I'll start by saying Im not very experienced when it comes to relationships otherwise I probably wouldn't be on here looking for advice. I suppose my first question is how long into a relationship should one wait before trying to heat things up sexually and not create akwardness in failure?I realize it's very subjective, but is there any type of sign that it's safe to move in?

Next question is about making the run from second base to third and possibly further. My girlfriend is extremely shy, I almost always have to be the first one to move, but after that she's fine. I want to either bring up the topic of sex in conversation, or indirectly let her know that I would like to engage in it. And oh yeah to the girls, I hate to sound like such a horndog...but hey Im male, and sex does matter. thanks for any help.

bring it up in conversation, LIGHTLY. Nothing heavy, no personal questions; just light. If she seems interested/non-prudish, get a little more lurid. Eventually, she'll just figure out that you want her. That's when you confess such to her, and hopefully get it on.

But you may want to stop where you are now. I did the same thing with my friend once, and I lost that friendship because of it, and it hurt me terribly. Learn from the mistakes of others so you don't have to face any pain.

In my current relationship. I have decided it's simpler to know where I want to be and make it very clear to my girlfriend. I haven't gone off telling her that I want sex or it's over or anything like that. I've just let her know that I find her sexy and would like to go as far as she enjoys. I found it makes things a lot simpler by telling her that if she wants me to stop, just tell me. After saying that as long as your sure she's not too shy to say stop, you've got a greenlight to take things further slowly. I also try to make sure she knows what I'm moving towards doing before I go so far as to cause problems, if there is any puliing back or awkwardness, I leavee it be and wait.

There is some good advice here already, but I would like to add that if you do choose to bring it up directly, you need to pick the right time. Chances are there are times she would react positively and times she would reject the idea. The problem is that once she formally rejects the idea, it is not simple to reverse that. Make sure she is happy, in the mood, and wanting more when you bring it up. Also, I would be a bit vague and add some extra value to it when you do bring it up. Instead of saying, “I want to have sex”, say, “I think we are ready to take things to the next level”, or something like that. See how she reacts to that, and then you can determine what you meant by it.

Baby steps. You have to get her comfortable with her sexuality at least little bit before you dive into sex. Work your way up to oral sex and stay there for a while. Get her comfortable with being pleasured (and pleasuring you hopefully).

Thanks for the replies. Staying on topic, I have another question for anyone who cares to answer: How long had you been dating your boyfriend or girlfriend before the two of you first practiced intercourse?

2 months, both virgins, both 22, i just told her i wanted to make love to her... but we did love each other after 1.5 months, which in our case was quite fast...

And neither of us had much xp with a relationship, we build things up as we go. We are just honest and completely open to each other, and that works for us

--SEmper

Talk to her friends and the people that know her best about it if you can. They can give advice on how to approch her about it and also give her hints about what you want so she'll know how you feel.

Can't speak for all women, but a guy letting me know he finds me sexy and wants to have sex with me has little bearing on whether I ever want to have sex with him. Duh, most guys want sex, so what makes you so special?

That's a sincere question. What does make you special? Any woman worth having is "turned on" by things other than those that are blatantly sex related. Sure, making me aware that you're interested is a starting point. But to seal the deal a guy has to be interesting himself. What this means is going to vary widely among women.

Example: I'm "aroused" by guys who know complicated math, have better taste in music than me, and can create green fire, among other things. If enough elements fall into place, chances are I'll initiate the sex soon enough.

Mmm.. green fire.. copper sulfate, no?

So Cindy, you're basically saying that you need to be emotionally attracted to a guy in order for any physical attraction to take place? Or just for sex?

That's pretty much where most guys differ, I'd say. But you're like two times my age so you've probably noticed already.

Pyroteknix (well your name kind of works into the whole green fire thing, now doesn't it ), I think it would be best if you discussed it with her. It depends largely on your age, though. How old are both of you? If she's really shy about such things, it would probably make her uncomfortable to talk about it just any time, so try to find some time when you two are together for a while, preferrably alone, and lead up into talking about sex somehow. You could start off by telling her something one of your friends said about something or another; just anything that would get her thinking. Make sure she's comfortable with it, that's the most important part.

Im seventeen, she is nineteen. Im really the first guy that has had any signifigant dating experience with. What would be the best way to bring such a thing up in convo without creating one of those "moments"?

quote:Originally posted by jojabr:

Mmm.. green fire.. copper sulfate, no?

In this case it was boric acid.

quote:So Cindy, you're basically saying that you need to be emotionally attracted to a guy in order for any physical attraction to take place? Or just for sex?

In a relationship, I think so. Unless the relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. In that case, a girl will still let a guy know (sooner, probably, and more blatantly) that she wants sex.

quote:

That's pretty much where most guys differ, I'd say.But you're like two times my age so you've probably noticed already.

Of course. It's natural, normal, and good. And "two times your age"...ha, I wish!

quote:Originally posted by Pyroteknix:

What would be the best way to bring such a thing up in convo without creating one of those "moments"?

Two issues:

First, she is older than you. Do you think she's concerned with the law and is restraining herself? If the law doesn't apply in your state, never mind.

Second, I'm still not sure that "talk" is the way to go. I don't think I've ever had a such a conversation with a guy. They usually let me knwo by the way they touch me, and they generally try to touch more and more until I say say "stop". Don't guys do this anymore?

If you have tried to make moves and she resists, then you have your answer. I'm not sure what talking would accomplish. If she's the sort to "put out" because you hint that you'll bail if sex isn't in the picture, then she has self-esteem issues.

quote:Originally posted by Pyroteknix:

Thanks for the replies. Staying on topic, I have another question for anyone who cares to answer: How long had you been dating your boyfriend or girlfriend before the two of you first practiced intercourse?

My last girlfriend and I dated for maybe 18 months and we had sex about 14 months in, oral and the such before that.

My current girlfriend and I had sex after 3 weeks of dating.

I guess my question to you would be have you done anything sexual with your girlfriend. I think that most people start with fingering, handjobs, oral sex and the such before they move onto intercourse. If you want to keep the girl and still get some action I would advise starting out slowly, and do her first, manners, manners.

If you're not comfortable enough with her to bring up the topic of sex, then you're not prepared. A relationship should be at a certain emotional level before sex is introduced. There should be enough intimacy between you to be able to discuss things like this... if she's still shy then you two aren't close enough yet. Work on the intimacy first.

quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

If you're not comfortable enough with her to bring up the topic of sex, then you're not prepared...

Precisely.

WHAT IS THE BIG GODDAMN FUCKING RUSH!!! YOU DON'T NEED TO HAVE SEX RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!! MASTURBATION IS NOT THAT BAD!!! YOU WILL LIVE WITHOUT GETTING LAID!!!