Ever since I can remember I've fancied girls. I never really fancied any guys. This used to bother me and I'd lie to my friends and say I fancied some guy just to fit in. I'm not physically attracted to guys and never have been. I have a boyfriend, he's my best friend too, and he's the first guy I told about my feelings towards other females. He was a little surprised but he was cool about it.

I've known him for four years now and I love him, can't stand the thought of him with anyone else. The problem is I don't know in what way I like him, as a friend or a boyfriend. I'm so lost at the moment and it's wrecking my head. I've been trying to figure this out for the past year but it's still the same problem. Has anyone else been through this sort of a thing? I'm so lost in all of this... How old are you when you finally figure out and understand your sexuality and sexual orientation?

You only figure yourself out to a point; certain things will always remain mysterious.

And I'm thinking he's going to become your best friend (possibly with privileges), and you're going to become a lesbian.

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 04-11-2004).]

The only reason you're confused is because you're trying to slap a label on yourself. Humans aren't as easily labeled as politicians would have you believe...

My personal experience has brought me to believe that the younger we are, the more confused about identity we are. Plenty of women I've met(myself included) were initially attracted to women because boys were too threatening. I didn't start having sex with men until my twenties. In Victorian Boston, there was a custom where women were "allowed," socially, to have romantic relationships with women before marriage. It was considered less disgraceful and messy than out-of-wedlock relations with men.

Another thing I've found (and I'm not saying this is what's going on with you, but it might be), is that, as a Scorpio, my automatic response to someone I enjoy the company of is to be sexually attracted to them, regardless of gender. This came close to ruining a few friendships before I realized what was going on. Being friends with someone is often a more satisfying, intimate experience than being in a relationship with them. *shrug* that's what I've found, anyway.

quote:Originally posted by Purple Phreaxxx: Ever since I can remember I've fancied girls. I never really fancied any guys. This used to bother me and I'd lie to my friends and say I fancied some guy just to fit in. I'm not physically attracted to guys and never have been. I have a boyfriend, he's my best friend too, and he's the first guy I told about my feelings towards other females. He was a little surprised but he was cool about it.

I've known him for four years now and I love him, can't stand the thought of him with anyone else.

I think you said it right there

The problem is I don't know in what way I like him, as a friend or a boyfriend. I'm so lost at the moment and it's wrecking my head. I've been trying to figure this out for the past year but it's still the same problem.



Has anyone else been through this sort of a thing?

everyone has



I'm so lost in all of this...



How old are you when you finally figure out and understand your sexuality and sexual orientation?

Personaly I believe that everony is bi, just some are more bi than others< I dont think anyone will ever figure that out

^^ true dat. i for one have caught myself checking out chicks but i'm also attracted to guys. to which level of each, i don't know really, but who does? just enjoy life and do what feels right. personally, i think the female body is a little more appealing to look at but yeah ... straight w/ bi tendencies i think is what most people are, but no point in labeling it.

Astrology bad!

Forget figuring yourself out. You will. When it comes to this, something about your inherent nature, you can't help but figure it out if you give yourself time to do so.

Start smaller- think about your boyfriend. Full-blown romantic love includes sexual attraction, yet you claim to have none towards guys. Consider whether your feeling that you couldn't stand to see him with someone else spawns from real, passionate love, or more laid-back, friendly love and caring blended with possessiveness. Then you'll have a better (though not complete) idea of where your true preferences lie.

Just say your bi if you're confused about your sexuality. It works for me. Then later you can pick one side of the fence, if you want to.

so true.

quote:Originally posted by Schraff:

The only reason you're confused is because you're trying to slap a label on yourself. Humans aren't as easily labeled as politicians would have you believe...

My personal experience has brought me to believe that the younger we are, the more confused about identity we are. Plenty of women I've met(myself included) were initially attracted to women because boys were too threatening. I didn't start having sex with men until my twenties. In Victorian Boston, there was a custom where women were "allowed," socially, to have romantic relationships with women before marriage. It was considered less disgraceful and messy than out-of-wedlock relations with men.

Another thing I've found (and I'm not saying this is what's going on with you, but it might be), is that, as a Scorpio, my automatic response to someone I enjoy the company of is to be sexually attracted to them, regardless of gender. This came close to ruining a few friendships before I realized what was going on. Being friends with someone is often a more satisfying, intimate experience than being in a relationship with them. *shrug* that's what I've found, anyway.

I completely agree with this. I think every girl goes through this. Possibly because it is more socially acceptable for a girl to be intimate with another girl that it is for a guy to be intimate with another guy.

See, girls can look at another girl and be attracted or find her pretty and thats ok, but if a guy did that he would be gay. Just go with your instincts. Just because you have never really been attracted to guys does not make you a lesbian or even bi. It could just mean that you have been interested in other things in you life. Also remember that just because you are attracted to the same sex does not make you gay either. Like I said, follow your instincts, and in time everything will fall in place. Good Luck

It's not a black & white area... there's a lot of gray. It might take some time and experimentation on your part and certainly some soul searching. It sounds to me like your sexual preference is leaning towards being lesbian (nothing wrong there) but you have an emotional conflict going on inside because society (of course) says that's not normal.

The relationship with your BF is a solid foundation, or to keep your sanity, a sounding board... if you feel the need for acceptance, BUT, also there is nothing in the "being human" aspect of our daily interactions with males and females that precludes having a male as a good/best friend, whether you're bi/gay/straight.

If I was your BF of 2 years and you confided these feelings to me I would grasp that you are coming into your sexual orientation awareness.. and although I might feel I was losing you as a GF, I would most definitely get over my loss and support you and be there as your friend.. for life.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Purple Phreaxxx:

[B]Ever since I can remember I've fancied girls. I never really fancied any guys. This used to bother me and I'd lie to my friends and say I fancied some guy just to fit in.[B]

you are the only person i have ever heard of that tryed to fit in with the gay guys

there is no age when you are for sure sure about your sexuality, some are sure really young (me happens to be one of those lucky ones) and some just never find out

i'think by the way, though ofcourse my opinion means nothing, that your bi or a lesbian, and hetero sexuall is out of the question, but i might be really wrong

Wait... so you've told this to your boyfriend, and he didn't want to break up with you or anything?

That's kind of weird.

He hopes to get into some of the action.

Vago : I'm a girl

MrEricSir : I just told him that I was more attracted to girls and have never really been interested in guys as much. This was about two years ago. He's been great through it and I really appreciate it. He knows how frustrating it is and doesn't mind if I talk to him about it. He's straight but very open minded about everything.