Imagine you're a normal guy with a girl you've completely fallen for. Now imagine that girl has been a complete bitch for the last few months for no apparent reason, leaving you with the feeling that something is missing. All affection, any closeness once had, so on and so forth. The relationship is there, but now it's really just a glorified friendship.

Now, let's say you got completely plastered on your birthday. A half of a bottle of Southern Comfort and countless beers later, you're crying (for no real reason other than the burden of things) on the shoulder of a close female friend who happens to have a boyfriend. She's shitfaced drunk as well.

Now everything else is a blur. By the time you regain your awareness, you realize you've been fucking that girl for hours. You drag yourself to sobriety with a throbbing headache and try to forget what you've done; try to remain ignorant to the fact that you're a hypocrite. You come to terms with the girl you had sex with, agreeing that it was just a big drunken mistake.

Now for the question. Is this forgiveable? Excusable, even? On one hand, you were blind drunk and looking to somebody else to fill a void missing in your relationship. You were in a state of complete vulnerability. On the other hand, you know you should have been more responsible and your girlfriend would be destroyed if she found out, regardless of the reasons behind the event.

Either way, there isn't much of a chance of your girlfriend or your friend's boyfriend finding out. The problem is your sense of guilt. You've only spoken to your girlfriend on the phone since then, and you could barely hold on a conversation as usual. Not to say that your conversations really are entertaining anymore, but that's beside the point.

Your conscience is picking away at you inside. Even worse, how can you face her? How could you look her in the eye and pretend you've been perfect to her? After her and her entire family have accepted you?

I'm ranting. Now, discuss.

Well, from what I've heard Two Shoes Schlessinger, Rhona Raskin etc. say, don't tell, if it's just a one off. A one time bad move that won't be repeated is best forgot.

You sure don't make yer couple-thing sound good though. Hey! I know, you could do the thing where you have a kid to keep the peelationship together. It never works & fugs

up the kid but hell, it would be interesting at least.

I *heard* that sometimes when someone in the couple is cold/won't talk, it's because they already have someone new but don't want to break up. Then again a lot of folks who accuse their sig-other of cheating are wrong.

Fucked isn't it? People do live in their own

weird fantasies, that are only tangentally related to real Reality.

Moonmeister, you're a smart one

Heres an idea break up with ur girl.But if you dont want to do thank think about this.What if what happend to you happend to your girl instead.How would you react now after thinking about that,break up with her

On a practical basis, if you were too drunk to remember what you were doing, you were in that curious mental state called automatonism where your higher brain functions (along with your ego and superego)take a hike and you were essentially acting on instinct and little else. The alcohol, if it was strong enough to interfere with the short-term memory recording your brain performs, was effectively as strong as a sharp blow to the base of your skull.

You likely had no conscious control over what you were doing. Ergo, you didn't possess the ability to form the intention of cheating on your girlfriend. The only thing you're guilty of is getting drunk off your ass.

The moral implications aren't for me to decide, however.

Sound advice here so far, not much more to add. I would just emphasize that if you wish to stay in the relationship for now, for heaven's sake don't mention the infidelity. I know some believe "total honesty" is optimum, but really, more often than not, it's an added burden to an already strained relationship.

I agree with Cindy for the most part. I definitely don't believe in the holy concept of "total honesty no matter what". But that's not my only reason I think you owe NO explanation to your so called GF. The main reason is that she was NOT really your GF when you did this. Whether someone is your GF or not isn't based on some kind of written title of ownership, like a "pink slip" or "bill of sale". It's based on the quality of the relationship. AND THERE WAS NO QUALITY IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SO CALLED GF WHEN YOU (SO CALLED) "CHEATED" ON HER!!!

So stop trying to wriggle around trying to rationalize some reason for doing what you did. (It's not convincing anyway that you didn't know what you were doing because of your drunken stupor -- The VERY sensitive penis definitely lets the guy know when it enters girl territory!! (hee hee)!!) AND stop beating yourself up, cause you didn't "cheat" on any "GF"!!

If you owe anyone an explanation and apology, it is the unloved second girl you had sex with.

If the girl you had sex with is OK with what happened, then,instead of beating yourself up, and feeling guilty, you should celebrate her, and maybe consider her as a replacement for the so called "GF" who pulled away from you emotionally, and left you disatified and vulnerable.

Just my opinion, of course.

Love, Venus.

^^^ Venus...yer like a Godess to to us.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

^^^ Venus...yer like a Godess to to us.

...Like the Goddess of the Ugly Fish (AKA Deadlycindy)?

I think that it is comendable that you have a conscience, but it seems like you are beating yourself up a bit too much over this. You and your gf and (and were) practically broken up excluding the formalities, which you should have taken care of beforehand.

I do not think that you need to tell your "gf" that you slept with another girl, but if you do not tell her, I think that you should break up with her.

Just my opinion.

There is no acidential cheating...