Alright, So this may be a little long, but I’ll get to the point. Anyone that can give me any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. There’s this girl, I posted on here along time ago about her, and the problem has shall we say come back.

So…. Me and this girl, we will refer to her as Jane, were sort of together but not really about a year ago. We considered ourselves with each other, but it wasn’t really official.

Well she started dating someone else, and over the summer it was on and off between me and her talking. She would say that she really does like me, and she wants to break up with her boyfriend, and then not do it, so I would get pissed and stop talking to her. That happened about 5 times.

Within the past month we have started talking again, and now she says things like, she couldn’t really see herself with me before, but she can now. However, she also says her boyfriend really likes her, and she likes him, and it would be a waste to end it now because they would just end up going back out. I admire that she can admit that, because it would just end up hurting me anyway if she did just go back out with him.

I know that she wants to be with me when she breaks up with her boyfriend, and after a period of time so its not a rebound. She has said that when she thinks about me and her together, it makes her smile, and she can see it now, but it wouldn’t make sense to leave her boyfriend. But I really don’t know what to do know, Its like im just sitting her waiting for something to happen that may or may not even happen. One of my friends claims that I am just a “back-up” plan, so to speak. What should I do?

Sounds like she's fucking with your head.

Find another one.

You are training her to never commit to you if she can get what she wants from you without committing to you. Move on. You will make it worse by waiting around for her.

The problem with that is, over the past couple months we have been talking on and off. The last time she lied to me about soemthing stupid, so I stopped talking to her and we didnt talk for 2 months.

This time seems different though, like she actually means what she is saying. But I dont know for sure, cause before she would just say she wants to be with me and not do anything, but now she is saying she wants to be with me when it doesnt work out with him.

My problem then, is if im going to move on, i cant see a logical way to cut it off. If I just stop talking to her I will look like I'm bi-polar. We have talked about me and her being together a lot recently, and that she still wants me as a friend now. I told her that I will stay friends with her now, but its not what she thinks it will be. I can not treat her like I used to, especially when she is with a her guy. Cause when i asked her what she really wants she said she wants both of us.

So if you think there is some way to convince her otherwise, what is it? Or If im going to cut it off, or distance myself as a friend how do I do this without seeming bi-polar. For the record, me and her were together all the time and like best friends before she got this man, so thats the type of relationship she wants from me when shes with this man, which I told her I cant give her cause that was the "boyfriend" version of me and not "friend" me.

Forget about the bipolar thing...it is not an issue.

Your problem is you think you have to break up with someone who is not your gf. She can sense your feelings, and since she already has all the commitment she needs, she has no motive to make any effort for you. You are too easy now, and are going to become boring. She may feel she wants you now, but things are never constant. Even if you did hook up now, it would not be the same.

What you need to do is go out with other girls. You can still be nice when you do interact with her, but don’t wait for her and don’t go out of your way for her. If she asks about being friends and shit, just say yeah, you are a great friend and all...and then go on like she is just another girl.

She's just messing you around for a laugh either get with the date raping or tell her to go fuck herself

git out.

She is a shit girlfriend. If she is going out with this guy and talking about how she really likes you too, she is treating her man with no respect at all.

If it happens in the future, great for you, i'll be happy for you then. But until then, just get over her and move on.

quote:Originally posted by djhypnotic:

Alright, So this may be a little long, but I’ll get to the point. Anyone that can give me any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. There’s this girl, I posted on here along time ago about her, and the problem has shall we say come back.

So…. Me and this girl, we will refer to her as Jane, were sort of together but not really about a year ago. We considered ourselves with each other, but it wasn’t really official.

Well she started dating someone else, and over the summer it was on and off between me and her talking. She would say that she really does like me, and she wants to break up with her boyfriend, and then not do it, so I would get pissed and stop talking to her. That happened about 5 times.

Within the past month we have started talking again, and now she says things like, she couldn’t really see herself with me before, but she can now. However, she also says her boyfriend really likes her, and she likes him, and it would be a waste to end it now because they would just end up going back out. I admire that she can admit that, because it would just end up hurting me anyway if she did just go back out with him.

I know that she wants to be with me when she breaks up with her boyfriend, and after a period of time so its not a rebound. She has said that when she thinks about me and her together, it makes her smile, and she can see it now, but it wouldn’t make sense to leave her boyfriend. But I really don’t know what to do know, Its like im just sitting her waiting for something to happen that may or may not even happen. One of my friends claims that I am just a “back-up” plan, so to speak. What should I do?

Go to the dog shelter and get you a new one you sick freak :P

She's a player, move on.

You may be right- she could really care about you more seriously now. You might be spot on about everything you sense from her. And yet, despite all that, you're still her backup plan. That's the best case scenario. Is that ok with you?

i say, forget her

I never understood why some people have back-up plans. One of my ex's picked me out as a back-up and I didn't know about it until after about a month or so... It's not a great feeling to find out that you're a shitty solution to a shitty problem... kind of like jesus...

I apreciate everyones advice and help, and some of my friends do agree with the whole backup plan thing, and I know thats true. So best case scenario, Im a backup plan.

The thing is, I understand that she is in a relationship now and it wouldnt make sense for her to get out. So I am a backup plan in the sense that when she is done with him, after a good period of time she wants to be with me.

The thing is I do I like this girl a lot, but it really does suck to be put on hold. So as most of you have said I need to move on, cause I really dont see anyway to convince her otherwise now.

Sounds like shes a playaaa!

that bitch has u pussy wipped and whats funny about it is that u aint getting none, fuck that bitch sensless than tell her to fuck off, shell come crawling back to you.

Yeah, I guess your all right. Its just kind fo a sticky situation. But thanks all.