I have this problem and it goes like this:

So I'll be messing around with a guy and want to do him so bad (we all know how this is), but I don't really get aroused. No matter how bad I want the guy, sometimes (not always but a lot) I'll just be like "Hmm...so this really isn't doing anything for me" I just can't get it up (in female terms).

What does get me worked up however is erotic lesbian stories. Haha. It's true, what can I say? Maybe I'm a leasbian. A lot of my close friends have said they think I might be. But I'm not, I'm attracted to both sexes, I can't halp it. That's not really the issue though.

So I don't really know what the point of this is. Maybe one of you can figure that out and help me.

You're a gay man trapped in a lesbian's body.

quote:Originally posted by pathogen:

You're a gay man trapped in a lesbian's body.

Ahh shit, just what I expected!

But seriously, I sometimes forget that the internet doesn't convey sarcams very well. It truly doesn't seem normal that I'm almost unable to be turned on especially when I want to be.

quote:Originally posted by McSeconds?:

I have this problem and it goes like this:

So I'll be messing around with a guy and want to do him so bad (we all know how this is), but I don't really get aroused. No matter how bad I want the guy, sometimes (not always but a lot) I'll just be like "Hmm...so this really isn't doing anything for me" I just can't get it up (in female terms).

What does get me worked up however is erotic lesbian stories. Haha. It's true, what can I say? Maybe I'm a leasbian. A lot of my close friends have said they think I might be. But I'm not, I'm attracted to both sexes, I can't halp it. That's not really the issue though.

So I don't really know what the point of this is. Maybe one of you can figure that out and help me.

Possibly a same-sex leaning Bi?

Just go with the flow. Persue what does turn you on, not what yout think should turn you on.

Explore!

(Don't let the bigots and fuckwits get you down.)

It's entirely possible you're short-circuiting yourself. Sometimes, wanting to be turned on makes it difficult or impossible to achieve that state.

You say this happens in circumstances where you want the guy. Why do you want him? Is it because you know he's attractive, or does something about him get your motor overheated (until you run into this problem, of course)? Without knowing more, it's impossible to discount the possibility that you may not be attracted to guys naturally.

quote:Originally posted by crazedmonkey373:

Possibly a same-sex leaning Bi?

Perhaps, but that's not really my concern.

quote:Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:

Why do you want him? Is it because you know he's attractive, or does something about him get your motor overheated (until you run into this problem, of course)?

If I'm going to have sex with a guy, it's not going to be just because I think he's "attractive". There actually has to be a reason why I'm attracted to him. I don't have to feel some strong bond or anything, but there has to be something significant that makes me want a guy before I'll do him. There are legit arousal circumstances, it just doesn't happen.

have threesomes with both sexes?

quote:Originally posted by McSeconds?:

If I'm going to have sex with a guy, it's not going to be just because I think he's "attractive". There actually has to be a reason why I'm attracted to him. I don't have to feel some strong bond or anything, but there has to be something significant that makes me want a guy before I'll do him. There are legit arousal circumstances, it just doesn't happen.

If you were a guy, the easy diagnosis everyone would suggest is performance anxiety. I see no reason why that can't be the case for you as well.

How to fix it, though? That's a difficult question to answer. Have you ever been with a guy where this wasn't a problem? If so, tell us everything you can about what it was like with him.

If not... I'm disinclined towards saying you may actually be a lesbian and should therefore try getting it on with a girl, because there are a lot of totally straight women who are turned on my erotic pictures of females or lesbian stories. It's possible, but first figure out how often you see a girl that's gorgeous enough to wet your panties. You've said nothing to suggest that actually happens.

As a side note, if you find the idea of multiple partners at least pleasant, a threesome may actually not be a bad idea. Finding suitable partners would be the biggest difficulty- it's very hard to try and get people who are game on the spur of the moment, but setting it up without making the whole thing feel clinical and planned can be equally challenging.

Still, if you can do it (with one guy and one girl), there are a hell of a lot more possibilities. Not only can you choose guy or girl, switch between them, or act as an extra set of hands while they take the stage, you can also explore a possible desire for voyeurism.

Consider: Stories arouse you. The idea of sex with certain guys arouses you. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to assume you have an image of what's happening or what will happen in your head. But when it's time for you to get involved, you shut down. There could be any number of reasons why you'd be wired that way, but oftentimes people (especially women) who find themselves with your problem achieve a greater sense of pleasure with their hands and eyes (and possibly a vibrator) than they do with the up-close-and-personal contact.

quote:Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:

If you were a guy, the easy diagnosis everyone would suggest is performance anxiety. I see no reason why that can't be the case for you as well.

How to fix it, though? That's a difficult question to answer. Have you ever been with a guy where this wasn't a problem? If so, tell us everything you can about what it was like with him.

If not... I'm disinclined towards saying you may actually be a lesbian and should therefore try getting it on with a girl, because there are a lot of totally straight women who are turned on my erotic pictures of females or lesbian stories. It's possible, but first figure out how often you see a girl that's gorgeous enough to wet your panties. You've said nothing to suggest that actually happens.

As a side note, if you find the idea of multiple partners at least pleasant, a threesome may actually not be a bad idea. Finding suitable partners would be the biggest difficulty- it's very hard to try and get people who are game on the spur of the moment, but setting it up without making the whole thing feel clinical and planned can be equally challenging.

Still, if you can do it (with one guy and one girl), there are a hell of a lot more possibilities. Not only can you choose guy or girl, switch between them, or act as an extra set of hands while they take the stage, you can also explore a possible desire for voyeurism.

Consider: Stories arouse you. The idea of sex with certain guys arouses you. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to assume you have an image of what's happening or what will happen in your head. But when it's time for you to get involved, you shut down. There could be any number of reasons why you'd be wired that way, but oftentimes people (especially women) who find themselves with your problem achieve a greater sense of pleasure with their hands and eyes (and possibly a vibrator) than they do with the up-close-and-personal contact.

Wow, that was extreamly helpful, thanks.

Threesomes...hmm, well I have been a part of a few orgies (I have kind of an odd group of friends) and I think that they're fun and I get more into things I guess. I also find it easier to get going when I'm with a chick. I can think about it and the idea totally turns me on, but when actually in the act it's different. I think it may be because a lot of the guys I'm with I don't know very well and although I'm at least semi-friends with most of them, when it comes down to have sex with them, it's kind of weird. Which also explains why it's easier for me to be turned on with another chick, or with a group, becasue I'm more comfortable. Also, with a guy it's like ok, this is foreplay- the part where I get turned on and then I will be turned on and we'll fuck. But with a chick or a group it's more like just fun without thinking about getting worked up, it just happens.

Yahoo, I think I just semi-solved a problem.