ok so here is my story

me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. we are both 16 and i know we have a great relationship and everything becuase people always talk about how we seem happy together etc. she has been the greatest to me and we are verrry close but i really think i need to take a break from it.

there are issues that come up alot like her being pretty insecure around other people and stuff. she talks to me and is herself around me but she has some social issues. shes been like that since i met her and everything and i try to help but i hate it that we cant really go out and have a good time with other people because she is afraid of talking with other people and stuff.

i really love her and everything and i know we can talk about anything, but the one thing i am scared to talk about with her is taking a break from the relationship. i am scared that she will just be crushed and depressed and lose any confidence she might have gained from us being together. i dont mean to sound cocky or something, but the truth is that she always tells me how i am everything to her and i cant really handle that responsibility.

i really want to go out and do my own thing sometimes, but i feel obligated to hanging with her and making her happy. i think that we both need some time off to figure stuff out and for her to go out and meet some people and do things on her own. i really dont know how i can tell her this, or if telling her is worth what she might say or do or feel.

has anyone else been in a similar situation? any advice on how to deal with it?

tell her how you feel

Sounds to me that you've already made up your mind about what your going to do... so what are you going to do about it?

If you need someone to tell you you're not a bad person for breaking up with her, I'll do it.

You're not a bad person if you break up with her.

Make a clean break. None of this "take a break" stuff, even if that's how you genuinely view it at this point. Chance are, once you break free, you'll be glad you did and you likely won't want to go back. Yet she'll be waiting and hoping for the day that you do come back, and when you don't, that'll be even more crushing.

Teen relationships are tough because the intensity is real, but it's real at a time when so much growing and changing is happening. Most of the time people grow apart. You can't be responsible for another person's feelings. She feels what she feels; she put you on a pedestal--you didn't put yourself there.

She needs to grow on her own as well. It's not healthy to be dependent on another person to define life for you. Don't bother telling her this because she won't believe you.

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 04-09-2004).]

You could just talk to her about doing things on your own, since you guys don't have to be joined at the hip; but I know that you are just tired of the relationship. I understand your situation, although mine was a bit different, we were both 17 and had been going out for about the same amount of time.

It'll be tough, for both of you, but the excitement of being single will come into effect quickly, probably because we're so young. Just...get it over with, in a nice way. There really is no way around it.

Reading this reminded me of me and my boyfriend in a weird way. We'd been together about 2 and a half years, both of us being seventeen. We were extremely close, he was my best friend as well as lover, i lost my virginity to him (as did he), and we'd been through a ton.

I depended on him. For everything. And I told him that all the time, and we had talked about how hard it would be to break up.

And believe me, it was hard on both of us. He made the ultimate decision, and I know I didn't make it easy (still aren't I gotta keep him on his toes haha). But I realize that he needed out, and really I needed out too. When you're a teenager, you need to be yourself first and foremost, and being me+him for 2 and a half years wasn't doing that for me.

She will cry, she will think she cannot live without you, but if she doesn't have any serious problems, she will realize that she will persevere. And she will be OK.

And remain friends with her afterwards. No matter how many times she says she can't be your friend, shove your way in. She needs you now, if not more than ever. If you love her, you will be there for her.

So, just talk to her about it. Don't change your mind about your decision, go in knowing that you're going to end it, none of that yo-yo stuff. And do it in person for heaven's sake, if she cries, cry with her. If she needs held, hold her. You need to accept the consequences of your decision, but don't fall back on it out of pity. Let her talk bad about you, let her fight you, let her do whatever it is she needs, and you just remain her friend.

You will be thankful in the end.