Ok, I think I have a psychological problem in which maybe someone can help me with. I like this girl, and I know she likes me. I am 19, she is 18. I get irritated when another guy does something to her. Here are some examples (keep in mind that this is for a specific girl that I like and for a specific guy "friend" that I have who causes me grief:

If the girl and a few friends and I are all hanging out together and when my friend makes her laugh, I feel like he is taking her away from me for some reason, and I imagine beating him or causing great pain to him in some way.

If my friend flirts with her (ie keeps calling her names resulting in her always playfully hitting/grabbing him or any not so obvious flirting methods) and she reacts by pinching him or anything of the like, again I imagine me causing harm to that guy.

There are so many different ways this guy flirts with her. This may not seem like flirting, but out of no where he will say something like, "shut the fuck up" to her. She will laugh, and he knows that she will playfully slap him. So he knows for a fact he will be getting a physical response out of her for calling her a name, so he does it all the time.

The worst thing is that I think he knows that this bothers me, but I do not put out any signs what so ever when he causes me grief so this crap happens all the time. What should I do? Am I too insecure?

Edit: Too confusing



[This message has been edited by almightyares (edited 04-25-2004).]

Your friend doesn't have much respect for your friendship or he's too stupid to realize this would be upsetting. Your GF is allowing him to continue and build on 'their' relationship by flirting back, whether or not she intends to.

Try talking to your GF first. If you have an exclusive relationship then suggest she tone down a little with the flirting. Another thought, bring another girl into the equation. One that you can flirt with and see how she reacts.

If all else fails, take a baseball bat to your friends' kneecaps.

"I like this girl and I know she likes me."

Then flirting with her from another person is all good and well, unless you're in a relationship with her, don't expect exclusive rights. If you both like eachother, then make a move before the flirting goes anywhere. I do think that it's a little unreasonable to feel that way, maybe even a little insecure.

May I ask how you know she likes you if you're not in a relationship with her? If there is a solid reason, may I also ask why you aren't making moves?

Unless of course you did mean that you're in a relationship with her, in which case bring up the topic with her and tell her how you feel.

Quit being a possesive little pussy.

Well, I know for a fact she likes me because she calls me all the time, she wants to hang out with me more and more, she told me to my face that she likes me, and I just might as well add that three of her friends told me she likes me, that I talk to.

I dont know what to call what we are in right now...I kissed her a few nights ago, and she told me that she "enjoyed kissing me". I absolutely hate asking "will you go out with me", its sooo 5th grade and sounds way too immature to me, so I dont know if I should just assume we are dating, or what?

I make the moves when we are alone or with other people, but when we are with that one friend of mine, automatically I think that she doesnt like me anymore, so I wont go hold hands or put my arm around her or show any affection. The sad thing is that the one friend that pisses me off and I almost hang out everyday, and we have fun. Horrible.

Edit: Pea...I am not possessive at all, atleast I dont think I am. I never have a problem with her going out somewhere with her friends, even to a party. Well, if its to a party I usually go anyway. If I become any less possessive than how I am now, I do believe that she will not like me anymore because I wouldnt show any affection then, nizzukka.

[This message has been edited by almightyares (edited 04-25-2004).]

I would recomend taking her out sometime, ask her out without asking her "Do you want to go out with me?" and then whilst you're out, ask if she wants to take your relationship further. If she says yes, all good and well. If she says no, just stick with the relationship.

Until you take your relationship beyond unspoken levels, you are being possesive.

Thanks for the help.

I have an idea, if you both like eachother and the feelings are mutual.



GROW SOME BALLS AND ASK HER OUT.

No, you dont understand. I hate asking people out by saying, "will you go out with me". What else can I say?

quote:Originally posted by almightyares:

No, you dont understand. I hate asking people out by saying, "will you go out with me". What else can I say?

If you say this, she'll have no choice but to say yes. say "babygirl, will you be my shawty?" Do it! Do it! It won't fail... She'll giggle and kiss you.

i think the first thing you should do is kick the living shit out of your 'friend.' that way he wont cramp your style, cause he wont be around. also, if this chick starts seeking him out,youve lost the battle. move on.

actually, if he does win out, kick his ass again.

the difference between me and you is, i would thing she was playing games. but nonetheless, stomp this fuckers ass and see what she does.

quote:Originally posted by almightyares:

No, you dont understand. I hate asking people out by saying, "will you go out with me". What else can I say?

If you think it is corny and cliched, be honest with her. "I know this sounds a bit corny, but you fancy maybe taking this relationship a little more seriously/going out with me?" etc...

You gotta get that question out mate, before your friend wrecks your chances - if she truly likes you she'll be overjoyed you asked, not laughing at how you did it.

dont beat up your friend over a girl its not worth it and the girl probaly wont like it that u beat him up.just talk to him and tell him how u feel.

Hi, Almightyares: You seem like one of the few super-lucky guys here on Totse. Why? BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE HERE SEEMS TO BE EITHER LOOKING FOR A GF, OR JUST LOST ONE. You HAVE ONE ALREADY.......but I think you are at risk of losing her unless you start connecting with her better.

I think your guy friend senses that you and the girl are not firmly connected, so he is doing what comes natural for guys to do......trying to show some interest in her in case she decides to make a move.

Sooooooooo......it might be a good time for you to start initiating things with her....like going out, taking her places you know she would like, spending exclusive time with her, showing her lots of interest, caring, giving her lots of your time, and basically making fun with and for her.

When the connection is more clear to your guy friend, he will either stop doing what he is doing, or you can tell him to. NO NEED to beat him up or anything like that. That never makes things better.

Love, Venus.

bro

your 'friend' is a dick. what hes doing is a classic cockblock. drop the fucker. either beat his ass or stop hanging wit him.

if you stop hanging with him, and she goes after him, i guess the questions answered without violence. but, you should still then kick his ass.

instant violence is sometimes the answer. tis way, if he has fucked you over, you let him know what he did.

i would suggest, as much as i hate to do it, that you try with pinay said, after dropping this fucking ballsack leach.

Well, I would love to take her places, but she doesnt really get to go anywhere at all except for a few of her friends' houses. I have tried so hard to find out what she likes to do, and she just responds with, "whatever you want to do...as long as Im with you". I dont know where to take her, and she wont eat around me so what the hell? Thanks for the reply pinay.

Edit: Nihilism...I really really want to beat him bad, even more now, but I feel like if I need to beat the fuck out of him she will think that I am a coward or something because of that. So he is doing the cockblock...what does that consist of? I never knew there was a term for it. Thank also for the reply.

[This message has been edited by almightyares (edited 04-29-2004).]

holy shit dood if shes saying that shit, your in.

try taking her to a movie, even with a friend if she needs it. there you can try some stuff on her, like holding her hand, maybe rubbing a small bit on her arm. see how she reacts.

dont swamp her, but keep things moving. momentum is a major ting girls love.

My god man, 19 and you just kissed her for the first time? Make a fucking real move.

Pussy.

And if you think of kicking the shit out of your flirting friend, you'll probably just flat out kill him when she's your girlfriend.

~es

relax man, thats the paranoia/possesive scarey shit that drives them away. Dudce just go out and do something you enjoy, as long as it isn't watching porn or breaking stuff, she'll have fun hanging out with you, since if you are dating it'll be fun, as for eating in front of you it'sall about making her feel comfortable in general get that, and everything will be fine. The flirting of your friend on her, if it makes you so jealous and your datign ehrtell your friend it makes you feel uncomfortable

dont work on the eating thing. that will backfire in a few years.

The only problem I have with making a "real move" is that I fear that she wont want me to do it. Thats it.

quote:Originally posted by almightyares:

The only problem I have with making a "real move" is that I fear that she wont want me to do it. Thats it.



better get over that. take a chance bro. you never know she might like it.

OMG.....Nihiilism tells the original poster, "I would suggest.......that you try what pinay said", "Try taking her to a movie....holding her hand...(but)don't swamp her", "take a chance bro", etc., etc..

NIHILISM, PLEASE TELL ME...HOW HAVE YOU BEEN BEEN SO QUICKLY "REHABED"??!! I'm so proud of you for having gotten help!!! (hee hee)!! Just when I believed you to be an unbelievably hateful, disgusting, primitive and uncivilized boar, I now find you here on this thread to be a changed man ---- a nearly nice, suddenly sweet, generously gentle, seemingly sensitive, a basically kinda kind man!!! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU, SWEET NIHILIASM?

Please tell MrMAN where you got rehabbed, 'cause he needs it too!! Love, Venus.

the guy knows what he wants. which is different than what i want. no rehabbing. no change.

Pretty Penny slut keep your congrats up your tight ass because no one wants to read it.

As for the person saying his friend flirts this is all you got to do, say stop cock blocking me and being a little bitch.

Some of my friends tried to cock block me before and that's all they said and agreed and stopped.

Then all you have to do is keep her to yourself. You can't get mad at him because it's not your girl yet. So make her your girl so he does have to stop.

It also depends on how close of a friend he is with her.

Hi again NiHiIsm:

Be sure also to tell CarbonB about your therapist, 'cause he needs to see her too!! (hee hee)!! Love, Venus

PS: By any chance, are you, MrMan and CarbonB all from the same hood?

this ignorant conspiracy theory that im mrman is retarded. it all boils down to the fact that we have similar opinions. this is Cindys whole platform. personally, i could give a shit less. its obvious by the big throbbing hardon she has for me that if she could prove what she claims id be gone.

Yes, there is something wrong with you. You're a teenager, and, much like me, you have raging hormones. I have the same problems, where you want to kill your friend for talking to some girl you like?

quote:Originally posted by pretty pinay:

PS: By any chance, are you, MrMan and CarbonB all from the same hood?

Hi Venus,

By hood, do you mean the same skull (tee hee hee)!! Love, Gustave.

*Twitches as he electrocutes himself form attempting to pull of a pretty pinay post. *x

Hi, Gustave:

I'm truly sorry you got executed ....but before you totally sizzle out, could you PLEEEEEEEEEEEZ do something really helpful, and hand the wire to NiHiLism? Thanks and Love, Venus.

Well, an update on my current situtation: I still get pissed when he says anything to her that will make her laugh/touch him, but it is "calming" down now. I had told her to stop being so flirtatious around other guys, and she said that she didnt realize she was doing it (a lie) but she will stop. In that matter, she pretty much did.

Now, the stupid fucker tells me every damn day when I talk to him, "well I was talking to her today and..." he will go on and on about what they talked about. He knows I like her, because we always are on each other whenever he sees us together. One question...what would make her show less affection to me when he is around? When he isnt there, she will be all over me but when he is there the contact will be much less for some reason.

I dont think I can tell him to stop cockblocking because I feel that if I do, that will make him "win" in getting me angry. He hasnt seen me upset about all of this, so I think he keeps on my ass about her and how much "they talk" to make me more upset until I blow. I believe that is what he wants.

trust me you are putting out signs. You can tell everything about what a person is thinking of by looking at their eyes.