Edited out because Schraff makes a point.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-11-2004).]

Wow, I've been through this exactly before and I feel for you man.

My best advice would be move on definately. Forget about her(I know it's the hardest thing in the world) and find someone else to occupy your thoughts.

If you really don't feel like moving on...give it some time and don't even speak to her in any way for a long time. If she wants you at all then this time away will make her realize it, if not, then there's not much you can do.

I was once in a similar situation (well, it was entirely different, but had some similarities) so I can kind of relate. Me and this guy would spend months without talking to eachother. I would tell him that I just couldn't deal with all our shit. Or something else would happen that would cause us both to just say fuck it and goodbye. But we were really friends. The kind that can't just let little boyfriend/girlfriend shit get between us. And eventually we would always start talking again and it would be just like before. We had a million and a half IM fights that involved a lot more "fuck you"s than yours did. I have a strong feeling that you and this girl will regain that trust you lost. I think you guys will probably be friends again just like you always were. But I also doubt this is the last of the fights like this you'll have. If you're anything like me (and it seems like you are), you're bound to let more shit go wrong.

On a side note, this great frienship I described did fade. ...well, not fade. I just decided one day that I didn't like him and didn't want to know him anymore. And that was pretty much the end of it. But I'm a kid and you're not.

We've had much worse fights and said much nastier things; this is just in the middle of it, so to speak..only one example of many. And I know her so well, and she knows me; I really am having trouble comprehending why she won't trust me anymore or why she doesn't see me as the friend I always was...I know deep down that her and I can get past the boyfriend-girlfriend thing too, but god damn...when? How? Not that anyone can answer that; I guess I'm just wondering aloud.

And Glitter, you may be a kid and I may be an adult, but certain songs remain the same no matter what age you are. I'm sure that your situation was just as involved, based on deep bonds and just as painful as mine, and I'm sorry for that. I'm glad that you made it out, though. I hope I can, whether it's with her in my life or not.

I am also just a teen, but it makes me realise just how lucky I am. I have a very close friend who roughly six months ago, (After a little vodka) I told her that I love her. She is my current friend and yea, trust can be a major change with things like this. I would recomend deciding whether or not you think it's worth jeapordising your long term friendship for short term mistrust to a point. It may take months, maybe even years to get back in the same position that you once had with your friendship. It is definately worth keeping the friendship going in my opinion and the way someone will trust you really changes in a relationship. You've also got to wonder how much you are able to trust her by giving you then benifet of the doubt. If you don't trust her to keep this to herself without telling you, you have to wonder where you really are.

If she say's it's for your sake, I guess you're not accepting that as a valid reason not to tell you. If she is unwilling to tell you, you have a few options.

1. Accept her answere and just let her resolve it on her own.

2. Don't accept her answere like that, and tell her that she has to choose between your friendship and her mistrust that developed through the relationship.

3. Don't take her answere, but try and keep the friendship going through constent arguements, could cause serious problems or a strong longterm relationship.

Either way, battle on dude, never give up on what you decide.



Hope this made sense, I've just had a few beers.

Infra. You think you've got problems. What about me? 70 degrees last week. This week snow & temp 28>36 or maybe 46. Up & down.

Do you ever read the various relationship columns? I like Rhona Raskin but ther're many

others. Many of these people, such as she, are actually degreed folk. I believe she has

said it's very hard after a long term sexual

'ship, to be just friends.

You've both Pavloved all sorts of physical &

mental systems. Your emotional responses are to some degree permanently affected. I hear it said that one of the couple usually wants to hook up again...no matter what they say.

Didn't she say a few weeks ago she wanted you

back? You are both unique individuals, sure.

It is very hard for most to totally turn off the emotional responses of coupledom.

You do tend to *w....* about your broken heart. Yet now yer on here *w......* about how you two can't talk.

How does this sound healthy?

She *needs some space*, that is usually a code for "Hey, I got this(these) other folk I

want to fuck.

Someone who really *needs space* would hang alone or with friends. One thing I've heard time & time again is that couples who get together teenage, stay together adult have the problem of growth.

Just look at it from the physiological view.

You two got with,when your physical growth was not complete. If you two were meeting for

the first time today or in ten years, either

way you'd do it as *physically* grown adults.

I say you really need to stop acting like a drama queen.

Reading through your messages, it seems if your just wanting to entice her.

If she doesn't want to tell you she doesn't want to tell you. That was your mistake to try and force it out of her.

Anyways, I think she needs to move on and so do you. You are really way to obsessed with this girl and it's going to go bad places.

Guys obsessing over girls = bad choices = even worse reputations.

I think you need to move on, stop with all the drama in your life. And stop getting down on yourself.

I'm at work, so I'll make this brief until I have time to edit it:

Infra, posting IM logs without the other's consent is more than a little tacky. I expect more.

quote:Originally posted by Schraff:

I'm at work, so I'll make this brief until I have time to edit it:

Infra, posting IM logs without the other's consent is more than a little tacky. I expect more.

Edit: Stop indulging your weaknesses and get a hobby that makes a positive impact on the world aroudn you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know I don’t like you, and I know you don’t like me, but you’ve got a problem and I’m not as much as a prick as you think I am and I think I can help, so just…pretend like someone else said this.

Alright, this part should be obvious but I’ll say it anyway. No one likes to talk about their current relationships with their ex. It’s just awkward, and difficult, and no matter the topic you feel horrible.

And secondly, I don’t know why you’d want to hear it. Why you’d want to put yourself through that kind of torture. Even if you could just be calm and cool enough for her to get through it all, you know on the inside it’d be ripping you apart.

I know you want to help her more than anything, but this is a problem that you’re just gonna have to sit on the bench for. You gotta stop trying to beat it out of her and let go. I know that’s difficult because you probably feel like it’s still your duty to protect her but it isn’t anymore. She’s not yours anymore and you gotta let go. When she needs your help, she’ll ask for it. I’m sure she knows that you’re always there for her.

Try to understand where she’s coming from. She knows that maybe you’ll be cool on the outside, sure. But what will you do when she’s not looking? If I remember correctly, when you guys were together she was the reason you never did drugs. But after her, you not only had nothing stopping you, but you had a catalyst magnifying all the other reasons. She probably knows that, and doesn’t want you to dive down that rabbit hole any furter.

Nocuous, I never said I didn't like you; I just tend to return the favor when you act like a prick (relax; I act like a prick, too).

To no one in particular: Look, goddamnit, I was in love with her, and with her for fucking long enough to not just be able to let it all go like that in the span of a few fucking months. You fucking try it sometime. It's not easy. No, this isn't an excuse, it's a reason. Not for my absolute emotional and psychological ruin, because I know that both only exist because I let them, but I don't have all the fucking answers, I can't just rationalize everything away.

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

To no one in particular: Look, goddamnit, I was in love with her, and with her for fucking long enough to not just be able to let it all go like that in the span of a few fucking months. You fucking try it sometime. It's not easy.

I know this isn't directed at me, but I'll bite:

Stop indulging your weaknesses and get a hobby that has a positive impact on the world around you.

You're not the first person to experience heartbreak. What you're feeling is as far from unique as you can get. I say this not to insult you, but to offer comfort: it's really not that big of a deal. I've had my heart broken, sure, who hasn't? But I got over it. It took me a year, but I got over it. I stopped indulging my weaknesses and got a hobby that has a positive impact on the world around me.

You are as weak as you let yourself be, as we all are. Talking to anyone who will listen won't help- spreading your weakness around asking for vultures and parasites. Wolves only attack the weak and sick. Why are you putting yourself in such a position?

Don't do it. Stop indulging your weakness and get a hobby that has a positive impact on the world around you.

No, it wasn't directed at you.

I never said my experience was unique, more painful than anyone else's, or that I'm channeling the resulting emotions properly.