's another kettle of fish...

Bump, for ahulop87. Fucking moron.

I considered linking to this thread, but there really isn't a whole lot of useful info on it. I could have missed something, though...

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

Bump, for ahulop87. Fucking moron.

Infrared, you're a dumb fuck, and your advice is shitty.

quote:

http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000002/HTML/20040217-4-006078.html

http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000002/HTML/20031016-4-004271.html

http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000002/HTML/20031008-4-004395.html

http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000002/HTML/20040217-4-006079.html

http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000002/HTML/20031028-4-004806.html

]http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000002/HTML/20031016-4-004598.html (http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000002/HTML/20031016-4-004598.html[/QUOTE)

There we go, now this thread is special like my pet fly.

[This message has been edited by Gustave (edited 06-14-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

I considered linking to this thread, but there really isn't a whole lot of useful info on it. I could have missed something, though...

Lol, Cindy pwns another self-serving asshole (yet one who was seriously trying to help, even though he hates these threads)!

Ouch.

But I was asking for it.

You seriously think nothing I said was useful, though?

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 06-14-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

You seriously think nothing I said was useful, though?

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

...but there really isn't a whole lot of useful info on it.

She didn't say nothing you said was useful, but that there wasn't a whole lot of useful information.





[This message has been edited by Gustave (edited 06-14-2004).]

What I was trying to post was useful information, even if it was derisive - nature of the beast who gets irritated with the "how do you please a girl" threads.

She was just putting me in my place for being an asshole, I think. While I'm profoundly bothered that she apparently doesn't think my write-up was useful (correct me if I'm wrong; I possibly am), I did probably deserve that. Heh.

EDIT: Ohhhhhhhhhhh! (Post-deleter!)

EDIT II: Posted the "post deleter!" thing

EDIT III: Cut it out, Cindy, you're giving me carpal tunnel.

And yep, I misunderstood. My bad.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 06-14-2004).]

^^Heh, the only useful thing is what you said. The rest is dim-brained flaming. Except, now, Gus's contribution.

Note: Deleted and re-posted. Things were being misunderstood! Are we all okay now?

Edit: You're too DAMN FAST!!!

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 06-14-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Edit: Aimed at Infra. Gus is too fast. Erm, not in that way, not that I'd know...heh

Oh and why don't you go and make hints about or seven children and twenty-three grandchildren, why don't you!

~~~

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Edit: You're too DAMN FAST!!!

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 06-14-2004).]

Bahaha, you can beat Infrared, but you can't beat me, eh?

This is fun!

[This message has been edited by Gustave (edited 06-14-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

Seriously, topics such as that are becoming more and more prevalent, and contributing to the systematic decline of this forum and all of Totse, on a greater scale.

I just feel like pointing out to those who ask such questions that there is no answer to this question. All I can tell you is that certain patterns and trends are to be observed and experiential knowledge is to be gained from them and applied to future prospects of the female persuasion, but every woman is different. What pleases one may piss the other. Read women's magazines, ask an OBJECTIVE girl (if they exist in your personal environment), ask a friend, or go sit on a bench at the mall (if you can keep from digging your eyes out with a spork in disgust and frustration at society) if you want to learn some of the patterns and trends. Then go find your mark and work your bad magick. Be adaptable and quick to think on your feet, if you can be, and I hope you can at least appear intelligent, and be respectful of the lady. Not to mention, I hope you look presentable and don't reek of sweat and Doritos. If you dress/act/speak like most kids, don't. And brush your teeth.

As for how to please them in the sack, you're on your own when it comes down to it, but some of the same rules apply. I also advise you read up on female anatomy, from both a scientific and sex-writer standpoint, ask many women for GENERAL advice, and learn a few physical techniques/positions. And fucking don't be clumsy, be a pussy about using a rubber or let a little thing like nervousness keep you from getting it up. Be adaptable, be perceptive of your woman, be SELFLESS. Learn to listen to her cries/moans and decipher their meanings. Learn to recognize physical signs of arousal (quickened breathing, flushing skin, erect clit, increase in lubrication ["when she gets wet", for all you rebels]). Learn to respect her body, and your own. Learn how to tell when you should talk, when you shouldn't, and what should or shouldn't be said. In general, things whispered into an ear softly are better than things spouted out at normal tone. Learn to use your goddamned hands and tongue. Don't EVER be a pussy about licking pussy, either. Just do it.

Go get 'em, tiger. RRAR!



[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-29-2004).]

I wish all guys were like you.

quote:Originally posted by whatatripthishasbeen:

I wish all guys were like you.

There'd be no topic safe from pages and pages of text.

Or virgin females.

/prick mode

....Actually, there would be a lot, still.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 06-15-2004).]