okay, i went out with this chick last year, and we're still really good friends, like she tells me all her shit no one else hears etc. and stuff and its like a best friend kind of thing, but she has a boyfriend and like i odnt know im confused cuz im totally crazy in love with her, and like i can just feel that like shes perfect for me, but it breaks me to think shes with another guy and i really want her to know but i dont want to make shit weird if she doesnt feel that way too, what should i do?!

Sadly, I think you're on the wrong ladder! You must do your best to jump across the big Grand Canyon size gap between the friend ladder and the lover ladder. That means you HAVE TO TALK TO HER TO SEE IF SHE WILL HELP YOU JUMP ACROSS!! Love, Venus.

^^^



WTF??

uh...ladder?...

yeah anyways god the more i think of her the more i want her and it seems like im the "gay guy best friend" shit, but ahh i dunno what to do

that sounds realy like it is tearing you up.you have to tell her-for your own sake. next time you have a talk just tell her that you love her and that you understand that she may not feel the same way so this is goodbye.

either you 'will call her buff' or she will realise the pain she is causing you and find someone else to talk to.whatever you will be able to stop torturing yourself.

Ackackackackackackackack

yeah, but i really really dont want to like, stop being friends or whatever, that would make me feel worse knowing i just ended a good friendship too? god im fucked up lol

quote:Originally posted by AdrenalineJunkie420:

yeah, but i really really dont want to like, stop being friends or whatever, that would make me feel worse knowing i just ended a good friendship too? god im fucked up lol

ok, what to say...hmmm. look at it this way, you like her (don't say love yet) a lot. you are miserable because as it sits now, it's just a friendship. she goes on and does her thing with her bf and lives her life, you guys talk, share stories/moments, blahblahblah and you like that aspect. the friendship part at least.

but if you fail to act, things will never change EVER. maybe sometimes it's better NOT to know an answer to a question, but you always have to ask. sure, it might make things harder if she doesn't feel the same, but what have you lost? a girl that you weren't meant to be with (there are others, TRUST ME) anda friendship, but this friendship is driven by your desire for her. maybe you make yourself TOO avaliable and that's why you are only friends, shit...maybe she just doesn't read the vibes offa you and she's scared to make things wierd too.

in my opinion, you gotta bring it up somehow, either subtle, or flat out in your face style. you've got NOTHING to lose, and the world to gain. just my 2 cents.

edit: besides, it's better than that 'ladder' bullshit earlier.

[This message has been edited by Sidewayz (edited 05-22-2004).]

LOL Sidewayz, you gave the same advice as Miss Pretty (to talk to her) and then you insulted her. What a dumb ass.

FYI, ladder theory is a topic that has come up here several times. It's not Miss Pretty's fault that you are ignorant of it. Basically the theory says that women have the men in their lives in different categories or on different ladders. She was saying that he is on the friend ladder or in the friend zone and that he must talk with her to fix that.

Seems like the consensus is that you should talk to her. I don't agree that you have nothing to lose. If she is a good friend, you do risk that friendship. But if you are really only interested in her as a lover, then what the hell.

However, I believe you should set up your move before you make it. My first post in the seduction archive was from a thread where someone was trying to break out of the friend zone. You can use those tactics to create some level of interest before you make your move. To be honest, this is a pretty advanced undertaking and it does not seem like you are up to it. You may be better off forgetting about it. But if you insist, that is the way to go about it.



[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 05-22-2004).]

^^didn't seem to matter what i was 'ignorant' of, because the original poster had no clue what she was saying either. before you go off on one of your self righteous rants again, fucking look around buddy.

i must have missed the part where it said there was required reading involved before joining the S&A forum. and my edit comment was a joke anyways, because as stated before, neither the original poster or me, know what the fuck that meant. so keep your elitist bullshit to yourself. and please send me a copy of next week's reading assignment so i don't fall behind again so i can become a great contributing member like yourself.

Oh, I'm sorry Sidewayz; did I hurt your feelings? There there now. You are right. There is no requirement to understand someone else’s posts, and if you want to be rude instead of just asking what she meant or saying you don't understand, then go right ahead. I should not have pointed out how stupid you looked after giving the exact same advice and then insulting it. That was mean and I apologize.