Alright, sooo, About 2 months ago, just before our six month, my girlfriend, whom I love dearly, told a guy she had feelings for him, and then hid it from me for a few days. It took a long time to get over that. I was finally getting a grasp of her again, and then today, she told me she did the same thing last night, and that she thinks about him probably everyday, and that she thinks he is hot. Yet she tells me how much she loves me, I am stuck right now, I feel like I wont be able to get close to her again for a long time. Any suggestions? If anyone says DUMP THE BITCH, your stupid, I would really like good suggestions.

Damn all I can think about is, she is probably thinking about him right now.

The problem is that if you act like everything is okay, you make it easy for her to sit on the fence. She has to shit or get off the pot. Give her space, act aloof, and make her choose you or take a flying leap. Your other options are dump her or turn into a little bitch boy waiting for the ax to fall.

What do you mean by that? It makes some sense, but can you please clarify?

quote:Originally posted by ArtistLost:

What do you mean by that? It makes some sense, but can you please clarify?

He's saying that by you being complacent you're letting her walk all over you and is prone to keep you on the back burner until she decides to dump you. And he's right.

the smart thing to do would be to dump the bitch.

she knows not what she does.

forget her.

Anything I can do without Dumping her, I really dont want to, I have more feelings for her than anyone ever. And I gave her the choice, I gave her it about 30 times, but all I can think about is her just running to him, and finally realizing how much of a mistake she made, cause the kid is a fuck up, honestly, she will get like a month or 2 out of him, and then either start drugs like he does, or feel miserable. I just want her to realize it all.... I dont know, more help please.

She is acting up. She should not be hitting on other guys when she is with you. Deep down she knows that is not right, however, if there are no consequences for her actions she will continue. The hard thing for her right now is making a decision. If you do what so many guys do and be extra nice to her, you make is easy for her to continue doing what she is doing. She will put off her decision, and she will consider the chance of losing you to be small. In fact, if you are way too nice, you will devalue yourself and decrease the perceived impact of losing you. If you make it seem like she is disappointing you and she must make an effort to keep you, you force a decision. It may not go in your favor, but your chances may be better because if you "take away her candy" she will probably want it more. This does not mean you go off and sulk like a little kid. You just are not going to get drawn into her game, and you are not going to invest in her till she is ready to do the same.

If you do talk about it, don't act jealous. A curt comment that subtly makes fun of her for acting like a spoiled brat would be much more effective.

[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 05-04-2004).]

Hmm, so in other words, dont give her what she wants and expects, make her work for it?

Uh... hello? She just gave you her permission for you to fuck other people and her. Don't be a dunce! Use this opportunity!

"When she sees I'll do anything she says, she's bound to respect me then!" --Milhouse Van Houten

Sorry, if you're not a Simpson's fan, you won't get the reference. Milhouse is a putz. Your post reminded me of Milhouse.

She's already made up her mind, and it ain't you. She just likes having someone around until she knows for sure she has the object of her desires. At best you'll be her consolation prize.

If you want to work it and be "in the game" then take the advice already offered by others. It works for some people. Ask yourself, though, if you're really prepared to keep up such a game. Some people thrive on it and it works for them. You might be one of those people; you never know.

quote:Originally posted by ArtistLost:

Hmm, so in other words, dont give her what she wants and expects, make her work for it?

If you were giving her what she wants, you would not be in this boat. Don't ever confuse being super nice and pacifying perceived immediate desires with giving a girl what she wants.

As far as "making her work for it" goes, the relationship must be reciprocal. If her commitment is at a level 2, and yours is an 8, then it won't work. You have to match her or even go just below her level for a bit to have a shot. Think of it this way...if there was this girl that you knew would have sex with you whenever, however, no matter what; don't you think at some point you might not be as motivated to please her? The two of you have to grow the relationship together. You cannot get serious by yourself.

Getting back "what she wants". It is better to focus on creating more desire than trying to satisfy it.

Cindy is right that all games are not for everyone. I think it is important to have a working knowledge of them so you recognize them and have them at your disposal if you do need them at some point, but some people are better off just waiting for Ms Right.





[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 05-04-2004).]

Thank you all very much. It helps, it really does.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

...She's already made up her mind, and it ain't you. She just likes having someone around until she knows for sure she has the object of her desires. At best you'll be her consolation prize...

Truely. If she really loved you don't you think that she would control her destructive feelings (and by destructive I mean destructive to your relationship). She is just being a selfish and immature little girls. Dump her and grow up.

Don't play games. More importantly, don't pussyfoot around and hope everything gets better on it's own, because it won't. I'll make this easy to understand.

Right now, you're the only one who's going to make any difference in the relationship, and the best thing you can do is to tell her to make her decision now, or it's over.

If you're not into sharing, I'd get rid of her, it looks as though you will always be taking second priority to this new chap.

quote:Originally posted by ArtistLost:

Alright, sooo, About 2 months ago, just before our six month, my girlfriend, whom I love dearly, told a guy she had feelings for him, and then hid it from me for a few days. It took a long time to get over that. I was finally getting a grasp of her again, and then today, she told me she did the same thing last night, and that she thinks about him probably everyday, and that she thinks he is hot. Yet she tells me how much she loves me, I am stuck right now, I feel like I wont be able to get close to her again for a long time. Any suggestions? If anyone says DUMP THE BITCH, your stupid, I would really like good suggestions.

Damn all I can think about is, she is probably thinking about him right now.

I went through the same exact thing, tell her your pissed off and even if you get into a fight she will like you more in the end, and if she breaks up with you, fuck her, you can probably get a better girl than that anyway. I hope I gave some help and best of luck

"DUMP THE BITCH" Is a pretty good suggestion.

quote:Originally posted by ArtistLost:

What do you mean by that? It makes some sense, but can you please clarify?

It means you're whipped Nigger!

Thank you everyone for your help, I used it to some extent and though I will know what to do if it happens again, this time, I think we figured things out.

Pussy whipped! You're going to be dumped in a month *and Thats pushing it* Or maybe she will keep you around to use, while she fucks the other guy and you get nothing, but still do everything she wants!

quote:Originally posted by ArtistLost:

Anything I can do without Dumping her, I really dont want to, I have more feelings for her than anyone ever.

For this very reason you should split with her. Or if you feel particularly in love, you must AT LEAST give her an ultimatum. The more you feel for her now, the more painful it will be when SHE rejects YOU for this other guy. By pacifyingly sitting by, she will inevitably go for him. She is being extremely unfair in letting you know the true extent of her feelings, and if she acts on them when you're still "in the picture," you will be hurt much more than if you were not.

quote:Originally posted by ArtistLost:

Thank you everyone for your help, I used it to some extent and though I will know what to do if it happens again, this time, I think we figured things out.

Just as long as you understand that because you chose to stay with her, there WILL be a next time. *shrugs* Its your life though.

Tell her you think about a girl everyday and that she is hot, and all that good stuff. See what she does then. Then if she gets pissed about it, just say "but its okay for you to do this? what the fuck is your problem" something to that affect.