Had a lot of shit go on in the past few days for me. My girlfriend of 3 months today, who I love, lied to me. Probally after a week we were going out, she cheated on me. I already knew this, and I knew that she made out and dry humped with another guy. I took some time, and we worked it through. Now, 3 months later, I couldnt have been happier with her. Untill one day, she brougght home a notebook her and her cousin use to write notes with each other. She said she didnt care if I read it, so I was reading it in her car, when I got to a certain part. She was talking to her cousing about being sore after being fingered. In that note, she clearly stated that she had been fingered 3 times. At that point, I had only done it twice. Reading a little bit on, I found out that it was the guy she cheated on me with who fingered her that night.

I was so sad, and I havent been this hurt before since we fought about when it actually happened. We had a huge fight last night on the phone about her lieing to me. Then, today after school, we basically had a talk where I asked her why she lied, and why she let him do that all together. Me just clearing some things up in my mind. After about a solid half hour, and a lot of tears shed, she basically gave me the hugest apology in the world. Her reasons for lieing was that she didn't want to hurt me even more then she had. I told her that being honest would have made me less hurt, but we talked it all through. I'm just real confused right now. I mean, after our talk today, we just went about with our normal days, hanging out with each other and trying to be happy with each other. It IS our 3 month, and she wanted to be happy. I love this girl so much and I would do anything for her. Breaking up isnt an option. I dont know why, but I guess I woul djust like to hear your thoughts on it. I know I'm going to get about 50 assholes telling me that I should dump her or I should have dumped her, but I'm not really looking for that right now. I'm just looking for your thoughts on the situation.

I think she let you read the book because she wanted you to know, but could not bring herself to tell you directly. Even though she could have been more upfront about it, she let you know now, still early into the relationship. It's much better than to hear it from a third party down the road. I can't say whether you should dump her or not, I think only you're qualified to make that call right now.

^^I doubt that's the case...... I don't think she remembered that that was in there. It was on the 12th page or something, it was pretty far in. I'm glad that I know now, but I'm just upset because she lied to me and tried to hide it from me. I had to find out that she cheated on my from a 3rd party and find out the details from a 3rd party. It's not a good feeling.

If you really really love her you can change her. True love conquers all.

What would I try if I did not decide to make sense and leave her? You need to take control. I have not witnessed your relationship, but I can guarantee you that you do not have enough control. Start with asserting yourself more. Pick a movie or restaurant once in a while without asking her opinion. When you get there, lead her to the seat of your choice without asking her opinion. Sometimes, give vague comments with no explanations. In fact, avoid any direct answers to her questions unless it is a direct no. Be too busy to see her once in a while. Tease her if she does something stupid and then just look at her so she wonders if you are kidding or not. Make her come to you for whatever and then give her a little kiss the first time and blow her off the second. Then just take her and have your way with her out of the blue. If there is no “unknown” or “adventure” with you, she will find it somewhere else.

[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 05-21-2004).]

I want you to think about something. If you are only on your 3rd month and she cheated on you, something is very wrong. She will probably do it again, and you will end up being hurt again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

a real man would either ditch her or put her over his knee. stop taking crap from her. you lead she will follow (and if not it's no great loss).

quote:Originally posted by Memorex:

...Breaking up isnt an option...

Fuck it isn't. You need to drop that girl. You obviously don't have the balls to gain her respect so staying in the relationship will only lead to her walking all over you. You've been going out for 3 goddamn months and apparently love eachother and she's cheated on you twice. Wake up. She does not love you. Masterbate, think it over, masterbate again, then break up with her.

Even though I know it's not what you want to hear, I have to agree with the last couple posters. Break up with her. From the way you talk I assume you are in highschool, chances are a normal high school relationship wouldn't work out, if she cheated on you after just a few weeks then that is a huge hint it won't work out. Just outta curiosity, is she your first? If so you may feel a little attached (and you should), but you have to know when to let it go. I was going out with my ex-girfriend for 2 years, and then she cheated on me. I didn't even hesitate to break up with her. You want a really good reason to get rid of your chick? You can't trust her. She went behind your back...twice. How can you be sure she won't do it again? When you were on the phone, there was a lot of tears shed (I assume by both sides), that is a cheap ploy that a few women use to turn your feelings about them (no offense to the real criers out there, but you know it happens). If she really felt bad enough to cry about it, she wouldn't have done it, especially not twice. Has she ever referred to it as an "accident" saying she was sorry, but it just happened? Last time I checked it is fairly hard to have sex on accident... These are also just my opinion, like I said my girl of 2 years cheated on me, so I have a fairly large distaste for cheaters...

OOOOOOH, burned...sorry to hear it.

/winces

Realize she's a disloyal, slutty piece of subhuman shit, that you deserve better, then have a bowl, hang out with good friends, look for other girls, keep the good times alive and heal.

DO NOT EVER disrespect yourself so much as to continue a relationship with a woman who betrays you. She'll take it as a cue to write "WELCOME" on your back and walk all over you. Don't be a doormat or a sap; respect yourself and have some self-esteem, and be confident in the fact that you're deserving of a quality woman. I've just figured this out after a lot of pain, and wish I'd realized it sooner, but when you give a lot of yourself to a woman and start letting her opinions of you mean the world to you, you tend to start questioning yourself. Don't. Ever. Realize right fucking now that you deserve better. Trust me on this.





[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-22-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

OOOOOOH, burned...sorry to hear it.

/winces

, then have a bowl, hang out with good friends, look

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-22-2004).]

Best advice ive heard all day.

must agree...except for the bowl part

i guess infra is good for something after all love ya infrababy!

but yeah, the longer you drag it out, the shittier it'll be for you. don't mend fences and get hurt again, then you have to live the pain twice, or three times, or however many it takes for you to realize that this is bullshit. in most relationships, the only person that can really hurt you, is yourself. goodluck and shit.

Yet another example of why monogomous relationships aren't worthwhile.

What Easy Going said makes sense, if you plan on keeping her. No girl is going to respect you if she can walk all over you, period.

I have to go with Little Pea and Infra on this one though... dumping her is your only option and yes she will cheat on you again.

It's generally believed that men are the cheaters in relationships more than women, but in reality women are every bit on an even keel with men. You think you're so in love and she is too and there's just no way she would cheat on you and then lie on top of that? Pfffftt.... quit kidding yourself.

Science changes it's stance on what is fact constantly. They used to talk about animals that mate for life, and if their mate dies they won't find another. Then out comes the "newest latest" discovery that these same animals fuck anything that wiggles it's butt at them. Your GF is wigglin' pal.

-Extant