Yes, the ex, Kelly, who I often refer to. If you don't like that, blow me.

I've just been doing a lot of tweaking and thinking lately, and after having an all-night talk with a close female friend of mine, I've finally realized....she isn't the Kelly I love anymore. She used to be such a strong, loving, compassionate, amazing woman, but after our breakup, we still talked, and I watched her slowly degenerate from the woman I loved to a desperate, selfish, attention-whoring, hypocritical bitch. Allow me to explain:

-She used to be so moral about sex; before we had it, back in school when we were just friends, she used to tell me how she would never, ever give it to someone she didn't love, how she respected her body, didn't want to sin (she was mildly religious), etc. Now, she threw herself at the first guy to chat her up, charm her, buy her a rose, and eventually bed her; she tells me he pushed her hard for sex, but she didn't want to give it - well, not then. And she's convinced that this fucking guy is anything but another charming snake of a male who's good at getting pussy. I think she knows deep-down, because she's told me "..maybe I think this is my last chance to be looked at as a woman, to be loved and touched, and.."..egh. I'm getting pissed. But anyway, my point is, she used to be such a good girl (but OH so bad, once we lost our virginity together and explored each other...oooh yeah..), and now she's just a desperate slut.

-She used to be SO loving, understanding, caring and compassionate. We've always had a trust in each other, we've always been able to talk about anything, and she would ALWAYS listen and be kind and understanding, and be so good at helping me to feel better about things (shut up: of fucking COURSE I returned the favor, in spades), but now, when I try to talk to her, she tells me how she can't deal with my "shit", how she has too much going on in her life, how she needs someone to talk to also, that it's all about me (a lie - I'm a man of integrity and of his word, and who cares..I, right up until now, always offered a patient and understanding ear, and I ALWAYS listened, no matter WHAT was going on). Now, she's just selfish; she expects me to be there for her, but she never reciprocates anymore.

-She has no integrity or solidarity of word anymore. Before, she was always honest, always trusting, and also, she always spoke of how her friends meant as much to her as love did, how she'd always be there for me. Now, she's completely contradicted herself, always putting her man first, and now, she's "Sick of my shit", and has too much going on to be the friend she used to be (and said she always would be.

-She always used to assure me how much she cared about me, and always would, just like I for her, but now, I called her today, and I first tried to apologize for being insensitive to her, and I was going to go on to say that I understand what she's going through (boyfriend, family and emotional issues, what's new), and that I may not be a perfect person or friend to her but that for whatever it was worth, I still cared for her and would always be here. Instead, she cut me off, telling me "Tommy, look, I know you're sorry, but you know, I don't care anymore. I have much, much bigger problems right now, and I honestly just don't care, okay?". Yes, it did sting, but I just let her go, out of compassion; not wanting to pressure her.

-A lot more, but I'm getting depressed, so fuck it.

In short, she's no longer the Kelly I love...it's taken me this long to realize that the woman I loved is gone now, that she's changed too much, that I've changed too, that I no longer have any respect for her, trust in her, or faith in her or her word or her morals. I've realized that I've been holding onto the Kelly of the past, and trying to bring her back out, because I thought maybe she just had a lot of stress in her life now, but no. She's actually changed, and she's become a duplicitous, worthless, cold bitch with no self-respect anymore. I finally cut her loose today..I called her again, and tore into her badly, telling her in no uncertain or nice terms that she's become a worthless person who is a waste of my time, who is of low quality, who I could never, ever love, or defile myself by giving my body to again. I didn't stay on the line to hear her reaction; she probably doesn't care, like she said, but she's going to realize someday, when her boyfriend gets sick of her and I'm no longer around for her, just how much I really did mean to her. But no, I won't be there anymore, because she abused my compassion and my emotions; she got to where she just took, but never gave, she thought she could lie to me and fuck around in front of me and be insensitive to me, and I'd still be her friend and be understanding afterward.

I've realized that I had become nothing but her doormat. She wanted me to be there only when it was convenient for her to talk to and get advice from, while thinking I wouldn't mind if she didn't give back. See, I was in love with her....while I would never change myself for most anyone, she was special enough to me to compromise and to alter (not lose, but "censor", for lack of a better term) certain overbearing and depressive aspects of my personality and really try hard to please. It's true that I gave a lot of my heart and soul to her, and I lost a lot, but I kept just enough of "me" for me - I never let her opinions of me make me doubt myself, I always maintained some dignity, I always kept my self-esteem and never let her damage it. It's this part of myself that's going to help me forget her for good..

I'm resolved, and my bridges are burned, but a little part of me is always going to wonder what would've happened if I stuck around, what she's doing, how she took it, but mostly...if somewhere inside her was the Kelly I was so in love with and close to, if she wasn't really gone, but beaten and hurt and repressed, if I should have just stuck around for her, and been there to help her always, and if the Kelly I loved might return somehow, when her demons were all laid to rest. Part of me will always feel bad for the times I hurt her, and for hurting her like I just did (I do know that, somewhere deep down in there, she's going to be very hurt by what I said to her); part of me will always want to hold her tight when she cries or when she just needs to be held; part of me still loves her.

I can only hope that these things will fade in time..it will be a long time; I've known her since I was a freshman in HS, and was friends with her for close to four years before any inkling of love entered the picture...then was with her for six years, and it was so satisfying, we were so close...but people change. I have to realize this. But still...I'll always hurt a little over it, I'll always miss the good days. She is now akin to a gaping, bloody wound on me: It will heal, it will get better, but it will leave a scar forever.

I'm a strong man, though...I can move on, I can heal again, I know that I'm still a very passionate and sensitive person who is worth loving and who has a lot to offer someone. Kelly took a lot away from me, but she didn't take my life or my trust in myself. She didn't kill me; she can only make me stronger. But there will always be a mark...

I do feel more at-peace, though...I'm still going through ups and downs; one moment I'll be angry at her and feel content in the final cut that I made, and the next, I'll be thinking of how much I really did love her, and how my compassionate side, in spite of all the hurt she's put me through, feels terrible for tearing into her, for doubtless making her cry...I know I still meant something to her deep down, but I'll never know if she was just distracted, or if I needed to change, or if she was just hurt and confused, and I should have stayed there for her...This will be hard. But I will make it.

I also have self-respect and dignity, and I refuse to be anyone's doormat, even hers. I did give a lot to her, but I never let her take those things. I know I'm the person who always was true to her and to his word and always did his very best to see her happy, while she wasn't, she was the lesser one, the hypocrite, and not worth my time or my compassion anymore.

..But somewhere deep down, I know she's still the woman I love...but that woman is not for me anymore. I will move on, I will make it, but I won't be without my doubts or my regrets or my scars.

But I will move on, and I will love again, and I will learn from my experience with her..I'll always love her somehow, someway, deep down, but it will fade in time, at least to controllable levels, or maybe even almost go away...I'm now making myself get out and meet other girls, because I want love, and I want to be loved, and I need to sever my ties to Kelly forever.

I loved her so much...but I will make it.

Thanks for reading..sorry if I got boring/mushy/whatever; I'm just a passionate and very loving and sensitive person who can't always help it.

I will make it, but this love, my first love, will never really be completely over.

-Infrared

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-18-2004).]

you never get over your first love.it hurts and the hurt stays with you -even after 20 years.life's a bitch and then you die.

getting pissed and doing something really stupid helps.

Am I expected to read that entire post?

I think you could of done it a lot faster if you wouldn't of written about her so much.

Yeah...been using a little too much meth, lately, and I deliberately let myself get angr and I take it out in REALLY overt ways.

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

In short,

At least you have not lost your sense of humor.

I agree that seeing the difference between the real girl and the one in your head is key to getting over her.

Here is a song for you:

There's a letter on the desktop that I dug out of a drawer;

The last truce we ever came to in our adolescent war.

And I start to feel the fever from the warm air through the screen.

You come regular like seasons shadowing my dreams.

The Mississippi's mighty, but it starts in Minnesota

at a place where you could walk across with five steps down.

And I guess that's how you started--like a pinprick to my heart,

and at this point you rush right through me and I start to drown.

And there's not enough room in this world for my pain.

Signals cross and love gets lost and time past makes it plain,

of all my demon spirits I need you the most.

I'm in love with your ghost

Dark and dangerous like a secret, it's whispered in a hush.

When I wake the things I dreamt about you last night make me blush.

And you kiss me like a lover, and you sting me like a viper,

I go follow to the river, play your memory like the piper.

And I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me.

But I'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly.

And dance the edge of sanity--I've never been this close.

I'm in love with your ghost

Oh, unknowing captor, you'll never know how much you pierce my spirit

I can't touch you--can you hear it?

A cry to be free, or I'm forever under lock and key as you pass through me.

Now I see your face before me; I would launch a thousand ships

to bring your heart back to my island as the sand beneath me slips.

As I burn up in your presence and I know now how it feels

to be weakened like Achilles with you always at my heels.

And my bitter pill to swallow is this silence that I keep

that poisons me, I can't swim free, the river is too deep.

Though I'm baptized by your touch, I am no worse at most.

I'm in love with your ghost

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

Am I expected to read that entire post?

I think you could of done it a lot faster if you wouldn't of written about her so much.

For once, you have something to say, and you're not being an asshole. My thanks.

Probably true, the lattermost point of yours is. While writing/talking/smacking off to the porn pictures she made just for me was therapuetic in some ways, it also kind of made me miss her, for various reasons, or just think about her too much in general. I just kind of really gave the matter some thought today, and realized that she, well, just wasn't the one I loved anymore, and there's no getting her back. Not sure why that took so long to figure out. Guess the simplest truths are the most profound.

Oh, and no one "expects" you to read it all, but getting lazy about reading something is just kind of sad. No real offense to you there, just being honest.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-18-2004).]

I think I read enough in my spare time, and that is rather long.

Anyways, I would of burned the pictures or sold them to her friends.

This would of pissed her off and would of been funny in my mind.

Maybe you thought you had to much respect for her still to do that. I don't know.

If it were me I would of burned everything of hers that she gave me or that was with me and then not of talked to her.

It's hard though to say I would do that because, I haven't been in your type of situation.

Anyways, I think you fixate a lot on things and it is probably due to tweaking. Maybe you should try to talk to a councelor about getting that fixed.

You've made too many threads, and done too much meth, but at least you've finally broke through. Keep on the keepin' on.

Little Pea, nobody makes you read my threads.

And goddamnit, even if I wanted to do "too much" meth, I couldn't. It's fucking rarer than a hen with teeth here. All I'm on now is a $30 sack - hardly anything. Before that, I had even less. Before that, well, it was at least a month. I've been doing a little more than usual, lately, but I'm going to run out, and likely not have any more for at least another couple months. So no, I'm no chronic tweaker. I use it when I can find it and when I feel like it. And contrary to popular belief, I'm not always high/drunk/whatever on something when I post; hell, about 70% of my threads are sober ones. Just making sure you have your idea of my meth use straight.

And Carbon, I fixate on things because I'm a passionate person, and I have a hard time letting go, especially to someone who I thought was the love of my life. Not an excuse, just a reason. My passion isn't a weakness, but my inability to let go is. But things are looking up.

You know, I've likely consumed a grand total of maybe 8 grams in my entire lifetime. Some people do that in a month. And no, I doubt I'd take that much - I do enjoy sleep and food, you know. And you know, I do have some respect for myself: I'd never run my body into the ground on that much shit for that long. Contrary to what everyone seems to think, I have willpower, and I can and do limit my usage. With meth, I never tweak more than two days at a time, and I make myself sleep and eat afterward, then make myself wait another couple days (IF I even have enough meth; I told you, it's rare shit). Opiates, I'm beginning to tire of, because they itch, make you too fucking sleepy, and aren't that fun. Weed is getting boring too; it's been maybe a week. Fuck everything else.

You're more than entitled to your opinions about drugs and their users, but don't profess to understand my habits, because you don't. Thank you. And why don't I cook? Because it's dangerous, and it inexorably leads to endless deals with degenerate scum who fiend for your shit, and will do anything to get it, including steal it. I cooked dope one time, and I don't intend to do it again. It's not a world I want to immerse myself in.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-18-2004).]

Dude your fucking pathetic. In everyone of your posts you try make yourself sound the like perfect model of a male sex machine. Get over yourself, post something that has some meaning without finding a way to manipulate the thread into a discussion about yourself.

ive recked a few girls too... not that badly and i didnt "love" them.

and to whiteass- SHUT THE FUCK UP what do you care if hes a sex god or some ass who count get a boner in a strip club. stop being intimadated by a guy over the internet.

[This message has been edited by CardboardBox (edited 05-19-2004).]

Explain to me how im intimidated by a man on the internet?

quote:Originally posted by whiteass:

Explain to me how im intimidated by a man on the internet?

Put a cock in it, tiny.

Yeah, Infra:

Been there, done that whole girlfriend who's totally rad but turns psycho in the end scene, not so great.

Just try to gradually lessen your contact with her.

And don't tweak too much because you should always have a clear mind, and meth sorta fucks that whole deal up. For you, my friend, I prescribe some quality Amanita Muscaria... Grade A Shrooms. Sure that defeats the whole clearmindedness, but you will subconsciously sort your life out probably.

Hey, worked for me.

Whiteass: I never called myself a sex god. I said that I love sex, and lots of it, and all kinds of it. That makes me extremely horny (or perverted, depending on your viewpoint), not a "Sex god". Yes, of course I'm good in bed, too, but each woman is different. To one, I could be sucky and incompatible, and to the next, I could be like Zeus, the god of fuck. Shut up, he's the god of fuck NOW. As for the ex, well, let's just say we've made each other scream out, "roar", moan, clench teeth, bleed (well, her), and damn near pass out, one time (after a long, hard, rough sex session. We both came at the same time, and nearly collapsed from the rush). So I guess, to her, I was a god. And she was a fucking sex goddess, I'll tell you that. Devil, too.

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

Little Pea, nobody makes you read my threads...

That's why I don't . I am glad that you are overcoming (some of) your problems, however.

Have you not changed too?

Put a brick through her window and feel the healing.

Sounds like utter dribble and bullshit to me when reading about the "sex" scenes played out in the meth world.

I agree wih whiteas...stop hamming it up for the crowd, becuase no one here is going to give you a handjob afterwards.

Yea no shit carbon. Theres no post that ive read that hasnt had some kind of remark to sexual prowess on his part, or hers. You can tell he needs to prove it to himself if he constantly has to recount his sex experiences for the people of the board.

when i moved back from texas, i left this chick i was in love with. I have had dreams about her every night for the past 2 months. Do you know what it feels like to wake up after dreaming about having the girl you love by your side, just to realize she is 4,000 miles away and you will probably never see her again? Yet do i come here a bitch and moan trying to prove that she loved me, rehashing all the old memories that im trying so hard to forget.

Im not saying Infa is a complete bullshit artist (though when i say artist i do mean it, seeing as how you have convinced the majority of the board members that 100% of this is real), im sure he did love this girl, shit happened between them and maybe now hes realizing it wasnt as good as he thought. But seriously man, quit coming up with this bullshit. Your never going to get over her if your lying to yourself.

Agreed, he makes threads about wanting to forget her.

Then makes a thread about how he's almost over her. Then makes another thread about how he's over her. Just to make another thread about the longest sex you've had, in which he reinacts his "tweaked" out experience with his ex where they had sex for 24 hours straight...

Um...yeah BUDDY! I believe you.

Oh, you don't care if I believe you? Well I'm just trying to get the point across to yourself so you aren't dillusional for the rest of your life.

Yeah dude stop talking shit okay dude? You never fucked for 24 hours, say what you want you dident. Now i cant remember what this thread was about, but i can tell you i sure as fuck not readin all that shit, so i will write this, dude you're talking crap in all you're threads, i have never seen anything posted by you that dident include drugs or sex, now im sure its not 100% lies, i belive you have drama in you're life, but dude this is just a online forum and no one really cares about you and you're shit so chill and just try to keep this shit funny, and shorten you're shit down nigga.

Casper, since you whine constantly about the length of my posts, here's a warning: Long and convoluted diatribe lies ahead. Stop reading now. Or continue on; you might want a dictionary. There, fair warning. Bitch more if you want, but it only makes you look whiny/illiterate/lazy. I hope it's just my threads you treat that way, and not your schoolwork, because I think you could use more education. Yes, it's "education", not "edumakashun", for future reference.



How would you know? You ever used meth, or had sex on it? And about that 24-hour thing: I never said it was constant. It was more like periodic fucking with breaks. NO WAY could I make it 24 hours non-stop. But it's possible to, say, screw in the morning, get up, have some breakfast, end up on the kitchen counter with her, then go feed 47 (the cat) and go to the garage to see if the hubcap you ran over yesterday did any damage to the tires, and ending up on the car hood...etc, doing whatever the hell feels right at the moment. And after that day, I was fucking wiped-out! I never claimed that I was ready for more. That day occurred shortly after moving in together; you can relate it to how a newlywed couple will fuck like rabbits, and eventually chill. It was a nice day, but it was not at all a regular occurance. If you think I'm lying or not isn't my concern, but making sure you at least formulate your opinion based on what I said and how it happened is. Think of it like this: I'm helping you to flame me accurately and not make yourself look a fool, during your attempt to make me look bad. Oh, and I wasn't tweaked, either, Carbon. As for the whole "ex" thing: Opinions noted. Whatever. If you've been in a relationship, you know how the ups and downs go. I handle them how I handle them, whether it's what someone else thinks is appropriate or not, and no way are my methods perfect.

And I also notice lots of people seem to think I hype myself up as a fuck god. No: I mention sex preferences (in, say, a thread for it) or relate experiences or whatnot, and keep it truthful. Whether I'm good or bad sexually isn't something I can tell you, and it's not universal. I have my opinions about my performance, but that doesn't matter; so does my partner. I guarantee you that I'd be considered SHIT in bed to many women out there. Good to others, or mediocre or too overt or not overt enough or too horny or not horny enough, whatever. It'd be stupid of me if I tried to hype up some universal sexual ideal of myself for anyone out there, and that'd just make me pathetic, so I stick to the truth. If you want to stop being an idiot and making unsubstantiated claims/flames, come over here and let me fuck you, and then you can tell me if I'm bad or good, ok?



Besides, I'm not doing much for myself when I mention that I smack the bishop, or have Tinymethdick, or not getting laid for awhile, or hitting myself in the face with ejaculate by mistake, or that I've tasted my own cum (now twice accidentally, and once on purpose) or not being able to keep it up on opiates, or the time I was on opiates and nodded off, waking up 30 minutes later, dick still in hand...what have you. Being honest about embarassing shit like that isn't very godly or sexy, is it? Fuck no. It'd be just like a girl posting about how her cunt smells bad sometimes or the hair around her nipples. Would you hit it? I probably wouldn't.



As for the whole girl/physical attractiveness thing: Sure, I get lucky sometimes, I can charm, talk, look good, etc, but I admit without any reserve whatsoever that I've gotten shot down plenty, gotten told I look creepy/ugly/psychopathic/etc by plenty of chicks, turned off plenty of them with my personality, been considered not good enough, you name it. There's plenty of successes, plenty of failures. And no, "success" doesn't mean sex: It means successfully snagging a dinner date or a phone number or whatnot. I dress/groom/carry myself the way I feel like, and my ways attract some, turn others away, make no difference to others. Can't please everyone, don't try, live with it. Approach me at your own risk for your own reasons, and go from there. Or if I approach you, feel free to walk off, ask questions, get to know me, slap me if I say something stupid (we all say stupid things to girls sometimes), whatever.

And casper, I'm not going to shorten or change my shit just because you can't read it. Everyone's entitled to all the opinions in the world about me or my threads, or to say whatever the hell they want to me, etc, but that just means I have to respect your right, not contradict it or agree with it or change anything for it or point out factual inconsistencies in it. Treat me the very same: If you don't like or believe what I say, you're fully entitled to that and I respect it completely, but I'll still straighten you out if you say something factually-inaccurate and I'll let you know if I think (key word is "think") you're an idiot, or 12, smart, irrational, irritating, hypocritical, worth my time, etc.

In short, I TRY to be objective and honest, about both the good shit about me (And there is a lot; if you think me arrogant, full of shit, too cocky, that's just too bad), and the bad (lots of that too. feel free to laugh about the accidental-cum-in-mouth thing; I do too). I try to be just as objective and open about everything/everyone else, as well. I'm no machine, though, but a man, who can be inflammatory, annoying, angsty, opinionated, long-winded, immature, or otherwise controversial. I also joke around, post/say pointless or annoying things, I can be a smartass and asshole, I can seem arrogant, and plenty of other things. If you're not sensible enough to tell when/if I'm joking or understand or care about what I say, that's your problem. I won't do you the disservice of sugar-coating my words or opinions or imposing my will on you (not seriously, anyway). Anything I say to you is yours to interpret and react to or ignore. Take me and my words and thoughts and anything else however you want, say what you want, do what you want, believe what you want, regard/disregard me how you want, opine however you want. I'll continue to do the very same, here on Totse and in my life. I'm no authority figure here; I'm exactly equal to you in this objectivity. I'll win some, lose some, miss some, fuck up some and mishandle some, because of my system of ideals, but I won't compromise myself for anyone else's; no, Carbon, I didn't even compromise myself for "her". I can give a little and accept thoughtfulness and constructive criticism, and I highly respect it, too.

There you go, my personal scripture. So it is written, so I shall do it. I ain't right, I ain't wrong, I ain't good, I ain't evil, I ain't pretty, I ain't ugly, I ain't perfect, I ain't special, I ain't any authority figure, but what I am is real. For better or for worse, I'm real.



Having said that, what a waste of ten good minutes: I don't really think any of you will give what I said any thought, but flame instead, for whatever reasons. That is, give the objective part any thought, because I'm just relating it to you; I hope you realize that what I said about objectivity isn't personal opinion, but fact that I'm relating, not some law which I created. Like I said, I'm not an authority figure. Oh well; horse to water...





[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-20-2004).]

Through all your ramblings, I can definately tell you, you aren't real.

The one thing you are is ugly though, ugly, corrupt, addicted, disgusting, dillusional, and any other form of negative comment you can make.

Maybe one day the meth wears off your brain (it isn't going to happen) you'll realize you are just full of shit.

God, all you say is a bunch of bullshit.

It took me two years to get over my first love... Crazy stuff.

Whatcha doin' Infrared?

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

Through all your ramblings, I can definately tell you, you aren't real.

The one thing you are is ugly though, ugly, corrupt, addicted, disgusting, dillusional, and any other form of negative comment you can make.

Maybe one day the meth wears off your brain (it isn't going to happen) you'll realize you are just full of shit.

God, all you say is a bunch of bullshit.

-Ugly's subjective to whoever sees me.

-Everyone is corrupt somehow, some more than others. I'm corrupt in my own ways, but I don't fuck people over.

-Addiction only exists if you let it, if you fight your use. I don't fight my use; I just enjoy. If I find a good reason to stop, I will.

-"Disgusting", now that's pretty broad. If my acceptance of and honesty about my ideals and myself is "disgusting", that says a lot about your own personal constitution, or lack of.

-I'd be delusional if I were anything but me, or if I denied my shortcomings or substance use or what have you. Tell me what exactly you think I'm deluding myself about, why don't you. Show us how enlightened you are and why.

-"Any other form of negative comment" is meaningless, and saying that is a serious cop-out and show of weakness and inability to show any conviction for your "arguments" (read: personal opinions) of me.

-Whether on meth or off, I stick to the same set of rules. It'll wear off, hate to tell you: I'll crash, sleep, eat again and be done with it until the next sack comes into town.

-It's only "Bullshit" because it differs from your viewpoints, right? I'm sorry to see that you're so obtuse that you hate others for disagreeing with you. You have some serious inferiority issues. Did your overbearing mommy call you too many names?

-You're fun to make look like an idiot. That's why I keep feeding you.

Lilly: Nothing much. Just making Carbon look like an idiot (like I have to) and waxing philosophical over at the Humanities forum. Yourself?

Not a whole lot. Bored. None of my buddies are on im....

I'm just really hungry. Too hungry to read your follow up posts infra, but if you're saying you're over her congrats.

all this talk about not being able to get over ur first love is scaring the shit outta me. and how do you know if the girl you are with is your first love?

hey, how you supposed to fall in love again to the point you forget your first love?

Make me look like an ididot? Sorry to ENGLIGHTEN you, but meth permanently changes the chemical balance in your brain.

For how much you say you tweak, and you have never smoked in all your time smoking meth more than 8 grams? Are you kidding me?

Anyways, the comments were directed at your inability not to beable to get over your girlfriend and to keep talknig about her. I really don't care what your personal beliefs are and I don't understand why you would want me to?

I have seen you, you are ugly. I have seen you and you are digusting. I have seen you and you are corrupt.

All my statements were made towards a certain subject, but you lack the understanding to know where they were directed. So for me to be an idiot for your misinterpretation of my post is not my fault.

It's probably due to your drug addictions and other random things you probably like to smoke.

I can see now why your girl left you, I probably would of left you a long time ago.

Personally i think its pretty obvious you have something to prove to yourself by these long winded posts trying to defend yourself, and then resorting to correcting grammar (which is just fucking stupid, people on the net type shorthand and fast. The only thing your prove by bringing up grammar is the fact that have no other rational ideas) and insulting them.

dude, infra, i'll never get tired of reading your posts, they're just so awsome.

i'm glad that you are finnally getting over her- that's probably one of the hardest things to do, i'm trying to do that right now and it hurts. And yes, part of you will always love heras part of me will allways love everyone of my exs (all of which dumped me ) except maybe Blackflag, but that's a short and stupid story i don't wanna get into right now.

anyway, on with the healing!

~scarlet

Infrared I live in Burque as well and tweak is ALWAYS in town.....I have never known it not to be and find it hard believe you cant find it that often. Hell my dealer just told me he got enough to keep the whole city up for 3 days. Really how can a city this size be dry of any drugs except mescaline er something.

I think you should cook Infared. No one would know if you didn't tell them as you don't need to deal in the underworld. I am guessing you know about The Hive

https://www.the-hive.ws

I don't make/take any drugs myself(into other chemistry) but the hive is the best place to learn about the real methods and disscus novel synth routes.

Most drugges are stupid and will not track you down as long as you stay quite about it. And as for danger there are lots more chemistry or other wise things than making meth.

quote:Originally posted by toast_and_bananas2002:

Infrared I live in Burque as well and tweak is ALWAYS in town.....I have never known it not to be and find it hard believe you cant find it that often. Hell my dealer just told me he got enough to keep the whole city up for 3 days. Really how can a city this size be dry of any drugs except mescaline er something.



Maybe I just have bad connections. Would you be willing to make a deal sometime?

Write me at liquidsnakem4a1@yahoo.com and we'll talk about it, if you would.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-21-2004).]

blah

wooo drug deals and hook ups going down on the net. i love this world.

^I love it too.

Whiteass, you're obviously a prick who doesn't like me, but I still think you're ok. Just FYI.