alright, so I lived in this row of town houses about 6 or 7 years ago. while I was there I was really involved with these two girls ( in a friend, ALMOST-more-than-friend kind of way). they were both best friends and I think they fought alot because of me (it was pretty clear they both liked me a lot). so then I move away to the country and I dont hear from either of them in all that time, and while I was gone I got a very good girl. we've been together for over 2 years, and nothing is going to change there. I move BACK into the same town houses a couple months ago, and just 20 minutes ago, one of these girls shows up on my door step. the first thing that went through my head was "ohfuckIforgethername". then I realized all I was wearing was shorts and I am unshaven. so we stood there and talked for about 10 minutes about what we'd done in the past while and stuff like that. it turns out she doesnt even live in the town houses anymore and that she came all the way from her new house to see me. now I dont want to fluff my own chicken, but I could tell she was wanting to come in, or something, and to be honest, I know body language pretty well, and she still wants me.

heres the problem....I couldnt tell her about my gf. not yet at least. not because I want to do anything with her (I would never even consider it), but because I didnt want to be like "I'm sorry, but I have a girlfriend" and then have her be like "I just wanted to say Hi, you stuck up jerk" or something like that. I think she might have gotten the message a bit when I didnt ask her to come in, or to go somewhere to get coffee or soemthing. she suggested that maybe we hang out sometime, and I said that would probably be okay, and then she asked for my number, so I gave it to her and shes going to call me sometime.

so basically, I have to tell her the way it is. shes a really nice girl and everything, and she pretty attractive, but I'm not going anywhere without my current relationship. what should I say? I dont want to hurt her or make her think it has anything to do with her, but she has to know SOON. I know it would be really assholy to lead her on.

I'm thinking I'll ask if she has a boyfriend and then she'll probably ask me back. shold I say sorry or anything like that? cause I still dont want to make it seem like I'm being presumptuous (though I AM). I was also thinking of going somewhere with her and a bunch of other people, and bringing my girl, but I think that would be a pretty painful sting if I didnt tell her that my girlfriend even existed before. so nuts to that. any ideas as to how I should handle this? I'm usually okay to give advice with this sort of thing when its happening to someone else, but I dont know what to do when its me. HELP!

thanks for reading all this.

When you hang out, casually drop your girlfriend into the conversation,

ie, 'yeah.. my girlfriend had that same problem..' or similar.

Dont mention anything about you thinking she may like you.

Perhaps she does, but if scorned, she'll do nothing but spit rage and make you feel like shit, and yeah, it does sound a little presumptious.

Also be carefull with your girlfriend, it can be very threataning and quite upsetting to see a boyfriend having friendships with other girls. Dangerously threataning.

honesty is the best policy as long as your not trying have a lil on the side. dont even beat around the bush sooner or later she will ask what you have been doing all this time and tell her from start to finish, the end of the story includes your gf so there you go. something along those lines or ask her if she has someone then shell ask you. both i think are good ideas

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:



Perhaps she does, but if scorned, she'll do nothing but spit rage and make you feel like shit,

.

oh shit....

quote:

Also be carefull with your girlfriend, it can be very threataning and quite upsetting to see a boyfriend having friendships with other girls. Dangerously threataning

dont worry about that. I'll tell her this whole thing on the phone tonight, and she knows that I'm never going to cheat on her. I got burned pretty bad by a girl several years ago, and she know si Know how it feels, so she wont be scared of that.

One phrase could sort all your problems out here man...

"I realised I am gay"

How could that not work?!

quote:Originally posted by psycho_8b:

One phrase could sort all your problems out here man...

"I realised I am gay"

How could that not work?!



for christ's sake don't say that otherwise you'll never get rid of her and she'll be joined by scores of other bints who either want to 'mother' or 'convert' you.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

[B]...she'll be joined by scores of other bints who either want to 'mother'...B]

Where's the problem in that situation?

Bring your girl with, and a few other people and have them meet. Then be like "oh damn I forgot to tell you I have a girlfriend now."

quote:Originally posted by SkiPpYP:

Where's the problem in that situation?

none -if you like wall-2-wall neurotic bints...(although the copious amounts of good sex does compensate somewhat i'll admit)

While I kinda like the idea of being mothered, I didn't take into account the absolutely possesive psychos out there. And given my luck, thats the type I'd end up with

quote:Originally posted by Lazzaro:

Bring your girl with, and a few other people and have them meet. Then be like "oh damn I forgot to tell you I have a girlfriend now."

I thought of that, but I'm pretty sure that would hurt her a lot. just when she is expecting a nice date or something, and then its like a wet slap in the face. I really dont think thats a good solution. I think I'll just mix my gf into the conversation. thanks for the help all the same.

first off, i commend you. you actually sound like you DON'T want to hurt her, and that's good. Now, on to business.

Next time you hang out, just casually bring her up. Like, you're talking about mutual friends. "Hey, you'd love my girlfriend _____, maybe next time you can meet her."

Becuase you havent seen her for two years [is that right? i forgot], shes probably not ACTIVELY liking you; as in, she might want you, but the sooner you let her down, the better. as in, she'll move on a lot faster.

good luck.

oh, and DON'T use the, "damn i forgot, this is my gf!" line. thats a huuuuge slap in the face towards the lady.